Have question about if it's legal.....

[kilee]

I a posted a few months back about a women from my husbands past contacting him stating he had a 16 yr old. After finding out for sure (day's before Christmas), we started developing a relationship w/ "Johnny".

When we met him he was living w/ his mother and she was very encouraging of the relationship. He actually came and spent almost all of Christmas vacation at our house, and she was very supportive of this.

In the first weekend of January he moved out of her house into his grandmothers house. Turns out in the first few weeks of knowing him....we found out that his mother had lived at her parents house until "Johnny" was 2 yrs old. When he was 2 yrs old, she married and moved out. Leaving "Johnny" in the care of grandma. Eventually she signed guardianship (not custody) over to grandma.

It remained this way w/ "Johnny" being cared for by grandma until early December when he moved in w/ his mom on a trial basis for 1 month to see how it would go. Turns out mom and her husband have been heavy into drugs off and on forever and have never really been able to care for him. At the end of the month turns out "Johnny" was never going to school, he was sleeping on the living floor, and it was just all around bad. So grandma made mom let "Johnny" move back to her house--- and she had always retained guardianship during the trial living w/ mom.

Anyhow, in mid-January "Johnny" asked if he could move in w/ us. Grandma agreed but it turns out his mom had no clue. She's never been really involved in his life, so I guess they didn't feel a need to include her in the conversation between "Johnny", my husband, and grandma.

He goes and spends 1 night a week at grandma's for the last month and has dinner w/ her 1 other night a week. She just told my husband the other day how sorry she was he missed out on so much, "Johnny" is so happy w/ us and that makes her happy, ect......

Anyhow, it just dawned on mom tonight that "Johnny" has been living here. She threw a blazing fit.....saying he's considered a "run-away" because he didn't have her permission to live here.

I don't want "Johnny" to get into trouble for living here, and I don't want us to get into trouble. Grandma backs us 110%. However, it's a not a legal living arrangement. We merely have a copy of grandma's guardianship papers and a notarized letter from her allowing my husband and I to consent for medical treatment in case something happened.

Can mom really report him as a run-away if grandma has current legal guardianship and given him permission to stay here? I am going to call an attorney tomorrow....but I'm freaking out now. "Johnny" is all upset, he doesn't want to leave, grandma's saying she's not going to make him leave.....UGH!

 

[sunnyday123]

Poor kid. Sounds like you need to have attorneys involved at this point, to obtain some sort of custody. I'm sure they would go with whatever he wants at his age, coupled with the fact the mother gave guardianship to Grandma and the drug issues. He's lucky he found you both.

 

[SandrA9810]

Doesn't your husband have some sort of say in this since he is the father?

 

[PixieTopaz]

Is he going to school?
Sounds like a very messy situation-get a lawyer

 

[kilee]

No custody or visitation has been established only paternity and that was done privately not through the courts. We still have to submit the paperwork w/ the results to have his birth certificate amended. This all so new still.....we've all kind of been just riding this out to see where it would go.

He is going to school. We all live in the same school district. My son drives to and from school, so he just gets a ride w/ him.

 

[agnes!]

kilee -

I'm so sorry.

You're right, you-all should get a family-law attorney. DMom is a jerk, a control-freak, an addict and an idiot. GrandMa sounds like she has all the sense in that branch of your DH's son's family-tree.

I wonder if your DH & his son's grandmother can do something like take DMom to court and get her parental rights terminated. And maybe GrandMa can take her daughter for court for child support. And maybe DMom can be sued for child-abandonment...

I don't know, it just breaks my heart, this young man might have a chance if his drug-addled, manipulative, freakozoid mother can be forced to stay out of the picture.

agnes!

ETA: You are all in my prayers.

 

[dislaney]

I don't have any real advice, but wanted to say that it sounds like he is lucky to have you in his life. Good luck- I hope everything works out so he is able to stay with you.

 

[disneymarie]

No custody or visitation has been established only paternity and that was done privately not through the courts. We still have to submit the paperwork w/ the results to have his birth certificate amended. This all so new still.....we've all kind of been just riding this out to see where it would go.

He is going to school. We all live in the same school district. My son drives to and from school, so he just gets a ride w/ him.

DH does not need an attorney to go to the courthouse for an emergency order. He just walks in with the paper work there, write it out and have the judge issue the order. Have your husband request it as the Mom abandoned the son to grandmother. He recently found out paternity and desires tempory custody.

Without it, Mom could create a huge legal issue. Parental interference, as she never named him as father, or legally had the custody, support issues hammered out.

I would not delay in getting a document for both legal and physical custody. Over the grandmother, your dh would have to have a legal document. Even if the grandmother allowed son to come there, right now your family is under the mom's primary custodial parent.

I would caution though, the son is not going to school and has baggage, it is going to be very stressful on your family. Any family has problems, this boy already needs some strong counseling and intervention.
Grandma likely spoiled him, and it is difficult for grandparents to rear their grandchildren.

 

[PaulaSB12]

DH does not need an attorney to go to the courthouse for an emergency order. He just walks in with the paper work there, write it out and have the judge issue the order. Have your husband request it as the Mom abandoned the son to grandmother. He recently found out paternity and desires tempory custody.

Without it, Mom could create a huge legal issue. Parental interference, as she never named him as father, or legally had the custody, support issues hammered out.

I would not delay in getting a document for both legal and physical custody. Over the grandmother, your dh would have to have a legal document. Even if the grandmother allowed son to come there, right now your family is under the mom's primary custodial parent.

I would caution though, the son is not going to school and has baggage, it is going to be very stressful on your family. Any family has problems, this boy already needs some strong counseling and intervention.
Grandma likely spoiled him, and it is difficult for grandparents to rear their grandchildren.

I bolded this part because according to the op the boy is going to school and only stopped when he staid with his mother. It sounds like the grandparents where doing a good job and the "mum" wants the boy so she can get free drugs money off the father.

 

[Poohlovr]

Another way to go would be to call CPS to investigate mom. They will talk to Johnny and to grandma, as well as mom, who will have to explain why Johnny has lived with grandma all of his life.

The upside of this is if your husband wants to pursue custody (or if grandma wants to or both of them) the courts will appoint an attorney to represent everyone at no charge.

I did this with my grandchildren (who already lived with me-I just wanted to make sure that no one could come in and take them away) and was awarded custody.

A few years later, their dad decided he wanted to try to get custody again (simply put, he isn't working and likes it that way, so he doesn't want an order to pay child support -he doesn't care if he has the kids or not). When we went back to court, we still had the court appointed attorneys and it still didn't cost anything. During all of this, the boys mentioned that their dads' brother and father smoke marijuana (and sell it, as well as an assortment of pills). All of his family was required to take a drug test. The two failed.

He still doesn't have custody OR even a visitation order, because of thier drug use (even though he doesn't use).

 

[C.Ann]

Unless the laws in NY state have changed, "Johnny" can leave home; quit school; even live on the streets without parental consent - if that's what he chooses to do..

If his mom and grandma live in NY, a quick call to the juvenile division of the county court house will tell you if the age has changed or not..

Back in the 80's and early 90's I was a co-coordinator for a local Tough Love Chapter and one bit of advice we often gave to parents of troubled teens was to get a PINS petition filed on them before they turned 16 - otherwise their hands were tied and the child could simply leave home on a whim once they reached that "magic" number - leaving the parents with no legal recourse to make the child return home..

Now I'm not saying that "Johnny" is a bad kid or anything (no need for a PINS in this case) - just pointing out that his mom throwing a fit over where he's living may be a moot point - based on the current laws..

Good luck - and congrats to you and your DH for stepping up to the plate! "Johnny" is a lucky kid..