Good vacation but sad return

[TripHHH]

Missy, what you are feeling is exactly how I felt when my dog died. It does hurt so bad. And here I am 10 months later and I sometimes still cry when I think about her. It does get easier, but working through the guilt is hard. I know, because I screamed and cried wishing I had never went to Disneyland. I thought I could have saved her if I was home. It really put a cloud over my memories of what was a wonderful (and much needed) Disneyland trip. My brain knows that it probably wouldn't have changed anything for me to be home, but emotionally I would have given anything to be with her...even if I couldn't save her...just to be there for her.

I went to Disneyland to help my daughter (6 at the time) smile again. My husband was battling leukemia and I just wanted her to be happy and laugh again. We had a wonderful time at Disneyland and I thought we were coming home refreshed and ready to face the world again. I didn't know that I was coming home to face such a devastating loss. But we got through it...both the leukemia and my dog's passing.

We returned to Disneyland in October....all three of us this time....me, my husband and daughter. My daughter was so proud to show her daddy around Disneyland. It was like she was an old Disneyland veteran. What is it about Disneyland that just lifts your spirits and makes you feel like a kid again?

Sorry I'm kind of rambling. But I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. And I want you to know that it will get better and easier to remember your cat with joy, instead of just the sorrow...but it takes lots of time. I'm still waiting for the sorrow to go away...but I think there will always be a hint of that lingering in the shadow.

If you can do some kind of memorial to your cat, I think that helps too. I was fortunate enough to be able to bury my dog on our property, since we have 5 acres of land....and I had a river rock engraved with her name and "Best Dog in the World." I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did. Like here she is and anybody who sees this will know that she was very loved and she was very special. My mother's cat died about a year ago and she planted a tree in her yard in the cat's honor. I thought that was nice.

 

[LOVEDISNEYLAND]

Missy, what you are feeling is exactly how I felt when my dog died. It does hurt so bad. And here I am 10 months later and I sometimes still cry when I think about her. It does get easier, but working through the guilt is hard. I know, because I screamed and cried wishing I had never went to Disneyland. I thought I could have saved her if I was home. It really put a cloud over my memories of what was a wonderful (and much needed) Disneyland trip. My brain knows that it probably wouldn't have changed anything for me to be home, but emotionally I would have given anything to be with her...even if I couldn't save her...just to be there for her.

I went to Disneyland to help my daughter (6 at the time) smile again. My husband was battling leukemia and I just wanted her to be happy and laugh again. We had a wonderful time at Disneyland and I thought we were coming home refreshed and ready to face the world again. I didn't know that I was coming home to face such a devastating loss. But we got through it...both the leukemia and my dog's passing.

We returned to Disneyland in October....all three of us this time....me, my husband and daughter. My daughter was so proud to show her daddy around Disneyland. It was like she was an old Disneyland veteran. What is it about Disneyland that just lifts your spirits and makes you feel like a kid again?

Sorry I'm kind of rambling. But I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. And I want you to know that it will get better and easier to remember your cat with joy, instead of just the sorrow...but it takes lots of time. I'm still waiting for the sorrow to go away...but I think there will always be a hint of that lingering in the shadow.

If you can do some kind of memorial to your cat, I think that helps too. I was fortunate enough to be able to bury my dog on our property, since we have 5 acres of land....and I had a river rock engraved with her name and "Best Dog in the World." I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did. Like here she is and anybody who sees this will know that she was very loved and she was very special. My mother's cat died about a year ago and she planted a tree in her yard in the cat's honor. I thought that was nice.

I know but now I am so scared to leave the house for fear that I will come home to that again! That night we came home from our trip after we found him and before my husband buried him I cried while petting him on the head and told him how sorry I was for not being here. Tonight we went to the store ( me and my husband) and as we pulled into our drive way I told my husband I don't want to go into the house first. I have this memory of finding my dog this way when I was a child and I don't think that my dad realized just how much that really hurt and upset me. I remember going out in my jammies in the summer morning out to feed him like I always did and shaking him and him not waking up I cried for days and my family couldn't understand why after days had passed why I was still upset. I really liked the idea of planting a tree where we buried Twinkie. I think I will do that this weekend! Thank you for your comforting words! I really do appreciate it very much!!! Missy

 

[fairycat]

This thread made me cry, I had way to similar of a thing happen a few months ago when we were doing an event and then going to DL, with my dog Harly Quinn. I still cry an dmiss her terribly. It is so hard to lose a fur baby they really work their way into your life and heart.

to you and your family.

 

[beansf]

From one "cat person" to another, I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can come to terms with it very soon. I am sure your cat knew he was loved, so don't feel bad about going on your vacation.

 

[ShawnaF]

First - I am soooo sorry for you.

Second - don't beat yourself up, that's a family member - you SHOULD be emotional and it's okay to cry!

Third - have you thought about getting a brick at Disneyland putting your cat's name on it? Then your baby will always be with you in your memory and heart and visually at home and on vacation. Sometimes a memorial helps.

 

[Beth76]

Oh I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. Our 10yo cat died while we were away for Thanksgiving. We had her for 9 years and she was never sick. She got caught under the garage door over the summer and had a spinal injury. We thought we were going to have to put her down but I really wanted to see if she would get better on her own. She had to stay a large dog crate for 6 weeks but she did get better. I was so relieved.

Right before we left for our trip I noticed she wasn't eating her wet food. But she wasn't acting sick at all, so I didn't really think anything about it. We left lots of dry food and water for her and had my parents come feed her wet food. We were only gone 4 nights. When we walked in the door and she didn't greet us I knew something was wrong. My DH and my 3yo found her in the (finished) basement. It looked like she just laid down and died.

I felt so horrible for not being there. I wonder what she thought of me for leaving her. I feel awful for not even calling the vet. I wish she had been acting sick so I would have. She was only 10. If she had been a few years older I would assume it was just old age. All these things that I can't change.

It doesn't help that my 3yo can't stop talking about her too. He knows that she died, but he just doesn't understand what that means.

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh no, I'm so sorry. That's not a nice way to end a vacation.

We ended our vacation last year by visiting shelters and the humane society, canvassing neighbors, b/c our cat ran away after DH went home early (his father was very ill and they needed him), and she had made a huge mess and he left the door open while cleaning it up, and she ran out. DH didn't notice she wasn't there b/c he was getting phone calls from his freaked out parents, and I'm not even sure he noticed she was gone until the next day. He tried to look for her, but with his father in the hospital he couldn't, not really (his mother hates cats and hated OUR cat, and wouldn't have "allowed" him the time off from the hospital to find the cat, sigh)...so it was left to me when I got home.

Anyway, it's not the exact same situation, but I know how sad it is to be gone while your cat leaves the world (or the house, which for a sweet little house cat is the same thing as leaving the world).

 

[LOVEDISNEYLAND]

Oh I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. Our 10yo cat died while we were away for Thanksgiving. We had her for 9 years and she was never sick. She got caught under the garage door over the summer and had a spinal injury. We thought we were going to have to put her down but I really wanted to see if she would get better on her own. She had to stay a large dog crate for 6 weeks but she did get better. I was so relieved.

Right before we left for our trip I noticed she wasn't eating her wet food. But she wasn't acting sick at all, so I didn't really think anything about it. We left lots of dry food and water for her and had my parents come feed her wet food. We were only gone 4 nights. When we walked in the door and she didn't greet us I knew something was wrong. My DH and my 3yo found her in the (finished) basement. It looked like she just laid down and died.

I felt so horrible for not being there. I wonder what she thought of me for leaving her. I feel awful for not even calling the vet. I wish she had been acting sick so I would have. She was only 10. If she had been a few years older I would assume it was just old age. All these things that I can't change.

It doesn't help that my 3yo can't stop talking about her too. He knows that she died, but he just doesn't understand what that means.

I keep going over the thought of I wonder If he was waiting for us to get home so we could be with him or if he was mad that we left him. I'm still having a hard time dealing with this! Today when I came home from work I had to really come to the realization that he won't be greeting me at the door when I get home anymore or getting up in my lap and getting so close to my face that I could barely blink. The thought of knowing that while he was here at home dying I was at Disneyland having the time of my life makes me sick to my stomach! I know it sounds a little nuts but that is just how much I LOVED my Twinkie! My husband and I do not have any kids so we treated Twinkie like he was our child. I hope that with time this will get easier because the way I feel now, it feels like it never will! Everytime I walk into the living room, I still can see him sitting there and me giving him a good night or morning kiss on the head and him looking up at me saying "I love you!"

 

[bumbershoot]

I keep going over the thought of I wonder If he was waiting for us to get home so we could be with him or if he was mad that we left him. I'm still having a hard time dealing with this! Today when I came home from work I had to really come to the realization that he won't be greeting me at the door when I get home anymore or getting up in my lap and getting so close to my face that I could barely blink. The thought of knowing that while he was here at home dying I was at Disneyland having the time of my life makes me sick to my stomach! I know it sounds a little nuts but that is just how much I LOVED my Twinkie! My husband and I do not have any kids so we treated Twinkie like he was our child. I hope that with time this will get easier because the way I feel now, it feels like it never will! Everytime I walk into the living room, I still can see him sitting there and me giving him a good night or morning kiss on the head and him looking up at me saying "I love you!"

Well, if the grief process is the same when you miss humans as missing animals, the feelings might last, but the time between when you have those feelings will get longer. It makes it more, hmm, survivable, if that makes any sense. I mean, when I was 10 and my hampster died, I hyperventilated for something like an hour. I don't do that anymore, though I do get sad if I think about it. We've had other pets die since then (after our last dog died when I was in college, my mom said "enough!" and refused to get any more animals b/c she couldn't take the grief) and I know I'm not overwhelmed about them anymore. And taking it to humans...if my mind had kept the level of grief I felt in early '00 when my mom died, I too would have died. But it slowly changes, where, when you think about it, you can still feel the same sorrow, but you don't think about it on that level as often as when it first happened.

Please don't think that your cat was angry with you, please don't. I mean, if you suddenly became very ill or were succumbing to old age, would you be angry with family members who weren't there, and who you could not contact? No, you wouldn't. And I don't think that your cat felt angry with you, either.

 

[Beth76]

I keep going over the thought of I wonder If he was waiting for us to get home so we could be with him or if he was mad that we left him. I'm still having a hard time dealing with this! Today when I came home from work I had to really come to the realization that he won't be greeting me at the door when I get home anymore or getting up in my lap and getting so close to my face that I could barely blink. The thought of knowing that while he was here at home dying I was at Disneyland having the time of my life makes me sick to my stomach! I know it sounds a little nuts but that is just how much I LOVED my Twinkie! My husband and I do not have any kids so we treated Twinkie like he was our child. I hope that with time this will get easier because the way I feel now, it feels like it never will! Everytime I walk into the living room, I still can see him sitting there and me giving him a good night or morning kiss on the head and him looking up at me saying "I love you!"

I can tell that this is harder on you. Not to say that I didn't love my cat, but she wasn't a big lap cat. She really only came around when she wanted to eat. She slept most of the time. I think she stayed away mostly because of the kids. She did sleep with DH and I at night. But many times woke us up to barf on our bed.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like my cat was around as much as yours, so there aren't as many reminders. For me, it has gotten a little easier. It's been a month now. But it does get hard when my little one asks about her and then we have to have a whole conversation about how she's not coming back. And I still step over the spot on the floor where she died.