Graduation -- What do you think?

[donnajz]

DD18 and I have been going to Disney every summer since 6th grade. Last summer was to be our last Disney vacation because of graduation/college. Between her grad party and college expenses, there’s not way we could afford it. During last summer’s vacation DD kept saying how sad it was that we wouldn’t be back for a long time. I finally told her if she'd rather, I'd give her the money I'd spend on a party and she could go to Disney instead of having a grad party. She didn't even THINK about it. She KNEW that’s what she wanted to do. We have a very small family and she said she'd be at plenty of parties with friends. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a friend who could go so after asking 3 of them, she said, "Come on Mom, come with me. It will be our last trip." So now both of us are going. We usually go 10-14 days, depending on our finances. (Yes, we are both Disney fanatics and can't possibly go for just a week.) Now that graduation time is getting closer, I'm feeling bad that she's not having a party but I'm scrimping and saving every penny I can get so that we can stay at Disney as long as possible. DD insists she doesn’t feel bad she’s not having a party cause it would be over after 10 hours but she’ll still be in Disney. I’m just feeling kind of guilty now that graduation is coming but we can’t possibly do both and she doesn’t want to go for just 7 nights. We’ll go out for a nice dinner with her grandparents and then a week later leave for vacation. Why do I feel like a bad parent??? Oh, and then to top it off, my boss told me she feels really bad that my daughter isn't having a grad party -- her nieces/nephews always have HUGE parties.

 

[perpetualplanner]

You feel bad because as parents we want our kids to have what everyone else has....even if they don't want it. If you think your daughter is being honest about not needing the party (which I could easily see) I would put it aside and try not to think about it - focus on the trip! If it makes you feel any better my kids have been told since they were little they won't get parties for graduation. Around here they even get 8th grade "graduation" parties - not my son and he didn't feel left out. He even agreed that it was a little ridiculous. Enjoy your trip and celebrate your daughter!

 

[RumpleMom]

Our family doesn't do a high school graduation party. We expect graduation from high school.

We have a small family party for college graduation. We help the new college graduate with things that are needed for his/her first apartment.

 

[Shmily1]

She's telling you what she honestly wants so let that be her say and have a blast on your trip. I had always planned on having DS21 and DD19 a graduation party at the Castle (a big place for parties that looks like an old castle). When it got time, they neither one wanted one. It was their graduation and their decision.

BTW--What an honor that she wants to spend that time with you rather than spending a few hours with loud music with her friends!! Enjoy your trip!!

 

[louey]

Since you have a small family, maybe just have them over for cake and coffee? You would still be celebrating her accomplishment! Have a great time in Disney, my daughter is a fanatic like me as well Congrats to your daughter.

 

[ssawka]

I had always planned on having DS21 and DD19 a graduation party at the Castle...

Oh, I thought you meant Cinderella's Castle!

 

[VAN]

I know many kids that don't have a party for one reason or another. She is right that she'll have a bunch of parties to go to anyway.

Do the other parents feel guilty because they are giving a party and not taking their child on vacation? Probably not.

Stick with your plan and ENJOY your time together. IMO those graduation parties are so overrated!

 

[DCbride]

Both of my kids had parties, but I can honestly tell you their friends would show up for about an hr and then leave for a different party. There were so many parties they had to stop by. So it mainly became a family picnic.

I agree that she told you what she wanted, I assume she is being honest. Enjoy the time with her.

On an added note, we decided when they graduate college we will go on a family trip of their choice (inside the USA) instead of any type of celebration.

 

[laurafergie]

Both of my kids had parties, but I can honestly tell you their friends would show up for about an hr and then leave for a different party. There were so many parties they had to stop by. So it mainly became a family picnic.

I agree that she told you what she wanted, I assume she is being honest. Enjoy the time with her.

On an added note, we decided when they graduate college we will go on a family trip of their choice (inside the USA) instead of any type of celebration.

This is what happened to us exactly! With all three of the older kids, their friends would just wander in and out - so it was just family there visiting. So, OP, have a small family dessert party and you'll have the best of both "worlds"! Literally!

 

[annsteere]

You have an 18 year old daughter who WANTS to spend time with you.

You are by definition a good and blessed parent.

 

[rockyroad]

It is lovely that your daughter wants to go to WDW with mom.
But so sad that it is being called a "last trip".

Truthfully, I have three kids with the youngest being 22.
I have never heard of this graduation party tradition.
Do you think it might be a regional thing?

 

[donnajz]

You have an 18 year old daughter who WANTS to spend time with you.

You are by definition a good and blessed parent.

Yes, she's my one and only child. I have definitely been blessed -- we do have a great time!

We're from the Pittsburgh, PA area and most kids here do have big grad parties. I have not doubt in my mind that she's much happier going to Disney!

 

[bethy]

You have an 18 year old daughter who WANTS to spend time with you.

You are by definition a good and blessed parent.

Ditto. I think that is just wonderful.

Kids have parties for everything these days. It's unnecessary and the oversaturation dilutes the meaning of the celebrations anyway.

 

[HunnyPots]

Neither of my kids had grad parties. Never even thought about it, actually. Our school district does an all-night blow out on grad night for all seniors so that seemed like enough. I agree with your daughter - a party will be over in a few hours but two weeks at Disney? What was the question again?

 

[akcire]

Invite all her friends and your family over to the house. Open your garage door, borrow some folding tables and chairs from everyone. Set up a radio. Buy a cheap sheet cake at Costco--think $15. Buy a bunch of soda's and maybe some chips or the big institutional ice cream tubs. Make coffee. Put a few fans in the garage. Party for under $100.

Invite people over for an "open house", but detail out in your invitation how low key it is (tell them what food to expect, even if it says cake and chips--that way they can pre-eat if they need) and casual.

This + some fruit, hot dogs, hamburgers, and a couple other things was our wedding reception. Everyone had a great time. It was the funniest thing, we just planned this "picnic-style party" because we were too poor (had just bought a house) to have a "real reception". Everyone came in casual clothes, played catch in our yard (etc.) brought all their kids, and had a really good time. We figured people would stay a couple hours and leave; we had people who stayed 8-10 hours.

10+ years later, we still have people tell us how much fun they had that day. Now we use a similar model for a summer party--let's us invite everyone we know and not have to worry about going broke. We don't provide any alcohol, but we tell them in advance (and they bring plenty). We even set up the sprinkler for the kids--old school style. We also tell people to bring chairs if they have them, no complaints yet.

 

[ceecee]

Most kids don't have huge parties around here. Cookout type foods and that is the most common. Your DD chose what she wanted to do...that should be it. Ask some close friends and family over for a BBQ if you need to have a party. I would haved love to go to WDW instead of a grad party!

 

[js]

DD18 and I have been going to Disney every summer since 6th grade. Last summer was to be our last Disney vacation because of graduation/college. Between her grad party and college expenses, there’s not way we could afford it. During last summer’s vacation DD kept saying how sad it was that we wouldn’t be back for a long time. I finally told her if she'd rather, I'd give her the money I'd spend on a party and she could go to Disney instead of having a grad party. She didn't even THINK about it. She KNEW that’s what she wanted to do. We have a very small family and she said she'd be at plenty of parties with friends. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a friend who could go so after asking 3 of them, she said, "Come on Mom, come with me. It will be our last trip." So now both of us are going. We usually go 10-14 days, depending on our finances. (Yes, we are both Disney fanatics and can't possibly go for just a week.) Now that graduation time is getting closer, I'm feeling bad that she's not having a party but I'm scrimping and saving every penny I can get so that we can stay at Disney as long as possible. DD insists she doesn’t feel bad she’s not having a party cause it would be over after 10 hours but she’ll still be in Disney. I’m just feeling kind of guilty now that graduation is coming but we can’t possibly do both and she doesn’t want to go for just 7 nights. We’ll go out for a nice dinner with her grandparents and then a week later leave for vacation. Why do I feel like a bad parent??? Oh, and then to top it off, my boss told me she feels really bad that my daughter isn't having a grad party -- her nieces/nephews always have HUGE parties.

If you think she is telling you the truth, don't feel bad.

Last year, when my dd was 16, ALL her friends had HUGE Sweet 16 at halls, some much more lavish than my wedding 20 years ago (I live in NY).
My dd said about a year before she didn't want a Sweet 16 but wanted to bring her friend on a cruise (she loves crusing). She wanted 7 days instead of 1 night. (I really wanted the party LOL)

Next year, my dd will be graduating HS and my ds will be graduating 8th grade. We will be doing the Oasis of the Seas and bringing a friend and they are VERY happy to do this instead. Granted, I will have family and a close few friends over in the yard for celebration, but nothing like a really big party at a hall.

Have fun!

 

[johnsontrio]

DD18 and I have been going to Disney every summer since 6th grade. Last summer was to be our last Disney vacation because of graduation/college. Between her grad party and college expenses, there’s not way we could afford it. During last summer’s vacation DD kept saying how sad it was that we wouldn’t be back for a long time. I finally told her if she'd rather, I'd give her the money I'd spend on a party and she could go to Disney instead of having a grad party. She didn't even THINK about it. She KNEW that’s what she wanted to do. We have a very small family and she said she'd be at plenty of parties with friends. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a friend who could go so after asking 3 of them, she said, "Come on Mom, come with me. It will be our last trip." So now both of us are going. We usually go 10-14 days, depending on our finances. (Yes, we are both Disney fanatics and can't possibly go for just a week.) Now that graduation time is getting closer, I'm feeling bad that she's not having a party but I'm scrimping and saving every penny I can get so that we can stay at Disney as long as possible. DD insists she doesn’t feel bad she’s not having a party cause it would be over after 10 hours but she’ll still be in Disney. I’m just feeling kind of guilty now that graduation is coming but we can’t possibly do both and she doesn’t want to go for just 7 nights. We’ll go out for a nice dinner with her grandparents and then a week later leave for vacation. Why do I feel like a bad parent??? Oh, and then to top it off, my boss told me she feels really bad that my daughter isn't having a grad party -- her nieces/nephews always have HUGE parties.

If the graduation party is much fun for the kids it's likely that someone will be getting into trouble. If it's not much fun for the kids, then it ends up being a typical family party and they go to plenty of those. It' a challenge to plan something that is fun for the kids and won't end up being trouble. Sounds to me as if you have a great plan. Your DD will be able to go to all the other parties and be glad she isn't having one and then have a fabulous time at Disney with you. I wouldn't second guess this. We have always favored family vacations over granite countertops, boat, etc.... The memories you will build are priceless.