Have you ever had to report abuse by another child?

[lightningcoach]

I am not able to go into details, but if any of you out there have ever had to report this please let me know what the outcome was. You may send me a PM or post here if you feel comfortable. In this case it is an older child on a younger child and the family is deathly afraid of the fall out and I need wisdom on what to expect and how to proceed.

I have only had to report physical abuse before not sexual abuse.

 

[ZachnElli]

First, I didn't have to report the abuse. But this situation did occur on my in-law side of family. Are they scared because the child in question is old enough to be punished by law? In my case the child who did the abusing was 10-11 years old, much too young. She was removed from the home for a couple of years and couldn't go with most relatives because they had young children (including dh and I) and the judge wouldn't allow it (no one wanted to risk their own kids anyway). She is back in the home with her sister again. I don't think they could find her a place somewhere else anymore. She puts other kids at risk. I think her little sister can kick her butt if she tries now, not meant to be funny, just the way it is. Her mother is a horrible role model and the reason she is what she is. Don't know what you are looking for in an answer, but this is what happened in this case. Good luck to you.

 

[cuterlt]

I work with child abuse issues every single day, and have had to report many times. I have seen many outcomes - some good, some bad. The most important thing is that you stop the abuse now.
Most states require that you make a report if you suspect child abuse has occurred. You can also report anonymously in many states. There is usually a hotline.
There are so many reasons to report -
1) it won't stop unless there is some intervention
2) something may have happened to the older child but he/she is too scared to tell someone or has never had the opportunity to tell or doesn't know it's wrong
3) We all have a duty to protect children, whether abuser or abused.
I can't tell you that the outcome will be good. I can tell you that if you don't report, the outcome most certainly will NOT be good.
Feel free to PM me if you have any more specific questions or I can steer you in the right direction to report.
Please report. Too many people don't, and children just continue to get abused. You may just save two children a lifetime of hurt.

 

[Carl]

Report it to whom? If you mean to the parents - yes, definitely. But, depending on the age difference, I'm not sure I'd report it to the authorities. They don't seem to know what normal childhood experimentation is anymore. They won't "help" the child - they will make him/her register as a sex offender for the rest of their life.

 

[missyc]

I did report something a few months ago.
I didn't have direct contact but my son told me about rumors going around school. A young boy was seen being sexually abused by his teenage step-brother. As much as the kids at school openly discussed it, I find it hard to believe that no adults heard. The boy (victim) didn't deny what was being said. Just tried to make up excuses. I didn't know about it until a few months after the kids started talking.
I absolutly felt I had an obligation to report it. For many reasons.
I was very dissapointed in the system. I got the run around from every place I was told to call. Seems no one knew who's responsability it was.
If I hadn't been diligent, I'm not so sure it ever would have gotten to the correct person. Actually, I still have my doubts and wish I could have followed up somehow.

And informing the parents is not good enough. In this case, the mother knew. Yet the teen was still in the house with 2 younger kids. And she continued to let the younger kids have sleep-overs in their house.
I also notified the mother of the boy who had slept over and witnessed the abuse. She had no idea what her son had seen.

Please report what you know.

 

[chager]

Usually the offending child has been abused at some point. The hard part is getting anyone to listen when the offending child's family doesn't want to acknowledge there is a problem. There is a HUGE difference between normal childhood curiosity and what we had happen here. Unfortunately there was a huge falling out in the two families, but it was already starting before this problem came to light. (There was alot of other stuff that went on too this was just the straw that broke it) I do suggest counselling for the victim. The children were only 9 (offender) and 7 (victim) at the time this took place. However the victim was convinced he was gay because the offender told him that after the last time. It was heart wrenching and it only came out in counselling. The victim has now adjusted very well to life and prefers not to discuss what happened. It has been almost 3 years now. The offender was not classified a sexual predetor (probably should have been) nor did he receive any help because his parents said he was fine and it was the victim's fault...go figure.The offender no longer lives near the victim which I think has put alot of people at ease now. It is a very hard situation to deal with. The offender and his family spread a ton of rumors about the victim and said the victims family was going to sue them and such. None of which was true. In fact no one else would have even known had they not talked about it to everyone. (They tried to say it was the victims family telling everyone, but I heard the offender talking about it!!) I guess it all depends on what type of family is involved. The official CPS letter just stated to keep the children apart. If you have any question PM me and I will try to answer them.

 

[C.Ann]

Check your PM box if you haven't done so already..

 

[nuts4sn00py]

What a sad situation. We have a child on our block who we keep a very close eye on, because the parents refuse to believe he ever does anything wrong. I personally have never witnessed any type of abuse (physical..not sexual..though that has come up with him also)! I have already stated he better hope I never catch him doing anything because I will call the police. This child yells & hits his mother & from what others have said hits his sister also. I understand no one ever wants to think their child is capable of things like this, but when more than one person complains I feel it is time to "wake up & smell the coffee." If you personally have seen any form of abuse than IMO it is your duty to report it. After all that could be your child! JMHO. Kathy P.S. We all know kids are curious, but we are talking about things that go beyond curious. I hope those involved get the wisdom they need to help them thru this difficult situation!

 

[phamton]

Yes, I had a girl ( age 8) in my 3rd grade class who was being sexually abused by her 13 year old brother. I suspected something as several students told me that she was talking "nasty." (She was graphically discussing various sexual acts.) She also had other signs of a sexually abused child. I won't go into details though. One day, I had her stay with me while the class went to P.E. She told me the whole story. I cried and she cried and I told her that she needed to tell what happened to our school counselor or nurse. I know that a lay person has to be careful to not ask any leading questions but just let the child tell her story in her own words.

So we all (the counselor, me, and the child) sat down and she told us what had been going on. She had told her mother already and she said her mother "beat" the brother and told him that she would kill him if he touched his sister again. Then the mother told her not to tell anyone about what her brother did or he would go to jail. The abuse continued and the child was afraid to tell anyone because she was afraid that her mother would beat him again. In spite of it all, she still loved her brother and didn't want to get him in trouble or go to jail. Her mom was a single mother and was not home a lot becAUse she had to work. The brother was the babysitter.

Anyway, I reported it to child protective services. I am required by law but would have anyway. The brother was taken out of the home for a few months.

edited: because some of the things I originally posted were too graphic for a family board.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Carl
Report it to whom? If you mean to the parents - yes, definitely. But, depending on the age difference, I'm not sure I'd report it to the authorities. They don't seem to know what normal childhood experimentation is anymore. They won't "help" the child - they will make him/her register as a sex offender for the rest of their life.

I don't mean to pick on this poster or start anything but I just had to comment on this. I can't imagine knowing that abuse was taking place and not doing anything about it. All I have to do is look at my DD's innocent face and know the right thing to do is report it. I realize the system is flawed but I honestly believe doing nothing is far worse and unfortunately, just making the parents aware is often doing nothing. BTW, normal childhood experimentation does not involve abuse.

 

[shortbun]

I have gone to several people regarding one child. He was obviously being abused as he was trying to do the same to the
kids at school. Very young. Parents told teachers he was "watching to much MTV!" I persisted. The truth has finally
been discovered and the child is being protected although I
do not know which is worse sometimes as his protection must
be very confusing for now. Children who are molesting other children are usually being molested too. Just awful, horrible.
Good luck but you must do it. Give some thought as to how so
everyone has a chance of getting some help.

 

[Robinrs]

An 11yo girl TRIED to attempt a sexual thing with my son when he was 6 at daycare. He told me about it 30 mins after it happened when I picked him up. He rebuffed her, thought it was funny and told me about it on the way home.

The child was a foster child with a list of serious problems. My concern was that she was taller and more built than ME and she was more of a helper in a day care with children all under the age of 7 and the lady who ran the place also had other fosters who were much more at risk.

As soon as I got home I rang the caregiver. She told me she had the runs all day and was in the bathroom a lot, which explained how the children would have been left alone with this girl. She was not the foster mother of this child but was for two children, a girl and a boy, ages 6 and 7. She asked them both outright if anything strange had happened with the girl. Both children started crying...

Turns out it had happened for awhile with the other children, and her first attempt with my son was the one that made the difference.

She told the kids that they would become members of her "club" if they cooperated. These children had all been victims themselves.

The child was EVENTUALLY moved out of the situation. She was allocated to a room in the house away from the kids, but that wasn't good enough for me. Michael did not return until she left!

I reported her to DFACS, the Depr of Family and Children Services and to the elementary school Pencipal, because she was allowed to read and take care of preschooler and kindergartners in the school. My concern was that she NOT be in charge of small children and that it be on RECORD.

Five years later and this child is still a major problem, still in the system and a sad result of children who are abused then become abusers.

DO report it. Never hold back when it comes to the welfare of a child. No matter the age, if there is a victim and a perpetrator, somone needs to be aware and the victim needs to know that someone is on their side.

 

[lightningcoach]

Let me just set this straight that I am a mandatory reporter and I am reporting this. The mom involved is very concerned about how the police will respond to the child and what will happen to the young perp (under 13 years old)
I posted to get some counsel regarding what to expect since this is not a situation I can report anonymously. Since the victim's mom is a close friend I am going to have to walk through this with her and the child.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Wow! What a stinky situation. My prayers are with you in this, from one mandatory reporter to another.

Michelle

 

[Serena]

Please report abuse, no matter what you are afraid of. The victim is afraid too. They feel guilty and to blame for it all. They are afraid of what will happen to them, what will happen to the abuser which is usually a relative or close friend to the family.
I felt my only recourse was just to fight and try and keep him from doing anything. It didn't work. I tried to tell my parents but was too embarrassed and they didn't want to hear it anyway.
It stopped when my dad came home right after. My dad heard me screaming at my brother and I was throwing everything I could find in his room at him. My dad made me tell him, and he talked to my brother. I don't know what he said or did, but my brother never did it again. No female in the family was left alone with him again either.