HELP!! alcohol & rehearsal dinner

[Cplofdisneynutz]

A little background to set up the question. My mother is paying for the rehearsal dinner, which we are very gracious for since we are paying for the wedding/honeymoon ourselves. She asked us the other day if it would be considered rude to have guest pay for there own alcohol (at the rehearsal dinner). She is a widow and makes a modest income. The wedding party is rather large with spouses, children, etc. Alcohol would very quickly run up a huge tab in a restaurant. At our wedding reception we do intend to host beer/wine bar so it's not as though we do not want people to drink. We just don't know what to do for the rehearsal or rather what to tell mom. We have searched in etiquette books and online and can not find an answer.

Everyone here seems to be level headed and full of wonderful advice, so we thought we'd give you all a shot. What do you think about this and if it is not "rude" how would be a good way to inform guest that alcohol is not provided and at their own expense?

Thanks in advance

 

[Codie]

Personally--I don't think it would be rude. We were actually considering a rehearsal dinner of sorts where we were going to invite everyone to join us for a meal but have them pay for their own meal. This whole venture has gotten so much more than we had dreamed of...but then his parents stepped in and offered to host the rehearsal dinner. How many are you expecting for the rehearsal dinner? I presume most of them you are close with--so just gently tell them that the alcohol just wasn't in the budget and they will need to pay for their own drinks that night. If you prefer to not have a cash bar and can afford to--maybe you could pay for the bar and your mom could pay for the rest?

 

[JonetteA]

I don't know how your family and friends are...but maybe just don't have an option for a bar/alcohol and that way there is no question or expectation on who pays or who does not. I don't know where you are planning to have the rehersal dinner so I can't say what the set up there is. I know that we drink, but our families don't, if rarely. Therefore, it probably won't be a big deal with us. I think that this maybe a good way to cut the wedding budget.

 

[VistaLeigh'smommy]

I don't think it's rude at all! My entire family does not drink! (besides my sister and brother) I have never ever seen a drop of alcohol at any type of family function EVER. My boyfriend's parents drink with dinner almost every night. When they come over for dinner my father never buys them wine, they have to bring their own. (it would actually be funny to see what he would bring home because he has no clue!)

You can easily have the server tell anyone who drinks that they must get their drinks from the bar or have them start another tab.

 

[ead79]

I would talk to your EM about it. My EM said that the servers can politely instruct people that any alcohol they order is their own cost. If you want to serve some alcohol but try to keep the costs down, you could also have the servers tell people that wine and beer will be provided, but any mixed drinks or liquors are at their own expense. In the end my MIL did provide alcohol at the rehearsal dinner, but you are correct that it added considerably to the cost of the meal (and that is with only about 1/3 to 1/2 of the people drinking since my family, DH and I don’t drink).

 

[marn913]

We had our rehearsal at O'Hana and our server politely stated that my in-laws were treating the party to dinner including appetizer, meal and your choice of non-alcoholic beverages and additional specialty or alcoholic drinks may be purchased separately. There was no problem at all (and your rehearsal dinner is mainly your very closest family & friends). I think it would be more rude for them to assume that it was an open-bar type event!

Marne

 

[jennycee]

Are you sending a seperate invite for the rehearsal dinner? if so you can mention the fact that it is a "cash bar". If not, I think having the server mention that to the guests is the best idea. How big is the rehearsal dinner? Do you have a location picked out yet? Do you have to serve at all?

For ours we combined it with our Welcome party at the Summer House at the GF. We did not want people drinking for two reasons, it was the night before the wedding, and we had a few big partiers there that get loud and we did not want to make a scene since we were out in the open in public. We just left it that Disney did not allow alcohol at outdoor venues that were not Disney related. Actually, no one even asked about the fact that there was no alcohol, they drank what was served and never blinked an eye.

Hope that helps!