Grieving at Disneyland?

[abby]

I understand your pain. 12 years ago I lost my husband. There are still places I won't go that we went together, and then there are places we went together that I go and have fond memories of our time together. If you feel it is too much and too soon don't go. If you think it is a good time and place to have fond memories, then go. One thing, don't feel guilty having fun, she will be watching from above and be so happy you are having fun in her favorite place. I know it is hard and the idea you could maybe have some fun seems so odd under the circumstances, but life is to enjoy and she would want that for you and your family. Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

 

[sameyeyam]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I bet your sister was a wonderful person. Two years ago in May I lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly. One month prior to her passing we took her to Disneyworld with us for spring break. We all had a wonderful time and my kids got to spend lots of fun time with her at Disney that they will never forget.

The following year I almost cancelled our spring break trip because I thought it would be too sad for us because the last time we seen her was on the Disney trip. But we decided to go anyway and I'm glad we did.

There were sad moments for us remembering how much fun we had the prior year and missing her. But most of the trip was a happy time for us.

My mother had wanted to go to Epcot & ride on Soaring, but we didn't have time that year. So when we went the following year my sister & I took some of her ashes with us so she could enjoy Disney once again and we took her for that ride on Soaring. I bet we were the only two people standing in line and riding Soaring that have ever cried. I'm sure everyone around us thought we were crazy.

Go ahead and take that trip. There might be a few moments of crying and remembering, but you will have many happy times and will be making more wonderful memories with your family.

Hugs to you.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I am so sorry for your lost, as our wise posters have said, your heart will know, there is no wrong answer.

 

[onesadduck]

I think I will go. There will be some difficult spots. I don't think I will be able to ride BLAB (our shared favorite ride), it will probably too much. We always used to compete at it (though I will be open to it).

I had not even thought about the brick idea. Thank you to all who suggested it. I will talk to my parents about it, though I doubt it'll be ready by the time we go this year (in a few weeks), but maybe next year. I guess my main question was "would it be too weird to see people crying at DL?" and "does it feel too weird to be crying at the Happiest Place on Earth?" but you seem to have answered my questions (I shouldn't worry about the other people, and I should do what feels right).

I will visit her favorite spots; and for once, be able to do the things she didn't like, or couldn't go on without guilt. Plus, I think my mom really wants to go (probably to remember all the things my sister loved). I don't want to deny her that, especially since my sister's death has been the hardest on her.

I wish I could thank you all personally, you have all helped so much (but I am far too tired). My friends back home, who knew her, were very supportive. Unfortunately, my friends and roommates up at college are a different story. It's weird but knowing that a group of strangers are willing to be so supportive and kind really helps. Especially when those around me just don't know how to deal with a grieving person.
Thank you again,
Alisa

 

[bclydia]

My heart goes out to you. You have my deepest sympathy.
You are clearly a strong young woman and you will be okay.
You've been given lots of good advice and I don't have anything to add
except my prayers for peace and comfort in this sad, sad time.

 

[PattiPB]

I had not even thought about the brick idea. Thank you to all who suggested it. I will talk to my parents about it, though I doubt it'll be ready by the time we go this year (in a few weeks), but maybe next year. I guess my main question was "would it be too weird to see people crying at DL?" and "does it feel too weird to be crying at the Happiest Place on Earth?" but you seem to have answered my questions (I shouldn't worry about the other people, and I should do what feels right).

I wish I could thank you all personally, you have all helped so much (but I am far too tired). My friends back home, who knew her, were very supportive. Unfortunately, my friends and roommates up at college are a different story. It's weird but knowing that a group of strangers are willing to be so supportive and kind really helps. Especially when those around me just don't know how to deal with a grieving person.
Thank you again,
Alisa

Hi Alisa!

Jumped back on here to see how you're doing. Today is the 26th anniversary of my DH's brother's passing. It still affects him deeply every year, and culminates on April 10th, which is the anniv of his Dad's passing. Anyway, when DH's bro died suddenly, DH was 15, and nobody knew how to deal with him. Many adults don't know how to approach or support a grieving person---college students can barely care for themselves, much less express empathy.

If you decide to buy a brick, they will tell you when it will be installed. I know I can speak for the DL DIS regulars when I say somebody will go to DL, take a photo of the brick, and send it to you, so you can see it as soon as it is installed.

Sending you extra because you need to keep it together through exams. I don't have to know you or your sister to know she wouldn't want you to fall apart.

 

[teacherkaren]

Dear onesaduck,
I went to DL the Christmas that my father died (my mom had died 10 previous to that) and it was a time not to try and forget but to enjoy it in his memory. Especially since your sister really loved DL she would not want you to go and be sad. If it was the other way around would you have wanted her to go in your memory and have a good time? Yes, there will be tears, as there should be, but it is okay to grieve and what better place to do it than a place special to you both. Just don't go with expectations of what you think it will be like - just go and enjoy the moments as they happen. Be sure and keep journal entries each day. That is a great day to work through it. Maybe even take a small spiral that you can sit in quiet places in the park and write about how you are feeling. Be sure you do some of the things that you really enjoyed doing together. You're in my prayers. I know how hard it is to lose a sibling as well as parents.

 

[bumbershoot]

"Many adults don't know how to approach or support a grieving person---college students can barely care for themselves, much less express empathy."

Absolutely.

(When I first read your post I couldn't reply, because I was preparing for the 7th anniversary of my mom's death. But now I'm through it so I can "talk".)


If you WANT to go, go. If you don't want to, think about not going.

Since your college friends aren't supportive already, I probably wouldn't tell them that you're going. People who have no clue can say the MOST ridiculous things (those who haven't grieved seem to think there's a timeline we should all be on, and there should be a time when we are "over it"...you can always tell someone who KNOWS b/c they won't put that expectation on you), so if they are already being bad about it, I wouldn't open myself up for more of the same.


Crying at DL...you know, I've cried there. And it wasn't a place special to my mom at all. But I wish she could have been there with us, for this part of my life (I met my now-DH *after* my mom died), and it makes me sad. Grief is grief, and though everyone I know who has grieved notes that the sadness is just as sad later on, there's just more OK time between the sadnesses.... And sadness can overtake anywhere (for me it's the cleaning products section of Target, b/c those Lysol and Clorox wipe things came out just after my mom died, and she would have LOVED those things!), so crying at DL won't really be anything surprising. I'm sure that on any given day, there are people being sad there.

I hope you're able to make something good from this trip, and even if it's just you and your mom, I hope you can really support each other.

Lastly, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

 

[ACDSNY]

Hi Alisa!
If you decide to buy a brick, they will tell you when it will be installed. I know I can speak for the DL DIS regulars when I say somebody will go to DL, take a photo of the brick, and send it to you, so you can see it as soon as it is installed.

I just wanted to add you can order a 5" x 5" replica of the brick to have with you at college for around $35. I think this was the number I used when I placed our order (800) 760-3566.

I hope you'll find some peace during your trip. Sending prayers and pixie dust your way!
In the late 90s I lost both sets of grandparents and my mother and DL was a special place for all of us. At DL I always feel like they are still with me in spirit. Time does help, it's the good memories that I remember now. We have two bricks, one for our immediate family and one for my grandparents.

 

[disneymom8589]

On our trip to DL last December, my DD (age 21) and I were standing on Main Street watching the beautiful fireworks show. At the end, they had the "snow" falling while they played "White Christmas". In front of us, was a family, including a man maybe in his 60's or 70's. He was crying and was being comforted by a woman (I'm guessing his daughter or granddaughter). Seeing this scene made my DD start sobbing (which got me going, too) as she was imagining that this man's wife had probably passed away and he was thinking of his memories of her. We don't know for sure if that was the case, but we were thinking this was likely. My point being, please don't be afraid to show your emotions at DL. What my daughter and I witnessed was one of the most touching things I've seen. I'm glad you've decided to go. I've been thinking about you and praying for you. Please do let us know how it went, if you want to. We care about you even though we don't know you.

 

[mikayla73]

I am sorry for your loss I am also glad that you have decided to go. I think the brick is an excellent idea.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Hello onesadduck, and welcome to the DIS

When my mom was sick in the hospital, she gave me a night at the Disneyland Hotel for my birthday present. She passed away that May. In July, I took my two children, spent the night at the hotel, and Disneyland's 40th anniversary at the park. It was a bittersweet trip for me. I spent the wholetime at Disneyland thinking about my mom, and at times I cried.

It will be okay, onesadduck.

 

[eatmypixiedust]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's never easy losing a loved one. I wish you and your family comfort during this difficult time. I hope you decide to visit DL. I'm sure your sister would've liked that. I agree with the the other posters, the commemorative brick sounds like a wonderful idea! Take care and welcome to the DIS boards!!

 

[dopeyfanatic]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I'm glad you decided to go. Another thing you might do is take a picture of yourself on HER favorite ride to put at her grave. I think she'll be glad that you went. I think it will also be a good chance for your family to smile again. I would hate for Disneyland to be a place to was too hard for you guys to go back to. I'm sure she wouldn't want that. I hope you have a nice trip and it helps bring some closure.

 

[onesadduck]

Thank you all, once again.

I have a couple more (but far less important) questions. One: Is there any info about ordering bricks online, or do you have to call? I looked but found nothing relevant (just some old stuff about 50th aniversary bricks). Two: Has anyone seen any good postcards, stickers, or other good flat souvenirs of or with Aurora? I don't want a toy possibly getting stuck or cut up in the cemetary's mower. I will definitely be getting smashed pennies of Sleeping Beauty (one for me and one for my sister's grave, and maybe some more for the rest of my family). I just thought of it now, but it's perfect because she loved Sleeping Beauty, and she had a penny collection.

I think I may take her favorite Build-A-Bear with us and get a picture of us with it and Princess Aurora. Her two favorite things. As time goes on it gets a little easier to talk about things, which is good. Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I may write a TR about the experience despite the fact that it will only be a two day trip.

You all have been so wonderful. Thank you for your prayers, kind thoughts, and support. It is comforting to know someone out there understands what I'm going through and can even provide advice about my specific question. Thank you, again,
Alisa

 

[AZMickeyfans]

I am so very sorry for your loss onesadduck. Also, I wanted to welcome you to the DL DISboards. We are a great community of very supportive people.

I've been wanting to post a reply here earlier but I have not had the time to write what I wanted to until now. I'm gonna try to get through this without crying myself. I feel for you.

Almost 3 years ago my dad passed away on father's day of all days. My family was in KS visiting my inlaws because my FIL had colon cancer (is now doing well) and we thought that was going to be his last fathers day so we wanted to spend it with him. My dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack so it was a shock to all of us. He had just been given a clean bill of health at his physical the week before. I will never forget flying home on the plane and the flight attendant wished everyone a Happy Fathers day. That simple phrase is the only thing I remember about the flight home. It's strange the things you remember later.

Anyway, we had a trip planned for fall of that year and my dad was supposed to go to DL with us. My dad was a workaholic and hardly took time to relax (hence the heart attack) but when he would go to DL he turned into a 65 year old kid. He hadn't gone with us since I had kids and I was really looking forward to the grandparents being with us. We debated canceling the trip because we knew it would be hard. My mom wasn't sure she was ready to go without my dad. We put it off until November then decided to honor him there.

It was hard walking down mainstreet because Dad would always comment on the buildings and tell us how he grew up in a town just like main street seemed to reflect. We all walked in silence remembering to ourselves. Well, as the day went on we found ourselves laughing most of the time at funny memories of him at DL. He would always mouth the words to POTC but SWEAR up and down he didnt know them. He smiled all the way through IASW but told us he felt we would drag him on. He would pretend to fall off of Tarzan's treehouse scaring my mom out of her wits. Little stuff like that but it became so much fun to relive those there.

We cried early in the morning on that first main street walk and then again when the Believe fireworks came on. By the time the fireworks ended all 6 of us were in a group hug sobbing but it was a release and I know it sounds weird but it felt good to cry like that there. I hope that came across the way I meant it did. It was a very cleansing cry. When the fireworks were over a couple came up to us with tears in their eyes saying they could tell we had lost someone recently and they just wanted to say they were sorry. It thought that was so sweet. By the time we walked back down Main Street we were laughing again at all the funny stories he would tell. It turned out to be a very emotional day but a GREAT one that I will never forget.

In your heart you will know what to do like we did. It will be tough but also a great way to remember your sister. I love the brick idea as well. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Tink33]

I picked something up for you Alisa. Please send me a pm or email with your address so that I can get it to you.

 

[married@wdw]

I haven't read everyone else's responses, but I'm so sorry for your loss -- and it is not weird at all to grieve at a place you both loved. It makes it so easy to revel in the good times, instead of dwelling on the bad! My dad passed away in March '03 and I was scheduled to be in Orlando for my sister-in-laws bridal shower three days after the funeral. My mom made me go and spend a day at WDW. It was a good time and -- wearing one of my dad's favorite sweatshirts -- we did a bunch of his favorite rides. It was very cathartic.

 

[eatmypixiedust]

Thank you all, once again.

I have a couple more (but far less important) questions. One: Is there any info about ordering bricks online, or do you have to call? I looked but found nothing relevant (just some old stuff about 50th aniversary bricks). Two: Has anyone seen any good postcards, stickers, or other good flat souvenirs of or with Aurora? I don't want a toy possibly getting stuck or cut up in the cemetary's mower. I will definitely be getting smashed pennies of Sleeping Beauty (one for me and one for my sister's grave, and maybe some more for the rest of my family). I just thought of it now, but it's perfect because she loved Sleeping Beauty, and she had a penny collection.

I think I may take her favorite Build-A-Bear with us and get a picture of us with it and Princess Aurora. Her two favorite things. As time goes on it gets a little easier to talk about things, which is good. Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I may write a TR about the experience despite the fact that it will only be a two day trip.

You all have been so wonderful. Thank you for your prayers, kind thoughts, and support. It is comforting to know someone out there understands what I'm going through and can even provide advice about my specific question. Thank you, again,
Alisa

Unfortunately the bricks can't be ordered online. If you call Disneyland Deliev-Ears: 1-(800)362-4533 there is an option to order the bricks. You can also send them an e-mail to: dl.bricks@disney.com

 

[wdwnut4life]

I lost someone in July. I would have been on a trip for 5 weeks when she passed away. I think of things I have bought for her & wish I could have given them to her, now I keep them as a souvenir for her. I wish she was still here b/c she was very close 2 my mom & I & a few other people in my town. I think the brick idea is a good way to remember anyone you've lost. you're not alone, losing someone is hard.