Having issue with BBall coach...WWYD?

[spoon2003]

DD13 is on school basketball team, there are 13 girls and the coach basically took everyone. She was really looking forward to playing for the school, but is now having issues with the coach’s style. He’s a young guy, early 30’s, 3rd year gym teacher and coach, a real screamer and barks out orders during game, if a player doesn’t do what he yells out and misses, he punishes by takes her out right away. Basically he’s not letting the girls play on their own. Also he only play his best players (mostly travel team players), the other girls basically just fill in for when his players need a break but only for a min or two then he puts them back in again. DD is not his good player and probably gets no more than 5 mins each game, a few players gets no playing time at all! (I feel he puts DD in only because I’m in the audience) DD wants to quit and I’ve been trying to convince her to not be a quitter and tell her no matter how little playing time, she is still learning the game. But personally I just feel he’s not promoting a good team effort and she’s not getting anything from this coach. Even his good players complain about his style. He wears them out and puts all the pressures on them. He takes out his best player, she takes a drink, hasn't even swallow and he puts her back in again. I’ve spoken to other parents and we all feel sort of same but no one wants to risk repercussion on their DD by speaking up. The part that bothers me the most is that DD loves the game, she’s played in the Rec league for years and was so looking forward to playing for the school. BTW, our team hasn’t won a game yet and I really feel it’s due to his style, when he yells out for a player on what to do, the player loses her rhythm and misses. So, let her quit or hang in there?

 

[Anewman]

I actually prefer the style of coaching you described, but that is just me.

 

[golfgal]

While I don't agree with coaches screaming at kids it is hard to tell if that is what is happening or if he is yelling over the crowd noise. Personally, once you get to jr high ball the goal of the program is to develop players for the high school team so, the best players are going to play. I don't see any problem with this at all. Not everyone is going to be good at basketball. I also don't agree that she should quit but she should accept her roll on the team and work hard and do her best. She signed up for the team and she should finish out the season. As far as your record, it might be the coaching and it might just be that the players aren't very good, who knows.

 

[Hannathy]

School teams are different than Rec Teams. By 13 on a school team there will be big differences in playing time. Does the school have intramural teams that may be more relaxed. She should probably stick with rec teams. School teams are there to win not have fun. I also think by 13 parents should butt out unless there are serious problems, not playing time. I think she should finish the season, that's always been our rule at our house,finish the season or finish the session then decide etc. (only exception would be if it was seriously interfering with school work, but I don't think that's it)

 

[NMAmy]

Once you hit this age, that's the way most coaches are. DD had a coach at that age who was my 7th grade gym teacher. This woman was a witch 30 years ago and still is now. However, dd had to deal with it. I made her stick it out because she had made a commitment to play on the team.

If it's any consolation, dd is now on her high school basketball team and is able to get along with all the coaches she has had along the way. Part of growing up is learning to get along with people and sticking to a commitment.

 

[spoon2003]

sorry to report that DD quit. Not what I wanted but it was bothering her so much that I decided not worth a battle. I believe part of it is because she is usually good at what she does, travel soccer, A student, Band, piano. She is just frustrated that this coach is not giving her a chance. Although I agree with playing your best players but I also wonder how are your 2nd tier players going to improve when not given any opportunity? What if your star player is hurted? She's my first child so I guess I have lots to learn. Thank you all who responded.

 

[CheshireVal]

Coaches kind of feel their own pressure when it comes to winning. If they play the weaker players, they might end up with a losing record which reflects badly on the coach. A good coach shouldn't let the kids "play on their own," he/she should lead them.

Sorry your daughter decided to quit, but this coach just sounds normal to me.

 

[Jennasis]

When I was in Jr high I payed softball. I never got to play more than MAYBe one inning per game because I wasn't one of the star players (BTW we lost all but two games that year...one win...one tie). So we were down to our last game of the year and the other girls, fed up with losing basically stood on the playing field and didn't move at all, no fielding no catching no attempt at anything. The coach was furious so she finally pulled out our second basemen and put me in. No we didn't win but at least I made an effort. I caught the ball and threw it to first...the girl wouldn't pick up her glove to catch it!

After a berating by the coach at the end of the game that concluded with "I even put Jennasis in cause you guys were so lousy....at least she tried!" I was a complete outcast by the popular girls from the team for the remainder of my Jr High and HS years...so traumatic!

However, I still firmly believe that at that level and above, the coach is not required (And SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED) to play everyone on the team. He should put in the playrs that will increase the teams chances of winning. You want fair, join intramural or a Rec team. I eventually joined intramural volleyball and had a blast.

 

[ZuZugal]

sorry to report that DD quit. Not what I wanted but it was bothering her so much that I decided not worth a battle. I believe part of it is because she is usually good at what she does, travel soccer, A student, Band, piano. She is just frustrated that this coach is not giving her a chance. Although I agree with playing your best players but I also wonder how are your 2nd tier players going to improve when not given any opportunity? What if your star player is hurted? She's my first child so I guess I have lots to learn. Thank you all who responded.

by practicing and playing at home and on other teams that are competitive. Players need to continually practice what has been taught to them (shoot baskets at home, work on layups, etc.) Some kids are naturally gifted athletes and others are not. The ones that are not have to work that much harder to be really good at a sport, and it can be done.
I'm sorry to hear that she quit.
Did you take the time to talk to the school's athletic director?

 

[cardaway]

Get used to it, it's how school teams work.They are trying to prep them for the next level. Stick to rec leagues if your kid wants equal playing time.

Personally I went from being one of the top players in middle school to being a bench warmer in high school as all the kids grew taller and got better. I knew what I was getting into and played in the rec leagues duing the summer to get more playing time.

 

[cardaway]

Although I agree with playing your best players but I also wonder how are your 2nd tier players going to improve when not given any opportunity? What if your star player is hurted? She's my first child so I guess I have lots to learn. Thank you all who responded.

Practice. My school's team was awesome, no way I was starting on that squad. Personally I felt there was no better opportunity to learn that being part of the second team that had to play those starters at every practice. I really improved and I played much better in the rec leagues because of what I learned during practice with the school team.

 

[Royalbear]

I agree with most of the above posters. Middle school basketball is about winning and nothing is more frustrating than losing because the coach played all of his players equally. My son plays basketball and was a great bench warmer last year. He hated it. We told him the only way we knew how to fix that problem was to improve his bb skills. He spent many hours shooting and practicing and this year he is gets off the bench more. He hasn't played summer league or anything, so he'll probably never be a starter, but he is content with where he is at right now.

It concerns me that your daughter quit when she wasn't the best. Too often gifted athletes and students quit when the going gets tough and never learn the challenge of not being top dog--an important life lesson. Sorry, but learning about committment and sticking through with it is very much worth a battle.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I wouldn't do anything. Unless there is abuse going on, Jr. High coaches get to run the team in the manner they see fit without interference from the parents.

If he isn't successful, the school will remove him soon enough.

 

[MeMom]

I have much experience in this area, but from the other end. My son was the star player- the one that always got to play on the older teams, and he led the way all the way elementary through the high school team. The coaches have total control over the playing time and the team, and if you sign up, that's pretty much what you are agreeing to. I say that only to lead to this: It's not always a good feeling to be the "star" player's mother either. I know people didn't like him sometimes because he played more than their sons, but that was not his fault. Their sons who were players were fine with it, and they were all crazy about my son, because he was a leader and was very encouraging to the others. The parents were the ones with the troubles. School ball is very different from rec league, and if you've got AAU and travel players on the team, your coach is going to highlight them. I say this with all the kindness I can muster, seeing it from a different angle -if your daughter wants to stay on the team, let her, and support her, but don't interfere in any way. I'd want her to stick it out through the season, and then she could decide next year what she wants to do. She would probably have much more fun playing rec ball, but that should be her call. I know some guys who stayed on the team all the way and never played, but they enjoyed the comraderie of being on the team. Having said all that, I had another child who loved being the manager of the high school team (my daughter was manager of the boys' team, and they loved having a "sister" around to wash their towels and fold their clothes and make them brownies), and my other son played football, basketball, and soccer, and he got to play in all of them as a mediocre football and basketball player and a really good soccer player, but he liked to play for fun rather than the intensity that my other son did, so rec league and church ball was more fun for him. Some of my friends' kids were the ones who had to sit at the end of the bench in basketball or soccer, while my son never came out, and it was not fun for them. It was hard to watch them hurt, but it's just one of things that happen that we don't get to control. All a part of life lessons- that everything is not fair and even, and it will rarely be. My advice, for what little it's worth, is not to say anything else about it and let her decide. If you think the coaches scream in juniior high, they can be much worse at higher levels, and you better have thick skin. My son was MVP in both sports and had region honors and all the hoopla, but believe me, he got yelled at. It would bother other parents that he got yelled at, but I have just been around long enough to know that that was between he and his coach.

 

[leighe]

The coach sounds pretty intense but he is probably trying to prepare them for the next level. High school sports can be pretty brutal. My DH is a high school b-ball coach and here in KY they are not fooling around. Sometimes it makes me that they take it so seriously but that's the culture. DH's head coach has a policy that no one on his staff meets with a parent about playing time.

All hail the boys basketball gods!

Sorry if I sound a little bitter - this is the stretch where between his day job (engineering) and his coaching job I see DH for maybe 30 minutes a night. Hurry up March!

 

[NMAmy]

It concerns me that your daughter quit when she wasn't the best. Too often gifted athletes and students quit when the going gets tough and never learn the challenge of not being top dog--an important life lesson. Sorry, but learning about committment and sticking through with it is very much worth a battle.

This is an excellent point. My dd is a very talented basketball player. When she decided to try volleyball for the very first time in 8th grade as a spring sport, she freaked out that she wasn't very good and wanted to quit. I would not allow her to and pointed out that in life, there were going to be plenty of times that she wasn't going to be the star but would be a supporting player. She finished the season and ended up improving a lot and really enjoying it. Sometimes things don't come easily and it's better to persevere and try your best.

 

[spoon2003]

OK, all these responses about commitment and learning to deal with not being the best make me rethink my strategy. I am going to pick her up afterschool to intercept her before she tells the coach she's quitting. We'll take the weekend to talk it over.

It may not sound like it from my post but I do understand him playing his best players. I just feel like he's not promoting a 'team effort" DD's soccer coach also plays her best players but I feel much better with her coaching. Also, our town is not known for sports and we're a small K-8 school so I'm probably ignorant of the middle school 'sports' mode
Also I don't detest the star players as I've know these girls and their parents since kindergarten, many of them are on DD's soccer team.

Thanks again.

 

[shirleyb]

Good decision spoon. We've always told our kids that you can't quit mid-season. You don't have to join again next year, but you made the commitment to the team and you carry it through.

 

[ZuZugal]

OK, all these responses about commitment and learning to deal with not being the best make me rethink my strategy. I am going to pick her up afterschool to intercept her before she tells the coach she's quitting. We'll take the weekend to talk it over.

It may not sound like it from my post but I do understand him playing his best players. I just feel like he's not promoting a 'team effort" DD's soccer coach also plays her best players but I feel much better with her coaching. Also, our town is not known for sports and we're a small K-8 school so I'm probably ignorant of the middle school 'sports' mode
Also I don't detest the star players as I've know these girls and their parents since kindergarten, many of them are on DD's soccer team.

Thanks again.

I think you've made the right decision. Being a part of a team is much more than just playing the game. It's about leadership, support and selflessness as well.

 

[kdibattista]

DD13 is on school basketball team, there are 13 girls and the coach basically took everyone. She was really looking forward to playing for the school, but is now having issues with the coach’s style. He’s a young guy, early 30’s, 3rd year gym teacher and coach, a real screamer and barks out orders during game, if a player doesn’t do what he yells out and misses, he punishes by takes her out right away. Basically he’s not letting the girls play on their own. Also he only play his best players (mostly travel team players), the other girls basically just fill in for when his players need a break but only for a min or two then he puts them back in again. DD is not his good player and probably gets no more than 5 mins each game, a few players gets no playing time at all! (I feel he puts DD in only because I’m in the audience) DD wants to quit and I’ve been trying to convince her to not be a quitter and tell her no matter how little playing time, she is still learning the game. But personally I just feel he’s not promoting a good team effort and she’s not getting anything from this coach. Even his good players complain about his style. He wears them out and puts all the pressures on them. He takes out his best player, she takes a drink, hasn't even swallow and he puts her back in again. I’ve spoken to other parents and we all feel sort of same but no one wants to risk repercussion on their DD by speaking up. The part that bothers me the most is that DD loves the game, she’s played in the Rec league for years and was so looking forward to playing for the school. BTW, our team hasn’t won a game yet and I really feel it’s due to his style, when he yells out for a player on what to do, the player loses her rhythm and misses. So, let her quit or hang in there?

Only you and your daughter can answer about her quitting. I have played basketball pretty much all my life and the way he coaches is pretty standard. I can tell you it taught me a lot and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Sure there have been many times I wanted to quit but looking back, I'm very glad I didn't.

Good Luck!!!