Gross household income on the DIS

[Jeslynb]

All I can do here is ask you to read the post above yours again and assume you missed it. And to reiterate.. I have received none of the above and am still paying my student loan. My wording was poor. I am the oldest by 20 years. It was different for me. But I was NOT referring to me when I said I've witnessed disdain, but referring to the comments and attitudes about my parents. That's it.. that's all. I pay my bills and carry my debt like the rest of you.

I come from a wealthy family, and I have experienced exactly the sort of reaction you mention. Getting certain advantages *can* give you a head start toward financial security. Or it can demotivate. I've seen more second or third generations of wealthy families do absolutely nothing with their lives than I've seen them do what I've done. I'm not discounting my blessings, but then again, no one handed me anything in my career, and I never took a penny from my parents towards rent, mortgage or similar, nor did my siblings. But everyone assumes we did. And usually the people doing the assuming are forking over large sums of cash to support their children.

It used to bother me when I was younger and trying to make a name for myself. People - generally people unhappy in their own careers - would sneer that it "must be nice." Now I've tuned it out - either no one says it any longer or I just don't care enough to notice.

The attitude of one's parents growing up has more to do with self-sufficiency than anything else, imo.

 

[Jaya]

I was thinking the same thing. How is it a bad thing that the PP's husband makes a comfortable income? When did financial success become a badge of shame?

It's a form of backward bragging. "Oh, poor me, my husband makes sooo much money...."

 

[akcire]

I come from a wealthy family, and I have experienced exactly the sort of reaction you mention. Getting certain advantages *can* give you a head start toward financial security. Or it can demotivate. I've seen more second or third generations of wealthy families do absolutely nothing with their lives than I've seen them do what I've done. I'm not discounting my blessings, but then again, no one handed me anything in my career, and I never took a penny from my parents towards rent, mortgage or similar, nor did my siblings. But everyone assumes we did. And usually the people doing the assuming are forking over large sums of cash to support their children.

It used to bother me when I was younger and trying to make a name for myself. People - generally people unhappy in their own careers - would sneer that it "must be nice." Now I've tuned it out - either no one says it any longer or I just don't care enough to notice.

The attitude of one's parents growing up has more to do with self-sufficiency than anything else, imo.

First generation earns it

Second generation remembers and stewards it

Third generation blows it

Worked as a summer nanny to an ultra high net worth family. Had to run an errand for the family bringing some documents back to the city. The above was told to me by their trust attorney. 20+ years later I still remember.

I've seen it go both ways. Watch my cousin and her husband (he was from a wealthy family) blow through a 20 million dollar trust fund and the proceeds of a family business. No drugs. They just lived like they had 20 billion, not 20 million.

Others I know don't view inherited money as "theirs" but merely something to invest for future generations.

I'm hoping to some day leave a nice chunk for my child(ren). I hope the amount is a complete shock. If they get nothing Im hoping to at least give them the tools to make it on their own.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

Folks, it's just money.
It's not the end all, be all, of life.
I guess some people just need more money to be happy.

Life is full of choices and you can let money rule your life or you can define your life in other ways.

And no, I wasn't born with a silver spoon nor have I earned one.
Truthfully, we've lived on <20K to a whopping 60K (with 2 people working full time as public servants).

We did not want money to define our lives or our life choices.
We married very young and started a family and even though we made diddly squat, we were never on assistance and we always owned our own home.

It wasn't always in the best neighborhood but we managed to build sweat equity and sell higher and buy another fixer upper in a nicer area.
Second hand furniture or scratch and dent, old, paid-for cars, Good will shopping for clothing- we did it all.
I still make home made gifts for Christmas
and honestly, you couldn't buy a finer Bourbon Pecan Pound Cake in any store or on line gift site.

The most important choice we ever made was for me to stay home with the kids when they were small.
We lived cheap to afford that.
But from our perspective, we could not place a price on the lives of our children and the shaping of their character, so that is the choice that we made.
We chose time over money and we did it more than once, and I would do it again.

The second wise choice was to not let money or the lack of it stop us from fulfilling our dreams.

We always wanted to have our own farm for our kids to grow up on,
so after 7 years of dreaming and looking, we started working hard toward that
(we had goal posters with farm pictures up all over our home )
and within 2 years found the property we wanted at a price we could afford,
and then found a job for DH in our new rural community to go along with that- all in the same week- God sure arranged that one well for us

So our kids had the opportunity of a childhood that reflected our values, the things we hoped they would learn and become a part of them.
We had no video games or cable tv, but they played ball, and were active at church and in 4-H and raised goats, chickens, cats, dogs, had lots of chores- some fun, others not so much.

We also home schooled for 6 years, living on one salary of 40K before taxes. Then later they also went to public school and did extremely well there.

We grew gardens, raised our own eggs and showed goats in the 4-H show and state fair, DS was digging 2 foot deep post holes by hand (with his dad) at age 13- learning the value of hard work and meeting a challenge and being self-sufficient. ("And muscles, Momma- muscles!" he used to say )

Our little family pulled together and worked together and learned a lot, but mostly developed strong family relationships and learned to invest in ourselves, not just investing money (because we have never had much of that) but hard work and seeing it pay off.

We only paid 108K for our original 26 acres and home but were able to buy adjacent land and add to the farm and now we have 46 acres, 35 of which we own without a mortgage at all.

And we were able to do that by the grace of God and hard work and doing without what most people consider "must haves" that are truly not necessities.
Truthfully, in our mid 40s, we have only both been fully employed for 28 months out of 24 + years of marriage. We tag-teamed a lot.

Kids are grown now, DD married, DS graduating from college this year.
We don't have much in the bank, but we invested our time and energy and the little money we had in our kids and our farm and that has been more than worth it.

We sell Christmas trees in December enough to pay for our gifts (<$400- we are not big spenders )
and we are growing our farm income (pecans) slowly so that one day we can retire from public work and just work on the farm.

No regrets. No "I wish I had made different choices."
We could not have lived this life without money at all, but we did not need tons of money to make our dreams come true.

If we HAD tons of money, we could still have bought a farm, etc, but we probably would have missed out on the lessons that we learned along the way, and those lessons are priceless and have made us who we are.
And truly, God provided everything we needed in the proper time.

Money is a tool for life, but it does not have to define what kind of life you live.

Each person has to decide for herself what is most important and then pursue it persistently, and without apology.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

Would you mind sharing what your husband does for a living? I ask because I would like to embark on a career change, but only to a career that earns a substantial amount of money (and that I enjoy!!). I am currently a mechanical engineer and although the money is good, I just don't enjoy it, so I am looking to switch to something I like that also makes better money. Anyone who has a well-paying, enjoyable career is welcome to respond.
Thanks all!

Sorry I just now saw your post. My husband is a boat captain for a river boat that pushes barges up and down the US rivers.

 

[MooskaMinnie]

DH & I are sitting at $80k before taxes. We're in our early 20s, have a car payment, and are starting to pay off DH's student loans (about $20k).

 

[Jeslynb]

I agree with you - beautifully put. I would only add that just because we have a lot of money, this doesn't mean that the money is what makes us happy or that we live much differently than you do. That's like saying that because you have a lot of acreage, land is what makes you happy. Of course it's not! And, I imagine our day-to-day life is remarkably similar to yours, because that's just how we choose to live our lives.

My one caveat to that is that I do feel that our hard-earned success early on is what made it easy for us to be home with our children instead of working traditional jobs/hours. I feel it gave me choices, if that makes sense, especially with respect to retirement.

I love your post - you have so much to be proud of.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

I agree with you - beautifully put. I would only add that just because we have a lot of money, this doesn't mean that the money is what makes us happy or that we live much differently than you do. That's like saying that because you have a lot of acreage, land is what makes you happy. Of course it's not! And, I imagine our day-to-day life is remarkably similar to yours, because that's just how we choose to live our lives.

My one caveat to that is that I do feel that our hard-earned success early on is what made it easy for us to be home with our children instead of working traditional jobs/hours. I feel it gave me choices, if that makes sense, especially with respect to retirement.

I love your post - you have so much to be proud of.

That is exactly right. The land, like money, is just a tool to be used to create the life one desires.

Sounds like we are both pretty blessed~

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

Sorry I just now saw your post. My husband is a boat captain for a river boat that pushes barges up and down the US rivers.

That sounds so neat!
And complex, and fun, and I am sure it's stressful at times.
But what a cool job

 

[AquaDame]

I come from a wealthy family, and I have experienced exactly the sort of reaction you mention. Getting certain advantages *can* give you a head start toward financial security. Or it can demotivate.

Agreed, it depends on how you are raised by the wealthy. conversely though, those who are born into poverty often aren't given a choice on how they raise their children. When you are poor, education often can get put on the back burner and I do believe that the sooner you can read to learn rather than learn to read the further ahead you will be. Even having a mother who isn't beaten down by her job during the day and can spend 20 minutes more reading to you or going over your homework can make a world of difference rather than plunking you in front of a TV so she can finally rest.

It's a form of backward bragging. "Oh, poor me, my husband makes sooo much money...."

Or not? I'm literally ashamed at how much more my husband makes than I do. I got better grades in HS while working 30 hours a week to boot, I just didn't get a free ride through college (and make the better choice in major). Helloooo educational donut hole (parents made too much money for assistance, but not enough to get me out of student loans and working through college as well).

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

I did not vote. But I respond one of 2 ways to these type of requests in surveys. I either make the lowest amount or the highest. I make no attempt to be truthful. You might keep that in mind when you see surveys like this .

 

[AquaDame]

I did not vote. But I respond one of 2 ways to these type of requests in surveys. I either make the lowest amount or the highest. I make no attempt to be truthful. You might keep that in mind when you see surveys like this .

I just don't answer... I don't see the point in answering less than truthfully...

 

[Jeslynb]

That is exactly right. The land, like money, is just a tool to be used to create the life one desires.

Sounds like we are both pretty blessed~

Yes, but you win, because: Pecans!

 

[Jeslynb]

Agreed, it depends on how you are raised by the wealthy. conversely though, those who are born into poverty often aren't given a choice on how they raise their children. When you are poor, education often can get put on the back burner and I do believe that the sooner you can read to learn rather than learn to read the further ahead you will be. Even having a mother who isn't beaten down by her job during the day and can spend 20 minutes more reading to you or going over your homework can make a world of difference rather than plunking you in front of a TV so she can finally rest.
.

Absolutely true.

For the record, my ancestors were refugees (more or less) who lived just above the poverty level. This was a few generations back, but it always astonishes me that these people sent their children to college. They prized education above all else.