Going to WDW alone...

[livie1205]

oh my goodness it is not going to ruin these kids whole lives if they miss wdw because they are not acting right....if you hate your parents for missing wdw one time when you are a kid they are bigger issues there! I know some people relly LOVE DISNEY but it is only a theme park and if kids can't learn to follow the rules it is not a RIGHT to go.I think it more importent for them to learn how to get along and follow the rules then go to a park and if this is a way to show them that they will loose something fun if they cant get it together than she should stick with it.

 

[PeabodyJen]

My first thought when I read your post was that of course, you should absolutely go alone. Then I began to think about it, and the main thought that came to my mind is that developmentally, your kids are not at the age where they can think abstractly. The idea of missing a trip doesn't mean as much to them as a consequence for bad behavior as it would to someone older. Perhaps your 12 yr old gets it, but the younger ones are in the "here and now" and the only consequences that really work are the ones that are immediate. I don't see a single thing wrong with you going away by yourself, I just don't think it will have any effect on the behavior of your kids because they won't quite 'get it.' Does that make sense?

What about trying to do things the other way around...instead of having tons of priveleges and stuff taken away, why not try adding rewards and make the kids earn everything? You may already do this, but I thought I'd mention it.

I have a challenging strong-willed DS9 who responds much better to earning priveleges and special treats for making right choices than he does when something gets taken away for inappropriate behavior. I am reading up on a program called Accountable Kids and plan to start it next week. It addresses chores and priveleges in a way that is easy to manage and rewards their good behavior, all while teaching them to be accountable and responsible. DS isn't too excited about it yet...he hears the word "chores" and runs the other direction. (The other day he said, "Chores?! But I'm on summer vacation!" UGH!) Not sure if this system would work for you but you might look into it.

Good luck in your decision, and I hope things get better with your kiddos. Hang in there!

 

[loco4dis]

Lord knows kids can really get on our nerves. The fighting is enough to make a person crazy. But you sound like a really angry mom and anger often begets anger. You also sound very strong willed, so maybe your little apples haven't fallen far from the tree? Like another poster said, I've had better luck with immediate consequences: "If I have to ask you again, no TV for the weekend. If you're not down here doing these dishes in 10 seconds, I take your cell phone for a week." I don't yell. I'm actually quite calm, but I mean it, and they know I mean it.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

Lord knows kids can really get on our nerves. The fighting is enough to make a person crazy. But you sound like a really angry mom and anger often begets anger. You also sound very strong willed, so maybe your little apples haven't fallen far from the tree? Like another poster said, I've had better luck with immediate consequences: "If I have to ask you again, no TV for the weekend. If you're not down here doing these dishes in 10 seconds, I take your cell phone for a week." I don't yell. I'm actually quite calm, but I mean it, and they know I mean it.

Really angry mom? Far from it.. I couldnt be happier in my life right now even WITH DH laid off! I just expect my kids to be raised with respect. My parents did NOTHING when my sisters and I bickered? The result? As 3 grown adults we still fight constantly. We never get along. PERIOD. I do NOT want that for my kids. Nor do I want my kids growing up lazy. They are old enough to do age appropriate chores. I dont think asking a 12 y/o to clean his room, pick up the family room (which is RARELY used) and bring 1 load of laundry downstairs is that hard. Nor do I think that asking an almost 5 y/o (next month) to pick up his toys. He actually is doing really well and is VERY proud when he does it and begs you to come see 'I cleaned it ALLL up' he says. We were ALWAYS given a family vacation every year, it became expected. I love quality time with my kids esp because of my field of work. I appreciate my kids more than I ever did before I went to work. Would I LOVE to take my kids on vacation? Most certainly I would love to spend 10 days away with just them but I want to reward them with a trip, not just say well you can behave however you want and you will still get it. There are other ways to spend quality time with them then going to Disney for vacation. So if they dont go, so be it.. I will find another way to spend some great time with my kids this summer.

As for being uncertain.. DH is the one who had this discussion with the kids. I have not talked to them about the consequence of losing this trip. DH said he did and I was not going to beat a dead horse and I dont know exactly what was said to them.. So I do plan on sitting down this weekend and going over it with them with DH there so we are ALL on the same page. I miss a lot working evening shift, I go in before they get home and they are asleep when I get home. And weekends are just crazy. If DH did FULLY explain to them that taking away Disney was a consequence, then I will absolutely 100% back up his decision..

And we will just spend some time camping this summer and thats that

Oh and let me add, my kids are NOT missing out. They took a 7n cruise to the Carribean in Dec and then got to spend 3 days in Disney after that. So it has been 6 months since our family vacation

 

[kajcwman]

Whether the punishment is too harsh or not, the OP (and DH) did draw a line in the sand. Personally, I think it was a little extreme, but kudos for sticking to your guns. I think kids do need to know that if they don't do what's expected of them, then there will be consequences.
As far as going to WDW alone, normally I'd say go for it. Heck, DW and I spent 4 nights at WDW then 7 days on DCL last year for our anniversary without the kids. In this case however, it just doesn't feel right. I really can't say why, but that's just my opinion.

 

[PaulaSB12]

I am taking my sister and her 3 children to csr for 2 weeks with the fddp. I asked her not tell the kids that she would cancel for bad behaviour simply because at £7000 I couldn't afford for her to do that. Fortunatly they are pretty well behaved kids, but I am still taking their mum as back up, not used to children.

 

[Cee]

Go. The kids will survive. You need a vacation. Enjoy.

 

[wild4dis]

two thinigs...

1. I have been to WDW by myself a few times for work conferences..while it is a totally different experience without the kids and you can do what you want, when you want to (which is all good) I alway seem to say " I wish the kids were here to see that or do that", etc. Plus for me, Disney is such a family place, I personally felt a little awkward wandering around solo...but thats just my personal preference.

2. As a parent of 3 (17,14,11) I applaud your conviction of cancelling trips or taking things away, its amazing how spoiled our kids seem to be (Ipods, laptops, been to WDW numerous times, each one was there first time around 18 mos old, etc)...however the bad news, if its bickering, complaining about chores, needing to be reminded 10 times to carry that laundry basket...all I can say is WAIT TILL THEIR TEENAGERS !! its not going to go away easily...taking the WDW trip away will hurt at that time, but 6 mos later, that son will be back picking on his sister, while the laundry piles up.

As we prepare for oldest DS to go off to college next year and we are complaining about 2 weeks of laundry piling up in his room, why he has to be reminded to do the trash every week, the brothers fight over whose stealing each others clothes, etc....my dad keeps telling me you'll miss all those little thing when he is gone, enjoy them while their home and dont sweat the little stuff

 

[Dorisk3]

two thinigs...


2. As a parent of 3 (17,14,11) I applaud your conviction of cancelling trips or taking things away, its amazing how spoiled our kids seem to be (Ipods, laptops, been to WDW numerous times, each one was there first time around 18 mos old, etc)...however the bad news, if its bickering, complaining about chores, needing to be reminded 10 times to carry that laundry basket...all I can say is WAIT TILL THEIR TEENAGERS !! its not going to go away easily...taking the WDW trip away will hurt at that time, but 6 mos later, that son will be back picking on his sister, while the laundry piles up.

As we prepare for oldest DS to go off to college next year and we are complaining about 2 weeks of laundry piling up in his room, why he has to be reminded to do the trash every week, the brothers fight over whose stealing each others clothes, etc....my dad keeps telling me you'll miss all those little thing when he is gone, enjoy them while their home and dont sweat the little stuff

I think you make excellent points- one day they will be out of the house and then it will be tidy again (and stay tidy!) . I can't see postponing all the fun memory making activities over a messy room- to me personally it's just not worth it.

Also, a thanks to the previous poster that said to try to reward with positive rather than punish with negative. I tend to do the take away priveleges thing more, but I'm wondering if the reward system might work a little better. I remember ages ago in a college management class our professor said workers will always do better with positive rather than negative reinforcement. What is the saying- catch them at doing something good- and make them feel good about it!

 

[ols386]

Maybe you should go to WDW by yourself. It might give you a break from some of the stress (or at least it seems like you have a lot of stress right now). Sometimes removing yourself from a stressful situation for a period of time can give a person a new and fresh perspective. It is stressful at times when you are raising kids. I mean, raising children is great, but it does have it's moments. If I were you, I think I'd go by myself. There is nothing wrong with going by yourself. Your kids will be fine, and it sounds like they would be well taken care of by your husband while you were gone. I guess you have to do what feels right for you.

 

[hayesktrm]

Since you didn't hear the whole discussion with your kids, could it be that your DH just doesn't want to go to WDW and he is using this as an excuse. I have a friend whose husband does just this and the kids behavior just gets worse. I could be totally off-base and I apologize if I am, but it was a thought.

 

[Zuzu03]

Hay - my husband would also do something like that too!

 

[anniem8]

Go. As parents we often make our kids the center of our universe and it isn't good for anyone involved. Make them see that their behavior always has consequences. If they think the consequence isn't fair - so what? Life isn't fair. And, it sounds as though this Disney trip isn't the only vacation for them this year - nor the only 'quality time' they would spend with you and their dad. Go. Have a great time! And the next time your kids are slacking, remind them what happened last time. Wish I would have done something like this for my kids. (FOR my kids not TO my kids) My kids are 23, 18, 13. They still need direction!

 

[megnsamsgracie]

Honestly, DH does not like Disney but he loves going for the kids (this would be our 4th trip since 02). So its not like these kids DONT get to go! He does enjoy watching their faces light up walking down Main St.

I did talk to him today to see what exactly the kids "understood". So this weekend we are going to sit down with these kids and discuss it. I am very proud of my kids. My oldest goes to middle school and he report card with next years classes places him in the "AP for middle schoolers" class for English and Math. Pretty darn proud momma here. I know the bickering can be normal, I just dont want my kids to turn out like my sisters did. And the chores are getting better he says. I think I am going to take bits and pieces of advice. One thing, I think I am going to reward for good behavior. I will start every kid out with $5 Disney dollars. If they act like I would like them to, they gain $1.. if they dont, then $1 comes back. So we shall see. I am hoping that being tough on my kids now, they will turn out to be good people later in life.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

I just wanted to let everyone know that we sat down for a good hour and spoke to the kids and explained that vacation is a treat.. its not just an automatic thing (sorry, money doesnt grow on trees here!). They all actually apologized to each other and us! They have kept up with the chores pretty well and the name calling has slowed wayyyy down. I have also realized that some of my expectations of my younger ones are hard to reach. A clean room to a 4 y/o is a LOT different than it is to me. Today I did go in his room and he helped me clean it.. top to bottom. I did limit the # of toys he had to make clean up easier on him. We havent cancelled anything yet. We are thinking of holding off until December and see how things go. But the behavior has gotten better. I appreciate everything that was suggested.

 

[livie1205]

well I am glad you are trying to get it worked out but do not feel bad if they do not go...you have to keep to your word. We have a trip planned for dec 08 (we live in fl so we go one time a yr) and our 11 yrs old ds will not be going.He will be going to his dads (who against my good judgement is taking him somewhere) he kept getting into trouble at school (not law trouble just trouble) and we told him if it kept up he would not be going...well he got 2 referrals after that so he got taken off the resi and he will be staying with his father.he had plenty of 2nd chances and he blew it.
oh and before I get any silly remarks about maybe i should spend our money for therapy instead of vacation..I had to take his dad to court to make him agree to therapy (my ex is not nice) and I have paid for it myself...he just will not let my son get past our divorce (6 yrs ago and i am remarried) so its hard on him but he has to own up to some of his bad behavior and I cant let him ruin everyone elses vacation.maybe after he is done with his therapy program he can go with us on our next trip.Our whole family can not just stop and wait for things to get better but I can help it and be here for him when it does.

 

[disneygirl29]

Kids do not want to do chores, that is "normal" but I agree not acceptable.

However, you have said that this has been an on going issue, the picking on each other, the not clean-up, respect issues, so my thought is why did you book the trip? I think I would have made them show me that they can do xyz before booking it-- show me you can do all these things kindly and I will book a trip.

I would not go on a solo trip, espeically to book a bounceback. They just lost the last trip, what makes you think they are going to shape up for the next one?

I say cancel and make them show you that they can behave and then go with them, I wouldn't even call it a reward, a reward is when you do something above and beyond, behaving as you described is expected, if you ask me!

Sorry it sucks for you to not go to, but that is my thought.

I always tell my kids actions not words, don't tell me you are going to do _____, show me! It works for mine and they are young 4 & 6!

My kids know it is a luxury to go every year... I do not use the trip as incentive to go or a reward for going. I use daily activites, like soccer, tumbling, swimming, going outside to play etc... it is hard to use a trip that is a ways away to push a child to act a certain way! But things that affect them in the present or near present do. Take away a car, going to the movies, sports, etc. Heck if they can't keep their rooms cleaned up, take everything out of the room and let them prove they deserve the stuff back!

I see you point behind I all and I do commend you for sticking to your guns, but I think you might be putting the horse before the cart on this... just my thoughts, I am really not ripping on you, just pointing out what I see from the little clip of information given... so take it for what it is! And good luck! 4 kids is hard. My sister has 4, whew that is a lot of work... so I clap for you!

 

[livie1205]

i agree with all of that except I do think you should go alone or with your dh....it is good to take a stress free trip every now and then...maybe with 4 kids a solo trip is what she NEEDS to do....I have 3 kids and would love to go on a solo trip but I do not think I am that brave lol

 

[tiger4me2]

If your DH is for you going alone & leaving the kids go you will have fun.The kids to me are not being very helpful by doing their chores shouldn't be rewarded with a trip to Disney. They have to learn to they have to do things in life that they don't like to do what they want.. I wouldn't rub it in their faces but asked just tell we told you time after time to do your chores & help but you refused & now you pay. Sorry I was brought up differently I guess. But we didn't have Disney back then even amusements parks yes dark ages but in some ways better. I grew up on a farm & had to do farm work, it prepared me for many times I have faced through the years. I am glad my parents stuck to their guns but my brother & I never gave them cause to worry. Errrrrr well maybe my brother lol

 

[biscuitgirl]

Well, I applaud your efforts for giving them another chance. Frankly, I couldn't imagine going to Disney alone. I would say if it came to that, go with DH and tell them that this is a "Mom and Dad" trip and if they can improve their behaviour that there will be other trips in the future. My parents took occassional trips just the two of them. But your approach seems much better, and that's great the kids apologized!

My sister and I are 7 years apart and we bickered like crazy when she was very young. Now we are as close as can be! It's normal, but my parents didn't stand for it (although I usely took the blame as the oldest!).