Having grown up friends

[OnourwaytoWDW]

The other night dh and I were talking about Halloween and he commented we should have a party. I started to laugh and say "And who would we invite?"
He stopped for a second looking at me with a blank face and said "Uhhhh..never mind"
We have each other, that would be a pretty boring party!
We don't have any other relatives here but his folks. He can't stand work so no work friends. I own a store with two employees who are young enough to be my daughters!
I know lots of people who come in or call, parents through ds school and we can chat, but no one to really call and ask how their day is or go to their house for a bbq.
We do this with his folks, whom I LOVE! They have bingo friends. Shoot, they have only lived here for 1 1/2 years and they have more friends than us! LOL
Anyone else this way??

 

[ChristusG]

Us too. My husband and I are both pretty quiet. We do things with my family that live very close to us (my parents, sisters, both grandparents, aunt and cousin). We're just kinda shy meeting other people. We've gone to three churches over the past 9 years and we've only met one couple who we did things with occasionally. And I dont think I would have considered them "friends".....more like aquantances.

I havent had a real friend who I could call and chat with, or do things with since I was a teen.

When my family talks about getting together to go bowling or having a cookout or whatever, I always joke and tell them we'll invite all our friends LOL.

 

[minkydog]

Yes, we're the same way. When my kids were younger I had close friends--we all homeschooled together and took care of each other. Our lives have changed dramatically in the past 13yrs since my youngest child was born with multiple handicaps. Then DH was hit with a severe lung disease and became disabled at the age of 47. We have become rather insulated out of necessity--it takes a lot of effort to keep everything going around here. I'll tell you one thing, you find out who your friends are!

So DH & I are our own best friends. He has a couple guy friends he meets for coffee and I have one friend who really supports me, but we don't have parties or get-togethers. Our families live at least 350 miles from us, so we don't see them often. Frankly, we make more friends while we're out in our camper than we have at home! How does that happen? DH & I are thinking about pulling up stakes in another 3yrs and hitting the road with our youngest son to see the U.S. I don't think we'll miss a thing back home.

 

[KirstenB]

I know the feeling. I have many friendly acquaintances, if that makes sense! But only a few true friends. We do a Halloween cookout, and invite friends and neighbors.

 

[PaDisney02]

I am the same way! i feel like I have no friends I speak with 2 friends from hs. We get together maybe 2 times a year if that. I have "work friends" but thats just inside work. Other than that my hubby and I keep to ourselves and our family. We both have a large fam so that is nice, we r always doing something with somebody. Last year i went to a wedding and at this wedding there were so many friends of the bride and groom. I dont see how an adult especially one who works and has kids can have so many "close" friends as these people did at their wedding. I'm talking 150 guests that were just friends! I'm kinda glad i dont have alote of friends. I'm fine with just my hubby kids and family Who has time for socializing.

 

[stsomewhere]

AS my DD-7 told her brother-10 on his way to his first sleepaway camp,
"The best way to make riends is to be friendly"

It can be very difficult to make friends as an adult but, it is possible.
We are always on the look out for new friends.
I have a group of mom that I talk to every day at school, one day we decided to go to breakfast. It is now a regular thing durning the school year.
We have breakfast once a week. It was awkward at first, but alot of people feel the same way. They want to connect with people.

DH and I involved with boy scouts and girl scouts. We have meet alot of different people. Sometimes you just click. We invite those people over for a BBQ or games.

Some of our closest friends, we meet when DS was in 2nd grade. His friends parents were from Canada and they told us they did not have any friends in the area. We liked them and got together with them. We had a lot of the same interests and morals. In the last two years, we have gone o several vacations with them and a cruise. We are going to go a vacation at the end of Aug.

 

[donac]

AS my DD-7 told her brother-10 on his way to his first sleepaway camp,
"The best way to make riends is to be friendly"

DH and I involved with boy scouts and girl scouts. We have meet alot of different people. Sometimes you just click. We invite those people over for a BBQ or games.

Some of our closest friends, we meet when DS was in 2nd grade. His friends parents were from Canada and they told us they did not have any friends in the area. We liked them and got together with them. We had a lot of the same interests and morals. In the last two years, we have gone o several vacations with them and a cruise. We are going to go a vacation at the end of Aug.

SOme of our best friends have come from scouts. All our sons were in scouts together and we worked together on the committee to help the troop run so we all got to know each other. We have gone to scout places and vacations together. I have only entertained once this summer and it was to these two families the other night before we all leave for vacations and then the kids leave for college.

But in the long run we mostly entertain and hang out with ourselves or family.

 

[stitchywoman]

We seem to be the same way....I just graduated from nursing school and it seems that I would meet someone who seemed really cool, we would hang out a couple of times and then NOTHING....after a while it gets aggravating...I felt like I was poisonous or something so we've stopped trying. DH and I get along well enough that we enjoy just being together, that's why we decided to get married in the first place, so we just hang out. I would love to have a party sometime, but it may just have to wait till he gets out of the military and we go back to california where our families and old friends are.

 

[ColleenG]

We are the same way. We have two couples that we are very close with, but otherwise a lot of "friendly acquaintances" as well. Mostly people we've met through the kids. We are trying to make more of an effort to meet some more people in our neighborhood. We've tried to make plans for a bbq with one family, but our schedules just never seem to match. DH is a nurse and works some weekends and the other DH works for the gas company and is on call or works weekends too. I've tried to get together with the wife, she is very nice and our boys are all the same ages. We both work part time and seem to work opposite days. I think if you can find people with kids your kids ages it helps, especially if the kids all get along.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I can relate to what you all are saying. I hang out primarily with my husband. Single people are definately friendlier because they have to be. It is easy for a couple to become a unit unto themselves.

Part of why I got so cynical about making new friendships is that I started to feel like everybody was either on the make or on the take. I understand why job-seekers, mate-seekers, and professional sales people want opportunities to "network" as it is politely called. Sure I am most likely to buy a product from someone I know if I am in the market for that product. If I believe that a couple of my single friends would make a good match, I will try to find a low-pressure way to make sure that they meet if that is what they want. I just don't want to attend social gatherings where everybody there acts as if they are just there to get laid or to get paid. Can anyone else hear relate to me on this matter?

I want to help out those I know and like if they need a reference or something, but just because someone handed me a business card at a party doesn't mean that I know this person.

 

[brymolmom]

I guess my question would be - is this the way you choose to be or would you LIKE to have some friends? I mean, if you're happy as you are - great. But if you want to change that - do it. Nothing will happen if you just wait for it - take some action. Join a club or ask a couple - neighbors, people from school, a friendly customer who seems to 'click' - to go out for coffee. I think the Halloween party or BBQ is a great way to start. Your store could 'host' it and you could hand out fliers to all the 'acquaintences' and then mingle among them at the party to see who might be able to become your friends.

Keep in mind that sometimes too many is too much. I have lots of friends - some close, some not so much. If DH and I have a party - I have to limit it (work friends or Bunco friends or family friends or neighbors, etc.) or it will get out of hand numbers wise.

I love having lots of people to hang out with but sometimes it is a pain because obviously I can't keep in constant touch with all of them - but I try from time to time.

Oh and many of my friends were the same when I was single - but many more dh and I have since we've been a couple. I think friendly people might be of any different marital status. I LOVE meeting new people.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have many friendly acquaintances, if that makes sense! But only a few true friends.

Same here. Most of our really good/close friends live far away from us though. But me and DH have large families and we wind up socializing a lot with them. We can be weird or let it all hang out with family...so that helps.

 

[racetrack18kb]

DH and I are the same way. Most of his friends are people he works with. they are friends that he works with but other than that they are not "close" friends. Hang out with...sure. Tell our life's problems to...not really. Since I am a SAHM, my closest friends have turned out to be my future stepmom and my SIL. We are close enough that if we annoy each other we can tell each other.

I do miss having what people consider "outside" friends but I know what my comfort zone is.

 

[jenrein]

Yep- sounds like us! But to be honest, I really don't mind it. We had a lot of friends in NY and moved to FL last year. I enjoy the peace! I like walking around the house in pjs if I choose and there isn't a possibility that someone will show up at the door. (Although Christmas Eve last year that did happen when my parents surprised us).

We have met one couple through our daughters friend, but the same thing with the schedules- it just won't happen.

 

[minkydog]

I guess my question would be - is this the way you choose to be or would you LIKE to have some friends?

Well, a little of both I think. We are quiet people and don't need scads of friends around. Maintaining friends takes a lot of work and neither of us has the time or energy, really . DH is not out-going and has limitations on his health which make him fatigued if he has to talk much. It's hard for him to hold long conversations due to his lung disease (can't breathe!)I make friends very easily but I'm not the partying type--more like the tea drinking type. I love to have a friend drop in to chat. But when my son is with me it's difficult. At home it's easier because our house is fall-proofed and he has toys. It's very difficult to visit others' homes because I have to watch him closely so he won't fall down stairs or walk out into traffic. It's hard to hold a friendly conversation like that. Most people just don't get how much supervision this kid requires, so they get tired of it.

 

[TewEpcot]

I just had this conversation last night with the only 2 people I consider my good friends. We all vary in marital status... I'm married, one's single, and one lives with her boyfriend. We all range in age from 27-35.

We decided, that as we age, it just gets to be work to maintain friendships. Who of us, as adults with jobs and homes, pets and or children, have time to chat on the phone the way we did in high school? Or spend an afternoon on a weekend with our friends instead of our family? Thankfully, my dh is very understanding and I do get to spend time with these 2 women when I can (away from work... we all work together in some capacity, but it's important to us to spend time together away from that).

One of the ways we're accomplishing that is with a simple book club. Just the 3 of us, it's very exclusive.

But it's a way to accomplish something we all wish we did more of (read) and have someone else hold us accountable for it... then we get together, cook up some food, drink some wine, and talk about the book (among many other things, obviously)!

I do think it is important for grown women to have a bond with other grown women with like interests. It's just a matter of finding one or two that don't feel like work.

 

[brymolmom]

I just don't want to attend social gatherings where everybody there acts as if they are just there to get laid or to get paid. Can anyone else hear relate to me on this matter?

Wow - I wouldn't want to be social either if all the events sounded like your version. The only thing I can think of is you're going to the wrong social events! Try out some different ones.

I golf each week with 11 other ladies, single - married- divorced - kids - no kids - all different. It never feels like that.

DH and I attended our church carnival for 'adults night' the other night. Some drinks and gambling (although we just chatted with people) - no way did it feel like that. Although, I guess the CHURCH was making money but I don't mind contributing to that and I got to have a good time in the process.

Maybe you could try looking around to something new and different to attend? I promise you - there are good types of events/gatherings where people are there for all the RIGHT intentions - to meet new people, make new friends, swap some stories, have some fun, etc.

 

[disneybridetobe]

We're the same way! I'm so glad we're not the only ones!

 

[aurorafan]

We're the same way--I'm so glad to read that we're not the only ones! I just had this conversation with my SIL (who is one of my closest friends) and she said "I have more close friends in my immediate circle than you have period!" which is true . She wasn't being mean, just saying, although with some incredulousness (sp?). She's very outgoing and I don't think she gets how I can be happy with just a few close friends .

But you know what? It's okay--I'm happy with the way things are . But I admit one of my resolutions as I turn 40 this year is to not worry so much about what other people think about my "anti-socialness"

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

It's okay--I'm happy with the way things are . But I admit one of my resolutions as I turn 40 this year is to not worry so much about what other people think about my "anti-socialness"

I like having a small circle of friends, I'm just that way. My SIL thinks of it as being anti-social. I look at it as just the opposite. Without having to spread myself all over to try and keep up with a bunch of people, I find my friendships more satisfying. The friends I have are very close ones. I can make small talk or idle chit chat with a stranger...so while acquaintances are nice, they are not a necessity for me or DH. I also think it has a lot to do with personality type. My SIL requires a lot of attention and activity in her life...we don't.