Grand Gatherings...? I give up!

[Quiksilvr]

This thread is making me dread trying to organize vacations with my parents and siblings (and my wife's parents and siblings). I think we'll have to do the "we're going from x to y, come if you want." Otherwise someone will always need a change made to suit their schedule and I just don't have the patience to deal with the aggravation.

Brogan, I also agree with you that you shouldn't blow your points on HHI when you have a condo in OC. I despise OC personally, but I recognize that it's a great beach vacation for many and definitely has more to offer than HHI anyway.

 

[dzorn]

Yup. Tried that. Was my first idea actually. When the kids reached 10 or so, they could have a special trip with their grandfather and aunt. Just a one-on-one-on-one thing. In my adult wisdom, I thought it would be a great idea if a relative of mine would have given me that opportunity as a kid. (I still treasure the memory of my blizzard weekend with my grandparents when the rest of the family was elsewhere. One of the few memories I have of my grandfather.)

I floated that idea back when my eldest niece was 8. (She turns 11 this summer.) It was fine until a month before the girl's 10th birthday. Then my SIL announced "No child of mine is flying anywhere without me." Something her neighbor decided and she soon adopted.

At the moment she and the neighbor are trying to figure out how they'll get from Maryland to Florida for a post-Thanksgiving cruise without taking the same plane as their husbands. Last I heard my brother was to fly with the neighbor's wife and my SIL was to ride with the neighbor's husband. I have no idea where the kids will be. There's this insane fear that the plane will crash and they'd orphan someone. Doesn't matter that they have a better chance at getting killed in a car accident driving the 900 miles down I-95 Thanksgiving weekend. No, planes are too scary and well "you never know".

(Note: I am probably the world's biggest chicken when it comes to flying, but even I got over it when it meant ever seeing London in person or Disney at New Year's.)

I must say I would have no choice but to make a few wife swapping jokes in front of them.

Denise in MI

 

[dzorn]

We took my sister our first family trip.
My 12 yr old DN on our second.
DSis and Dmom on the disney cruise.
Taking Other SSis and spouse next Feb.
NO way could I handle everyone at one time. I spend to much time worrying about everyone having a good time.
I will happily tell everyone where we are going and they can plan it out on their own. Only select few (probably each trip) would I do all the planning.

I will be happy to recomend the passporter book.

Denise in MI

 

[BroganMc]

This thread is making me dread trying to organize vacations with my parents and siblings (and my wife's parents and siblings). I think we'll have to do the "we're going from x to y, come if you want." Otherwise someone will always need a change made to suit their schedule and I just don't have the patience to deal with the aggravation.

It's really not that terrible but it does bring family issues to light. For instance, as the youngest kid my views or comments always get dissed first as a "she can't possibly know anything". I have a hard time earning respect with my sibling elders. Doesn't matter that I'm a college graduate, a published novelist and run my own business, and am well over 25. In their eyes, I'm still a yapping 8 yr old who has tantrums.

My brother had a good e-mail response to my factoids. He basically pleaded the "but I want to be with my dad in Disney dagnammit!" Brought the SILs to heel I think. The idea of using points for HHI or VB is out. (I could let them entertain the idea but as controller of the points, I'd never let them do it. I may be crazy but I ain't stupid.)

Now they're talking about using their timeshares to stay offsite during the summer and others stay onsite. (You can bet you're bottom dollar Dad and I will be some of those onsite. In a studio at SSR enjoying the pool and walks to DTD for extra double berry-tinis at Raglan Road for me.)

Being there in the summer is not my first and last choice, but in talking with my dad we decided we could take one for the team. It's not like we can chose anyone's job for them. (Though we both agreed never to work for a county public school system or any employer with such ridiculous benefits rules. JMHO. I believe I'm a home schooler and parochial schooler at heart.)

I gave them a few more suggests to chew over with pro's and con's. They'll fight all my details, suggesting I am having a tantrum and being pushy. Yet I have to try.

My sister's family had such a good time with my dad and I last October. (And if anyone remembers my trip report you know how frustrating that was for me.) While he's and his grandkids are still young enough to enjoy a little Disney magic together, I have to keep trying to make it possible. For my mom.

I still remember when we were in Crystal Palace for my dad's 71st birthday. Piglet commandeered by dad for the birthday parade around the place. Here he was, skipping, smiling and high-fiving a 5 foot pink pig playing a little drum. My mom looked at the video with tears in her eyes and said, "I just love seeing him be like a kid again."

Everyone should have memories like that, if they can.

 

[BroganMc]

Hee hee. So now SIL1 decides she might like this trip after all. Why? I mention my wish to break up in little groups with likeminded interests like "all the ladies go to a spa day". She loves that idea.

Just you watch. They'll be loving this thing by the time it happens and then my brothers will be high-fiving each other for their great idea in making it happen.

Oh well. When my sister drove me bonkers last October first day, a quick trip on Tower of Terror cleared my sinuses. I might be visiting a lot.

 

[Quiksilvr]

It's really not that terrible but it does bring family issues to light. For instance, as the youngest kid my views or comments always get dissed first as a "she can't possibly know anything". I have a hard time earning respect with my sibling elders. Doesn't matter that I'm a college graduate, a published novelist and run my own business, and am well over 25. In their eyes, I'm still a yapping 8 yr old who has tantrums.

I know what you mean. The dynamic of a family is hard to change with so much water under the bridge. I'm at the other end of the sibling spectrum; I have two younger siblings. If I know them, they'll want to come with us to WDW because we're footing the lodging bill (and that's perfectly fine with me; it's one of the reasons I bought DVC). But, they'll still have to stick to my schedule. I'm a lawyer with very large and very...demanding clients. When I can get away is when I can get away and they'll just have to deal with it.

It sounds like things are coming together for you a bit though, so that's good.

 

[BroganMc]

I know what you mean. The dynamic of a family is hard to change with so much water under the bridge. I'm at the other end of the sibling spectrum; I have two younger siblings. If I know them, they'll want to come with us to WDW because we're footing the lodging bill (and that's perfectly fine with me; it's one of the reasons I bought DVC). But, they'll still have to stick to my schedule. I'm a lawyer with very large and very...demanding clients. When I can get away is when I can get away and they'll just have to deal with it.

I wish I had that ability, but I'm the peacemaker of the family. Which means I spend most of my time trying to make everyone else happy and hope at the end of the day they remember me in return. Sometimes it works, but usually from the next generation or the previous one. The current one...

Latest is the TA SIL has figured out that if we use all but 5 of our points (425 out of 430) then we could all still go to Disney in the summer next year for 5 days. My original invite used about half that amount at a time we usually go. Her way we could not travel to Disney at all next year except for the 5 days spent with and let's be honest FOR family.

I love 'em and I'm generous, just not that generous.

Ah well, it'll probably work out eventually. We're just going to negotiate for a while.

FWIW, I do see why several people here have such a tough policy when it comes to sharing their DVC.

 

[disney0210]

We just joined last week and still got last year`s points. We then planned a week in October at AKV, our home resort. Only cost us 74 points. I thought to myself, `great, we`ve got tons of points for next year.` Don`t know what went over me but I asked DH if he wanted to bring along his side of the family with us and we will foot the accommodations. He said it was a great idea so I did all the research and made a proposal to my two SIL`s first. Showed them how much it would cost them if they went on their own and had to pay for everything, and how much it would be if we already took care of the accommodations. Guess it was too sweet a deal to pass up so now they are all coming. It was very easy though because SIL1 had 2 kids that have wanted to go for a while but they couldn`t at the moment. SIL2 was single. SIL1 is a family of 4, SIL2 will be staying with MIL and FIL. And since then, SIL3 also wanted in. We have now reserved 3 studio`s to accommodate us all - using up 222 points (so now I borrowed from next year`s points!). I am okay with separate studio`s for all of us - I figured it`s okay we vacationed all together, but still we have that `alone` time.

We hope we don`t get burned by this sudden act of generosity. Sharing gives such a nice feeling that I don`t want to ever have to say `what a waste, wish we just used up all the points ourselves`. We just felt our DD5 will have so much fun with her cousins at Disney that sharing the points was a no-brainer. I`m just concerned that if anyone happens to say anything bad about Disney while they`re there on our points, I might take it personally :-(

I guess we`ll see in October if we will be travelling by ourselves the next time.

Hope things work out for you.

 

[casper]

Hee hee. So now SIL1 decides she might like this trip after all. Why? I mention my wish to break up in little groups with likeminded interests like "all the ladies go to a spa day". She loves that idea.

I took my mom, dad, nephew, brother, and SIL last summer. We had a great time! Except my SIL. She always wanted to eat at fancy resturants (which my brother couldn't afford), she never offered suggestions on what she wanted to do, but complained about it being "a waste of her time and a waste of her vacation." Oh! But she made this complaint about 30 minutes before we all left. I just looked at her and said, "I'm sorry. If you weren't having fun you shouldn't have been laughing and smiling all week." I'm not planning on asking her to go again. Which is a shame, my brother was having the time of his life. So I might just plan a trip with with the "guys." But somehow include my mother in it.

BroganMc I'm a closet fan of yours! I read a lot of what you write and really enjoy your trip reports with your dad. The Mohawk was crazy and fun. If I wasn't bald on top, I would have tried to get one like your dad. Someday, I'm sure we will meet.

And do you suppose Walt had it all wrong. It's not the ugly step-sisters we should fear, but the SIL!!! Maybe we should sell the idea to Pixar?

 

[tjhsr]

Just before we left on our March trip DW call my sister and want to know if we could bring our niece and nephew in May and to think about it while we were gone. We didn't offer to take my sister just the kids. Well they are coming for there 1st visit and my sister is staying home. That way we are in charge not my sister. Hope you can work something out with the SIL. By the way BroganMc our niece and nephew live in the Crofton Area.

 

[babiektcher]

Not everybody feels the same about Disney as the rest of us here, but I feel sad for them.

 

[Sammie]

My brothers couldn't even go for a guy only trip to Vegas last year when my dad turned 75 because their wives wouldn't let them. Instead we had to have a family party at my sister's house.

Here is the answer to why you can't get this off the ground, I mean come on, their wives would not let them. Your brothers need to establish some guidelines for they have a life too.

If that is what they want, however be warned sometime men hide behind their wives rather than tell a family member they are not interested.

 

[kikiq]

I still remember when we were in Crystal Palace for my dad's 71st birthday. Piglet commandeered by dad for the birthday parade around the place. Here he was, skipping, smiling and high-fiving a 5 foot pink pig playing a little drum. My mom looked at the video with tears in her eyes and said, "I just love seeing him be like a kid again."

Everyone should have memories like that, if they can.

Gosh, your mom and my mom must be sitting together just yakking away about family memories. My mom's last trip planned was a December DCL/WDW trip but she passed away unexpectedly that summer before. We decided as a family to go anyway. It was like she was with us. My mom loved those Disney memories. It is the reason we bought DVC for my family to continue the memories (my dh's family doesn't do disney).
Keep at it, like you I'm determined to make this trip work while my dad is still able to get around,(although he was a little miffed he's not at the Poly until we showed how much it would be for all 10 of us to stay there and a promise that he could come with just our family another time and stay a day or two at the Poly before going to SSR)

PS I enjoy reading your posts. Plus you make us very happy to be SSR owners.

 

[tomandrobin]

If that is what they want, however be warned sometime men hide behind their wives rather than tell a family member they are not interested.

My wife told me to tell you that this statement is not true!

 

[Slakk]

Some of you may remember about my posts about my Grand Nightmare that I went through in January. I have the ungrateful brother and his family and my sponge-like parents (who love to use my points all the time).

It was the BEST experience I could ever have because now I know my points are MINE MINE MINE MINE and MINE.

I will not offer one night in a studio at HH in December on a Tuesday (basically as cheap as you can get) to anyone in my family ever again. My brother and his family wanted to give me NO idea what they wanted to do then after one day at the parks decided that they were Disney experts and made every mistake a newbie could make then whined and complained. Understand I footed the bill for a Savanah view 2BR for them, my parents paid for their dining plan, their kid's plane ticket and their park hoppers.

My parents tagged behind them as unpaid nannies and ignored my son (they all live in the same state and we are 2000 miles away). We still are not really speaking - it was a rotten 5 days and loss of a year's points.

The thing is the issues in our relationship were magnified at WDW so I truly believe people should not invite others unless they have a great relationship or hide thicker than a rhino because two months later I still have not spoken to my brother and maybe a handful to my parents.

Not trying to be a downer....but trying to throw some reality out.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

BroganMc:

I soooo understand. Unfortunately, my sisters did finally cooperate and go on our trip. DH and I wished under our breath that it had been just the kids all week. My nephews got it. They had a magical time - even though their parents were oblivious about it. I did overhear my 8 yo niece say, its nice and all but really not worth the money. Her Mommy and Daddy prefer sitting on the beach on vacation.

I'm also "the baby," and am perpetually 5 years old. When exactly will I be old enough to understand whatever the heck it is that they are going through? I know that Mom didn't make me do as much housework when I was 8 as when they were 8, but that is no reason to give me the short end of the stick for the rest of my life.

They pretty much thought I was out of my mind for pushing this trip. After they all got back, they thought to themselves, "Gee it sure was nice that we could all spend a little time together as a family." Doh!

Overall, even though our trip had some high points, I would say overall, it was a disaster. The country song say..."If it don't come easy, you better let it go." That is so true.

Be glad that you have your Dad supporting you on this. When I planned our trip, my Dad said "I wouldn't walk into WDW if I was standing there with a free ticket." Little did he know, that could have been arranged, or maybe he did know. My sisters did say it would have been nice if he would have at least wanted to see Disney with the grandkids.

 

[crisi]

Here is the answer to why you can't get this off the ground, I mean come on, their wives would not let them. Your brothers need to establish some guidelines for they have a life too.

If that is what they want, however be warned sometime men hide behind their wives rather than tell a family member they are not interested.

My father's mother is sort of a demanding pill of a woman. So for YEARS she's been demanding my parents do this or that, and when its time to say "no" its my mother's job to do so.

After about thirty years of this, my mother wised up. By being the one with the "no" responsibility (she had the yes and invite over responsibilities too, but Grandma never remembered that), she looked at my dad and said "she's your mother - I'm done." Now she makes my dad say no. My grandmother still blames her, but at least my mother isn't playing middleman.

In truth, my mother is the one looking at my father to say "when was the last time you stopped by?" or "maybe we should go out to brunch with your mother." But its so much easier for my Grandmother to blame my mother for her son's inattention than it is for her to blame her beloved son.

After watching this dynamic for years, I straight out told my wonderful mother in law "its between you and him - if you think we aren't being attentive enough, that isn't my problem. If you want a Mother's Day card, he sends it, not me." She laughed - she had a mother in law once, too.

 

[sajetto]

Brogan, I understand how a grand gathering can be tough to get off the ground, but I can understand why some of the people invited won't attend. I myself am a school teacher and will not leave for any reason other than a death in the family or terrible illness. Its a big no-no in my school to take off for a vacation.

Also, it is wise to be very selective when arranging these gatherings. As Slakk pointed out, they can be the cause of hard feelings if the wrong people are invited. We invite my parents along with us for trips, but they are the only family members we will take. Anyone else that goes along with us are close friends who are just as fanatical about Disney as we are. Unfortunately, most people just don't get the Disney magic

 

[BroganMc]

Thanks for all the words and sympathy! I half feared I'd get flamed for whining about family vacations or challenging school schedules. I do understand the family's concerns and am trying to accommodate. I've already reconciled myself to a summer trip. (I would have just accepted the declined october invites, but my brother practically begged for a day in Disney with my dad.)

Now I'm trying to figure out exactly how I'll deal with my SILs during the trip. One I expect won't be very happy and the other will want to control everything. Knowing me, I'll be disturbed until I can find a way to please the first SIL and I'll be driven to tears or homicidal fantasies about a dozen times by the second SIL.

Dad and I worked out a way we can get each a room, but we'll plan our main trip around my sister's family (the one we always vacation with and can count on). That way, if the SILs cancel last minute, I can release their rooms and still bank the remaining points (my deadline is August 1). I think it also may be wise to let them arrange any group sit-down meals or other events. If I try, I fear there will be bloodshed.

As for me, well I plan to enjoy the pool and sneak off to ride Haunted Mansion a few times. That bride in the attic is beginning to look hauntingly familiar.

 

[BroganMc]

My brother and his family wanted to give me NO idea what they wanted to do then after one day at the parks decided that they were Disney experts and made every mistake a newbie could make then whined and complained.

SNIP

Not trying to be a downer....but trying to throw some reality out.

That is good food for thought. I'm sorry it was such a painful experience for you.

My family is usually fairly close just extremely opinionated. Our first adult trip to Disney 10 years ago began with a two hour debate how we were each going to get to the airport the next day... from 4 different households. It was insanely ridiculous.

I'd need to grow an extra hide by trip time though because I know if anyone's hopes get dashed it'll be mine. I'm half tempted to just send them on the trip and stay home alone to enjoy the peace and quiet. June in Maryland can be quite pleasant without my family.