Have you ever been falsely accused of child abuse?

[Liberty Belle]

Lessoned learned. Give every little itty bitty detail or don't post what so ever.

I'm sorry what I posted was offensive to you. I certainly meant nothing against you personally. Just that the situation seemed strange the way you originally accounted it.

 

[Jennasis]

A family friend had her infant taken away from her after going to the ER with the baby who had broken bones (as it turns out, from the Nanny who WAS abusing her). They accused the mother of the abuse. Took quite a while to sort it out and get the child back even after the Nanny confessed.

 

[wilkeliza]

I'm always a little shocked when I hear people say the person must have been falsely accused because of how they are on the outside. I was abused as a kid and even though a few people suspected it (something I only found out later as an adult) they never called CPS because my abuser always had a reason for what was suspicious to outsiders. Even some mandated reporters would decide not to call it in because my abuser had talked them out of it. Even years later with people who knew what was going on (other kids I had confided in who are now adults) people who know my abuser will still say oh my god I had no clue or I knew he had his problems but I never thought he was capable of that. They always believe me but at the same time they have a hard time believing someone who seems like a decent individual to the public could be doing something so terrible to a kid. Even worse now is I have to be 100% careful about how much I reveal on line just in case.

Also shocks me on how much effort is given to false accusations and kids who are actually being abused fall through the system with 0 checks.

 

[smiths02]

When I worked in a daycare, I'm lucky that I knew some parents very well and they knew their kid. A 3-4 year old little boy was putting things in the toilet when he went to the bathroom. This caused problems for our toilets. We tried watching him before he got in the bathroom, but he did it again! So I started watching him in the bathroom (it was a bathroom with 4 toilets open to two classrooms. He told his mom that I was watching him in the bathroom (with no other details). Mom asked me about it and understood the situation

 

[smiths02]

I'm always a little shocked when I hear people say the person must have been falsely accused because of how they are on the outside. I was abused as a kid and even though a few people suspected it (something I only found out later as an adult) they never called CPS because my abuser always had a reason for what was suspicious to outsiders. Even some mandated reporters would decide not to call it in because my abuser had talked them out of it. Even years later with people who knew what was going on (other kids I had confided in who are now adults) people who know my abuser will still say oh my god I had no clue or I knew he had his problems but I never thought he was capable of that. They always believe me but at the same time they have a hard time believing someone who seems like a decent individual to the public could be doing something so terrible to a kid. Even worse now is I have to be 100% careful about how much I reveal on line just in case.

Also shocks me on how much effort is given to false accusations and kids who are actually being abused fall through the system with 0 checks.

My mom was abused as a kid (late 60s) and showed many signs that we would recognize today. I wonder if any mandated reporters would catch it today, though?

 

[mco65]

Lessoned learned. Give every little itty bitty detail or don't post what so ever.

Or simply avoid posting in controversial threads like this one.. Not this this one is SUPER controverial it is very touchy so i tend to read and NOT RESPOND>..

 

[jiminyC_fan]

By the way, I'd recommend you add an edit to your original comment. These threads have a way of hanging around, and weeks, months or even years from now a person might start reading, hit your post, and comment before even getting to your later explanation. It's a real pain.

Very good point. Thank you!

I call this event over and I won't be checking back in on this thread. Thanks to all that understood.

 

[Magpie]

Very good point. Thank you!

I call this event over and I won't be checking back in on this thread. Thanks to all that understood.

I know you're planning to bow out, and that's totally cool. But, I have to comment - I checked out your edit, and while I know what you meant to say when you used the phrase "they're good Christian parents", I want to just give you a head's up that in this context it may come across as all kinds of wrong.

They're good parents. Period. The fact that they're also Christians has no bearing on whether or not they'd responsibly investigate an allegation of abuse.

 

[RAD]

Our son was a bit of a klutz. One time he was riding his bike and went flying over the handle bars and hit is head (this was before you wrapped kids in bubble wrap when they went outside). He had a good cut on it so the wife and I took him to the ER to get it checked. After a little while they separated the two of us and quizzed us about the accident, also asked the kid. Once they saw what it was they let us go on our way. Didn't think anything of it at the time but looking back guess they were worried about possible abuse.

 

[punkin]

Also shocks me on how much effort is given to false accusations and kids who are actually being abused fall through the system with 0 checks.

All the time wasted on false reports takes away from being able to uncover real abuse...but they have to check out everything.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Well it did sound a bit like the first pp thought the parents should have never not believed that their child was abused. So, I get the defensiveness. The poster said the parents didn't tell him/her about it until many years later, how were the details supposed to be known?

ITA! This reminds me of another thread where the subject of a non-apology was mentioned. You've also got to love the judgmental people who say they're not judging you, even though their post is obviously judgmental & basically says, "I'm not judging you, but I can't believe the parents didn't think you their long time friend could be guilty & have you investigated." For the non-apology, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, but it's your fault for what you typed." If nothing else, hopefully people will learn there are many judgmental people here who automatically think the worst of everyone. Sharing a lot of personal information isn't a good idea.

 

[jevs]

ITA! This reminds me of another thread where the subject of a non-apology was mentioned. You've also got to love the judgmental people who say they're not judging you, even though their post is obviously judgmental & basically says, "I'm not judging you, but I can't believe the parents didn't think you their long time friend could be guilty & have you investigated." For the non-apology, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, but it's your fault for what you typed." If nothing else, hopefully people will learn there are many judgmental people here who automatically think the worst of everyone. Sharing a lot of personal information isn't a good idea.

You better hope that Micca doesn't read this because the word is nonpology



Aside from being judgey about WOTD, I agree with you. Too much identifiable information given to judgey pant wearers is never a good mix.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

You better hope that Micca doesn't read this because the word is nonpology



Aside from being judgey about WOTD, I agree with you. Too much identifiable information given to judgey pant wearers is never a good mix.

My apologies to Micca. I should have known better.

 

[Brittni__duh]

I was a nanny for a family that had two young kids, a 3 year old female and an 18 month old male. I had only been working for them for about a month at this point. One afternoon, I was getting the 18 month old ready for his nap so we were all laying on his bed while I read him a book. Out of nowhere, the 3 year old just leaned over and bit his back hard enough to draw blood. He had a bruise and obvious teeth marks on his back. That evening, I told their mom what happened. When asked about it, the 3 year old denied she did any such thing, of course. Their mother was so skeptical that her daughter did anything because it was the first time she had ever bit anyone. Their other nanny, who was my friend, had never seen her do anything either. Their mother never came out and accused me but she seemed very skeptical of my story. I felt so bad. Any time they hurt themselves playing, I felt like the parents would accuse me of hurting them.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Well it did sound a bit like the first pp thought the parents should have never not believed that their child was abused. So, I get the defensiveness. The poster said the parents didn't tell him/her about it until many years later, how were the details supposed to be known?

Not that the parents should've never not believed the child, but that they absolutely should've taken the allegation seriously and looked into it. The OP made it sound like the parents just brushed it off because, "Nah, he's a good guy, he would never do something like that." I don't care how many years after the fact, if someone told me their child had ever accused me of sexual abuse, you better believe I'm asking for ALL the details and I would never be recounting that story without including extremely pertinent points like, how did this misunderstanding happen in the first place? Not to mention how angry I'd be with my supposed "friends" if I found out they'd hidden all this from me for years while continuing to let me be put in situations where I was alone with a child who was accusing me of sexual abuse.

ITA! This reminds me of another thread where the subject of a non-apology was mentioned. You've also got to love the judgmental people who say they're not judging you, even though their post is obviously judgmental & basically says, "I'm not judging you, but I can't believe the parents didn't think you their long time friend could be guilty & have you investigated." For the non-apology, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, but it's your fault for what you typed." If nothing else, hopefully people will learn there are many judgmental people here who automatically think the worst of everyone. Sharing a lot of personal information isn't a good idea.

Okay, so that's me you're talking about and yes, I do think there's something wrong with a parent who would blow off those kind of concerns instead of looking into them, no matter how good of a friend the child is accusing. Heck, if my child said those things about my husband I would have to take it seriously even though I'd find it all but impossible to believe. Asking further questions of the OP to see if what he said in his first post was truly the extent to which the parents addressed the situation is not the same as thinking the worst of him. Once he elaborated, it sounds like the parents did, in fact, handle the situation appropriately by following up on it and digging a little deeper.

 

[lizabu]

My mom was abused as a kid (late 60s) and showed many signs that we would recognize today. I wonder if any mandated reporters would catch it today, though?

It was a different time. I grew up in the 80s and if it was now my sister and I would've easily been taken out of our home with what was going on in our house. The false allegations are a huge waste of time and money but I appreciate how thorough social workers are and that they check into all of these allegations.

 

[teller80]

Remember back in the 80's and 90's when there was a string of allegations stemming from repressed memories? Lives were ruined, and I believe many later recanted their stories. One of the worst was the McMartin preschool case.
'

 

[Magpie]

It was a different time. I grew up in the 80s and if it was now my sister and I would've easily been taken out of our home with what was going on in our house. The false allegations are a huge waste of time and money but I appreciate how thorough social workers are and that they check into all of these allegations.

Um... are we talking about the same eighties when people were in a total panic over daycare-based child-abusing Satanic cults?

Read this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-care_sex-abuse_hysteria

People's lives were ruined over unfounded allegations!

If it WAS a different time, then I'm glad for everyone's sake that we're living in a less litigious, less hysterical, less accusatory time now.


Though actually - I do agree with you in one sense, about it being a "different time". I had to go to court when I was 11 to testify against a man who'd molested me. This was the early 80's. The defense argued that what happened between us was consensual and won. My mum asked the prosecutor if we could appeal and he said, "Look at her. She's growing breasts! It was a long shot at 11, if I put her on the stand now that she's 12, no one will believe it wasn't consensual."

(The age of consent in Canada, at the time, was 14.)

 

[lizabu]

Um... are we talking about the same eighties when people were in a total panic over daycare-based child-abusing Satanic cults?

Read this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-care_sex-abuse_hysteria

People's lives were ruined over unfounded allegations!

If it WAS a different time, then I'm glad for everyone's sake that we're living in a less litigious, less hysterical, less accusatory time now.


Though actually - I do agree with you in one sense, about it being a "different time". I had to go to court when I was 11 to testify against a man who'd molested me. This was the early 80's. The defense argued that what happened between us was consensual and won. My mum asked the prosecutor if we could appeal and he said, "Look at her. She's growing breasts! It was a long shot at 11, if I put her on the stand now that she's 12, no one will believe it wasn't consensual."

(The age of consent in Canada, at the time, was 14.)

I didn't go to daycare and I was young in the 80s and never aware of this daycare thing. I'm sorry for what happened to you. And that's exactly what I'm referring to. Blaming the victim. I hope the guy who hurt you got what he deserved.

 

[Magpie]

I didn't go to daycare and I was young in the 80s and never aware of this daycare thing. I'm sorry for what happened to you. And that's exactly what I'm referring to. Blaming the victim. I hope the guy who hurt you got what he deserved.

That's the thing about being young in any decade - unless your parents were huge news buffs and you were actually paying attention when the news was on, chances are you won't remember much about that decade outside of your own little childhood bubble. Most of what I know about the seventies, for example, I know from books and documentaries, because we didn't get a TV of our own until 1980.

I do remember a lot of the mass hysterias of the 80's though. I remember being shocked at how cruel people were to those children who'd contracted AIDs through blood transfusions. I also remember a lot of parental fear around child abductions - Adam Walsh was kidnapped and murdered in 1981.

And with regards to what happened to me... I honestly don't care if he ever did or didn't get what he "deserved". I'd actually managed to forget his name, until my mum mentioned it recently. And I've almost succeeded in forgetting it again.

Given how old he was then, I suspect he's probably dead by now.