Halloween costumes and kids

[luvmy3jewels]

I really, really hate Halloween (for reasons other than it being considered a pagan holiday) and every year it seems like a struggle to get my kids to pick costumes out that I think are appropriate.

This year my 9 yo daughter (who is a bit of a tomboy) has picked out a grim reaper costume. Her reasoning is that most of the girl costumes involve skirts or dresses and she refuses to wear them.

I've tried telling her that there are plenty of cute costumes out there for girls that don't involve death, gore, or skirts but she still is stuck on the grim reaper. I really don't like scary or morbid costumes and prefer the kids to be cute instead of gory, but they always want to gravitate towards scary. (With the exception of my oldest dd who this year wants to be Gene Simmons from KISS....which is kind of cute and scary at the same time in a weird way).

I'm a big believe in picking my battles with my kids. I try to let the little things that bother me slide by (like my youngest going to school in a purple shirt and fuchsia shorts). But this is one of those battles that can go either way. In all honesty, I'm really afraid that other kids will make fun of her if she dresses up as the grim reaper and that is probably my biggest concern in getting that costume for her. A couple of years ago she was a clone trooper from Star Wars and she was teased a bit....I think it would be worse at the age she is now. On the other hand, I don't feel like it would be as big a deal for my son to dress in the same costume.

WWYD?

 

[kjpotter]

I'd let her wear it. My 9 year old girl is dressing as a zombie. She will technically have a dress on, but it's ripped up and dirty (DIY from Goodwill). I'd much rather her wear that than a mini skirt. Costumes are getting harder every year. I refuse to let her wear anything too short or skimpy.

 

[plutotek]

I really, really hate Halloween (for reasons other than it being considered a pagan holiday) and every year it seems like a struggle to get my kids to pick costumes out that I think are appropriate.

This year my 9 yo daughter (who is a bit of a tomboy) has picked out a grim reaper costume. Her reasoning is that most of the girl costumes involve skirts or dresses and she refuses to wear them.

I've tried telling her that there are plenty of cute costumes out there for girls that don't involve death, gore, or skirts but she still is stuck on the grim reaper. I really don't like scary or morbid costumes and prefer the kids to be cute instead of gory, but they always want to gravitate towards scary. (With the exception of my oldest dd who this year wants to be Gene Simmons from KISS....which is kind of cute and scary at the same time in a weird way).

I'm a big believe in picking my battles with my kids. I try to let the little things that bother me slide by (like my youngest going to school in a purple shirt and fuchsia shorts). But this is one of those battles that can go either way. In all honesty, I'm really afraid that other kids will make fun of her if she dresses up as the grim reaper and that is probably my biggest concern in getting that costume for her. A couple of years ago she was a clone trooper from Star Wars and she was teased a bit....I think it would be worse at the age she is now. On the other hand, I don't feel like it would be as big a deal for my son to dress in the same costume.

WWYD?

I'd say let her go as she wants. At least she's not wanting to go as a hooker or sexy Snow White. If it is what she feels comfortable doing, she sounds like she'd have no problem weathering possible negative feedback from other kids.

 

[minkydog]

I really, really hate Halloween (for reasons other than it being considered a pagan holiday) and every year it seems like a struggle to get my kids to pick costumes out that I think are appropriate.

This year my 9 yo daughter (who is a bit of a tomboy) has picked out a grim reaper costume. Her reasoning is that most of the girl costumes involve skirts or dresses and she refuses to wear them.

I've tried telling her that there are plenty of cute costumes out there for girls that don't involve death, gore, or skirts but she still is stuck on the grim reaper. I really don't like scary or morbid costumes and prefer the kids to be cute instead of gory, but they always want to gravitate towards scary. (With the exception of my oldest dd who this year wants to be Gene Simmons from KISS....which is kind of cute and scary at the same time in a weird way).

I'm a big believe in picking my battles with my kids. I try to let the little things that bother me slide by (like my youngest going to school in a purple shirt and fuchsia shorts). But this is one of those battles that can go either way. In all honesty, I'm really afraid that other kids will make fun of her if she dresses up as the grim reaper and that is probably my biggest concern in getting that costume for her. A couple of years ago she was a clone trooper from Star Wars and she was teased a bit....I think it would be worse at the age she is now. On the other hand, I don't feel like it would be as big a deal for my son to dress in the same costume.

WWYD?

You know, it's okay to set limits on the costumes. I hate Halloween too, but I'm fine with dressing up. My kids were in charge of putting together their own costumes from the age of 8. I have never bought a costume in my life--we just went to the thrift store and put something together. My kids had tons of pieces in their "dress-up box."

If you really have a problem with the gory, nasty costumes, just say no. You're the parent, you get to make the rules. My oldest one wanted to dress in bloody t-shirts several times. Um, no, not happening in my household. Somehow he always found a way to dress up as something more approachable. Several times he dressed as Capt. Jack Sparrow. Once he went as a werewolf and as a soldier. DD was a cat, the Rocketeer(remember him?) and a Ninja Turtle--no dresses there. She also went as Pocahontas once and a colonial girl once.

Now, when they reached about 15 I relented. I figured my job was pretty much done by then. My oldest son (at 15) went out dressed as an axe murderer, complete with realistic blood and Goth makeup. At the very first house, the lady took one look at him and his similarly made up friend, screamed and THREW her bucket of candy at them and slammed the door! He was really upset that he scared her so badly. Well, after all, he was nearly 6 feet tall and had a deep voice. He was so disheartened that he & his friend just went back home and watched movies. That was his last time going Trick or Treat.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'd let her wear it.

A nine year old tomboy whose done a "boy's" costume in the past knows she might get teased. I wouldn't make my kid change something because others might be closed minded and mean. If I thought my kid didn't anticipate that people would tease, I might warn them and then support them whatever they decided, and maybe role play responses if they went ahead with the plan, but in this case it sounds like she already knows. Frankly, in your shoes, I'd be pretty pleased that my kid knew who she was and what she wanted and wasn't just going along with the crowd. While the latter might lead to cuter costumes, it can lead to all sorts of trouble down the line.

 

[scrapquitler]

I'd let her wear it.

A nine year old tomboy whose done a "boy's" costume in the past knows she might get teased. I wouldn't make my kid change something because others might be closed minded and mean. If I thought my kid didn't anticipate that people would tease, I might warn them and then support them whatever they decided, and maybe role play responses if they went ahead with the plan, but in this case it sounds like she already knows. Frankly, in your shoes, I'd be pretty pleased that my kid knew who she was and what she wanted and wasn't just going along with the crowd. While the latter might lead to cuter costumes, it can lead to all sorts of trouble down the line.

I agree with this. My daughter always picks a 'boy' costume because she thinks the girly ones are silly, and always has. I have always reminded her that some people might tease her because she picked something out of the 'norm' and she has always been find with that.

I would let her wear the grim reaper costume because to me, it's not gory and blood covered, just creepy. I wouldn't let a 6 year old wear it, but at 9, I would but that decision would depend on the child... my daughter at 9 would have been fine, my son at 9 I would have said no because HE would have been scared by it himself.

As for the "sexy" type costumes, I would probably usually say no, but it might depend on the costume because the reality here in the NorthEast is that a more revealing/skimpy costume isn't going to actually BE skimpy or revealing because its too darn cold most years to wear ANY costume without a sweatshirt, leggings or coat underneath it anyway. I always have stressed to my kids the need to choose a costume based on the fact that they will be wearing it with longjohns or a coat. The Harry Potter Wizard Robes have been particularly popular with my kids for several years now because it's easy to layer them (we had over a foot of snow for Halloween two years ago).

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I cannot tell you how proud I would be if, when my DD is 9, she tells me she wants to dress up for Halloween as something as cool as a grim reaper.

My fear is that she'll want to always dress up as something frilly, like a fairy or a princess or whatever.

 

[Alsobrook]

My inclination would be to let it go and let her wear the costume.

If, on the other hand, you're dead set against it rotfl2 then I would simply say no, provide options, and leave it at that.

 

[bjscheel]

I wouldn't want my kids to wear the scary costumes and they never wanted to. However, my oldest DD was more often than not a boy character it seemed. Clifford, Goofy, and Peter Pan were some and nobody cared. That old double standard where girls can dress up as boys but no so much the other way around.

Otherwise you can make something up that is neither girl nor boy- I think one of DD's friends wore sweatpants and sweatshirt and then put on a cardboard box colored to look like an aquarium. Stuff like that.

 

[design_mom]

I don't have a problem with "boys'" costumes at all -- my DD has been Buzz Lightyear, Captain America, a Ninja Turtle, and a cowboy in years' past. I'm sure people thought we were making her wear her brother's hand-me-down costumes, but they were not. (This year, we made a snowman costume and she looks adorable!)

I am personally not a fan of the blood and gore costumes and I would probably nix those for either of my children. As another poster said, as the parent, I retain veto power. The grim reaper would be possibility as long as it was creepy rather than gory. If you're okay with the costume -- and are just worried about what other kids will say -- then I would let her wear it. My daughter hasn't had any negative comments past "Isn't that a boys' costume?' to which she replies "Uh, no...it's *my* costume" and that's the end of it.

 

[wiigirl]

I'd say let her go as she wants. At least she's not wanting to go as a hooker or sexy Snow White. If it is what she feels comfortable doing, she sounds like she'd have no problem weathering possible negative feedback from other kids.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

Thanks for all of your input! I've been leaning towards going ahead and getting her the costume, and it sounds like most of you would do the same. (BTW the costume is creepy, but not gory)
In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't as big a deal to me as it is to her and that is what should really be important.

I miss the days when my kids were small enough I could pick their costumes for them

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks for all of your input! I've been leaning towards going ahead and getting her the costume, and it sounds like most of you would do the same. (BTW the costume is creepy, but not gory)
In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't as big a deal to me as it is to her and that is what should really be important.

I miss the days when my kids were small enough I could pick their costumes for them

I do too. I used to dress my kid as animals. He was a duck, a giraffe, and a zebra his first three years. He was sooo cute, and the costumes doubled as pyjamas for the rest of the winter.

 

[mhfrau]

When my son was 3, he was dressed as the purple teletubbie... and then we went over to our friend's house and her 3 yo daughter was a ballerina. Well he fell in love with the tutu, and ended up wearing a spare tutu over his teletubbie costume for the actual trick or treating.

When he was in 3rd grade he wanted to go as the "Scream" guy, so again, we said OK. In 5th he wanted to be Buzz Lightyear, yes, I know, he's an odd bird

In 8th grade he, (we are white), and his best friend, (he's black), got together with another kid in our neighborhood, (he's from Mexico), and the wore suits and told everyone they were a delegation trick or treating from the United Nations! That was a HUGE hit with everyone.

I say, let her choose. Kid's show amazing creativity and I'd rather have my little girl as a ghoul, then dressed like a streetwalker.

 

[mhsjax]

This was my one rule for Halloween. No scary gory stuff. I am pretty easy going, but as young kids I thought it was inappropriate. Luckily, my kids outgrew dressing up around the age of 10.

My favorite was when my DD age 10 and 3 of her friends, dress up like the band "KISS" IT was great, a big hit with everyone.

Now back to your question, if it isn't your "hill to die on" let her wear it.

Man, I hate this holiday and will be glad when it is over.

 

[mtemm]

I am the exact opposite! I loved being a witch as a kid, was several years in a row even though mom begged me to be princess leia one year (gag). I wasn't a tom boy, but loved the spookiness of Halloween.

my kids, on the other hand, refuse to be anything scary. DD9 always wants to be a princess or something like that. I always ask her if she wants to be an undead princess, lol. no dice. and I let them choose. some year maybe they will be scary!

I say let your dd choose.

 

[marcyinPA]

I tried to let my kids have creative reign on Halloween costumes. Lucky for me, neither was into the whole creepy/bloody/gory/violent thing. I also bought very few costumes after the age of about 5. I encouraged them to think outside the box- and they came up with some creative stuff!

My DS now 18 was a sports commentator one year, with a shirt and tie, a microphone, a press pass, etc. He was also Santa on vacation, with a white wig (we bought that- but got many uses from it), a Santa hat, a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, socks and sandals. DS now 14 was a plumber one year- I made a "butt crack" stick out of his jeans using panty hose and fiber fill. He carried a plunger. He got so many comments and laughs! He was also Slash from Guns and Roses one year- complete with leather jacket, hat and nose ring! Tons of comments on that one too!! Last year, he went as a nerd. Super easy, and I discovered that my mother had kept my rainbow suspenders from the 80's!!

Neither dress up anymore, but they would think about their costumes for MONTHS prior to Halloween. I always told them I would spend a few dollars on accessories, but the rest had to be homemade.

 

[Poohforyou]

I'd let my 9 yo dd wear it. My only rules are no weapons and nothing trampy.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I too believe in picking my battles, and I am ok with Halloween, BUT we set firm limits on what we feel is ok to wear or not and those rules do not even have a chance to become a battle, they just know we are not going to budge on the rules, but they also know why. I think you need to decide why you don't like the idea of her wearing it and decide how strongly you feel about it and then tell her your decision.

My decision would have nothing to do with her being a boy or a girl and I love creative and wild and crazy. We just don't do scary or evil. Many of our kids friends do and we have no issue with them at all, it's just our choice, as it is your choice to decide what is right for your family. Just dont be afraid to say no to your child if you do have strong feelings about it.

 

[Colleen27]

I cannot tell you how proud I would be if, when my DD is 9, she tells me she wants to dress up for Halloween as something as cool as a grim reaper.

My fear is that she'll want to always dress up as something frilly, like a fairy or a princess or whatever.

I let my kids chose their own costumes. They've always tended to pick something school-acceptable (our schools have rather loose limits on "too gory", basically just no blood/guts), but the grim reaper would be well within bounds. If your DD is comfortable enough to choose a "boy" costume (an idea I totally reject, BTW - DD5 has been a bat and a cowboy the last two years, and this year has given into her crazy brother on something even less girly, not to mention hopelessly obscure and sure to be entirely lost on her classmates) I'd be more inclined to enjoy her individuality and confidence than to criticize a spooky/creepy costume choice.