I agree with Ann...you need a big hug and if I could get on a plane right now I would! Despite all you have gone through in your life you have become an amazing mom, wife, and online friend! I see in your posts all your love and compassion!
I truly believe that all people are put on this earth for a purpose...and no the better one did not die! Don't even think that (although I have to admit sometimes I think that of myself and wonder why on earth I am here)! Words we hear when we are younger tend to always stick with us, and when we are young those words have different meanings to us and most of the time were not meant the way that our young minds take them and hold on to them. Heather, no way will you ever make me believe that you were an awful person when you were younger...there is no way that, that the person you claim to be is the one that I see in posts and texts daily! I envy the love you have for your son and the amazing involved mother you are...
One thing that struck me was that your sister wanted to feed the cats...I think should you save all those little extras from your budget the next few months and then take that money and get some cat things/food and take it the shelter as a donation in your sister's name..take some pictures and then have them framed. Then, maybe you could sit a day aside for a couple of hours (with your crazy schedule) and go work at the shelter as a volunteer in her memory. It would be your way of honoring her each month! I really don't think you need to fundraise to honor her memory to get a BIG donation...I think smaller gestures sometimes are more meaningful because they come from the heart! I also think the volunteering at the shelter will make you feel better...something about a little work is good for the soul!
I am sorry K does not understand, men don't...when my grandmother died last year I felt so alone...because I pushed him aside and tried to be the strong person...I do that with everyone in my...I do not trust anyone to take care of me or give me anything I need (mainly emotional support) because in the past I have always been hurt and let down so I guard myself...






Remember you can always text or call me! Maybe I can be a better big sister to you then I was to my own sisters! Even though I am probably old enough to be your mother!