Have you ever threatened to throw a teen out of the house?

[Magpie]

This one surprised me...

My neighbour and her 17yo daughter fight a lot. It's very reminiscent of my own childhood, and I've found myself in the odd position a few times of commiserating with both the mom and the daughter. I have a lot of sympathy for both of them.

Now the mother has occasionally told ME that she threatens to throw her daughter out, but I always assumed she was exaggerating. I never figured she actually said anything like that to the kid. Then the other day, the daughter commented to us that when they fight her mother will point to the door and say, "Get out! Just, go!" or threaten to throw her out if she does or doesn't... (fill in the blank). She apparently told her daughter that she will "disinherit her" if she gets a tattoo. In our house that would be a joke, but this kid is taking it seriously. "She says she won't have a daughter any more. But I don't care. As soon as I turn 18, I'm getting a tattoo! I already know which one."

I told the kid I'm sure her mother would be devastated if she ever did really walk out. However, the kid didn't look convinced, so I reminded her that she's always welcome over at our house, any time of the day or night.

But this strikes me as one heck of a dangerous thing to say to a teenage girl. I mean, what if she does walk out some day?

My mother and I fought viciously, but she never once threatened to throw me out of the house. I always knew she loved me, fiercely. And that she needed me!

So... is this something you've ever said to your kids? Did your parents say it to you? Does anyone ever really mean it?

 

[stepmommyof1]

Well I have no clue what the law says but it is my understanding that s long as your kid is underage you are responsible for them and must provide for them (shelter, food, medical care etc). So couldn't you get into legal trouble for just kicking your kid out of the house??

If there are drug problems, violence etc and you cannot safely let them live in your home, you find a treatment center or someplace like that for them to go...you don't just throw them out on the street.

I personally cannot imagine my stepson doing anything that would make me angry enough to pull that. My stepson is a teenager and no he is not perfect but I love him so much that there is nothing he could do that would make me get angry enough to want to kick him out.

 

[clh2]

This is actually quite sad.

A similar (sort of) situation, I know a teen girl who left her house last week, and spent the night at a friends house. The parents are a "bit off" in parenting skill/ability. It is a very sad situation all around. The girl is back in her home, and will most likely be miserable for until she is 18, and can leave the house. Right now, I've heard the parents are charging her rent (since the beginning of her junior year.) Don't know if this is true, and I'm sure the parents have their side of the story too...i.e. maybe it isn't rent, maybe it is car insurance. The parents will never "get" what is going on. EVER. I am trying to not fault the parents, as I've only heard 1 side of the story, and only third hand at that.

 

[Wall-E1]

I never have, however my son and I once got into a heated argument over something(can't remember what it was right now). I got so annoyed that I told him I was leaving(in reality, I just wanted to go to McDonalds to get a coffee and be alone for a few minutes). At first, he wouldn't let me leave. Once I finally did get out, he slammed the door and told me not to bother coming back(Wait a minute! I'm the one that pays the mortgage around here) - talk about role reversals and epically bad parenting. Yep, one of my finest parenting moments.

 

[BeefJerky]

I was the teen who was threatened to get out. My mom at the time was a bit "off" so I was left holding the bag, taking care of the kids and the house but nothing pleased her, either the rice was overcooked or the kids were fighting and I didn't stop them. The house had some things that children should never be near. She would always slap and threaten that I could leave if I wanted to and so one day I was sick of it and I did. I didn't pack anything, I just took my money and walked to the library. After that I walked to my dad's house (quite a while away) by that time my mom was furious but then again she was on her own with the kids and the house so she understood what I was going through, I would have lived with my dad if it wasn't for the fact I didn't want to leave my siblings along with her. My dad told her that if I tried that again I would be in trouble but then he also understood why I did what I did. I couldn't live with him (and didn't until I was older) but after that I always stored money away for the day that I left and my mom,knowing darn well I WOULD leave, had to back off. My dad would always tell me that soon I would be out of there and one wonderful day, my siblings and I left.

 

[worm761]

I am very sorry that your daughter's friend is having to go through this. I will tell you that my mother and I fought though she never threatened to kick me out. She did end up disowning me when I was in my 20's. Before she died she would only claim to have three kids and a step son. I still have no idea what I did to make her disown me but it was what it was.

I have taken in a teen that was kicked out. She got her walking papers for her 16th birthday. I believe that her mother was pregnant again. Sounds bad, she only has four kids, very separated in age except the twins. K raised the twins for the most part. She flipped when she found out there was going to be another one. I can't really say I blame her. I love K like she is my own. She stayed in my home until she didn't want to follow my rules. She was given the choice of following the house rules or leaving. She did choose to leave. She finished high school while working a full time job and a part time job to support herself. I helped her pay for the senior trip her parents wouldn't pay for. I would do it again in a heartbeat. K is now a wonderful adult and is going to college part time while working.

 

[brockash]

My mom kinda threatened to kick me out once. I was 17 and honestly my sisters and I were pretty horrible to my mom, although in this instance, I think it was more of a control thing. My sisters and I always had to visit my Dad (in another state) right after x-mas. Well we were going to an airport that was about an hour and a half away. I had spent the night at my boyfriends (whole different story, although we are married now,) anyways I wanted to drive myself to the airport and just park my car there. My mom didn't want me to, and not only did I, but I also went home and had my youngest sister (she was 13 at the time) go out her window and ride with me. My mom was FURIOUS. She said I could just move out then, and that my stuff would be in the garage to pick up when we came home. Well that didn't happen, and things were fine, but yes she technically threatened to kick me out. I'd like to say that I would never kick or threaten to kick any of my kids home, however if something really terrible happens and they get involved in dangerous activity (gangs/drugs ect.) and weren't willing to get any help (Can you force a juvenile into rehab? if so, that's what I'd do,) but otherwise if I felt that their lifestyle was threatening mine, my other children ect., then I can see it as being the only thing left to do.

 

[Tink888]

This one surprised me...

My neighbour and her 17yo daughter fight a lot. It's very reminiscent of my own childhood, and I've found myself in the odd position a few times of commiserating with both the mom and the daughter. I have a lot of sympathy for both of them.

Now the mother has occasionally told ME that she threatens to throw her daughter out, but I always assumed she was exaggerating. I never figured she actually said anything like that to the kid. Then the other day, the daughter commented to us that when they fight her mother will point to the door and say, "Get out! Just, go!" or threaten to throw her out if she does or doesn't... (fill in the blank). She apparently told her daughter that she will "disinherit her" if she gets a tattoo. In our house that would be a joke, but this kid is taking it seriously. "She says she won't have a daughter any more. But I don't care. As soon as I turn 18, I'm getting a tattoo! I already know which one."

I told the kid I'm sure her mother would be devastated if she ever did really walk out. However, the kid didn't look convinced, so I reminded her that she's always welcome over at our house, any time of the day or night.

But this strikes me as one heck of a dangerous thing to say to a teenage girl. I mean, what if she does walk out some day?

My mother and I fought viciously, but she never once threatened to throw me out of the house. I always knew she loved me, fiercely. And that she needed me!

So... is this something you've ever said to your kids? Did your parents say it to you? Does anyone ever really mean it?

I have told DS15 that if he doesn't like our rules and believes he knows everything, that on the day he turns 18, he is more than welcome to leave and support himself and make his own rules. I meant that.

Doesn't mean that I don't love him. Doesn't mean that that's the outcome I want to see happen.

No two kids, no two parents are the same. I wouldn't make a judgment about either until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No. This is her home.
I have threatened (and followed through once) with kicking her out of the car and making her walk or take the train home. I have also left the house when the kids would not stop bickering and I wanted away from it all.

I love my daughter to death and she is a GREAT kid. Great grades, totally trustworthy, a good friend, room neat as a pin, helps around the house, etc. etc.--you couldn't ask for better. Except that her attitude lately can be really difficult. I swear she saves up every bit of stress in her life and directs it into being mean to and needling her brother and then blowing up at me if I call her on it Those are the hard moments.

Anyway, I can understand that a parent might lose it and say that in anger, but then apologizing and the kid KNOWING it is not real. I hope I never do, but I can understand it I cannot understand anyone being serious enough about it that their teen believes it could happen. I find that heartbreaking. Even worse, the big issue you point out is a tattoo. I happen to hate tattoos, but it is not somehting that affects the others in the house (I could understand see kicking out an older, over 18 teen who is truly refusing to stop behaviour which does negatively affect others in the house--like being violent towards siblings or parents or the like or as they age even refusing to clean up after themselves and help around the house--but over an appearance thing).

 

[LuvLDM]

I have threatened to send my 11yr. old to boarding school when she is being exceptionally mouthy.
I'm not really going to send her anywhere...mostly because I don't think we can afford boarding school.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I never have but a neighbor did.

Every morning when I was walking my elementary school child to the bus stop, I'd hear the mother and daughter screaming at each other. Inevitably on the way back home, I'd hear the mother yell at her if she didn't like it to get out. Leave. Go live somewhere else.

One morning, I saw the girl walking down the main road, rolling a suitcase behind her.

That was 4 years ago and I haven't seen the daughter since. She was in High school. I think a Sophmore at the time.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I have never threatened it at all but I have good kids. I can see why some parents might be tempted to do this though because I have heard some horror stories.

 

[r1lissa]

We had a few very hard years with our DS who is only 13. This past school year, we warned him that he was quickly earning a ticket to Military school. He wasn't taking us seriously, so he got a little taste of reality by spending half of his summer at the school's Military camp. It was a very expensive lesson for us to teach him, but he is a different kid now.

You do what you have to do for the good of your child, but not for the benefit of yourself. If you're just a lazy person who is tired of parenting, then your child is probably better off not being with you in the first place.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

My mother and I did NOT get along when I was a teenager.

It was not a good relationship. I love my mother, but I haven't forgotten some of the things that were said and transpired between the 2 of us.

I know alot that was said was out of anger because she was not happy in her life choices. I know that it wasn't meant for me but I was the one that always listend to her. I could never do enough to please her or make her happy.

I can't even tell you how many times when we got into a dumb fight and she told me that I was stupid and should just leave, I was "just like my father" whom I did not know well at all and still don't. So it was very hurtful at the time.

I never left, I packed my bags several times and wrote a letter that said I was running away but I never had the guts.

 

[collegejunkie]

We had a few very hard years with our DS who is only 13. This past school year, we warned him that he was quickly earning a ticket to Military school. He wasn't taking us seriously, so he got a little taste of reality by spending half of his summer at the school's Military camp. It was a very expensive lesson for us to teach him, but he is a different kid now.

You do what you have to do for the good of your child, but not for the benefit of yourself. If you're just a lazy person who is tired of parenting, then your child is probably better off not being with you in the first place.

my dad threatened to send me to military school all the time. now, he is not part of my life and he never will be again. i'm not saying this is directly to you, but to all the parents out there: i warn you to be careful with what you say to your child and how much you try to control them. don't underestimate your kids. they can make you just as miserable as you are trying to make them.

 

[mtblujeans]

I never have, however my son and I once got into a heated argument over something(can't remember what it was right now). I got so annoyed that I told him I was leaving(in reality, I just wanted to go to McDonalds to get a coffee and be alone for a few minutes). At first, he wouldn't let me leave. Once I finally did get out, he slammed the door and told me not to bother coming back(Wait a minute! I'm the one that pays the mortgage around here) - talk about role reversals and epically bad parenting. Yep, one of my finest parenting moments.

WHAT!! You mean it's NOT normal to want to run away with teenagers living under the same roof!???

Oh.

 

[smb6]

I have not, but I have young teens- so I won't pass judgement..... But my old neighbors use to threaten to kick their son out. I think he was 16. Anyhow, the dad told us that it was because he caught his son stealing. OK that sounds pretty bad..... He went on to tell us what he was caught stealing- his dad's deodorant. The dad said he found it on his teen's bed and so that was his evidence. Seriously? Sounds more like borrowing to me and even if he took the deodorant with the intention not to return it- this was ridiculous. After hearing that out of the dad's mouth- we always favored the son/teen after that. He came over and hung out a lot (just to get away) and we had no teens at the time, my kids were still pretty little. He would just watch tv and always offered to help out if we were cleaning to working on something.... A super nice kids. A few times he even stayed the night on our couch........

I'm sure most parents of teens have more valid arguments as I know teens can be difficult and this was a minority situation......

Now, although I have not threatened to kick my kids out of the house-- I have threatened to kick them out of my van (well, it's funny to me atleast). Several years ago they went through a phase where they were fighting ridiculously in the backseat. A couple times it was bad enough I pulled over and told them this is my van and it was a privlidge for them to ride in it- did they want to get out and walk? That would work..... until the next day. So one day as we pulled into the subdivision, I had enough and I forced the main culprit out of the van. He walked home (subdivision road, about a block from the house) I followed behind him in the van going about 1 mph..... Never had any trouble with the kids fighting in the back seat after that

 

[njmom47]

Oh my, oh my. Oldest dd has really put us through some rough times. I had threatened to kick her out many times; she actually did run away more than once. This was all because her actions affected everyone in the house and it was unacceptable behavior. She was escorted from the house by the police once, and was checked into rehab/mental health clinics twice, as well as lived in a juvenile shelter for a time. It was a very hard time for us to live through but somehow we made it to the other side.
I would never fight that hard over appearance, but when violence and the threat of family members being hurt is evident, it's time for action on the parent's part.

 

[MELSMICE]

I never have, but I have to be honest & say I think my kids are abnormal as they really didn't give us any major problems.

One of my dance students is currently going through a rough time with her mom. She is living with her aunt right now. I heard some stories on what may have happened & I try not to judge anyone, but it's hard because I don't "know" "that girl" who was fighting with her mom. I only know the mature, responsible, sweet natured girl who is my student and assistant.

Most times people don't know what a teen is like to their own family.

 

[shortbun]

This falls into the category of 'watch out what you wish for' imho. I'd never make idle threats like that.