Having grown up friends

[cinderlexa's mom]

One thing I've noticed, since having a disabled child, is that it seems difficult for most people to look past our "situation".

Maybe, even if the adults find my husband and I interesting to chat with, perhaps, their children feel uncomfortable playing with my child, who happens to be a bit different...of course, it's their loss!

It's strange and sad just how uncomfortable children become around "different" people.

I just thank God that my husband and I enjoy each other's company ...and at least I can wear pj's all day Saturday and not worry about a knock at the door.

We also have our families close-by...another blessing.

I will say though, I've often wondered when it is that my busy-bodied brothers and sisters-in-laws find peace and quiet or "stop to smell the roses" since there's always someone knocking on their door or calling on the phone.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

We moved 1500 miles 12 years ago, and I still haven't made close friends I could keep. I've had a few, but they would either move or our lives would go into totally different directions...

And I think I'm just too tired or lazy. When I get home I need to work out, have dinner, get ready for the next day, etc. By the time I could call a friend, I just want to read a book, go on the computer, or go to sleep.

My weekends consist of doing things to keep our lives in motion that we don't have time for during the week -- bank, dry cleaner, grocery store, library, Target, etc., plus workouts and family time. We just don't have much left over for others -- I guess we don't make it a priority.

I do wish I had a female buddy to shop with and run errands, or go out to dinner, but these tend to be things I end up doing with my BFF, my dh. I think it's very hard to make friends once you are a grown up, and your kids aren't little. My ds is 10, he doesn't need me to be friends with his friends' parents. Acquaintances, absolutely, friends is another story.

I am also glad to hear it's not just us. And I do have a good work friend, for lunch, gossip, etc., so I kind of get that need fulfilled during the day. It is a big time investment to make a new, close friend. I think you have to really want it. I guess I don't want it that much.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I realize that Internet relationships and in-person relationships are going to be completely different because sitting behind a computer gives us all too much opportunity to misrepresent ourselves. However, part of the popularity of the Internet is that we can find people who are fascinated by the exact same subjects as we are. That can be very difficult to do in our own neighborhoods.

 

[Mimi2angels]

Sometimes it seems as if maintaining friendships takes away time I can spend with family. My best friends other than my husband are my daughter and my mother. We hang around together. I also have a sister and daughter-in-law I am close to.

 

[Honeymooner04]

My dh and I are the same way. I'm relieved we're not the only ones either. We moved to Arizona almost 4 years ago and we haven't made any real friendships here. I think part of the reason is because at this stage in my life most of the opportunities I've run across to make friends are some sort of playgroup/Gymboree type activity and I'm just not into that type of activity - no offense to anyone who is, it's just not my thing. It seems those events are very fake to me and everyone is trying to one up one another, kind of like high school only much sadder because you're talking about grown women not hormone driven teenagers! I'm pretty shy as well so that probably plays a factor as well. Honestly I'm pretty ok with it though. I have a good friend from high school I talk to at least once a week (she lives in another state) and I have my husband and that's enough for me.

 

[emma'smom]

One thing that we did was to start a Supper Club. One friend and I each picked three other acquaintance couples and asked them to join us. We sent out formal dinner party invitations to the first event. We've lost and gained some couples along the way, but we've got a nice core group of about 6 couples who meet once a month.

We all of young kids, but make a point of getting sitters. It's been great. I think everyone was feeling like they wanted to meet new people--so they were pleased to get the invites. Now the moms in the group often get together on other nights for mom's nights (movie nights at someone's house or late evening happy hours after the kids are asleep).

I also found a nice group of friends by joining a few book clubs. I found the best way to make friends was to tell people that I was interested in getting involved in things. I mentioned to someone in a church fellowship group that I was looking for a book club---boom, she invited me to join hers.

Any time I get invited to a Pampered Chef, etc--- I try to go. The more I go to, the more places I get invited.

What I find is that many of the "friends" I have a great to know and socialize with. Many of them probably won't be lifelong friends....but that doesn't mean they aren't worth knowing.

I have a few good friends from high school/college who talk to just a few times a year. They are the ones who I consider my closest friends---we can always just pick up where we left off and understand that daily living sometimes gets the best of us.