Has Anyone had the Teacher ask for a Letter of Introduction from the Parents?

[vhoffman]

My kids have been in school 2 weeks. I got this request from ds's class, not dd's. They asked us to write an autobiography about ourselves and a biography about the child. I didn't find it until late last Sunday night (usually I look in those folders every Friday night to avoid Sunday night surprises). Well, it didn't set right with me.What does she need to know so much about us? She has the schoo files, isn't that enough? I had the impression she was trying to evaluate us as parents--how educated we are, how literate, etc. Also trying to glean tidbits about children's personal lives, such as a recent death, divorce, lay off, etc. In short, I felt she was spying on our family. I considered just ignoring it, but I felt it would make it bad for dd. So I just wrote a short-and-sweet letter (on pretty paper with flowers, etc) with a nice summary of ds's life. I didn't go into all the details about his many ear surgeries (he has perfect hearing now), how we were practically nomads when they were toddlers due to dh's job taking him all over the country, essentially I was a single-mom for awhile while we lived in different states, well,,,,,she doesn't need to know all that. I can just see her trying to connect som school issue to her "past" Oh, you must have difficulty making friends because you moved a lot when you were younger.

Also, what does she need to know all the personal details of my life for? Seems to me she's just trying to judge the kids by their parents. Well, I wrote back a simple, brief, sweet letter that disclosed nothing. All she needs to know about us is in the files, go read that! I felt she would check my spelling and grammer!I have 3 degrees, 2 bachelors and an MBA, so I'm not intimadated by the teacher! However, I felt she was just looking for ways to rank and value us. Has anyone else had a teacher ask for such a letter? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me!

 

[lookingforward]

My kids have been in school 2 weeks. I got this request from ds's class, not dd's. They asked us to write an autobiography about ourselves and a biography about the child. I didn't find it until late last Sunday night (usually I look in those folders every Friday night to avoid Sunday night surprises). Well, it didn't set right with me.What does she need to know so much about us? She has the schoo files, isn't that enough? I had the impression she was trying to evaluate us as parents--how educated we are, how literate, etc. Also trying to glean tidbits about children's personal lives, such as a recent death, divorce, lay off, etc. In short, I felt she was spying on our family. I considered just ignoring it, but I felt it would make it bad for dd. So I just wrote a short-and-sweet letter (on pretty paper with flowers, etc) with a nice summary of ds's life. I didn't go into all the details about his many ear surgeries (he has perfect hearing now), how we were practically nomads when they were toddlers due to dh's job taking him all over the country, essentially I was a single-mom for awhile while we lived in different states, well,,,,,she doesn't need to know all that. I can just see her trying to connect som school issue to her "past" Oh, you must have difficulty making friends because you moved a lot when you were younger.

Also, what does she need to know all the personal details of my life for? Seems to me she's just trying to judge the kids by their parents. Well, I wrote back a simple, brief, sweet letter that disclosed nothing. All she needs to know about us is in the files, go read that! I felt she would check my spelling and grammer!I have 3 degrees, 2 bachelors and an MBA, so I'm not intimadated by the teacher! However, I felt she was just looking for ways to rank and value us. Has anyone else had a teacher ask for such a letter? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me!

My son's english teacher asked for a letter about him "in a million words or less, please describe your child". I wrote about him in general and also included what I felt were his strengths and weakness (organization) so that she might be able to help him with that. She did not ask about his parents and I agree with you that this is not appropriate info for a teacher.

I felt it was nice of her to want to know her students, but again, she only asked about him. We'll see!

 

[ReneeLMT]

Maybe one of their assignments will be some kind of family project and she was trying to find out more about the family to help make project go better? I dont know, its almost 4 in the morning and I cant sleep.

 

[bgirldeb]

Just curious, What grade is your ds in?
Last week, my ds, a first grader had a sheet of about 10 questions about him to fill out "on the back" and return the next day. They are doing an "all about me" segment this coming week.

I would be hesitant about doing a parent autobiography, too. Looks like you handled it right in focusing on your ds instead.

 

[luckymommy]

Please dont assume that the teacher is trying to judge you! I am a teacher and honestly I dont have time to read 25+ length y autobiographies just so I can be nosey and judge ALL the parents in my class.... Im sure it is for some type of lesson or learning experience. So, please be patient and see what your child can learn from this.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I had to think about this a bit. It is unusual to ask for a biography and I can see why you might find it invasive but I don't think I would be bothered by it. I think I might actually appreciate his/her interest in the kids as 'human beings', not just 'test scores'. When my kids start school with a new teacher we go out of my way to introduce her to our family. It seems to me that the teachers are acting as parents from 9-2:30 when I'm not around and that the more they know the better. Besides, kids are SOOOO open that if there is ******* they will tell their peers & teacher anyway so I can't imagine keeping anything a secret.

In my case both kids have Asthma so I warn teachers & Nurses at the beginning of the year about possible absences. I call when it acts up and when they are on prednisone so the teacher doesn't think they are being defiant and will watch them more closely. DH travels a few times a year so I give them a heads up about this because they invaribaly 'act up' when he's away. Anything that might affect their time at school is openly discussed by me.

Maybe this is a new technique the teacher learned on one of those seminars they are forced to go to every once in a while? Maybe if you breeze the notion into a conversation with him/her you could find out what the intentions were and where the idea came from?

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Uhhh, IMO it's a very dedicated teacher who wants to REALLY get to know a student, and this seems like a very useful tool to that end. I'm sorry you feel that your privacy is being invaded. Obviously, she can't force you to comply. But I have to wonder why you think such a division of home/school is necessary or even wise. Wouldn't your child benefit from a teacher knowing more about him and his family life? I guess that's just crazy talk coming from someone who would never even consider sending a child to school, but hey...

 

[welovedis]

My kids have been in school 2 weeks. I got this request from ds's class, not dd's. They asked us to write an autobiography about ourselves and a biography about the child. I didn't find it until late last Sunday night (usually I look in those folders every Friday night to avoid Sunday night surprises). Well, it didn't set right with me.What does she need to know so much about us? She has the schoo files, isn't that enough? I had the impression she was trying to evaluate us as parents--how educated we are, how literate, etc. Also trying to glean tidbits about children's personal lives, such as a recent death, divorce, lay off, etc. In short, I felt she was spying on our family. I considered just ignoring it, but I felt it would make it bad for dd. So I just wrote a short-and-sweet letter (on pretty paper with flowers, etc) with a nice summary of ds's life. I didn't go into all the details about his many ear surgeries (he has perfect hearing now), how we were practically nomads when they were toddlers due to dh's job taking him all over the country, essentially I was a single-mom for awhile while we lived in different states, well,,,,,she doesn't need to know all that. I can just see her trying to connect som school issue to her "past" Oh, you must have difficulty making friends because you moved a lot when you were younger.

Also, what does she need to know all the personal details of my life for? Seems to me she's just trying to judge the kids by their parents. Well, I wrote back a simple, brief, sweet letter that disclosed nothing. All she needs to know about us is in the files, go read that! I felt she would check my spelling and grammer!I have 3 degrees, 2 bachelors and an MBA, so I'm not intimadated by the teacher! However, I felt she was just looking for ways to rank and value us. Has anyone else had a teacher ask for such a letter? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me!

Did it necessarily state htat it wanted personal details of your life or is she just trying to glean information that will help her teach your child more successfully? If you don't want to give very personal information out, then write something more generic. I find it hard to believe that a teacher would be trying to rank you or judge you, maybe just trying to understand your child better?

 

[karinbelle]

Knowing about a child's home life can help the teacher direct the child in school. I'm sure it was not about judging you. The more background a teacher has on a student's homelife, the better they can work with the child from an understanding, compassionate, collabortive way to getthe child what he/she needs to succeed in school. We are constantly told to "know our students" and a letter from the parent is one way to know them.

Perhaps they were looking for parent talent that could be tapped as guest speakers or other classroom help.

It was most likely about helping him/her understand your child's background and situation.

So many times teachers do things like this with very good intentions and it gets turned around. Please view things with the best light.

And I think you did the right thing - send a non-judgemental letter with information you are comfortable revealing.

Karin
High School Teacher

 

[hmp2z]

I laughed out loud when I read this post. I'm not sure what your ideas are about teachers, but we honestly do not have time to rank & judge the parents' lives, nor are we interested in spying on any of you. Sorry, but we've got enough going on in our own lives, as well as with our extremely busy & stressful jobs.

What the teacher is trying to do is find out anything she can that will help her in her dealings with your child. I frequently encounter home situations that have HUGE impacts on the child's performance & behavior in class: one or both parents dead, single parent homes, child being raised by Grandma, parent(s) in jail, homeless parents, children in foster situations, children living in group homes without any sort of parent figures, etc., etc., etc.

If I know one of my kids is living in a group home, I will avoid giving assignments where they have to interview a relative, for example. If I know one of my kids is living in a rented room with her mom & siblings, and is sleeping on the floor, I can be sensitive about her not having the privacy to get her homework done on time always. I'm not in any way interested in judging these parents; everyone has things going on in their lives, and I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. But, because there are CHILDREN involved, not automatons, it is absolutely in everyone's best interests to educate the teacher as much as possible. Often, children will either be unable or unwilling to articulate their needs. The teacher then relies on your assistance to provide her with that information.

This sounds like a very caring, interested teacher, and I'm sorry she has to deal with this kind of suspicion from the parents of her kids.

Heather W

 

[Nanu57v]

I agree with the above poster. It is very helpful to know a child's backround and home life. Some of the kids in our daycare are there from 6 am, go to school, back to daycare until 6 pm. They get home, eat dinner and its time for bed. Some assignments we can do with them, but others its difficult to do (like family histories). I often want to call the teachers and tell them not to get this child in trouble just because his mom has to work two jobs to make ends meet and can't do homework with him. I seriously don't think its a judging thing, just a trying to better understand the child thing.


Even my OBGYN asked me about my educational backround. Does that affect how my insides work? I really don't think so, but I was impressed that she took the time to find out about all of me and now that she knows what I've studied, she uses that when she answers all the various questions I ask.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Yikes, This shouldn't be a teachers vs parents thing

 

[MissD]

I laughed out loud when I read this post. I'm not sure what your ideas are about teachers, but we honestly do not have time to rank & judge the parents' lives, nor are we interested in spying on any of you. Sorry, but we've got enough going on in our own lives, as well as with our extremely busy & stressful jobs.

What the teacher is trying to do is find out anything she can that will help her in her dealings with your child. I frequently encounter home situations that have HUGE impacts on the child's performance & behavior in class: one or both parents dead, single parent homes, child being raised by Grandma, parent(s) in jail, homeless parents, children in foster situations, children living in group homes without any sort of parent figures, etc., etc., etc.

If I know one of my kids is living in a group home, I will avoid giving assignments where they have to interview a relative, for example. If I know one of my kids is living in a rented room with her mom & siblings, and is sleeping on the floor, I can be sensitive about her not having the privacy to get her homework done on time always. I'm not in any way interested in judging these parents; everyone has things going on in their lives, and I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. But, because there are CHILDREN involved, not automatons, it is absolutely in everyone's best interests to educate the teacher as much as possible. Often, children will either be unable or unwilling to articulate their needs. The teacher then relies on your assistance to provide her with that information.

This sounds like a very caring, interested teacher, and I'm sorry she has to deal with this kind of suspicion from the parents of her kids.

Heather W

What a wonderful post--and THANK YOU for being a caring teacher!

My DS12 is an honor student who also happens to have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago--and while the school has 'tons' of info on his condition and what works, etc--that info rarely filters down to the teachers. I was absolutely thrilled that one teacher sent home her own questions; that a teacher cared enough to get to know my child. In the 3 weeks since school started, she has made small accomodations that other students wouldn't even notice, but that mean the world to my son, because it gives everyone in his class the best learning experience possible.

 

[rt2dz]

My kids have been in school 2 weeks. I got this request from ds's class, not dd's. They asked us to write an autobiography about ourselves and a biography about the child. I didn't find it until late last Sunday night (usually I look in those folders every Friday night to avoid Sunday night surprises). Well, it didn't set right with me.What does she need to know so much about us? She has the schoo files, isn't that enough? I had the impression she was trying to evaluate us as parents--how educated we are, how literate, etc. Also trying to glean tidbits about children's personal lives, such as a recent death, divorce, lay off, etc. In short, I felt she was spying on our family. I considered just ignoring it, but I felt it would make it bad for dd. So I just wrote a short-and-sweet letter (on pretty paper with flowers, etc) with a nice summary of ds's life. I didn't go into all the details about his many ear surgeries (he has perfect hearing now), how we were practically nomads when they were toddlers due to dh's job taking him all over the country, essentially I was a single-mom for awhile while we lived in different states, well,,,,,she doesn't need to know all that. I can just see her trying to connect som school issue to her "past" Oh, you must have difficulty making friends because you moved a lot when you were younger.

Also, what does she need to know all the personal details of my life for? Seems to me she's just trying to judge the kids by their parents. Well, I wrote back a simple, brief, sweet letter that disclosed nothing. All she needs to know about us is in the files, go read that! I felt she would check my spelling and grammer!I have 3 degrees, 2 bachelors and an MBA, so I'm not intimadated by the teacher! However, I felt she was just looking for ways to rank and value us. Has anyone else had a teacher ask for such a letter? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me!

I have not read all the replies, but here's my take on it. We occassionally get something similiar. It isn't to "judge" us, but usually some type of class project. I suppose it would depend on your ds's grade/age on to why you were supposed to write it v. why she didn't write it.

Also, I find that when teachers want information that isn't in the school files, or to repeat info in the school's files, it is to help understand your child better. And a child who is understood, will get more understanding and the approprate attention from a teacher, and therefore get more out of the class. Less "spying" but more caring. For example (not your situation, but still an example), my DH grew up in an area where you were considered highly educated if you had a high school diploma. The teacher he had who took the time to understand the kids, relate to them on their level, actually ended up encouraging many of them to go on to college & others to at least graduate high school that would have dropped out. Changed my DH's entire life. He often comments that if it wasn't for that one teacher there would have been no college degrees for him. He looks at his brothers and is so thankful.

That being said, I would only write generalties. Having lived in another state is interesting. Why, not so necessary to know in this situation.

 

[barkley]

we parents got an assignment a couple of years ago to make a list of every job we could remember holding and if we were willing to-list a ball park estimate of the wage (with the exception of listing the wage for our current job or more recent jobs). it was'nt to be intrusive, it was for a class discussion on jobs-and showing how people use skill sets from jobs to get other or better jobs, how people don't generaly graduate from college and 'poof' land their dream job.

it was a real eye opener for the kids-allot were unaware that their 'professional' parents had worked years to promote up to their current positions, started out as teens working fast food for dirt wages (some of us 'more mature parents' were listing those jobs at the oooooooold minimum wages of 1.35 per hour/babysitting at 50 cents per hour) and how many sahm's had not been moms forever-and had opted to leave very successful careers behind to raise their kids.

i don't mind doing short projects like these-but if i felt intruded upon i likely would do the bare minimum. our school has forms to detail any medical, emotional or 'special issues' we want the teacher aware of. since it has us list if we are employed or not, where at, what hours they can reach us at work vs. home, how many sibs, names, ages, our marrital status...i think if the teacher needs this information to get a better understanding of my child- he/she can get it from admin or contact me to privatly discuss it (i certainly would not be detailing marital stressors, housing issues, incarceration or many of the subjects mentioned in previous posts in a written peice my child would be taking to school or might be used in a class exercise. some issues are private and confidential-if i or the teacher need to share the information i would prefer to do it privatly.

btw-to all teachers out there, please take ALL your students into consideration when giving assignments out about families-or to call and interview x number of people about some subject. there are allot of us with elderly relatives that are not capable of communicating the information, or it can entail a costly long distance phone charge-and frankly as busy as most families are with their own homework assignments each night it's asking alot for them to take at least 30 minutes to answer 20 questions for my child (and even longer if it's a younger kid who has to have them repeat ever word to the answer over and over because they (1) can't write as fast as people talk or (2) don't know how to spell the words).

 

[Becky2005]

I took it a different way than you did. I would not havae really been phased much by it. I probably wouldn't have given a detailed account of our life either though.

We *always* get a letter home at the beginning of the year in one form or another asking us about child's strengths/weaknesses or any other concern that the teacher might want to know about to help the child.

Then again, I guess because we have had things happen WHILE the kids are in school and the teacher's know for example, when my son was in 1st we had a lot of upheavel, it happened in the middle of the school year so the teacher's knew about it (Heck, my KIDS were the ones saying it -- it was pretty obvious -- I mean when your child is writing on their wish list that "for my dad to get a job", etc... I know my DD's teacher probably knew more about our family situation than I ever told just by what my DD wrote in assignments!), anyway, DS has some reading difficulties & others. The teacher actually was giving him a LOT of leeway since she knew all the upheavels at the time, until I told her "Oh, no, he's always been like this"

Since both my boys have IEP's, I guess I look at it in a different light. I WANT the teacher's to know stuff that can make a difference in how something is perceived, that without the background can seem off but with the background, makes it make perfect sense and can help them change the way they would approach something or have them NOT do something that normally wouldn't think twice about asking a child to do at that age.

Not so sure about telling them about my background per se but definitely tell them things about my children that I think is important for them to know.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I think it would have been helpful if the teacher had sent a note home with the paperwork explaining why she wanted the information, how it was going to be used. Was she looking for any information that would help your child with his learning experience in school? Was she looking for parents to come in and talk about their careers or interesting life experiences? Was she looking for parents with unique skills who could help out in the classroom in some way?

That might help parents who would be uneasy about providing personal information about themselves or their child or family, and it certainly would help target WHAT information to include -- Oh, you weren't interested in how I got this scar when I was 4 years old, you wanted to know if I can use a diecut machine!

 

[hollyb]

I laughed out loud when I read this post. I'm not sure what your ideas are about teachers, but we honestly do not have time to rank & judge the parents' lives, nor are we interested in spying on any of you. Sorry, but we've got enough going on in our own lives, as well as with our extremely busy & stressful jobs.

What the teacher is trying to do is find out anything she can that will help her in her dealings with your child. I frequently encounter home situations that have HUGE impacts on the child's performance & behavior in class: one or both parents dead, single parent homes, child being raised by Grandma, parent(s) in jail, homeless parents, children in foster situations, children living in group homes without any sort of parent figures, etc., etc., etc.

If I know one of my kids is living in a group home, I will avoid giving assignments where they have to interview a relative, for example. If I know one of my kids is living in a rented room with her mom & siblings, and is sleeping on the floor, I can be sensitive about her not having the privacy to get her homework done on time always. I'm not in any way interested in judging these parents; everyone has things going on in their lives, and I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. But, because there are CHILDREN involved, not automatons, it is absolutely in everyone's best interests to educate the teacher as much as possible. Often, children will either be unable or unwilling to articulate their needs. The teacher then relies on your assistance to provide her with that information.

This sounds like a very caring, interested teacher, and I'm sorry she has to deal with this kind of suspicion from the parents of her kids.

Heather W

You are 100% right. I would much rather have the teacher know what is going on with each child so she/he can help the child.

I highly doubt the teacher's are looking for gossip to spread at lunch with other teachers.

Sounds the OP is way off base with this one. JMHO

 

[roadtripper]

I felt she would check my spelling and grammer!I have 3 degrees, 2 bachelors and an MBA, so I'm not intimadated by the teacher! However, I felt she was just looking for ways to rank and value us. Has anyone else had a teacher ask for such a letter? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me!

It's "grammar" and "intimidated." And as previous posters have said, she is trying to help understand your child. Research shows that students do better when there is good communication between the home and school. I call parents at home to ask them to please come to parent's night (once a year!) and they don't show, call, email, or send a note. Some I don't hear from until the final failure notice for the year goes home-- then they are outraged!

 

[skoi]

It's "grammar" and "intimidated." And as previous posters have said, she is trying to help understand your child. Research shows that students do better when there is good communication between the home and school. I call parents at home to ask them to please come to parent's night (once a year!) and they don't show, call, email, or send a note. Some I don't hear from until the final failure notice for the year goes home-- then they are outraged!

This is exactly the attitude that makes parents feel there is indeed a parent versus teacher/ home versus school dichotomy going on. You're ridiculing the op's concerns in a very "teacher like" way- as if speaking to an errant child.

Why is asking for personal information about the parent necessary? Was there an explanation given as to why the teacher wanted a parent autobiography, who else would see it, and how the information would be used? If not, I wouldn't comply. I would ask for clarification on these points, and then consider it.

And which is it- are teachers too busy to read all the autobiographies they'd get as some teachers stated (if so, why bother to give the parents this busy work), or is the information a helpful tool for classroom management and instruction?