Grandparent Gifts

[ckmommy]

marlasmom,

You sound like my mom. One Christmas my sister and I joked that mom was going to invite some stangers off the street to celebrate Christmas with us. Sure enough, Christmas morning a Doctor that she worked with arrived at our house for Christmas breakfast. His family was still in CA so he had no one to spend Christmas with. So our family became his for the day.

Also, I wanted to say that I feel for you with you DIL and her wanting to be with her family only. I come from a family that is very close, We spend most holiday's together. When I started dating my now DH I had to start thinking about where we were going to spend our holiday's. I selfishly thought that they would be with my family since, there was no way DH's family could be as close as my family was. Turns out DH's family does the holiday's just like my family. I realized that we were going to have to split time with both family's. That was only fair. So we normally do dinner with my family's side and dessert with his side. Has worked well for us for 13 years.
I worry a lot about what will happen to my family when they grow up. I only have 1 DD and then 4 DS's. I hope that my future S/DIL's will want to spend a part of their holiday's with DH and me.

 

[Alice28]

Both my mom and my mother in law really appreciate knowing what to get my boys...they have so many toys and such, and right now both sets of grandparents live out of state, so they don't know exactly what the kids are into, what they have, etc. I do give them lists, but only because they ask me what they want. I don't quite go to the catalog number, but for instance, DS3 wants this PlayDoh table we saw in the Target wish book, so I mentioned that, and DS7 wants some Star Wars toys and some Game Boy games, so I mentioned the specific ones, since I have already bought some, etc.

 

[meandtheguys2]

We stopped doing the Christmas Circus when DS was 2. We tried to please everyone up until then. ARGH! Now, all family are welcome at our house if they want to come. We will do whatever is necessary to make space, etc., but that car engine does not start!

Katerkat, you and that little guy are in my prayers. It stinks that your DH will be deployed!

MM, I would have loved the sweaters, BTW! My boys just would have hated them!

inaminute, you are right, measurements do make much more sense! I am just not giving mine out!

 

[Castlebound]

marlasmom,
I understand all about the family means HER family. That is how my MIL is and has been since our wedding day. It use to drive me crazy but I decided there are more important things to stress over than trying to figure out when I get to become part of her family(ten years and still waiting). The only person it hurts is you if you keep letting it bother you.

Do you get to see them at all during the holidays? I'm one of those people who feel that it isn't being together on "the day" that matters but just being together. From the way you talk they have been married for several years and she has been like this since the beginning. If so, she is not likely to change this late in the game, so it is time to move on and stop stressing about it every year. Treat what ever day you see them on as Christmas and be happy that you get to celebrate the season with your grandkids. Another lesson I learned is that you can't change people into what you want them to be. If that were the case I'm sure that your DIL would have a list of changes she wants to see in you that would be just as long as the one you would have for her.

Having your family and your traditions for years and then having someone new come in and want it differently is hard. Being the person coming into that family is hard also. My DH and I have tried to mix a little of both of our families traditions into our holidays, and there had to be some give and take. If your DS won't step up and say that he wants to spend time with you on Christmas then there isn't really anything you can do. If you throw a fit about it that will not make them want to visit, and in fact they may visit less. Maybe you DS will visit you on Christmas. If he does just be happy that he is there and don't bring up the fact that your DIL is not.

Your DIL tells each person what gift she wants them to get her kids? That is going too far. If I did that to my family they would tell me to get a life, and I would have to agree with them! I would not get the Bell outfit or I would get one from Wal-Mart. The Big Lots in my area has a lot of the accessories and they are even cheaper than Wal-Mart. Maybe your DD needs to be truthful with you DIL and tell her that the Bell outfit is not in her budget and she can't get it for her niece. Then ask what she would like that would be more in your DD's price range.

 

[kadaten]

Do I put in an order? Uh, no. I would never think of handing a list to each person with exactly what I expect them to give. Never.

The grandparents *do* ask for suggestions, though, and I'm happy to give those. If they say they want to buy an add-on for something the kids already have (like a new book for her LeapPad) then I just tell them ones we already have or say "We don't have the Pooh one or the Bob the Builder one yet." My mom is looking for clothes for Bitty Baby for my DD so I described the outfits she already has. Mom was THRILLED that I never order from the catalog, so she has free reign in there. I generally give 3 or 4 suggestions for each kid. If they want more suggestions, they can ask, but they do REALLY well shopping on their own, so I like them to do that! They've given some really neat things that I've never seen, and it would have been a shame for the kids to miss out on them!

I WILL put limits on gifts. For example, we have too many things with tons of small parts. So I said "No more Little People playsets, please. He has enough and doesn't play much with them." Or I have told them we're trying to concentrate on Bitty Baby stuff rather than branch out into Barbie paraphenalia.

SIL shops great on her own. She's never asked for ideas and I've never offered. Her kids are a few years older than mine, though, so I ask what they're into before I go shopping. Her son generally wants a game for his Gameboy, so I ask which ones are on his list in case I go that route. Her daughter is usually into some sort of new craft or activity, so I see which ones she's already done or gotten tired of or is just getting into.

That's just what we do!

 

[Strings]

My Mom wants specifics. She wants a list she can choose from. It is at her request I provide detailed information. That said, she wants lots of oprions and still has surprises for all of us. Inlaws are a nonissue. We don't exchange gifts.

 

[Patty3]

I always ask my family what they want for Christmas, they do not have to be specific, but, if they want to that helps. If I got a list, I truly would not mind. I want to spend my money on items that they want and not gifts that will either be hidden in the closet or worse yet, regifted. I also buy a few extra gifts as surprises. When I was growing up, we spent the early afternoon with one set of grandparents and the evening with the other set. As a child, I loved this. I so much enjoyed spending time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It would not be Christmas or Easter without seeing them. After I married, we divided the day between my family and his. Looking back, I have so many fond memories in my heart that I would not trade for the world. Christmas is family for me. Now, if I had to choose between them and DH if he had to work, it would be DH.