Dang, I wasn't arguing! I was asking for clarification because I didn't understand. I started this thread as a discussion, not a debate!
You said if you didn't a gift if you didn't get an annoucement. So as an example, if your nephew or niece graduated and you didn't receive an announcement, would you send them a gift. I'm assuming that you would know they graduated without an announcement.
Part of the reason I'm wondering about this is that I
have received announcements from kids that I wouldn't ordinary plan to send a gift to. Once I get the announcement, I feel obligated to send something.
It's not big deal, I was just wondering what other people's thought process was. 
For me, the answer is what is your relationship with the graduate? We have nieces and nephews, but I also work at our church with the youth.
Some years we are not particularly close to the teens who graduate and see the announcement and say "Oh, isn't that a ncie picture of so and so" and leave it at that. But this year, I have known several of them since they were very little and they participated in our programs and we know their parents well. So I was glad to see their announcements, go to graduation and give them a card with $$ in it, not as much as we give nephews and nieces, but some $$ to acknowledge that we are proud of the young men and women they have become and look forward to their future journeys.
DHs sister's son who lives in our area also graduated on Saturday. We received a traditional invite to graduation and the party after. We went to his graduation and then to the party. We gave him a nice much larger $$ gift than the others as we have watched him grow and exchange bday and xmas gifts with them.
DHs brother's son graduated 400 miles away. While we think the graduation was on Saturday, we are not sure. He and DH are on good terms, just don't talk to each other or exchange xmas or bday gifts.
Had we received an invitation from him, we would have sent something. We sent them an announcement of our own DSs high school graduation last year, but didn't receive anything in return and that was fine. We just wanted to send the card with pictures of DS and his activities. It's just a different relationship. That brother "liked" our DSs accomplishments and grad pictures on facebook. If that helps--
When that same brother's oldest son got married, we received the wedding invite and made the trip to the wedding and brought a nice check. We and they were glad we went.
I have a cousin whose daughter is getting married in June. ((I only saw that cousin on summer vacations growing up, but we were close. I was her maid of honor.)) I would have loved to have made the 1500 mile trip to her daughter's wedding, but it's not in the budget this year. We'll send them a nice check, too, and enjoy the facebook pictures after. I was glad to see her invitation and announcement come.
So, for us, it's all about the relationship with the announcement/invite sender.
ETA: Last year when DS graduated, he sent out invitations and announcements to friends and family based on his relationship with them and how far away we were. We were very touched at the generosity of each of the family and friends in their acknowledgements of DS. DS also received cards, letters and gifts from people at church who watched him grow up and that we had not even sent an announcement to. They just knew that he had graduated from high school and wanted to mark the occasion. The people's generosity and outpouring of support really touched us and made us want to pay some of it forward.
They tend to send less, we tend to send more. I asked my friend and she said he was getting $20-50. We usually send $75-100.
I totally understand your pain! Maybe because my daughter took an extra year to make it through HS, I'm not making a to do about it. I hate running into people at the store, etc. who ask how she is doing, what college she is at, etc. To say that she is just graduating this year, instead of last year is very hard. Even though I know I did everything I could as a parent to get her to graduate on time, I still feel it's a reflection on me and my husband and our parenting.
I like looking at how much they have grown.
