Having a daughter can be heartbreaking!

[MushyMushy]

Why didn't anybody ever tell me how heartbreaking it would be to have a daughter?

This poor kid is so isolated this year in school. She says that the girls are all mean to her, even yesterday on her birthday. The problem is, she's so sweet and quiet, plus she's academically slow and takes speech and language support. I've told her to make friends with the boys because there's so much less drama with boys (well there is! ) but she's at a stage where she thinks they're gross (well they are! ).

I just don't know what to do for her. I signed her up for tae kwon do to help her with self-confidence issues, and she'll be taking piano. She has no interest in Girl Scouts, or anything like that, and I don't have the time for much more anyway.

She has other friends she can talk to outside of school, but with everybody's schedules, it's just tough to get them together enough. Besides, it's just an awfully long miserable day at school for her to be so isolated from everyone.

Have any of you been through this? How did it turn out? Please tell me it gets easier. I'm so sad for her that it feels like I'm going through it myself. I wish I could go through it for her.

 

[AKLRULZ]

I'm very sorry to hear it your daughter is struggling with friendships. I have a daughter in middle school and there is a lot of drama between she and her friends, but somehow they manage to work it all out. I make no chance to try and understand it, but my wife says she went through the same thing in middle school.

Best wishes.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

Man, that's a hard one.

Can se go up and talk to other kids at lunch or before / after school? Maybe she can strike up a conversation and hit it off with some other kids. Is it just the kids in her class that she doesn't get along with?

Hope everything turns out for the better!

 

[Mermaid02]

How old is she?

My son also has a hard time with friends. He has always played with the girls because they're more intellectual and not as physical.

It's really hard to watch your child's feelings get hurt and their self esteem go down the toilet- believe me I know how you feel.

 

[tekmom]

I'm so sorry for what your daughter is going through. My 14 year old son has a very hard time at school, also. Middle School was the worst for him. He is very awkward in social situations, unless he really knows you and he gets picked on alot. We, like you, are very lucky that he knows he can come to us about his problems. We might not always be able to fix everything, but your daughter will always know that she can come to you with her concerns. Kids can be SO cruel. Good luck to you and your daughter.

 

[lowie]

wow, i could have written this myself. my 11 yo dd just started 6th grade and was really really struggling socially, academically she struggles also so it's a double whammy.
just in the last 2 weeks she was joined with other similar kids to work on a project together and together the 4 of them have joined forces and things are looking brighter!
hopefully something can click for your dd too.. but if the other kids are really being abusive you need to step in.

 

[Serena]

I'm so sorry she's having a rough time.

 

[Lars624]

It's so hard to watch your child go through something like this

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I'm sorry your DD has to go through this.
It's hearbreaking to watch, isn't it?


My 15 DD had similiar experiences especially started in middle school.
Her friends from grammer school would ditch her at times.
She made new ones, but if faded when school was over.
Now that she's in 10th grade it's gotten alot better.
The girls have matured a bit. They don't leave anyone out anymore etc.

But the thruth be told girls are witches!!!!

Best of luck to your DD.
Can she join any clubs at school?

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. I teach 7th/8th grade and it is tough on a lot of kids. Be patient and try to get her involved with activities as much as possible. It's easier to be around people who share the same interests.

I am going through this with my 14 ds right now. He just started HS and has been pretty miserable also. It rips your heart out to send them off every day into an environment that you can't control. Every instinct has always been to protect them and you feel like you're not doing your job. My prayers are with you

I have no doubt that time and your continued love and support will help her through this.

 

[tw1nsmom]

A great big hug to your daughter. It can be such a rough time of life for girls.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Sorry, no advice! I don't have girls or even know girls that age, but I remember how mean the girls were when I was in 6th grade. I guess I should be glad they ignored me. Better to be ignored than tormented.

All through middle & high school I had one or two good friends at school that I talked to. I hope your DD can find just a few girls who are nice so she can stop worrying about the rest of them!

 

[clarabelle]

Can you ask the school counselor for some suggestions? They might have some way of hooking her up- some schools have social skills training.
We have had similar problems. It kind of comes and goes. I never knew it would be this hard either.
There are also some books on social skills that may help. We got one from Amazon that was helpful (not a miracle worker but helpful). Now I see there are many more available with tasks you can do at home to practice joining in etc..

 

[snookhams]

~ for your daughter. I don't have any daughters but both my sons are quite and find it hard to make friends and my eldest son (picutured below) suffered really badly at primary school (age 4 ~ 11) because he is exceptionally tall for his age and quite bright which did not sit well with either the boys or the girls in his class. When he changed to senior school (11 ~ 16) only a couple of children from his last school transferred with him, and he found school so much better and actually began to enjoy himself. He started at a couple of after school clubs which not only helped with his confidence but meant that he was meeting up with like minded children, and this led to him being on the basketball team, which was a big confidence boost.

I know how you as a mother feel, almost helpless! I have been bought to tears by the situation on many occassions, I will keep you and your family in my prayers and pray that the situation improves for your daughter

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry about your dd.... We moved for my youngest dd. Best thing we ever did.

 

[SC Minnie]

Does your school have a program called Girls on the Run? Ours have it in elem and middle school. DD12 started it this year. It is only for girls. They meet twice a week and discuss a topic that is relevant to girls- last week they talked about eating disorders, the week before 'finding the spirit in yourself'. It is a program to build self confidence and self esteem in girls. At every meeting they walk/run the track.

 

[T-i-double-g-err]

This is T-i-dougle-g-err's DW talking:

My DD9 seems to have a lot in common with OP's dd. The other day she told me that there are 4 kids in her class that don't like her. I turned it around and told her that that means 13 kids do like her. She had never thought of it like that before.

I am also worried about how she handles herself socially. I have to say that Girl Scouts has been fantastic for her. As a GS leader, I always tell people that it is kids like ours who really benefit from GS. If you can get her interested in a troop that is not at her school (with the same group of kids) she may be more interested.

Good luck.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I think having a daughter your heart will be broken many times. My mom's heart broke when I was a teenager and had a rough time in high school (and middle school) being bullied by mean girls and trying to fit in. Then after I graduated it broke her heart everytime I was in a relationship and got MY heart broken. We both felt so bad that the each other was going through those horrible feelings. But now I haven't broken her heart in about a year!! (Last time was last November when my fiance broke up with me and I moved back home, she was devastated).

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I think having a daughter your heart will be broken many times. My mom's heart broke when I was a teenager and had a rough time in high school (and middle school) being bullied by mean girls and trying to fit in. Then after I graduated it broke her heart everytime I was in a relationship and got MY heart broken. We both felt so bad that the each other was going through those horrible feelings. But now I haven't broken her heart in about a year!! (Last time was last November when my fiance broke up with me and I moved back home, she was devastated).

Nice to see you!

 

[starwishing]

I think everyone here has given good advice. My daughter just started middle school (6th grade) and I worry so much about her!! I know kids can be mean & cruel. One thing I was wondering though....who's giving advice to the parents of these kids who are doing wrong???? Why is it that a lot of parents today except the whole "kids will be kids" attitude, especially when it is their child doing the damage, or better yet....when will the schools step & and stop this?? My daughters school has a no bullying policy, yet I see it over & over again, and nothing gets done about it. PARENTS....when you find out your child is doing something wrong....don't automatically say "not my kid", your doing your child a disservice!!!!!!!

I hope everything turns out well for your daughter, and to you mom!!