Guest List Stress

[SarahInMN]

Hey y'all -

I have a quick question, and I think I am also looking for reassurance.

We are getting married in exactly 7 months and have picked rooms (ie at the Cali Grill for the Welcome dinner and the Whitehall for the reception) that are best suited for 50 people. Our original guest list was 40; it has grown to 65. My DF, G-d love him, keeps wanting to add people (because "they won't come anyways") and we just made our last (please let it be so) addition to the list, placing us at 65 (including the 2 of us).

Do y'all think we'll get enough "no" RSVP's to get the list down?

We've already had a few of the "they won't come anyways" say they are definitely coming. Everyone's coming from the midwest so it's not a trivial commitment to come to our wedding.

I am really stressed about this: if we can't get the list down, then we A) have to change our plans and B) go over budget (we got our BEO today and were pleasantly surprised and I don't want that to change).

I am so totally stressed out right now about this.

Thanks!

 

[DisBride2007]

Hi,

First take a deep breath....

I would be very surprised if you invited 65 guests and more than 50 came. The average is probably around 2/3 - 3/4 acceptance rate.

 

[Lynn5700]

See how many responses you get from your original 40 then go from there. Are these people you see all the time like family or people you see once a year..i know this sounds horrible but think who is very important that they be there and go from there.

 

[SarahInMN]

I would be very surprised if you invited 65 guests and more than 50 came. The average is probably around 2/3 - 3/4 acceptance rate.

I know, that is what I keep telling myself. But I just have this horrible fear they are all going to come. Why didn't I just stay firm and say "no more than 50 people are invited" and to hell with the "they won't come anyways" invites?

See how many responses you get from your original 40 then go from there. Are these people you see all the time like family or people you see once a year..i know this sounds horrible but think who is very important that they be there and go from there.

The problem is that the save the dates have gone out to all 65 people (well 63 if you exclude the two of us) because, well, "we should invite them and they won't come anyways." Unfortunately, at this point, it is out of my control in terms of those who already have save the dates BUT I can be really firm about "no, you can't bring a guest" to our single friends whose invites/save the dates do not state "and guest" and be firm that we are not inviting any more people.

 

[Lynn5700]

Ok so the STD's went out already..don't stress I'm sure not all will come. Just don't invite more people.You may end up with 40 or less so don't worry.

 

[SarahInMN]

Just don't invite more people.You may end up with 40 or less so don't worry.

We just need to keep it under 50 because of the room capacity and so forth. Eep.

I need to let this go and not worry (thanks for the reminder to not worry!!): it is so not in my control at this point. But it is so hard to not worry!

 

[IndyBride]

AGH!!!!!! I REFUSED to invite a single person assuming they were going to turn it down because of this problem. Now, not to say that I invited people that I secretly hope don't come! That's a different story! Most bridal websites say expect 20% not to show. So my fingers are crossed for you.

 

[alissa2008]

Would it be totally inappropriate to make an exception for a destination wedding and contact people to see which way their leaning? I mean, it IS important!

 

[jen54321]

I'm worried about the opposite. We've already had a lot of people tell us they aren't coming and I don't even have the invites out yet!

My motto - worry about the things you can control - all the things that need to be done for the wedding. That will keep you busy and your mind off the things you can't control...

Good luck!

 

[Chilly]

When did the save the dates go out? I think you could ring the people you think might not come say 2 weeks after to find out if they can come or not, as 2 weeks should have given them some time to think about it and if they don't know tell them a definate date you will ring back to find out for sure. Most people will understand that you need to know further in advance than your reglular wedding.

 

[SarahInMN]

I think I am totally perseverating because we're getting the invites and RSVP cards ready to mailed. And it's kind of like "oh my goodness, how did this happen?" Hopefully people will send back "no" RSVP cards ASAP and we can start whittling down the list.

Thanks for the reassurance/advice!

I REFUSED to invite a single person assuming they were going to turn it down because of this problem

Indy, that is an excellent strategy and I wish we had stuck to it.

Would it be totally inappropriate to make an exception for a destination wedding and contact people to see which way their leaning?

Alissa - I'm torn over this. I have no problem contacting the people on the list to whom we are really close, but it's the ones I don't know well (who DF assumes won't come) that I don't want to call.

My motto - worry about the things you can control - all the things that need to be done for the wedding

Jen - that is most excellent advice!!!

I think you could ring the people you think might not come say 2 weeks after to find out if they can come or not, as 2 weeks should have given them some time to think about it

Chilly - Most of the save the dates went out in March (like the Disney ones); DF had a few addons that we mailed out ourselves (1 in April and 1 this week). So they have definitely had enough time to think about it: I just don't know if I should call/email them or not. ARGH!

 

[LegalGal]

SARAHinMN:
I wonder if your DF and my DF are secretly related I am currently having the same issue.
I initially wanted just our immediate family which would have been about 35-40 people, and then it grew to 72 people because of "they won't come list".
The best advice I can offer you, is try not to stress about it too much. It is not fun, but we have to remember that we unfortunately are both in the position where we cannot change anything now.
I will keep my fingers crossed for us both

 

[Keira1387]

I am basically in the same situation as you! We have almost all of the RSVP's. We planned for and invited 75 people, and our guest list is currently 75 adults and 10 kids! Between the people that "wouldn't come" and the one's that invited themselves!! I am local though so most people can just get up and drive the morning of the wedding, so I think that has something to do with it!

 

[lpizzuro123]

I think it would be fine to contact some that you are not sure about to "gently" see if they think they are coming. Just tell them that you need to get a count because Disney is holding a certain amount of rooms and you want to find out if you need more. You can say we just want to make sure we are holding enough rooms - do you think you might be joining us?

Linda

 

[SarahInMN]

This guest list thing is just so uberstressful!!

LegalGal -

yeah I am trying not to stress although over the weekend I found out that one of the "they won't come" are definitely coming.

Keira -

Fortunately for us, making a trip to florida is a huge deal for our guests (almost everyone is from MN or WI). I can't imagine if it were in driving distance. Wow.

Linda -

We actually just mailed the invites, hoping that people would start RSVP'ing that they aren't coming. We will have to start calling or emailing people in a few months though.

 

[twiu]

I hate to tell you this but I invited 190 people at my wedding and so far only 10 aren't coming. That's not a very huge percentage. I lot of people I assumed wouldn't come are coming. After stressing out about it for awhile, I realized I can't do anything about it. So, try not to. What's done is done. Honestly, if it gets to the point that you're over 50 people, you can always switch locations. I understand this isn't ideal, but the important thing is that you have people around you for one of the most important days of your life - not what restaurant you're in. Hang in there. It get's better... trust me.

 

[disneypolybride2008]

I've invited family, from the midwest also, and they arent' rich people but they said they would come -my aunt and cousin- since they each have a coupon for free a free flight and my sister even said they could sleep in her room, so that is very cheap right there and a month later or so they told my mom that they probably cant afford it. The groom is planning on none of his family coming because they couldnt afford it so he's not even telling them, although he says he will. So odds are not all your 65 guests will come. If you lived in Florida and they could go for the day then it'd be more likely but for all of them to afford it and have that vacation time doesn't seem too likely.