Going to WDW alone...

[SpaceGirl]

DH was layed off

If he says no, its no! He has canceled lots of plans lately.

I am thinking of going myself for 3n and maybe booking a bounceback for December (we loved last Dec!!). And just relaxing (just went through a stressful time at work with layoffs) but then I feel bad the kids arent coming!

Just a question...is your DH use to staying home with the children or has his resent lay-off put him at home alone with them more?

Could his reactions be the result of stress from not having a job right now?

I know that sometimes when a person is under stress small things can make them angrier then maybe they would otherwise. Maybe all this isn't so much you children misbehaving but that DH needs some time too relax. He WAS laid off, you still have your job yet say you had a stressful time.

 

[kapoof]

I suggested the counseling becuase she seemed to be so upset about her family's behavior. She already told us that her DH has been canceling other things
- and, obviously, it isn't improving the situation. Why keep trying the strategy that isn't working.

If the kids are behaving so poorly that family vacations need to be canceled, that sounds serious to me - and I would try to address it, not send myself to Disney World. Just an opinion.

ita with you bluewater... a trip to wdw isn't going to fix the problems any time soon.

 

[Corryn]

I just deleted a whole long post on parenting because I'm not gonna stir the pot and throw this thread
Here's a story:
A friend of my BF has kids. They're considered brats because they do what they want when they want, but I think they're good kids because Mom is "one of those" who chose to just pump them out and let them wander the neighborhood as soon as they could reach the door knob. She had no clue where they were all day - dinner time she would scream out the door to them for them to come home. Sometimes she would call my friend asking if my friend had seen them that day.....Anyway, that woman used to tell her kids stories of how wonderful Disney is and she can't wait to go. The kids had no clue they were not included in the trip. They spoke for months about how they can't wait to go to Disney.
Well, That woman and her husband went to Disney and left their three kids, all under ten, home with one of their grandparents. That woman is known throughout the school and town for this now. Everyone thinks she's a schmuck.
I agree with both sides of the issue. I agree with sticking to your guns. I am strict with my kids and now that they're teens they help me out at all the right times (after holiday parties, at others' homes, etc.) and I don't even need to ask. Of course, they still won't sweep until I ask, the dishes pile up, the bedrooms are messy Typical....That Is Typical. In-Fighting? Always! That's normal Sibling Behaviour. "They" say that sibling rivalry helps them in the long run as adults at work and in relationships. They learn how to "fight" or "get along" with friends and co-workers. It makes them stronger. I can definitely say that my relationship with one of my sisters, who is bi-polar, has helped with my relationships as an adult.
So no matter what, kids are gonna 1. Not Do Chores until screamed at; 2. Whine while doing said chores; 3. Fight with each other, incessantly

For the other side, read the above story. Kids are kids. "You have three minutes to get your butt out here to sweep this floor or you can forget about using the computer tonight" and follow through. "It's dinner time.. We're gonna eat....If I have to ask you to clean the table off and do the dishes, Once Again, without you running off outside to play, then I'm taking away your cell phone for the day".
This has worked for us.
Also, sometimes one parent gets a little crazy. Sometimes I have to pull my husband aside and tell him to knock it off, they're kids, you had a bad day, stop taking it out on us (not abusive! Normal stuff!) or he'll say that to me. My grandfather would do the normal parenting stuff, yell for no reason, etc. But he always Apologised if he was wrong. I've learned to do that with my kids, and I taught my husband to do the same. It's best to discipline, but life is tricky and everyone deserves A Little Slack......
I say stick to your guns, but I cannot say that I agree with cancelling a trip to Disney. You know that saying, Pick Your Battles? Cancelling a trip to Disney for young kids is like the end of the world. Think about the above story. That woman is known, and forever will be known, as The Bad Mom Who Didn't Take Her Kids To Disney.

 

[heaven2dc]

Wow - this is a tough issue! My first response is to say yes, go by yourself, you deserve some relaxing free time to yourself. But I wouldn't take pictures and show them what they missed - that may be a little harsh. Maybe they think they will still get to go no matter what and if they don't get to go, it will be a shock to them and they will think about what they missed and realize they should have listened to you and your husband. But then I think they are too young to have that be effective.

50% of me says go by yourself and 50% says save what you have paid for the trip for another time when they will behave to be able to go. Maybe the kids are feeling the stress (if any) of the lay-off but if they acted this way before it occurred, then they do need to understand they just can't misbehave or fight among themselves and get "rewarded" by getting to go to Disney. If you don't go by yourself and decided to wait til December to go as a family, and they still misbehave and you have to delay that vacation as well, then what? I've always been the softy in our house & my husband (God rest his soul) always had to be the "bad" guy and after he died, I had to step up to the plate because I had 5 kids to raise between the ages of 1 - 16.

It's a tough decision to make and I think if the kids were a little older, I'd say go by yourself. If you go by yourself to teach them a lesson, so to speak, they may see you mean business and decide to behave - or they may end up acting worse.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

If you have the funds to go, I would keep it as a family vacation. Now, I have been tempted to leave my son behind due to behavior... but, my husband's point was that a family vacation is just that, a family vacation. Part of our life together. Not a reward for good behavior. Not something to be dangled over our son's head as a threat for non compliance.

Your kids sound like normal kids. And, yes, they will likely bicker and sigh at Disney World. That is just the stage of their life they are at right now. Sure, its annoying. If you didn't want sighing, you should have gotten a dog!

10 years from when your kids are off and doing there own thing, wanting no part of a family vacation, you may regret that you avoided vacations due to sighing and bickering. Chances are this "behavior" will continue for several years to come.

 

[deekaypee]

I would go, enjoy myself, and take pictures as I would on any other vacation. I wouldn't necessarily show those pictures to the kids as part of any punishment. In fact, I don't know if I'd characterize not getting to go to Disney as punishment, but as consequences of their actions.

Although I don't know the ages of all your children, I think you can have a conversation with your 12yo and convey you and DH's decision calmly. (Or at least calmly from your end.) I think doing so would teach some very important, although difficult, life lessons, not the least of which is accountability. And there's also the idea that the world doesn't revolve around oneself and one's desires.

I can see where many people are worried about the message that you going to Disney alone, without the children, might send. That's worth thinking about. But I've never considered Disney to be only for children or families with children, so if you enjoy Disney and can go alone--do! And I personally believe it sends a worse message to children that the family's decisions, including their vacations, revolve around them. Add me to the list of people who believe vacations are a privilege, one that can be taken away. (In that spirit, he only reason I would cancel the trip would have to do with family finances--which doesn't seem to be a big concern as you characterize it.)

Regardless of what you do decide to do, stick with it. And if you do decide to go, enjoy yourself and don't feel guilty! You're being thoughtful in your decision-making process, you and your DH are working together as a parenting unit, and you're looking at what's best for your family (and the children as individuals) in the long run. You deserve both and for that!

 

[Toot Sweet]

I don't think it's wrong to go by yourself in general. I've done ladies meets and have gone to WDW without my kids a couple times. But it was planned that way; my kids never thought they were going.

I think in your situation, going without your kids might not be a good thing. They DID think they were going. I think making them stay home for the reasons you gave is a little extreme. There are certain behaviors that I think would warrant such a punishment, but excessive bickering and failure to do chores aren't good enough reasons. JMHO.

Good luck with your kids. I have three of my own, I know it can be difficult to know what to do in many situations.

 

[sjaakie]

You’re so right megnsamsgracie.

Counselling? Come on soft doctors make stinking wounds.

Pampering kids does not prepare them for the world that's waiting outside the warm home they got now.
And yes I have kids and I adore the ground they walk on but that does not mean the may spit on my head.
If you don't learn them now what responsibility is how will they cope with working when they grow up?

 

[megnsamsgracie]

I suggested the counseling becuase she seemed to be so upset about her family's behavior. She already told us that her DH has been canceling other things
- and, obviously, it isn't improving the situation. Why keep trying the strategy that isn't working.

If the kids are behaving so poorly that family vacations need to be canceled, that sounds serious to me - and I would try to address it, not send myself to Disney World. Just an opinion.

I never said SO poorly. But when you ask a child to clean their room, to treat their sister with respect and they dont, then why should they be rewarded with a trip to Disney? Thats what you dont get. Its not serious stuff. But for instance.. they didnt get to color Easter eggs this year because they were told all they had to do was clean their room. They were given 2 hours. No go.. and one even lied and stuffed everything under her bed! 2 hours is MORE than enough time to pick up a 12x12 room that was messy but not trashed.

We cancelled taking the kids to a school sponsored event because again, the name calling amongst each other and bedrooms werent clean. My kids are not 2 years old.. they are old enough to have responsibilities like cleaning their rooms.

I work my **s off every day to be able to have special things....like a family trip to Disney. I stick by it, if my kids cant respect each other or their home, why should they be rewarded? If they get their act together, most certainly I will take them at a later date.. like I said.. maybe December. But for me, that means the name calling and picking on each other (mostly my oldest son to his year younger sister) and the cleaning of their rooms. They come home from school and everything just get dumped wherever. That is NOT acceptable in my home. The kids have hooks for their backpacks and cubbys for their shoes. To dump them wherever shows a big lack of respect in this house.

Oh and I missed this... no, DH has always been home with them.. I am the breadwinner and he worked his hours around the kids. So he has been dealing with this since I went back to work 15months ago. And he is okay with no job believe it or not. He already has 4 jobs (just got #4 today) as a contractor. So he is good with it.... honestly! Better than I would be

 

[RustManFan]

There is no reason that you shouldn't go alone. Not to punish misbehavior of your kids.....but because YOU DESERVE IT !!!

I have gone solo twice and had a great time. Very VERY relaxing and don't we all need that kind of break once in awhile?!*

Take lots of pics because you want to preserve the memories. If the kids ask to see them, fine. I certainly wouldn't show them on the basis of "see what you missed". Wait 'til they ask.......I'm sure they will !

Hopefully they will be fully aware of what they missed and come to appreciate that each member of the family needs to contribute. They need to realize that chores aren't punishment but simply what each should do as part of a family!!! Wishful thinking? Maybe.....

I would also let them know that you hope that they can go along next time! And expectations will be made clear for that to happen......

 

[asmit4]

Why would you guess its more than that and that we need counseling? Get a clue!

Yes, most kids bicker and complain about chores. And that is all they are doing but its over and over. My kids are ALL very close in age (4 kids in 6 years) and I have heard over and over that they will get over it the older they get. But when they are told over and over that they need to do their chores (and they are simple.. their rooms (each has their own) and then one has the family room and one brings laundry down) and they complain when it really isnt much.. they were told if they kept it up, they wouldnt go. PERIOD. They need consequences.. they got it. My oldest picks on his sister all the time.. they are a year apart in age but he needs to learn to treat his sister with respect. If he cant respect his sister and his home, he doesnt need to go. If they cant clean their room when they are asked or bring 1 stinkin load of laundry downstairs, then I agree with my DH.. they dont deserve to go.

So before you get on your high horse and suggest counseling, know what you are talking about. What my kids are doing might be what normal kids do but not around here. We do not stand for picking on siblings nor slacking on simple chores

Oh and we do plenty of camping during the summer and I am not worried.

GOOD FOR YOU!!! I think this is the problem with parents these days! How many times have you heard 'if you keep this up we are leaving' only to see parents NEVER leave.

I say go alone, or find a friend to go or a sister like you had said. Constant bickering and complaining is not acceptable behavior. Sometimes it happens, but if it happens for days and hours on end? Putting your foot down is the right thing to do! Make it clear to them WHY they can't go and tell them what you expect from them firmly in the future so that they can go on the next trip.

 

[asmit4]

I never said SO poorly. But when you ask a child to clean their room, to treat their sister with respect and they dont, then why should they be rewarded with a trip to Disney? Thats what you dont get. Its not serious stuff. But for instance.. they didnt get to color Easter eggs this year because they were told all they had to do was clean their room. They were given 2 hours. No go.. and one even lied and stuffed everything under her bed! 2 hours is MORE than enough time to pick up a 12x12 room that was messy but not trashed.

We cancelled taking the kids to a school sponsored event because again, the name calling amongst each other and bedrooms werent clean. My kids are not 2 years old.. they are old enough to have responsibilities like cleaning their rooms.

I work my **s off every day to be able to have special things....like a family trip to Disney. I stick by it, if my kids cant respect each other or their home, why should they be rewarded? If they get their act together, most certainly I will take them at a later date.. like I said.. maybe December. But for me, that means the name calling and picking on each other (mostly my oldest son to his year younger sister) and the cleaning of their rooms. They come home from school and everything just get dumped wherever. That is NOT acceptable in my home. The kids have hooks for their backpacks and cubbys for their shoes. To dump them wherever shows a big lack of respect in this house.

Oh and I missed this... no, DH has always been home with them.. I am the breadwinner and he worked his hours around the kids. So he has been dealing with this since I went back to work 15months ago. And he is okay with no job believe it or not. He already has 4 jobs (just got #4 today) as a contractor. So he is good with it.... honestly! Better than I would be

It's so refreshing to see a parent that MAKES rules that make sense and STICKS to them! .....now that's great parenting! Practically every child I know RUNS their house. The parents get pushed around and just let it go. Kuddos to you both!

As someone else said- you are a parenting hero in my book!

 

[Tink888]

OP - I think you should absolutely take that trip. Do you have to go solo? Can DH come with you? If so, take the trip together.

I've got two boys, 12 and 11 (21 months apart) and I am in the same situation as you right now. Overall they are great kids, they really are, and they are close but lately they also bicker constantly and if I ask either one to do something (something they know they should do and are accustomed to having to do) they look at me like I'm crazy and give me grief about it.

I'm no expert on parenting (are any of us really? - we're all just doing the best we can) but I completely disagree with the counseling comment. Honestly, I think it's just the age when kids don't want do anything (except test you) and siblings close in age tend to bicker. It's normal in a crazy sort of way. You might feel sometimes like it's just your kids but there are lots of good parents going through the exact same thing. TRUST ME.

If the kids have been warned and nothing has changed, follow through on the warning and take YOUR trip as planned. They'll live and they will learn something. Plus you & DH can enjoy some time together. Quality time with a spouse or for yourself is just as important, and "family" quality time is not limited to vacations only.

DH & I are going to WDW alone in Sept for a few days. The kids aren't staying at home as punishment, we just haven't gone anywhere alone in a really long time (ever) and we both like Disney. Our kids have been to WDW many times and staying at home won't hurt them. But really, once they see Mom & Dad can take a trip without them, I think they'll also be more eager to straighten up when warned.

Go and have fun. You and DH deserve it. You are not a bad parent at all - from what you've said it sounds like you're both pretty good parents trying to raise decent kids.

 

[livie1205]

I do not know why some people think it is sooo wrong to go to wdw without kids! If they wont follow rules and they were warned go without them! It will NOT scar them for life....have fun

 

[figarofan]

To me by biggest joy in life has been to see my family happy. I think of everything that can be done with the kids/grandkids at Disneyland/Disneyworld and plan around them. To make them happy.

40 years ago one of the hardest things I ever did was turn the car around and go home. We were all going to Disneyland and the fighting in the back seat started up. I promised them if it didn't stop I would turn the car around and we would go home. Then I warned again and again...then I realized I was the one in the wrong...not keeping my promise that I would turn the car around.

So I turned it around and although I didn't necessarily have angels for kids from that point on...I did have angels in the back seat every time I went to Disneyland. One of the hardest and best things I ever did.

 

[bluwater]

I'm sure there are peope here who are more likely to understand this situation and be able to respond. I've never had these kind of problems with my kids. If I did, I can't say what I would do in the situation.

I have one 21 yr old - rising senior in an Ivy League college - and one still at home. They mind me and have always respected me, our family and our home- because I taught them to do it out of respect - not out of fear that I would punish and take away family vacations. Once you get to that point, I don't know how you handle it. It does sound very stressful.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

OP - I think you should absolutely take that trip. Do you have to go solo? Can DH come with you? If so, take the trip together.

I've got two boys, 12 and 11 (21 months apart) and I am in the same situation as you right now. Overall they are great kids, they really are, and they are close but lately they also bicker constantly and if I ask either one to do something (something they know they should do and are accustomed to having to do) they look at me like I'm crazy and give me grief about it.

I'm no expert on parenting (are any of us really? - we're all just doing the best we can) but I completely disagree with the counseling comment. Honestly, I think it's just the age when kids don't want do anything (except test you) and siblings close in age tend to bicker. It's normal in a crazy sort of way. You might feel sometimes like it's just your kids but there are lots of good parents going through the exact same thing. TRUST ME.

If the kids have been warned and nothing has changed, follow through on the warning and take YOUR trip as planned. They'll live and they will learn something. Plus you & DH can enjoy some time together. Quality time with a spouse or for yourself is just as important, and "family" quality time is not limited to vacations only.

DH & I are going to WDW alone in Sept for a few days. The kids aren't staying at home as punishment, we just haven't gone anywhere alone in a really long time (ever) and we both like Disney. Our kids have been to WDW many times and staying at home won't hurt them. But really, once they see Mom & Dad can take a trip without them, I think they'll also be more eager to straighten up when warned.

Go and have fun. You and DH deserve it. You are not a bad parent at all - from what you've said it sounds like you're both pretty good parents trying to raise decent kids.

Thank you! I love my kids dearly but I grew up not having ANY responsibilities (mom did it ALL.. that was what her mom taught her) and I wish she had as I was the WORST at cleaning my house! I want my kids to realize this is their house too and they need to respect it. And their siblings are their flesh and blood.. they need to have respect for them too.

Um, as for DH and I going alone, we are going on a cruise in August without them (our one trip a year alone) so it would just be me... maybe my sister who now wants to come! So who knows...

 

[magicalfoursome]

While I understand a parent following thru with a punishment I think taking away a family vacation to WDW from four children 11 yrs and younger is harsh. Is their behavior that bad?? If this trip was a reward for good behavior and the children failed then by all means cancel it. If it was planned for the family to be together and have fun then what has changed?? I personally would not be able to leave my kids and go to WDW-- that is our favorite family vacation. I would (and have) gone on other vacations only with DH and friends. The decision of course is up to you as none truly knows your situation. I do hope you do take time for yourself-- you need it to relax and recharge.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

Since I have to save all year long for vacations.. in a sense, the kids do have to earn it as that money can always be used for something else. Family vacations around here are NOT a given, they are a reward. And no, they havent been horrible. But we are trying to get the kids to respect each other and their home and have responsibilities.. and doing so you earn special things.. LIKE a nice vacation.

 

[monty]

I really do admire you and your DH for being able to "stick to your guns".
I know I couldn't do it....but that's a flaw in my character, not yours.