? has anyone's kid done this at school

[pandora174]

OK, I've spoken to several of my girlfriends but if possibe I would appreciate a teacher's opinion or other parent. DS 6 is in Kinder. This is his first year mainstreamed into a small private Christian school. Prior he was in public school due to being a preemie his primary diagnosis was language delay & developmental delay. On the advice of his therapists who felt he needed to be mainstreamed we applied for a McKay scholarship (which in FL pays for private or other type of public school for kids with disabilities). Just some background. He's progressed wonderfully at his new school, academically getting A's & B's but in conduct he has struggled this year because he is immature compared to the other kids. That being said he usually is the jokester, disrupts the class etc not constantly but with the teacher'e help, him just copying positive behaviors etc. he really had improved in his behavior.

Well today I get "the call" this time he thought it was funny to show his private parts during movie time. I was mortified beyond belief. I apologized & he has never done anything like this at home. The worst he had done so far at school was dance in class when the teacher left, squirt milk at lunch time & kick dirt in PE, all again to make the kids laugh. They are of course aware he is a special ed child. The principal called me & his teacher as well. They said they had to advise the parents of the 2 other children. But that this behavior has to be immediately corrected. DS is now grounded, no privileges. He tells me & the teacher & principal that he understood it was wrong & he just wanted to make his friend laugh & he was sorry. Well the principal told him that this was his last chance ever & if it ever happened he would be kicked out of school.

I was in tears when I picked him up. He had no clue I knew until he saw my face & is very remorseful. So my end of year YIPPEE was crushed today. As a family we have all gone through a lot with DS. Just one of those moments when you feel like I climbed this mountain with him & slip down a notch again.

So has this happened to anyone else ? What can the school do ? DH is worried that the other 2 kids parents will file a complaint with the school. The teacher told me that they could not have "other" parents leave because of DS's behavior. But he really loves this school & the kids & he has improved so much. I'm not justifying his behavior & I understand that the other parents would be upset. School is over next week & he's registered for next year & his scholarship already paid but I am worried. Any advice ?

 

[MoniqueU]

No can't say I have had that one but my DD when in K peeked under the bathroom stall doors while people were using it. I was mortified and worried that she would be some kind of sexual devient. She has grown up to be a modest, somewhat normally(she is somewhat ocd), mature girl.
I would have a seriuus talk with your son. Here I think that would get you expelled.

Oh I forgot my DD also pantsed someone. I did that in Jr high too, she di d it younger but at least I knew that that does happen with kids.

 

[shelemm]

Not at school, but I've heard of kids that age flashing in other places. Its a silliness thing. I'll bet he thinks it's sooo funny. Hardly shocking. Kids will be kids.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Don't beat yourself up over it. It's done. He knows not to do it again. He is immature for his age. I have seen and heard of kids doing this in pre-school. It was handled and not repeated. Kids aren't born with boundaries. They will make mistakes. Making mistakes is part of being a kid.

Being that he hasn't done this sort of thing before, I'd possibly ask him if anyone else was involved? Was it a game or something? Where did he get the idea. That sort of thing. Maybe he was copying behavior. Not to excuse it, but to find out why. If that is the case, I'd have a conversation about not copying others behaviors. Then I'd probably reinforce that is a private area not to be shown and let it go. He knows it's a big deal now.

Still celebrate his achievements. Give him a hug and tell him about all the great things he did this year.

It sounds like he likes a lot of attention. Does he do sports or drama? An outlet might help him settle down. Just a thought.

Summer will be a good break. Time will help with the maturity and maybe he can start with a "cleaner" slate. Things won't be as fresh.

 

[mlynn]

I have a nephew who didn't do that at school.But did at the dinner table one night. Said the same thing did it to get a laugh. It is done and he knows not to do it again.

 

[MM27]

I had a 1st grade student that would expose himself, touch himself, you name it every time we would go to the carpet for story time. My cooperating teacher got the guidance counselor to talk with him first and called the parents. She was really hoping that the mother would answer the phone because she didn't want to have that conversation with a man, but sure enough his dad answered. She said it was one of the hardest calls she has had to make.

Private schools obviously run differently and can exclude students from attending if the student is considered to not be following rules, expectations, etc. I wouldn't worry about one incident, but I would make sure that your son knows how important it is for him to never do that again.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

This is actually very common in kids with special needs, as is public ************ (not something any parent wants to hear). Many kids naturally go through a stage of self exploration during the toddler years. In kids with deveopmental delays, this stage may get delayed as well and not show up until they are in school. Or they may never fully leave the stage because they may not have had an opportunity to work through it like typically developing children. The problem comes up when this happens in school/public because these are considered sexual behaviors and believe me, if done to the wrong child there will be hell to pay. The kids oftentimes do not fully realize it is wrong, or may lack impulse control.

Since this is a private Christian school, unfortunately they have every right to lay down the law like that. A private school can be much pickier about behavior than a public school. Even a public school can put a child with these kinds of behaviors in an alternate setting because they are deemed sexual and unsafe.

The best thing to do is figure out exactly why he did and work with him on replacement behaviors. Because of the seriousness of the behavior, I would get the school counselor, and possibly an outside psychologist involved. Although he may not mean anything by it, the fact is, it will get taken the wrong way and that is not something you want to have to deal with.

 

[turkeymama]

I haven't had this happen with my kids personally (yet), but I had some of the students in my PreK class do it. I'm not saying it is the end of the world or that he is a deviant, because I don't think either. The school has to take it seriously because it can be a liability if one of the other parents decided to make it one. The school has to show that they handled it with some seriousness or they wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on. Make sense?

I think you handled it well, and probably a little harsher than I would have. My 5 year old son is also in special ed (autism), and I have to admit I worry that he will flash someone. I try to be preemptive about this sort of thing, especially since he is mighty impressed with his anatomy. He has flashed his sister for laughs, so hopefully that will be the end of that for us.

I agree with the others, don't beat yourself up over this. You recognize the need to correct it rather than excuse it. And he seems to understand that this wasn't so funny after all. It sounds you'll be fine for next year.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I am on the school concil of a private christian school

I know we had one student who was really acting out, though not in the way your son has,. The principal wanted the child to leave and the mom begged for him to stay etc.

He came to us also and we all agreed with him that in order to stay the child had to have a parent or grandparent etc. sit with him in the class during the day, (his problem was more aggression, violent outbursts etc), and the mom was required to take him to an outside counselor, She chose a christian place for that.

Our school really bends over backwards to work with the parents, students etc. I wish you the best with your ds.

 

[pandora174]

Thanks for all the advice. I feel better. We had a l-o-n-g talk & DS said that he understands he needs to behave at school & at home & keep his privates "private". He explained that it was movie time & his friend who he usually gets in trouble with for being silly were making jokes & his friend said "butt" & he thought he would make his friend laugh. He thought it was being funny. He says he understands it is not funny. He has taken his punishment well. He's still in his room doing school work & bed time is in 30 min. He is very subdued from his usual very happy, talkative self so I really think he gets it ! He asked how much longer his punishment was & was told all weekend & Mon if I get a 100 % in behavior he gets one privilege back a day. He does love attention & we've since he was 4 I had him in a sport & this summer I'm adding swimming class everyday + he goes to his weekly ST. I called his pediatrician who specializes in developmental delays & is very familiar with DS & he advised that he sees no need for a phycologist visit. DS was genetically tested, neuro everything to rule all out any other issue. He just thought he's still immature & he'll mature over the summer & that eventually he will get it & to see the progress from just 6 months ago & focus on that. ! Thanks again...

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks for all the advice. I feel better. We had a l-o-n-g talk & DS said that he understands he needs to behave at school & at home & keep his privates "private". He explained that it was movie time & his friend who he usually gets in trouble with for being silly were making jokes & his friend said "butt" & he thought he would make his friend laugh. He thought it was being funny. He says he understands it is not funny. He has taken his punishment well. He's still in his room doing school work & bed time is in 30 min. He is very subdued from his usual very happy, talkative self so I really think he gets it ! He asked how much longer his punishment was & was told all weekend & Mon if I get a 100 % in behavior he gets one privilege back a day. He does love attention & we've since he was 4 I had him in a sport & this summer I'm adding swimming class everyday + he goes to his weekly ST. I called his pediatrician who specializes in developmental delays & is very familiar with DS & he advised that he sees no need for a phycologist visit. DS was genetically tested, neuro everything to rule all out any other issue. He just thought he's still immature & he'll mature over the summer & that eventually he will get it & to see the progress from just 6 months ago & focus on that. Thanks again...

I'm glad you called his doc.. Sounds like everything is on the right track. Hard to believe now, but one day you and your DS will look back and laugh about this.

 

[jfranklyn]

Something similar happened to my daughter once (although we were on the other side of the issue). A boy exposed himself to my daughter and a friend in 2nd grade during lunch. In this case, it had a very sexual conotation, and all heck broke loose in the cafeteria. My daughter was pretty traumatized at the time, but got over it quickly enough. The boy was taken into the principals office, the mother was called, and they were sent to the local hospital for a psych eval for the boy before he could come back to school. I think that is the state law here in NJ. I was concerned at the time, but in reality I think he was just a joker kid being a kid and although I suspect he may have been imitating something he had seen somewhere, no harm was really done. I remember the principal saying at the time that if there had been touching involved, it would have been a much bigger deal including police involvement, etc.

It sounds like you've done everything you can to make sure that your son understands the seriousness of the situation. Not much more you can do at this point, except to keep reinforcing the issue.

 

[pandora174]

I'm glad you called his doc.. Sounds like everything is on the right track. Hard to believe now, but one day you and your DS will look back and laugh about this.

Yeah, I'm more calm about the school situationtoo. They did their job & handled it well.They realize he has never beem aggressive or innapropriate before, just he likes to make the other kids laugh when the teacher steps out & they emphasized his immense progress academically. Last month he received a certificate for student of the month for the entire school. On a lighter note I just got an e-mail confirmation from the Mckay scholarship site that his registration & scholarship for next year where all in order. On a "can't pick your family things" My DSIL who has the most sarcastic weird sense of humor thought that since they get twice the tuition for DS they need to learn to handle him better. She thought it was actually funny. I realize it's not the end of the world but it's my job as a parent to teach him right from wrong. I'll be having a talk with his Sunday school teacher for a little extra help from above ! Thanks again...

 

[RitaZ.]

Thanks for all the advice. I feel better. We had a l-o-n-g talk & DS said that he understands he needs to behave at school & at home & keep his privates "private". He explained that it was movie time & his friend who he usually gets in trouble with for being silly were making jokes & his friend said "butt" & he thought he would make his friend laugh. He thought it was being funny. He says he understands it is not funny. He has taken his punishment well. He's still in his room doing school work & bed time is in 30 min. He is very subdued from his usual very happy, talkative self so I really think he gets it ! He asked how much longer his punishment was & was told all weekend & Mon if I get a 100 % in behavior he gets one privilege back a day. He does love attention & we've since he was 4 I had him in a sport & this summer I'm adding swimming class everyday + he goes to his weekly ST. I called his pediatrician who specializes in developmental delays & is very familiar with DS & he advised that he sees no need for a phycologist visit. DS was genetically tested, neuro everything to rule all out any other issue. He just thought he's still immature & he'll mature over the summer & that eventually he will get it & to see the progress from just 6 months ago & focus on that. ! Thanks again...

Sounds like you've got it under control.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Speaking as a teacher of that age group, I'd say that while this behavior is less common in Kindergarten, it's really pretty common in preschool, which fits with what you say about your son being immature/young for his grade.

To me, a big part of this would be how the school "spins" the situation. It sounds to me like they're overreacting (threatening to expel a Kindergartener is ridiculous). If they talk to the other parents from a "he's young, he's still learning, but he's a wonderful addition to your child's class" point the parents will likely look at it from the same point of view.

Having said that, if I were you I might be proactive and call the other parents yourself. Apologize profusely, explain a little about your child's developmental delay. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard "you know my son did the same thing when he was 3". Or "I mentioned this to my MIL and she said my husband did the same thing twice when he was little". If they do react strongly at least you're prepared. If you're really worried that they'll react strongly, and don't feel comfortable calling maybe write a card, and have your little one write a note or draw a picture to enclose as well.

Good luck! I hope everyone puts this in perspective as really normal (although a little developmentally young) behavior.

 

[torinsmom]

Did he show his bottom or his p****(can't write that here, I think)? To me, there is a difference.(I know they are both private parts, but everyone has a bottom, KWIM?) I am a pre-K/K teacher and we have had kids just seriously "moon" other kids in class. They will also show their underwear("I have spiderman. What do you have?" We just inform all parents involved and try to be hard enough on the child that they don't do it again. I think it is purely innocent at this age, and kids do not understand what all the fuss is about until they see us freak out.

Marsha

 

[pandora174]

Speaking as a teacher of that age group, I'd say that while this behavior is less common in Kindergarten, it's really pretty common in preschool, which fits with what you say about your son being immature/young for his grade.

To me, a big part of this would be how the school "spins" the situation. It sounds to me like they're overreacting (threatening to expel a Kindergartener is ridiculous). If they talk to the other parents from a "he's young, he's still learning, but he's a wonderful addition to your child's class" point the parents will likely look at it from the same point of view.

Having said that, if I were you I might be proactive and call the other parents yourself. Apologize profusely, explain a little about your child's developmental delay. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard "you know my son did the same thing when he was 3". Or "I mentioned this to my MIL and she said my husband did the same thing twice when he was little". If they do react strongly at least you're prepared. If you're really worried that they'll react strongly, and don't feel comfortable calling maybe write a card, and have your little one write a note or draw a picture to enclose as well.

Good luck! I hope everyone puts this in perspective as really normal (although a little developmentally young) behavior.

Thanks, he showed the top part of his pee-pee. The school won't tell me the names of the kids. I asked him & I know one boy who actually is his friend in class & they've been to birthday parties together but I don't have their number. The girl who saw he didn't know her name. He volunteered to write "sentences" he calls them saying "I am sorry" to each kid & give them to the teacher on Monday. I told him I would help him tomorrow write out the line so he can do basically lines. I think he really gets it..wheww big sigh of relief for now. Keeping my fingers crossed for Monday.

 

[LoraJ]

Something similar happened to my daughter once (although we were on the other side of the issue). A boy exposed himself to my daughter and a friend in 2nd grade during lunch. In this case, it had a very sexual conotation, and all heck broke loose in the cafeteria. My daughter was pretty traumatized at the time, but got over it quickly enough. The boy was taken into the principals office, the mother was called, and they were sent to the local hospital for a psych eval for the boy before he could come back to school. I think that is the state law here in NJ. I was concerned at the time, but in reality I think he was just a joker kid being a kid and although I suspect he may have been imitating something he had seen somewhere, no harm was really done. I remember the principal saying at the time that if there had been touching involved, it would have been a much bigger deal including police involvement, etc.

It sounds like you've done everything you can to make sure that your son understands the seriousness of the situation. Not much more you can do at this point, except to keep reinforcing the issue.

Times sure have changed. A boy in my 3rd grade class exposed himself to me when the teacher was reading us a story. He told me he would show me more at recess. I told my friends what he did and we all giggled. And then he said he wasn't showing me anymore. I didn't tell a teacher or feel the need to. No one had to go to the principal or the hospital.


Hope everything works out for the OP.

 

[Laurabearz]

I have often thought if I had 'one' I would want to show it off so I think it's normal

 

[pandora174]

I have often thought if I had 'one' I would want to show it off so I think it's normal

Thanks that made me laugh ! I needed that..