Help!! BM Fears!

[mommy4]

Well, my almost 4 year old (in a couple of days) is finally (almost) potty trained! It has literally taken almost 1 year! I have him in underwear now and he is having no problems peeing.
However, he really fears having a bm. He panicks, shakes, cries. And now he is constipated.
Anyone have any advice to help him overcome these fears??

 

[mjkacmom]

First of all, this is VERY common - many children pee train first. My oldest didn't poop train for an entire year after being pee trained, and his best friend took longer. Do not force him. If he wants a diaper or pullup, give it to him. Withholding will cause permanant damage, and he could have a very embarrassing problem for the rest of his life. I tried very enticing bribes, but until he was ready, it was a no-go (2 others of mine had the same problem, for 3 - 6 months). Please, don't refuse the diaper in this case.

 

[becca1125]

sorry to be graphic but do you think its too hard and it hurt him to poo?

When I trained my 1o yr old she had the same problem. She didnt want to poo on the potty and would hold it and got so plugged up. I think one day she just couldnt hold it enough and finally went. It only happened once because I think she was just miserable and didnt wanna be plugged again lol

 

[ldymcbth]

Have you let him watch you when you are in the bathroom? It will help him see that it is not a catastrophe to have a BM - you can let him flush, etc. I know that sounds gross but maybe it would help?

Also, I give my son stickers when he has a BM in the potty - but only for BMs. I pick stickers I know he will want - Handy Manny, etc. This helps a lot, and I also start talking to him about pooping in the potty as soon as he eats breakfast. We spend a lot of time talking about the potty!

 

[Manda]

This is actually a pretty big deal and can lead to issues where their bowels stretch and then they physically can't hold it. After my son PTed, he did the same thing. He happened to have his yearly physical scheduled with his ped at the same time and I didn't realize it was a big deal, but she jumped all over it. What they usually do is start them on Miralax - it's a very, very gentle stool softener that's odorless and tasteless (and is now OTC). Basically, you keep dosing them until they can't NOT poop.

My son, however, is a complete believer in the all-powerful abilities of the doctor and just telling him that the doctor gave him this special poopy medicine to make the poops not hurt seemed to pretty much do the job (and I mixed it with Kool-Aid - which he never had otherwise - to make it seem like this really special stuff, LOL). We were told that you need to continue daily Miralax for at least 30 days to make sure they are completely comfortable with it (with no backslides) and then wean them off of it.

 

[tzolkin]

My son had some issues with pooping on the potty, but I'm not sure it's the same as what you're talking about. When he started pooping, he would start crying and try to jump up off the potty. If he could stop mid-BM, he would and would just hold it until later. His issue seemed to be that he thought he was doing something wrong. He would just cry and say "It's yucky" over and over. We just kept reassuring him that it was okay to poop on the potty, that he was a good boy, and even giving him hugs/pat on the back while he was sitting to encourage him to relax and finish.

My middle daughter's poop issues were due to being embarrassed. She just would not poop on the potty, but would go to another room or corner to poop and then ask me to help change her. Once she was on the potty and I realized that she was holding it in because I was in the room. I explained to her that I could leave and just come back to help her wipe. After that she had no problems going. We hardly ever close doors and even now if someone walks by and she needs to poop, she'll hold it and shout that she needs her "privacy". Interestingly, she needs no privacy when asking me to wipe her.

 

[dchi]

My son had this same problem ( he's 18 now ) I told our ped about it and he suggested we give lots of water and high fiber food. High fiber cereal, for snacks try cherry tomatoes etc...it did not really help much then he had me give my son some mineral oil... My theory was he needed to go potty with out it hurting...then he got better. But I hear what your saying...your son may have created the problem by holding it. I'm sure thats what my son did too...but the things the ped suggested did help. GOOD LUCK!

 

[puffkin]

I will not go into how I poop trained my son because I will get so flamed (been there done that) but I did want to suggest giving your son pear juice. My son tended to have harder stools, but the pear juice once or twice a day really helped soften it up (but not make it too soft if you know what I mean). Gerber makes a pear juice that is easy to find.

 

[mommy4]

Thank you everyone for your advice! I have tried just about everything mentioned, including Miralax. I didn't know that I should use it for 30 days though, so I'll keep using it. I also didn't realize that pear juice would work, I'll look for some of that too.

This morning he did finally go- in the potty- and without too much of a fuss. However, I know we have a road ahead of us.

Thanks again!

 

[pixiewings71]

My DDnow12 had this problem. It was horrible!!!!!!! We used mineral oil, I gave it to her in a sippy cup with a small amount of juice and she didn't even know it was there. Good luck to you!!

 

[CRdisMom]

miralax is like mana from heaven. A 2week to 4 week course is best that way they have a feel for "normal" BMs. I have DD6 still has issues with BM. One thing to try is to make one time of the day BM time. Ours is after dinner. Like a PP said, making sure they are comfortable is the biggest thing.

Good Luck

 

[arielmomma]

My son was the same way. He was 2 1/2 when he urine trained. He rarely ever had an accident when urinating, but he blatantly refused to have a bowel movement on the toilet until months later. What worked for him was to use diapers only to have a BM. He wore underwear all day and when he had to have a BM, he went into the bathroom, I put a diaper on him. When we were out in public, I merely kept one diaper and a few wipes in my purse and he had a BM in the stall, but in his diaper rather than on the toilet. After a while, he started using the toilet at home and eventually could do so in public. He was fully trained before he was 3, so it wasn't that long (it just felt like it at the time). Even if you have to use diapers or pull ups once in awhile, it better than him being afraid to go at all. Constipation can be so painful.

 

[miksilver]

Oh I feel and understand your pain. It took my DD one year to get fully potty trained with BM's and even now (she just turned 4) we have issues. I found that bribes just didn't work with her but that a poopy chart with stickers did. It's so simple yet effective with her. I also need to remember to give her fiber everyday. She doesn't like veggies too much (we're working on that) so she has vitamins and fiber each day. It's hard to remember the fiber all the time and when we forget sometimes things "back up". Then she doesn't want to and it just gets worse and worse and worse. I've had screaming matches with her on the potty -- it wasn't fun. I'm hoping that those days are behind me now.

When she was still in pull-ups at night she would BM in her sleep. That was the time when she was relaxed enough for a BM to happen -- and it did. She would wake up all upset and crying because she pooped her pull-up and didn't understand why. Those were some tough nights. Fiber suppliments really helped then. Benefiber is what we use.

It's tough. I know. Good luck.

 

[Carlyzmom]

My DD gets constipated all the time. I started giving her Benefiber. It is a powder that mixes clear in liquids - you can't see or taste it. SHE IS PICKY - so she would be able to tell - but she can't! It really helps her a lot!

 

[ktlm]

We had a huge constipation problem from witholding during potty training. It escalates because they get constipated, then it hurts to get it out, then they are scared to go. We wanted something more natural than mineral oil or Miralax if at all possible, so we did a ton of research. What we came up with was a teaspoon and a half of extra light olive oil in a glass of orange juice. We do that pretty much every day. It works great for us. We still encourage her to eat lots of fruit, and are careful with dairy because too much can still get her constipated. Our doctor said do not push them to poop on the potty when they are having the constipation problems. That can make them even more scared and escalate the problem. She said ease back and eventually it will happen.

 

[RMulieri]

My dd was the same way initially during potty training. She would pee on the pot but hold her poop and cry and beg for a diaper. She eventually got constipated. Our pediatrician suggested miralax.We put it in her sippy, she never noticed it and we had no problems after the inital BM .

 

[scrapbookmom5174]

This is actually a pretty big deal and can lead to issues where their bowels stretch and then they physically can't hold it. After my son PTed, he did the same thing. He happened to have his yearly physical scheduled with his ped at the same time and I didn't realize it was a big deal, but she jumped all over it. What they usually do is start them on Miralax - it's a very, very gentle stool softener that's odorless and tasteless (and is now OTC). Basically, you keep dosing them until they can't NOT poop.

My son, however, is a complete believer in the all-powerful abilities of the doctor and just telling him that the doctor gave him this special poopy medicine to make the poops not hurt seemed to pretty much do the job (and I mixed it with Kool-Aid - which he never had otherwise - to make it seem like this really special stuff, LOL). We were told that you need to continue daily Miralax for at least 30 days to make sure they are completely comfortable with it (with no backslides) and then wean them off of it.

This was exactly what our PED did for us as well. DS would wait a week sometimes and it would hurt him soooooo bad. We were on this medicne for about 3 months and then I followed it up with special "Pooping Candy." It was a special candy DS would pick out at the store and every time he went he got a piece of candy. Just imagine the look of the people around us when DS is getting so excited and yelling through Wal-Mart, "Yeah, my pooping candy." But hey, when you see the horrible cycle they go through I just say, whatever it takes.

Good luck. Clea

 

[tanyaandallie]

Well, we have lived through this saga as well. DD is almost 6 and has just now weaned off the Miralax. I have a love/hate relationship with the miralax. I hate to give my kids medicine every day but I loved that it got her going. She would literally withhold for 7 days and then we would have to giver her a suppository or enema to get her to go. HORRIBLE and not a road you want to go down.

Does he want to go in a diaper? Would he go in a diaper if you gave him one? If he wants to go in the diaper you could do the slow transition. Let him go in the diaper in the bathroom. Then in the diaper sitting on the potty. Then you could even tape the diaper into the potty and have him go in there. I have 2 friends who have used this method and it works!!!

My dd was past the diaper stage and would not go in the diaper. Plus, at the time it would not have occured to me to put her back in the diaper. If I had it to do over again I would in a heartbeat. I read a lot about encompresis, which is the whole withhodling thing. We started regular potty times. She would sit on the potty 20 minutes after dinner time and I'd read her a book, etc. Another thing that she did that helped a ton was blowing through a straw in a cup of water. When you blow through a straw they push down on the muscles they need to have bm. DD still sometimes uses the straw cup.

Miralax really can help as well. If you can use the miralax to keep him from becoming constipated and to keep him going, you may be able to skip most of the drama. But, if he is still trying to hold it in, I might go the other route with the diaper, etc.

 

[pakhowe]

My DS (now 14) also had a difficult time with BM PT. He had terrible stomach cramps and very painful BMs.

We took him to a great Pediatric Gastroentronologist (sp?). He suggested lots of patience and dietary changes. He also had to undergo some outpatient procedures for sphyncter (sp?) muscle issues. Nothing worked until we tried Mineral Oil. Every day mixed into some food or drink.

We didn't push the diaper issue until we got the pain issue covered. Once we started to focus on that we did it gradually. First go diaperless and ask for one when you feel a poopy time. Then, just sit on the toilet w/ a diaper on. Then we cut a hole in the diaper so he would go in the toilet. It worked.

He is now 14 and no lingering issues. He remembers the pain and up until about 2 years ago would ask for the mineral oil when he felt constipated.

I hope things go well for your son.

 

[Jajone]

My son was the same way. He was 2 1/2 when he urine trained. He rarely ever had an accident when urinating, but he blatantly refused to have a bowel movement on the toilet until months later. What worked for him was to use diapers only to have a BM. He wore underwear all day and when he had to have a BM, he went into the bathroom, I put a diaper on him. When we were out in public, I merely kept one diaper and a few wipes in my purse and he had a BM in the stall, but in his diaper rather than on the toilet. After a while, he started using the toilet at home and eventually could do so in public. He was fully trained before he was 3, so it wasn't that long (it just felt like it at the time). Even if you have to use diapers or pull ups once in awhile, it better than him being afraid to go at all. Constipation can be so painful.

This is exactly where we are right now. My other 2 kids just went and were potty trained within a week. DS2 will be 3 in July and has been #1 trained since middle of ZFeb, but refuses to even try to go #2 on the potty. We have resolved to use pull ups for BMs and were just talking about underwear and asking for a pull up for BM. Glad to see that approach works.

Well, we have lived through this saga as well. DD is almost 6 and has just now weaned off the Miralax. I have a love/hate relationship with the miralax. I hate to give my kids medicine every day but I loved that it got her going. She would literally withhold for 7 days and then we would have to giver her a suppository or enema to get her to go. HORRIBLE and not a road you want to go down.

Does he want to go in a diaper? Would he go in a diaper if you gave him one? If he wants to go in the diaper you could do the slow transition. Let him go in the diaper in the bathroom. Then in the diaper sitting on the potty. Then you could even tape the diaper into the potty and have him go in there. I have 2 friends who have used this method and it works!!!

My dd was past the diaper stage and would not go in the diaper. Plus, at the time it would not have occured to me to put her back in the diaper. If I had it to do over again I would in a heartbeat. I read a lot about encompresis, which is the whole withhodling thing. We started regular potty times. She would sit on the potty 20 minutes after dinner time and I'd read her a book, etc. Another thing that she did that helped a ton was blowing through a straw in a cup of water. When you blow through a straw they push down on the muscles they need to have bm. DD still sometimes uses the straw cup.

Miralax really can help as well. If you can use the miralax to keep him from becoming constipated and to keep him going, you may be able to skip most of the drama. But, if he is still trying to hold it in, I might go the other route with the diaper, etc.

My DS (now 14) also had a difficult time with BM PT. He had terrible stomach cramps and very painful BMs.

We took him to a great Pediatric Gastroentronologist (sp?). He suggested lots of patience and dietary changes. He also had to undergo some outpatient procedures for sphyncter (sp?) muscle issues. Nothing worked until we tried Mineral Oil. Every day mixed into some food or drink.

We didn't push the diaper issue until we got the pain issue covered. Once we started to focus on that we did it gradually. First go diaperless and ask for one when you feel a poopy time. Then, just sit on the toilet w/ a diaper on. Then we cut a hole in the diaper so he would go in the toilet. It worked.

He is now 14 and no lingering issues. He remembers the pain and up until about 2 years ago would ask for the mineral oil when he felt constipated.

I hope things go well for your son.

Love this approach and we are in the process of starting this. I'll let you know how it works. Goal is to be done PTing in summer.