Have we ever discussed this? Coachability

[Pea-n-Me]

We see a lot of kids' sports threads around here, so this is sort of a spinoff.

Is your child coachable?

How Coachable Is Your Child and Why This Matters:
https://www.youthletic.com/cincinnati-oh/articles/how-coachable-is-your-child-and-why-this-matters/

 

[ronandannette]

We see a lot of kids' sports threads around here, so this is sort of a spinoff.

Is your child coachable?

How Coachable Is Your Child and Why This Matters:
https://www.youthletic.com/cincinnati-oh/articles/how-coachable-is-your-child-and-why-this-matters/

"Coachability" is just another version of respect for and submission to, authority. If a kid tends towards being disobedient and rebellious at home and in school, it's unlikely that temperament will be any different on the court or field.

My kid? Not super-coachable for sure, either in sport or in life. He's never been aggressively defiant but through his teen years he developed a way of just passively "declining" to do practically anything he was asked unless he felt like it. Everything became a (quiet) struggle and unfortunately that behaviour pattern entrenched and he's paying for it "in the real world" now as a young adult.

 

[tvguy]

My kid's coaches said they were, so I guess yes.

The environment they grow up in matters most in my experience. The kids whose parents are always questioning school and league rules, and confronting teachers are setting an awful example for their kids.
I did coach a couple remarkable kids in Little League whose parents were out of control, but the kids clearly knew their parents were dorks and they were very coachable. They clearly wanted to succeed based on their efforts and talent, not on their parents efforts to work around the system.

 

[Jennasis]

I'm a coach. In my sport (horseback riding) the "un-coachable" don't last long. It's safety issue. If your child can't listen to and follow my instruction they are likely to injure themselves or their horse and would likely be dismissed from training. I haven't had an uncoachable student yet as this sport is rarely one entered into without a lot of enthusiasm by the participants....but I'm sure it will happen eventually.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

"Coachability" is just another version of respect for and submission to, authority. If a kid tends towards being disobedient and rebellious at home and in school, it's unlikely that temperament will be any different on the court or field.

My kid? Not super-coachable for sure, either in sport or in life. He's never been aggressively defiant but through his teen years he developed a way of just passively "declining" to do practically anything he was asked unless he felt like it. Everything became a (quiet) struggle and unfortunately that behaviour pattern entrenched and he's paying for it "in the real world" now as a young adult.

I disagree a little bit with your first line. I coach youth sports, and when I think about the kids that are "coachable", it's the kids that are able to take constructive criticism without getting angry or defiant. The kids who watch the game and listen well and are willing to try new things.

It's not just about respect and submission, IMO. It's knowing that you have room to improve, that your coach is telling you things to help you learn, and being willing to do those things even if you would prefer to do things another way.

Some of my difficult kids are respectful, but they are stubborn and set in their ways or are just scared to try new things. They get comfortable with the way they've always played and they aren't willing to change it.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

I also want to add that ego plays a big part in this. That kid who has always been the star player and takes over the game? That's usually the kid that is the most difficult to coach. They have been told how great they are and don't really see any reason to do anything different.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

punkinmomma, I was going to say something similar to your post above, in re to the first line in ronanannette's post.

"Coachability" is just another version of respect for and submission to, authority.

Being coachable is so much more.

Characteristics of a coachable athlete

• Being grateful that someone cares enough about you to push you to improve beyond where you would get on your own.
• Being vulnerable enough to know you’re not perfect.
• Being open to honest feedback (even if it hurts).
• Working to actively change bad habits.

Uncoachable athletes show certain key behaviors. It doesn’t take long for a coach to spot an uncoachable player, and very rarely can a coach make a player coachable. I spoke to a number of coaches trying to sort out which characteristics made an athlete coachable or uncoachable. We found the following characteristics true of uncoachable athletes.

Characteristics of an uncoachable athlete:

• You tend to roll our eyes or take things personally that you shouldn’t.
• You can seem ungrateful even to those who help us most.
• You read into things more deeply than you should.
• You often believe everything is about you, even someone else’s bad day.

http://www.positiveperformancetraining.com/13-ways-to-be-more-coachable/

And as she said, coachability - or not - is definitely something that follows us all into adulthood.

 

[superme80]

My oldest is not. He is extremely stubborn and fights me on everything. He also has no desire to play on any sports teams. He is an artist and is in charge of his own drawing. My middle is. He is taking ballet and is very receptive to anything his teacher tells him

 

[ronandannette]

Characteristics of a coachable athlete

• Being grateful that someone cares enough about you to push you to improve beyond where you would get on your own.
• Being vulnerable enough to know you’re not perfect.
• Being open to honest feedback (even if it hurts).
• Working to actively change bad habits.

We're not on different pages. My view of respect/submission to authority (or obedience, if you will) is all about cooperation with constructive direction, and hits every point you copied from the article. I've never been a sports coach, but I can't imagine it's much different than trying to evaluate, mentor and guide a youngster in any other capacity.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

We're not on different pages. My view of respect/submission to authority (or obedience, if you will) is all about cooperation with constructive direction, and hits every point you copied from the article. I've never been a sports coach, but I can't imagine it's much different than trying to evaluate, mentor and guide a youngster in any other capacity.

Idk, like I said, my difficult kids aren't necessarily disrespectful. and my coachable kids aren't necessarily submissive. I mean, yeah, they listen, they follow instruction. But the main thing is they know they have areas they need to improve and they are willing to try new things to get there. They are willing to be a little uncomfortable with something. They don't just automatically go to the comfortable thing they've always done.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The environment they grow up in matters most in my experience. The kids whose parents are always questioning school and league rules, and confronting teachers are setting an awful example for their kids.
I did coach a couple remarkable kids in Little League whose parents were out of control, but the kids clearly knew their parents were dorks and they were very coachable. They clearly wanted to succeed based on their efforts and talent, not on their parents efforts to work around the system.

I think it's less about the parents - or the coach - than about the kids themselves.

Or the adult, as it were.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

In my experience as a coach the only truly uncoachable kid is one that doesn't want to be there and was essentially forced to be there by his or her parents. Everyone else is coachable from my perspective. It is up to me, the coach to find the proper method of motivating each individual and how they best learn.

 

[mnrose]

You can substitute "ability to take criticism" for "coachablilty" and get the same concept, because that's what it is. Some kids (and adults) wilt under criticism and refuse to accept it. Of course, it also depends on how the "criticism" is delivered, especially with kids. I'm in the middle of assisting as a parent volunteer with the high school spring musical, and theres is a new adult (paid) costumer. She is completely incapable of delivering criticism in anything other than a harsh way "NO, that is NOT right." Instead, it could be done as "Hmmmm, that's an interesting idea, but have you thought about it this way instead?" The latter is delivered in a way that people will actually hear rather than shutting down.

I do think however that there are MANY snowflakes out there who believe everything they think and do is golden, and those kids are not "coachable."

 

[Unas]

I think it's less about the parents - or the coach - than about the kids themselves.

Or the adult, as it were.

You can substitute "ability to take criticism" for "coachablilty" and get the same concept, because that's what it is. Some kids (and adults) wilt under criticism and refuse to accept it. Of course, it also depends on how the "criticism" is delivered, especially with kids. I'm in the middle of assisting as a parent volunteer with the high school spring musical, and theres is a new adult (paid) costumer. She is completely incapable of delivering criticism in anything other than a harsh way "NO, that is NOT right." Instead, it could be done as "Hmmmm, that's an interesting idea, but have you thought about it this way instead?" The latter is delivered in a way that people will actually hear rather than shutting down.

I do think however that there are MANY snowflakes out there who believe everything they think and do is golden, and those kids are not "coachable."

A lot of coachability is a direct result of how the coach approaches the athlete; what kind of relationship they have. There are a lot of coach-athlete interactions where the coaching style and athlete's learning style sometimes don't mesh well, particularly when a "slump" hits.

We had a situation where the head seniors coach wanted to make a change in our daughter's stroke and it was being totally unsuccessful. Times were getting worse and her stroke was getting funkier over the course of several months. She talked to one of her age-group coaches and then got the head coach's agreement to allow the age-group coach to temporarily work with her. In about a week, she made the stroke changes that the head coach couldn't and by the end of the season meets DD made big time drops.

 

[Suger Mag]

Most of us have heard about the helicopter parent, but have you heard of the Curling Parent?

Curling Parents bust their butts to remove all the little bumps and issues in life for their kid so everything goes nice and smooth for them



Dealing with a couple of these on the dance team right now . Coachabilty in my opinion can be a dealbreaker, natural talent is not enough, you HAVE to be able to take critiques and corrections in life

 

[Hikergirl]

I disagree a little bit with your first line. I coach youth sports, and when I think about the kids that are "coachable", it's the kids that are able to take constructive criticism without getting angry or defiant. The kids who watch the game and listen well and are willing to try new things.

It's not just about respect and submission, IMO. It's knowing that you have room to improve, that your coach is telling you things to help you learn, and being willing to do those things even if you would prefer to do things another way.

Some of my difficult kids are respectful, but they are stubborn and set in their ways or are just scared to try new things. They get comfortable with the way they've always played and they aren't willing to change it.

You described exactly why my ds is uncoachable. He is never rude, defiant or disrespectful but he is stubborn and doesn't take constructive criticism well. He has gotten better the more he plays and the more he matures though.

 

[nugov2]

It's funny many describe uncoachable kids as stubborn(not that Im saying anyone is claiming all stubborn kids are uncoachable) and my older dd is very stubborn and is very coachable. I think her stubbornness manifests in a won't quit/won't back down way. She respects both the players and the coaches, but doesn't like to lose. She will kill herself on the field to make sure they win. She is encouraging and to the point on the field with her teammates during the game with what needs to be done. She isn't a poor sport and can shake off a loss after a few minutes. She is definitely the most strong willed stubborn person in our house.

My laid back middle child is coachable, but has his moments. He can pout and sometimes even cry if he strikes out. Something I see several of the boys on his team and other teams still doing at this age (8/9). My dd11 has never cried on the field nor have I've seen any other girls cry during her games through the years...so wonder if it is more of a immature male trait He definitely is respectful, but we have been working on what a good loser looks like vs what a poor sport looks like. In the home though, he is the peacemaker and the one who does what we ask without arguing.

 

[surfgirl]

Sometimes kids willing to make the change is based on their failures. And being willing to make the change to me is "coachable". For example, I know a girl who is wrong-footing serving the ball in volleyball. She gets it over - isn't great, but it generally works. She isn't willing to make the change because the correct way feels awkward and wrong and she can't get it over. Long term, it is doing her a dis-service because she will never get the power needed.. the float serve, the jump serve ... when she is wrong-footing it. She is better off to break the bad habit now, but she just can't force herself to do it.

Coaches love my kids, because they are coachable. Maybe that's because they weren't strong enough in the beginning to get it over... hit the ball... make the throw... whatever... with poor fundamentals. So when the coaches gave them a correction, they quickly figured out it worked better.

I think there is a credibility issue also with the person giving the criticism. I've seen parents - who have no clue what they are talking about - try to coach a kid and sometimes get in a kid's head. I've been there when my kid has come home and said "Mr. Dad wants me to ....{insert behavior here}. I know that doesn't make sense." However, when my kids work with former collegiate athletes who won national championships at their sport, they listen and make the changes. Because that athlete has sports credibility and knows the fundamentals. The Dad may know those fundamentals, but may also be blowing smoke.

ymmv.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My DS is very coachable at practice, but less so with follow-up at home. (As far as I can tell, he's just never loved a sport enough to put in the extra time to get really serious.) But he was always respectful of coaches and tried whatever they asked while he was there, and he definitely showed improvement. So yes, I'd call him "coachable" overall.

 

[DopeyDame]

Like in other sports threads, I think this same trait can absolutely be critical to - and encouraged in - other group activities like drama, band, scouts, etc.
I have, multiple times, but involved in casting decisions for youth theater when the "best" actress didn't get the part in favor of the actress who can take direction and be a productive part of the team.