Goodbye Lacy.. momma loves you so much

[MeanLaureen]

You were always there for me little girl. Saying goodbye to you this morning was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I'm so sorry that I didn't hold you as they put you into that peaceful sleep where you didn't hurt or have trouble breathing anymore. Daddy was there with you to the end. I know it was for the best. I couldn't stand to see you suffer, yet I was scared to feel your body go limp as the drugs did their job. Selfishly I kept accepting one treatment after the other, one medication after the other... because maybe you would be able to be with us for just a little longer.

Some people didn't understand. They said you were just a dog. I never understood how people could say that. How could they not see that you were not "just a dog".

You were my baby. You spent 14 yrs of life with me. You were there with me through very painful times in my life. You were there to kiss away the tears when my first husband lied to me or threw me into a wall.

Your soulful black eyes pleaded to me that night I tried to take my life when I thought I couldn't make it one more day. How could I leave you behind.

Now I had to make the painful decision to allow you to leave me behind and go to a better place. One without me or your daddy or your brother Reilly or sister Suzy. Or the puppies Tinker and Hailey that relentlessly tried to be your friend no matter how much you just wanted to be left alone. I know that they all love you and will miss you dearly.

I know I posted a lot late last night early morning.. joking around, making like I didn't have a care in the world.

Truth is, I cried myself to sleep last night after I realized that it was the end. Unfortunately, the sleep lasted only 30 minutes due to my pain... and I coped the only way I have ever known how. I tried to make people laugh.. all the while I silently cried.

Please, do not post the Rainbow Bridge for me. I have lost all too many of my pets. Due to my inability to have children for the unforeseeable future, my dogs were my children. I've read that poem many times and it's too painful to read now. I don't find it a comfort at this point. Right now it just makes me want to leave this life and find a place where maybe... just for a little while... I don't have anymore pain myself.

Please don't tell me that God has plans for me and that he is taking care of me. Right now I am struggling with my relationship with a God who created me to live in the life I have lived. My story goes so much deeper than any of you know. Deeper than my best friends here, deeper than even my husband knows. More than I ever want to revisit. God and I will deal with this when I am ready... now is not the time.

I can't say much more...

Just... if there is a shred of a chance that somehow in her new peaceful life.. that Lacy can realize all of this...

I love you Lacy Bug. You have always been momma's little girl and always will be. Thank you for giving so much of yourself so selflessly to me. Life won't be the same without you.

A big part of me died with you today

 

[shelbyjosh]

Hugs to you, Lauri.....

 

[skuttle]

I'm so very sorry. We had to put down my childhood dog two years ago. Puff was 13 years old. It's such a tough decision, but in the end for the best. I still cry for him.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I'm so sorry.

 

[danacara]

I feel so much sadness in your post. Please let us (the not-close-friends-but-still-always-click-on-Laureen-posts-group, because you always have something interesting to say) know if there's any way we can help or comfort you.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[Pete's Mom]

I'm so sorry Lauri.

 

[KristiKelly]

I'm so sorry for your loss & all that you are going through.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry.

 

[piglet too]

I am crying, not only for the loss of your beloved Lacy, but also for the pain that is so evident in your post. I wish there was something I could do to take away even a fraction of the pain, be it the physical or the emotional.

 

[4greatboys]

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

 

[MAC3]

Sorry for the loss. I can feel the pain in you post.

 

[always quiet]

's til you meet again.

 

[Crankyshank]

I'm so sorry Lauri

 

[browneyes]

Lauri, I'd like to think your Lacy is watching over my Boo right now. I'm sorry you lost your baby, and I totally understand how you feel.

 

[snarfer1]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[bjgrazi]

I'm so sorry.

 

[aprincessmom]

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to lose a cherished friend and part of your family whether they have two or four legs. It hurts just the same.

 

[popeyeohoh]