Have Trip Planned, but Medical Issue Intrudes

[Breyean]

OK, I don't know why I'm posting this, or even if it's appropriate to do so, except this community seems very supportive and I could use some just about now.

Here's the situation. My wife and I were planning on driving to DLR for our first Halloween time vacation (first week in Oct), meeting our adult son who lives in Ca. We booked the PP (since VGC was full). We also have tickets for the Halloween party one night as well as the tour that same night. We haven't bought the park tickets as of now (our son can get discounted ones at his work place).

Late last week I found out my sister, who JUST joined DVC after years of me pestering her about it, called to tell me she has breast cancer. Not only that, but she also tested positive for the genetic marker for this type of cancer (which she said only 5% of the population has). PLUS, she had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago since they found cancer back then as well. So she is in an incredibly high risk group, and she will be undergoing a double mastectomy the day before we leave for our trip.

The real kicker is, while she's 53, she has one child, who's 4th birthday is this week (and is the reason she finally joined DVC - before having the child she saw no need to join).

She lives in NY; I live in AZ.

My problem is, how do I go on a vacation at that time? We'll be in our car when her husband calls to tell me the results of the surgery. Even best case, the news will still be upsetting, as the whole situation is, to say the least.

I was thinking instead of going to DLR, I should be ready to fly to NY to be with her or at least help with the child care. Her husband is 58 (I'm 56) but between the 2 of us maybe we can corral a 4 year old. My sister will be laid up for quite a while and have very restricted movement for a long while.

So, what do I do? My wife says she'll go along with whatever I want, even if it means eating the points for the PP reservation and the party/ticket costs. My sister says go and have a good time, but that's to be expected, I guess.

I'm just feeling really guilty and bummed. Sorry about the post, and if it needs to be deleted I understand, but I needed to write it.

 

[dzorn]

Would it be possible for your nephew to join you in DL. It would take the burden of child care off your sister and possibly give him a little break from the stressful situation.

Denise in MI

 

[RumpleMom]

How long will she be in the hospital?

You could still go on your vacation, then go to help her when she arrives home, needs to be driven to treatments, etc.

I'm thinking that having you there when she is trying to do the normal home routine may be more helpful than when she is in the hospital, if she has childcare for those days.

I know you will be worried during your trip, but think about when you can be the most help to her.

 

[Breyean]

Actually, I don't know exactly how long she'll be in hospital. I think she said there's some flexibility in the number of days given that they have to test the lymph nodes and the other tissue to make sure they got all the cancer. If not, I had the impression they would immediately do another surgery.

But you're right - those first few days she w/b in hospital and my brother-in-law w/b juggling being with her there, while also watching the little girl. There's no other family in the area.

For those days I guess it's more about me, and how I will be feeling, trying to pretend things are normal and walking around DLR. I know that sounds selfish, but I can't get it out of my mind.

Afterward, again you're right. Once she's home she's going to need help. The girl is in preschool, so that's good.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Actually, I don't know exactly how long she'll be in hospital. I think she said there's some flexibility in the number of days given that they have to test the lymph nodes and the other tissue to make sure they got all the cancer. If not, I had the impression they would immediately do another surgery.

But you're right - those first few days she w/b in hospital and my brother-in-law w/b juggling being with her there, while also watching the little girl. There's no other family in the area.

For those days I guess it's more about me, and how I will be feeling, trying to pretend things are normal and walking around DLR. I know that sounds selfish, but I can't get it out of my mind.

Afterward, again you're right. Once she's home she's going to need help. The girl is in preschool, so that's good.

It's time to have it be about her and not about you. I'd try to find a way to get the child to you and take her to DLR with you. It will keep both you and the child busy with happier things to do. On top of that, you will KNOW you are doing something to really help your sister. The daunting part is the distance between NY and AZ.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

OP -- I am very sorry to hear about your sister and her health. We will be praying for you. No matter what you do, pleas know that DVC is pretty good about bending rules about points in these situations.

Here is the story of my situation, and what I told DVC about the medical situation.

My Dad had an aortic valve replacement in Sept. 2008, which became infected. He had to go back in for emergency surgery at Thanksgiving for the surgeons to replace the new valve and dig the infection out of his heart, hopefully without killing him.

We had planned to spend Thanksgiving DAY with family and then head to Hilton Head Island but then Dad's health took a nose dive, which led up to the 2nd surgery.

Needless to say, we cancelled the reservation, and unfortunately it was within the 24 hour notice which would have meant that we would have lost the points. Frankly, it was the least of our worries. DVC totally came through for us!! They gave us the points back !!!

As for Dad...he was given about 100 different drugs (literally) had to take IV antibiotics into January, and then had to have a 3rd open heart surgery the following June to repair a hole in his heart caused by the infection. After 3 years, Dad says he's a little weaker, but you can't tell anything ever happened.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

It's time to have it be about her and not about you. I'd try to find a way to get the child to you and take her to DLR with you. It will keep both you and the child busy with happier things to do. On top of that, you will KNOW you are doing something to really help your sister. The daunting part is the distance between NY and AZ.

 

[SuzanneSLO]

FLy to NY before your sister's surgery. Give her a big hug.
Fly with your niece to DL and meet your DH and your son. Enjoy DL with the extended family. Fly back to NY with your niece and stay with your sister while you can be helpful. Fly home and give your DH a big hug.

Best wishes to you and your sister. -- Suzanne

 

[twinklebug]

I don't envy your situation Hugs and prayers for your sister - On the upside, Mastectomies are really all too common, but to bring it back down, no surgery should be written off as 'easy', and this type is very painful from what my grandmother told me.

I didn't read your last post as selfish at all. It's apparent you want to be there for her, but are unsure when is the best time and/or how you can help. Plain and simple: you will not be able to go to DL and walk around pretending everything is fine. You can however talk to you sister and discuss the options. If it were me, even if it were obvious that I needed someone to come in for help or to take my kids for a week, I'd want to be part of the decision.

After you talk with her I'm sure what you should do will become clearer and you'll feel better knowing she was a part of making it.

 

[sweetdana]

I would go to your sisters. She needs you. Your points will go in holding. Either use them before they expire, or try to sell your ressie on the rent/trade board, if no way you can use them before they expire. . Sell the tickets to the NSSHP on craigslist or ebay.. If you lose all the points, and all the ticket $$ who cares, you were there for your sister.. who is losing a heck of a lot more than a few thousand $$ for a vacation. Based on this sounds of this, your time with yout sister may be limited. GO be with her.


I am so sorry for what you are going through.

 

[Breyean]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.

I spoke with her again today. The day before the surgery is her daughter's actual birthday, which is why she is waiting for the surgery until after that. She wants her to be there with her, which I can understand.

My brother-in-law swears he can manage, but I'm not sure. Today my sister said at the same time as the surgery, a plastic surgeon will be doing reconstructive surgery. The first hospital she was considering had these as two separate procedures, but she likes this idea better. While she might be laid up a little longer, at least she'll only have to be in the hospital once (we hope). And the hospital stay is, given no complications or further cancer findings, is only 2-3 days, which made her very happy.

She said I should go to DLR and just make sure to get my niece some nice gifts, which we were going to do anyway for her birthday. She seemed very upbeat and positive today after deciding on the surgeon and hospital.

 

[DebbieB]

I would go to your sisters. She needs you. Your points will go in holding. Either use them before they expire, or try to sell your ressie on the rent/trade board, if no way you can use them before they expire. . Sell the tickets to the NSSHP on craigslist or ebay.. If you lose all the points, and all the ticket $$ who cares, you were there for your sister.. who is losing a heck of a lot more than a few thousand $$ for a vacation. Based on this sounds of this, your time with yout sister may be limited. GO be with her.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

One thing to be careful about. Since they were reserved at PP, they are reservation points, which means they cannot be used at a DVC resort. * Edit - holding does not apply to reservation points. From the member website:

The Disney Collection

Disneyland® Resort in California

Cancelling a reservation 5 or more days before check-in date:
All Reservation Points will be returned to the Use Year in which the reservation falls.*


Cancelling a reservation 4 or less days before check-in date:
All Reservation Points will be forfeited.

Best wishes to the OP's sister.

 

[ScarletFire]

What kind of reconstructive surgery? Implant or TRAM flap? TRAM flap has a longer hospital stay and recovery time; I'm speaking from experience. Your sister will need childcare; brother-in-law will take care of sister; also speaking from experience.

My sister was unable to be in town for my surgery but visited a month later; I still needed help and good company.

 

[Breyean]

What kind of reconstructive surgery? Implant or TRAM flap? TRAM flap has a longer hospital stay and recovery time; I'm speaking from experience. Your sister will need childcare; brother-in-law will take care of sister; also speaking from experience.

My sister was unable to be in town for my surgery but visited a month later; I still needed help and good company.

The first hospital/surgeon was Sloan Kettering and they were talking about the flap. About how during the first surgery they would have to allow for that if she wanted to do reconstructive later.

So she went with a different surgeon who works with the plastics guy. She said they will be doing the implants during the same surgery. Does that sound right to you? And she decided to go with silicone since she was told they are more comfortable than saline.

They are only talking about I think 3 nights in the hospital.

 

[Inkmahm]

Is your niece going to be having her 4th or 5th birthday? Either way, I'd take her to DL. It is a perfect birthday gift for her. I took all of my nieces to WDW, mostly during the year they were 4. It was a bit easier if they were almost 5.

Your sister will still need help when you're back from vacation. I'd say let her husband help until you can get there. Even then, he'll need help with handling both a recovering wife and a child.

My sister had breast cancer when she was 40 and later had the second breast removed as a precaution. She had my parents to help with my niece who was 5, almost 6, at the time. It was rough right after the surgery for her and also during the chemo that came after. But it is now 8 years later and she is still cancer free. Best of luck to your sister in getting through the treatment and on with the rest of her healthy life.

 

[Breyean]

Is your niece going to be having her 4th or 5th birthday? Either way, I'd take her to DL. It is a perfect birthday gift for her. I took all of my nieces to WDW, mostly during the year they were 4. It was a bit easier if they were almost 5.

Your sister will still need help when you're back from vacation. I'd say let her husband help until you can get there. Even then, he'll need help with handling both a recovering wife and a child.

My sister had breast cancer when she was 40 and later had the second breast removed as a precaution. She had my parents to help with my niece who was 5, almost 6, at the time. It was rough right after the surgery for her and also during the chemo that came after. But it is now 8 years later and she is still cancer free. Best of luck to your sister in getting through the treatment and on with the rest of her healthy life.

She's going to be 4 the day before the surgery is scheduled.

You're right - my sister will also be having chemo and maybe even radiation depending on what they find in the lymph nodes.

 

[ScarletFire]

The first hospital/surgeon was Sloan Kettering and they were talking about the flap. About how during the first surgery they would have to allow for that if she wanted to do reconstructive later.

So she went with a different surgeon who works with the plastics guy. She said they will be doing the implants during the same surgery. Does that sound right to you? And she decided to go with silicone since she was told they are more comfortable than saline.

They are only talking about I think 3 nights in the hospital.

My surgeon did a skin saving mastectomy and then the plastic surgeon finishes with the reconstruction. Sounds like your sister is making good decisions.

 

[ScarletFire]

Chemo too? Yuck!

I took chemo on Fridays; DD7 and DS9 spent the weekend w/ Grandparents; DH took care of me.

My point being, your sister will need help w/ childcare during her treatment. She'll need you more then, not while she's in the hospital.

By the way, I was diagnosed in 2004; still cancer free.

 

[Inkmahm]

She's going to be 4 the day before the surgery is scheduled.

You're right - my sister will also be having chemo and maybe even radiation depending on what they find in the lymph nodes.

That's a little tougher as I found that the nieces were more attached to mom at that age. More towards age 5 they were braver to travel without mom and with grandparents, aunts, etc instead. In this case, I'd still take her to DL now even though she is just 4. It will make it a different trip for you than you had planned, but would certainly help your sister if she agrees to the idea.

Some women breeze through the chemo and some don't. My aunt did, my sister didn't. You won't know ahead of time how your sister will handle it. But if she is having chemo, I'd assume she will need help then.

 

[castleri]

I will be the dissenter here on taking the niece with you. She will be just four and since you live so far away I would assume she may not be all that comfortable being away from home especially with people she does not see on a regular basis. If I were the Mom I would worry more about how she is doing than if she is home with Dad. Will she is in the hospital she doesn't need your help- that's what they pay medical personnel to do. If they have visiting rules like ours does your BIL can take her to see Mommy if she is up to it. If not then he can visit while the child is in preschool. When she gets home and if she is having chemo then that is the time for extra hands around the house. We took my DGD with us to WDW when she was just 4 and she did well but still got homesick a couple of times. She however saw us almost every day and we also had DS along who is just 9 months older than her. They are now 24 and 25 and still love going. I know that none of my DGC who are now 3(almost 4) , 5, 6 and 9 would do well going on that kind of trip with anyone they did not see on a regular basis in their daily life even if they were at the happiest place on earth. My vote is to do exactly as your sister asks - take your trip - bring back goodies for the niece - and go help with your sister when she gets out of the hospital and really needs you. Then plan a trip to DL or WDW for when she is well enough to travel and ALL of you have a marvelous time taking the little girl with you and seeing the fun she has with all the people who love her there.