Granddaughter Being Left "Home Alone"

[Chattyaholic]

To those who wondered why I couldn't check on her...as I said in my original post: I WAS ON MY WAY TO WORK so I wasn't going to be here!!

I have no problem with her being home alone IF I AM HOME TOO, but when I'm not I just don't think she should be left alone for the whole day. Now, if the neighbor across the street is home and DS has made arrangements that she can call over there if there's a problem that would be fine too. But other than our house next door and the neighbor across the street there is nobody else close by. We live in the country, with houses "few and far between."

Plus it really bothered me that she had a friend over. I just wonder if the friend's parents knew the girls would be home alone all day...

I have already discussed this with my son and he gets very defensive about it, so I can't bring it up again but I do worry...
I said a special prayer on my way to work, that God would watch over them.

I know that at 12 she can take the babysitting course that's offered at school, but that is still more than a year away.

Thanks for everyone's replies, and you're right, it does depend a lot on the maturity of the child...so maybe I should try not to worry so much.

 

[tkd lisa]

You should check what the law is in your local area, since it varies widely. I believe in MD (at least in our county), a child can be alone in daylight hours at age 10, as long as no one under 10 is in the house (i.e. a 10 year old can stay home alone after school, but can't be responsible for their 9 year old sibling). At 12, they can be responsible for others, and I think at 12, it can be after dark as well.

At one point in time, we lived next door to a County Sheriff. The family down the road had 2 kids, one was 11, the other was 8 or 9. The family left them alone often. The wife of the Sheriff finally approached the parents, saying that since this was a clear violation of the law, they were putting her husband in a bad position of knowingly allowing his neighbor to break the law. They found a sitter for the younger child after that.

If your local laws don't allow this, you can approach your son with the "I don't know if you knew this but the law says ..... and I know you wouldn't want to have problems like particularly while going through the divorce, yah da yah da yah da..."

Any my opinion is that even if it is legal, she shouldn't have friends over. I'd be the little birdie who notified the friend's family that the girls were home alone.

Good luck with a tough situation.

 

[Antonia]

I have a brother who has full custody of his girls. My mother has differing opinions on what he should do as a parent. She was always a stay at home mom when we were small and only went to work when the youngest was in junior high. We had an intact family and this is my mom's first experience with a divorced family. It seems nothing my brother does suits my mom. He is actually a good dad - lives down the street from me and I just spent a week with him and the girls in Florida. So I do get to see them in action. No, they are not the Leave It To Beaver family that we were growing up, but my brother is faced with so many things that my mother never has faced. He does things differently and there is the key to the tesnsion and conflict between my mom and brother.
If only my mom could have an open mind where my brother and his children are concerned - but she wants him to do things her way and she often tells him what he should do. Frankly, he gets sick of hearing it and he becomes defensive.
I love my brother and my mom, but I honestly wish my brother lived a lot further from my mom (it's only 2 miles) so that he could have a life without her telling him how to be a parent. Just some thoughts from someone close to a similar situation.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Antonia: Are you trying to politely tell me to mind my own business? That's kind of what I got out of your post, maybe I'm wrong....I don't know.....

I keep my mouth shut most of the time when it comes to things my son does, he is 28 years old, doesn't have to listen to his mommy any more

But!! When it comes to my grandchildren's SAFETY it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I tend to think what if I DIDN'T say anything, and something happened, THEN how would I feel about it?!

He has lived next door to us for a long time, if we were "meddlesome" I know he would move!

 

[rhanditresmom]

I agree with those who say it depends on the child. My son has proven himself to be very responsible (he is 10, almost 11). I have no problem leaving him home alone, but I would not allow him to have a friend over if I was not there. I trust him, but I think kids have a tendency to get carried away with "fun" when friends are around. Who knows what state my house would be in!

My daughter is another story. I'm not quite ready to leave her without her brother (she is 8, going on 32). She gets so mad at me, but it is for her own good. She is not quite as responsible as big brother.....sigh*

I rarely leave them for more than an hour, and then I call constantly! I worry so much......

 

[snoopy]

When I was 10/11, I often watched my 5 younger siblings at home while my mother ran errands during the day or when my parents went out for the evening.

Times are a lot different now. I would consider many factors before leaving my child alone at that age, the maturity level of the child in question being the biggest factor.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I just think your an AWSOME grandmother. Your worried about your granddaughter and have every right to be in this day and age.

My daughter will be turning 11. She has been left alone for quick trips down the road to pick up a pizza or something. I just don't feel comfortable leaving her for the entire day while I'm at work. Plus I work 40 minutes away.

Just another thing to add to our list of prayers....making sure she stays safe at home

 

[newholiday]

I started babysitting at age 11 but that was back in the late 60s!
I do leave DS home a couple days/wk while Im at work 1.5miles down the road. I phone him every few hrs, he calls here too. I take my lunch break right in the middle of the day so I can go home and check on things.

 

[shortbun]

I have reservations about the friend being there. One thing
to leave your own child alone but to take responsibility for
someone else's child at that age and not be there is another
issue. If something were to happen, your DS could lose everything including the right to have custody of his children.
Good that he's coming home at lunch, I'm sure he's calling
to check too. It's that friend thing that would worry me. I would
not allow my child to have friends in if I were not there until
they were at least 14 and then maybe not for other reasons.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, I think it depends on the friend too. I was babysitting at 11 and sometimes a night could get pretty long feeling all alone when the kids were in bed. I had one family I babysat for who lived way out in the country and my friend and I would always go together. It felt a lot safer to be together. This same friend was the one who if I was with her, my parents would agree to a lot more places to go and later times to be out when we were in high school. Basically, if Amy was there, I didn't have a curfew, but if she wasn't, I did. (We were responsible girls and never stayed out past 1:00 even in college.Not sure ehy mom and dad felt so much safer when we were together, but we never got in trouble. Of course, I never got in trouble when she wasn't there either! ) I know that two of us together could handle more than one of us alone.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think this depends a lot on the child. It would have to be decided on a case by case basis. I've left my kids home alone when they were that age, but not for a whole day.

We have a FIRM rule at our house, though. No one has company over unless one of the parents is home. They can get permission to meet a friend at the neighborhood pool (where there are lifeguards) if they call when they go and call when they return, but no friends at our house unless we are there. By the way, my kids are older. Mine are now 13 and 17.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I leave my DS10 home alone if I'm going to be in the neighborhood. I take the 8 and 2 year olds with me. He enjoys the quiet time. (I would too!)

I don't think your granddaughter should have a friend over.

Lori