Gravesites

[Malibustyle23]

If you have a very close relative that has passed, mother, father, sibling, child, etc, do you visit their gravesite? If you do, how often do you visit their grave? Anyone never go back after the funeral and graveside service? Why do you choice to visit it? Why do you choose not to?


My father in law passed away a year ago next month. My husband was very close with him. He was young when he passed at only 57. While he was sick with cancer, it was unexpected and definitely took it's toll on our family. My husband has never returned to the grave since burial even though we pass it often and are only about 15 minutes away.

I am fully aware that he is only there physically at this point, you can do all of the things (mourn, cry, talk to them, etc) on your own at home or wherever that you can do at the tombstone. The situation just makes me wonder. How do others deal with loss? What are their routines? Is it "normal" to not visit ever again? Do you visit someone more often or less that you were closer with? The situation has just made me curious about others and how the world turns so to speak.

I have not lost anyone that I have been very close with but I feel as though I would make a point to visit them often. Everyone mourns differently though and who knows what would actually happen once the time actually comes.

 

[sunshinehighway]

If you have a very close relative that has passed, mother, father, sibling, child, etc, do you visit their gravesite? If you do, how often do you visit their grave? Anyone never go back after the funeral and graveside service? Why do you choice to visit it? Why do you choose not to?


My father in law passed away a year ago next month. My husband was very close with him. He was young when he passed at only 57. While he was sick with cancer, it was unexpected and definitely took it's toll on our family. My husband has never returned to the grave since burial even though we pass it often and are only about 15 minutes away.

I am fully aware that he is only there physically at this point, you can do all of the things (mourn, cry, talk to them, etc) on your own at home or wherever that you can do at the tombstone. The situation just makes me wonder. How do others deal with loss? What are their routines? Is it "normal" to not visit ever again? Do you visit someone more often or less that you were closer with? The situation has just made me curious about others and how the world turns so to speak.

I have not lost anyone that I have been very close with but I feel as though I would make a point to visit them often. Everyone mourns differently though and who knows what would actually happen once the time actually comes.

I don't. It's just not something I have a desire to do.

 

[ronandannette]

My beloved parents and one of my brothers are laid to rest in our "family plot" in the century-old cemetery in my hometown. I live quite far away and don't get back often anymore now that they've all gone. But when I do I pretty much always swing by the cemetery. I like to check on the condition of the headstones and grave sites and landscaping - just generally look around. I don't feel like I'm "visiting" them nor do I feel closer to them there than anywhere else.

 

[tvguy]

I visited my father's graveside twice in the first 46 years after his passing. It is 100 miles from where I live.
My mom passed away 4 years ago, I have been back 3 times in the past 4 years. She is interred with my dad.
I plan to go back in May on the 50th anniversary of my dad's passing.
I grew up with my parents saying "no point in going to the gravesite, we're not there".
I don't know that my dad ever visited his parents gravesites. They died when he was 10. They are interred 2 miles from where he is interred. They were in an unmarked grave until DW and DD insisted I have a headstone put in 3 years ago. I have been there 3 times.
My mom only visited her parents gravesites 4 times, I was with her all 4 times. But they are interred 1,500 miles from here.

 

[ronandannette]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I've visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

 

[tvguy]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

I agree. DW and I are big history buffs and there is a lot of history on those headstones. There is a cemetery 2 blocks from where I work. It opened in 1849. I walk through there about once a week on my lunch break. Discovered I know at least 4 people interred there.

 

[dadtoagirl03]

I've never returned to a gravesite for any of my family. For me personally I don't see he need to visit a hole in the ground with a hollow body. I know they've all moved on to something better, so my memories are good enough for me.

 

[Klayfish]

Never. I was extraordinarily close to my maternal grandparents. I never went to their graves after they passed (I was 17 when my grandmother died and 20 when my grandfather died). My mother passed away 15 years ago, she was only in her late 50s (I was about 30). Never went to her grave after her funeral.

Just not something I feel I need to do. My memories of them are in my heart, and that's all I need. I also don't believe in a "spirit", so to me a gravesite is just a place where dead people are put underground.

 

[MamaBelle4]

After my grandmother died, my then DD6 kept asking if we could leave things for her. So, for about a year, everytime she asked, we put together a wreath and took it to her grave. While we were there, I would tell her about Grandma and Grandpa (who she never met because he died when I was 11). She would ask about my Aunt, but I never told her about her. She died years before I was born and it is a hard story to share, one I certainly didn't want to share with a child. But it was a way for her to remember Grandma and keep her alive in her memories. She hasn't asked to go back in a while and I don't bring it up. I figure if she needs to, she will.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I go several times a year to my parents'. I'd probably go more if i didn't live 2 hrs away. They are buried at a National Cemetery and it is absolutely beautiful there.

 

[Minnesota!]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I've visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

I agree,

I find a lot of peace in visiting loved ones at the cemetery. I visit my dad, my inlaws, my grandparents, etc.

 

[Malibustyle23]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I've visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

That is the ironic part, before we had kids he and I would actually make a point to go to graveyards and seek out older tombstones. Fascinated by their story, the dash between the dates, the amazing tombstones you can find that are older, etc. We haven't gone in awhile since we have kids and they would rather do other things but on our last trip to battlegrounds around VA we made a point to stop in to a soldier's cemetery.

 

[lovin'fl]

I don't go to my grandparents' graves... only did when I was young and my parents dragged me or when another family member passed since my my families have family sections of the cemeteries.

Now my dad passed in 2001 at 54 from cancer, diagnosed just 12 days before he passed. My mom had him buried in the Veteran cemetery instead of at his family's section of their cemetery. I live pretty close and have visited about 4 times in 10 years that I have lived here. My mom visits often... probably 2-3 times a year. She hasn't dealt with his death well. They met at 19 and married at 20 so he was all she knew.

I too like to tour cemeteries. Love reading the gravestones. Love the tie to another era.

 

[loves to dive]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I've visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

Anywhere I visit I make it a point to go visit the oldest cemetery in town. I love walking around and reading the headstones. My favorite - an old cemetery in Memphis, in a not so nice part of town but huge and just beautiful. I was wandering around one trip and it was hotter than heck, so seeing a bench under a tree I decided to have a seat. As I sat there I glanced at the headstone in front of me. It read "My Beloved". No date, no name, just that. I cried for a good 30 min. thinking how much this person loved the other when all they needed to say was my beloved.

As far as visiting my parents, they were both cremated and their ashes scattered in different places, both about 3 hours away from where I live in different directions, so nope.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you have a very close relative that has passed, mother, father, sibling, child, etc, do you visit their gravesite? If you do, how often do you visit their grave? Anyone never go back after the funeral and graveside service? Why do you choice to visit it? Why do you choose not to?


My father in law passed away a year ago next month. My husband was very close with him. He was young when he passed at only 57. While he was sick with cancer, it was unexpected and definitely took it's toll on our family. My husband has never returned to the grave since burial even though we pass it often and are only about 15 minutes away.

I am fully aware that he is only there physically at this point, you can do all of the things (mourn, cry, talk to them, etc) on your own at home or wherever that you can do at the tombstone. The situation just makes me wonder. How do others deal with loss? What are their routines? Is it "normal" to not visit ever again? Do you visit someone more often or less that you were closer with? The situation has just made me curious about others and how the world turns so to speak.

I have not lost anyone that I have been very close with but I feel as though I would make a point to visit them often. Everyone mourns differently though and who knows what would actually happen once the time actually comes.

DH's mom is in Iowa and he wants to go "see her" this summer. (We are in MO) She passed away 4yrs ago.

It is a small town and she is buried with her family. We have visited the cemetery many times in the past when we are in IA.

 

[mom2rtk]

We visit the graves of my husband's parents each year around Memorial Day. It's just a time to slow down, reflect and remember.

 

[MIGrandma]

My parents prepaid for their funerals and their cemetery plots several years before my Dad passed away in 2008. They also chose their gravestone and had it placed, and I actually have a photo of the two of them by their stone.

I do visit Dad's grave quite often, as I enjoy getting my walking in at the cemetery. Nice paved streets with no traffic, and it's so quiet and peaceful. So every time I walk I go to his grave to pause and say "hi" to him. Yes, I know he isn't there but that is where he is laid to rest. When I leave I kiss the tips of my fingers and touch the top of the stone. I tend his grave too, pulling weeds that the mower doesn't get when the city workers mow, and I have a small flag holder and put a seasonal flag in it so change those out 4 times a year. And last summer the gravestone was quite dirty so I took a gallon of hot water along with a bit of soap and a stiff brush and cleaned it, using rinse water from the spigot (they have several located throughout the cemetery for people to use to water flowers they have planted/hanging). Each side of my parents' gravestone has a vase, so I keep seasonal flowers in the vase on Dad's side, and when Mom passes I will do the same for her side. To me, it's comforting to visit Dad's grave, even though I of course think about him, and talk to him at home too. I sometimes tend other people's graves too, when walking by if I notice flowers have blown out of the vase, or a statue has fallen over, etc. I will stop to fix it.

I visit my maternal grandparents' grave once a year, usually in the spring to put new silk flowers in the vases. I have never seen where my paternal grandmother is buried (Texas) but would love to sometime.

I have always loved cemeteries, and even if I don't know anyone buried in one I still enjoy walking through it to see the headstones, memorials people leave, etc.

 

[SirDuff]

My mum died 18 years ago (I was 21 and my brother was 23). When I still lived in that city (up until about 14 months ago), we visited on her birthday, Mother's day, and the anniversary of the day she died. For the first number of years we'd go on the actual day but more recently started going on the closest weekend/holiday (her anniversary sometimes falls on a holiday). My brother still goes (with his kids/wife). My aunt (mum's sister) and my dad came with us the first number of years but don't always do so now.

 

[rastahomie]

My dad's parents are buried - truth be told I couldn't even tell you where. My mom's parents are both cremated; mom diligently scattered their ashes in places that were important to them. Grandpa had a favorite bar where he'd watch the Cubs and get hammered, and the staff there were really kind to Mom after he died and they let her scatter a few of his ashes in the back. It was really nice.

My mother and her husband both want to be cremated, as does my father as well, so there won't be any grave sites for my parents.

ASIDE: I want at least some of my ashes scattered at Walt Disney World. I know you're not supposed to do that, that CM's are on the lookout for people trying to surreptitiously pour ashes, that they'll just get vacuumed up, yada yada yada. But WDW is important to a lot of people, and truthfully I think they should lighten up that a bit. To me, there's something oddly comforting about the thought of at least a part of my mortal remains spending eternity (so to speak) at a place that meant a lot to me. And, as an added bonus, my ghost can haunt the Haunted Mansion! ("There's always room for one more.")

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I may just generally be a weirdo, but there's something about cemeteries that draws me - I've visited many. I think they lend a sense of connectedness between the past and present and I always find it interesting to see what little tokens have been left. I also like those "walking tours" you can go on of cemeteries in some places. The information on the history of the area and it's residents can be fascinating.

Nope not a weirdo at all. When we go on vacation to a place that has that history we visit a cemetery: Savannah, GA, Salem, MA, Gettysburg, PA (though a different type of cemetary really since it's a battlefield too), etc. I try and spend a good amount of time if I can looking at the gravestones and what's written on it. I feel like it's almost paying my respect in some sort of way ya know?