Going to DLR with non-planners

[LavenderPeach]

Anyone have any suggestions for going to DLR, during spring break crazy-busy-time, with people who like to "wing it"? We live an hour from DLR and have APs and usually we only go for a few hours at a time so I'm really excited about spending 2 nights in Anaheim and 2 days at the parks but we're going with DH's family and they are all SO much more laid back than I am about these things. DH's brother's family goes to DLR every year but they used to home school and would go before the spring break crowds got big. This is the first year they've had to go during spring break and I'm not sure they realize how crowded it will be. DH's family is not known for getting up early or being on time to places. I know they have good intentions of trying to get to the parks when they open but I'm not sure if they will follow through.

DH says we have to "stay with the group" because he says the point is to be with his family (i thought the point was to go to DLR but I guess not ) so i'm not sure I can get away with saying we will meet them there later if they are running late. I'm not sure there's really any suggestions that would help me I mostly just needed to vent because I know you guys understand the frustration of not getting to do things the "right" way.

I am looking forward to the trip though. It will be one our nephew's first time there so that should be fun. My main goal right now is to get them to decide on what restaurant they want to go to so we can make PS arrangements and to convince them to have some sort of plan for the first 1-2 hours at DL so we don't just stand around asking each other what we want to do first.

Okay, I feel better now.

 

[Mike_M]

I am not a planner but I've been enough times to have a feel for things plus I know what I like and when I like to do it. Well, my in-laws are even more 'Wing-it' than I am and for my DS's birthday, the whole family came to DLR to spend the day together. I decided to try something new, I stood back and simply followed the group wherever they wanted to go. I didn't make any sugestions, I didn't try and lead the party, I didn't do anything except follow along and spend the day with family. Did we do things in the most efficient way? Not really. Did we stand in some very long lines during peak hours. Yeah. It didn't really matter though. It wasn't about me, it was about my DS having a fun day with the family and he did.

At the end of the day, I began to realize that I felt like the host and my in-laws were my guests and it was more important that they had a good time in 'my' Park than to try and make them enjoy the park my way.

In other words, I think that this is one of those times where it might be better to just go along with the flow rather than try and set a plan for a group that may be resistant to one.

 

[bumbershoot]

When I go with my brother and SIL (when she can make it), I find myself pretending I haven't planned, but I just continue to have "oh I have an idea" moments when they stop to look at a map. They *think* they are winging it, but they aren't really.

But obviously you go often, and can hang back on doing the things you normally want to do...if they are enjoying themselves, then that's really important! But if they are NOT enjoying themselves, if they tell you that or if you determine that by asking them...then you can lay out what can be done to help. Get there early the next day, give you their tickets so you can run off and get a FP (would be the same amount of time as running to the bathroom, so surely they won't miss you terribly if you just go off for that short amount of time!), etc. If they want the help, remind them that you guys know the ins and outs.

But otherwise, just lead them when they go astray, but try to do it in a "oh I have an idea" type of way.

 

[LavenderPeach]

In other words, I think that this is one of those times where it might be better to just go along with the flow rather than try and set a plan for a group that may be resistant to one.

Yes, I agree with the "go-with-the-flow" theory but I'm not sure how DS who is 3 (but acts more like 2 because of a long medical history and being in and out of the hospital so much) will be able to handle standing in line for 45 minutes for Peter Pan. Or maybe I'm not sure how I can handle having to stand in line for that long with DS. lol. He gets all floppy on me and wants to lay on the ground so I end up holding him and that gets tiring! You're right though, I'm going to have to try to go with the flow. I've had to do that with them on many other occasions but this is my disneyland we're talking about now!

But otherwise, just lead them when they go astray, but try to do it in a "oh I have an idea" type of way.

Good idea! I'll have to be sneaky about my planning and pretend that I'm not really planning anything. Hey, I can be spontaneous too! Well, okay, maybe not so much.

 

[toni1227]

You sound like me.
Next year my parents and my in laws want to come with us. I am a little stressed thinking about it because I am a control freak/planner and I do not want people messing with my plans!!! LOL! I can just hear them when I tell them we need to do XYZ at this time and them saying what is the big deal??? Oh but you have NO idea how many hours I put into planning this trip! But I did just get to go with my kids and DH (all the while wishing I had a xanax!) so hopefully I can chill out a little. I hope!

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

Mike's comments are good ones.

From a personal standpoint - I evolved from "Power-tourer" TM to "Wing-It Girl"TM over the years. I've seen and understand both sides of the coin.

When we had the kids - I realized DL and WDW had no longer become about what I wanted to do. Once I had that revelation, I lost the need to be frustrated - except when we went with some other high-maintenance parents that couldn't change diapers without a production number and comedy routine.

Even then, that taught me that same lesson about being a host - and a few tricks about how to herd a crowd of cattle with humor.... We are so blessed to be Passholders and to be able to go to the parks for a few hours a week to enjoy it. So many folks would consider that an expensive luxury - especially these days.

I guess what I'm also trying to say is that there is no "right way" to tour the parks. It's such a personal thing for so many people that being frustrated about not doing the right thing can be just futile and ruin your trip. When they are running late (and boy, do I know running late) - hang out at the hotel - read a book, hug your wonderful child - come up with things to distract you. Wander and shop. Stare at things as if you never saw them before. If you hang together, you could discover some new and really cool things that you would normally have run past, or even help your family to discover them.

Girl - I know you have a ton of patience - I think you'll get through this one and have a lot of fun, too!

 

[LavenderPeach]

You sound like me.
Next year my parents and my in laws want to come with us. I am a little stressed thinking about it because I am a control freak/planner and I do not want people messing with my plans!!! LOL! I can just hear them when I tell them we need to do XYZ at this time and them saying what is the big deal??? Oh but you have NO idea how many hours I put into planning this trip! But I did just get to go with my kids and DH so hopefully I can chill out a little. I hope!

Lol! Yeah, it's hard to go with people who have a different way of vacationing than you. My family was always on the go but DH's family did very laid back vacations where they visited relatives as opposed to going to a destination. Good luck planning your trip with non-planners!

 

[PinkBudgie]

My biggest concern would be to get to the park early. Maybe you can ask DH if one morning you all could get there early and meet them when they arrive and then the other morning you promise not to get antsy when you have to go eat breakfast at 9:30 somewhere outside the park. Beg and promise all kinds of nice things for him.
I bet if you got in one good morning, all the rest would be much easier.

 

[Disney Dreams]

My suggeston would be to just enjoy the Park with family. Don't worry about how much you get done or what you don't get to, just enjoy the day and whatever you do.

You live close enough and have an AP so you can always go back. Sometimes it's nice to just kick it and go with the flow.

 

[nunzia]

I am not a planner but I've been enough times to have a feel for things plus I know what I like and when I like to do it. Well, my in-laws are even more 'Wing-it' than I am and for my DS's birthday, the whole family came to DLR to spend the day together. I decided to try something new, I stood back and simply followed the group wherever they wanted to go. I didn't make any sugestions, I didn't try and lead the party, I didn't do anything except follow along and spend the day with family. Did we do things in the most efficient way? Not really. Did we stand in some very long lines during peak hours. Yeah. It didn't really matter though. It wasn't about me, it was about my DS having a fun day with the family and he did.

At the end of the day, I began to realize that I felt like the host and my in-laws were my guests and it was more important that they had a good time in 'my' Park than to try and make them enjoy the park my way.

In other words, I think that this is one of those times where it might be better to just go along with the flow rather than try and set a plan for a group that may be resistant to one.

You know, I did this very same thing when we took 2 of my grown kids, my son's spouse (who had neve been) and 5 of our grandkids (who had also never been) last May. I didn't want to be that pushy hurrying planner Mom. My son and his wife are smokers and saunterers so there were lots of stops..we even split up into groups sometimes to meet up later (way too many smoke breaks). Anyway, we all had a nice time and I'm so glad we all went, but my son was kinda bummed I DIDN'T push everyone along in a 'plan'. Maybe we should have communicated about that before we went..I guess my point is, you never know what expectations are unless you ask Next time I guess I'll be Commando Mom

 

[LavenderPeach]

My biggest concern would be to get to the park early. Maybe you can ask DH if one morning you all could get there early and meet them when they arrive and then the other morning you promise not to get antsy when you have to go eat breakfast at 9:30 somewhere outside the park. Beg and promise all kinds of nice things for him.
I bet if you got in one good morning, all the rest would be much easier.

Yes! This is my main concern. If I can just get to DL when it opens on our first day so DS can go on some rides without huge waits then I'll be a happy camper. After that I would be able to go with the flow much easier. It just would drive me crazy wasting all that prime time when the park first opens.

We do have APs so I'm not worried about seeing everything like I would be if this was a once in a lifetime trip but I'm mostly worried about how DS will handle all this. Actually, the thing that is going to be the hardest with DS is if we have to wait a long time to sit down at a restaurant. The waiting to be seated will be hard, like it would be for any 2-3 year old but then because of his medical issues he has a feeding tube and is just now learning how to eat. Eating is not a fun thing for him so the pay-off for him after waiting to be seated is more waiting at the table while he waits for us to finish eating. Usually I bring tons of toys and books for him when we go out but I can't lug all that around DL. I'll bring a few things but I won't have my usual arsenal.

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement everyone!

 

[ter-moo]

You have three options:

1) Do as everyone says and go with the flow. You do get to go often, so it's not like you're missing something--you'll get to go again.

2) Ask your DH's family if they'd mind if you scheduled the days as a favor to them, so that no one had to make decisions. Sell it as a FAVOR. Make the plan the bad guy, not you, and show them the plan each day for approval/disapproval, etc.

3) Combo of both. Just because you're spending time with family doesn't mean EVERY MINUTE has to be with family. You and DS (and DH, if he's willing) could go early in the mornings with a plan to meet the rest of the family when they get there. That way, you'll get some stuff done on your terms and can still spend time with them. OR, you could propose that they all spend 1 day with a plan and 1 day without.

I agree with everyone else, though, that in this case, the FAMILY is the important thing to consider, rather than the park. (HARD to swallow, I know, but still true!!!! )

 

[Leofoenget]

What's annoying about non planners is they just don't "get" that in order to do everything you want you have to follow a plan. I'm going with a non planner and she recoiled in horror when I told her I want to be at rope drop. I'm like well just what do you want? To sleep? or DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT? Non planners want both, but then complain when it's packed and hot and miserable. I said "fine" I will be there at rope drop and do Fantasyland and you can meet up with me later, but I'm not re-doing Fantasyland. You have a plan and they can join your plan later.

 

[LavenderPeach]

Mike's comments are good ones.

From a personal standpoint - I evolved from "Power-tourer" TM to "Wing-It Girl"TM over the years. I've seen and understand both sides of the coin.

When we had the kids - I realized DL and WDW had no longer become about what I wanted to do. Once I had that revelation, I lost the need to be frustrated - except when we went with some other high-maintenance parents that couldn't change diapers without a production number and comedy routine.

Even then, that taught me that same lesson about being a host - and a few tricks about how to herd a crowd of cattle with humor.... We are so blessed to be Passholders and to be able to go to the parks for a few hours a week to enjoy it. So many folks would consider that an expensive luxury - especially these days.

I guess what I'm also trying to say is that there is no "right way" to tour the parks. It's such a personal thing for so many people that being frustrated about not doing the right thing can be just futile and ruin your trip. When they are running late (and boy, do I know running late) - hang out at the hotel - read a book, hug your wonderful child - come up with things to distract you. Wander and shop. Stare at things as if you never saw them before. If you hang together, you could discover some new and really cool things that you would normally have run past, or even help your family to discover them.

Girl - I know you have a ton of patience - I think you'll get through this one and have a lot of fun, too!

I totally missed seeing your post earlier. Weird.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'm generally a fairly upbeat person and try to make the best of every situation (something that has become SO helpful with all of DS's medical issues we've had to deal with) so I don't think DH's family could do anything to ruin the trip for me, afterall, we'll be at Disneyland! I'm still expecting to have a lot of fun and I'm really excited about getting to go on a real vacation to the parks instead of just a day trip. I'm just way more obsessed with disneyland than any of them are but I'm working on toning it down so I don't drive them crazy.

Btw, I love your trademarked alter egos.

 

[LavenderPeach]

What's annoying about non planners is they just don't "get" that in order to do everything you want you have to follow a plan. I'm going with a non planner and she recoiled in horror when I told her I want to be at rope drop. I'm like well just what do you want? To sleep? or DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT? Non planners want both, but then complain when it's packed and hot and miserable. I said "fine" I will be there at rope drop and do Fantasyland and you can meet up with me later, but I'm not re-doing Fantasyland. You have a plan and they can join your plan later.

Yes! It's not that I feel like I have to plan every minute. All I ask is we get there when DL opens so we can take advantage of shorter lines which I'm sure is what they want too. DH's sister is notoriously late for everything. I mean, absolutely everything and she doesn't really notice that she is (or she doesn't care or something, idk). So while she might agree that getting up early to get there at rope drop is a good idea, it will be a miracle if she's actually ready on time. My hope is that DH's brother's family will be more motivated so if they're ready to go early we can go with them and still "be with the group" as DH wants to do.

 

[Leofoenget]

You know what might be a good idea. Print out or forward Hydroguys speal on "how crowds build throughout the day" and let them read it. And just say "I know it's hard but this is why I like to get there really early" Then they won't think you are being a nut about it, but that there is a real reason to get moving early.

 

[PHXscuba]

IMO, unless you have specific breakfast plans (like a PS, character breakfast, or a special place outside the park to go), ther's nothing wrong with getting up and going to the park before them. I mean, what are you missing? Watching them sleep and then rushing around to get ready?

If you go early and get a few of the "long lines" for some favorites out of the way, you won't feel so stressed and can bow out of any lines you're not up to. For example, if you already rode Peter Pan early, you can decide when you get back there later whether it's worth the line or just do something different with DS while they wait.

I think even in a big "family group" that wants to be together, you will all split and regroup a lot because of desires, height requirements, etc. Being "together" doesn't mean spending every second within arms reach, especially if you have several days to cope with each other's different eccentricities.

I went to the zoo on Wednesday with DS4 and about 8 other moms and their little kids. I stressed myself out wanting to move it along until I realized it wasn't about seeing the whole zoo in a morning but sharing the experience with DS and his little buddies. Once I looked at it that way, I had a lot more fun pointing out animals, letting them dawdle, talking with my friends, and taking pictures. I guess my point is if you see yourself (and maybe even DS) more as tour guides sharing their park ("hosts" as a PP said) you will have a different experience.

And, if they refuse to do any planning the first day and have a crowded, frustrated time, then they might be more willing to give it a try your way the next day!

PHXscuba

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

I totally missed seeing your post earlier. Weird.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'm generally a fairly upbeat person and try to make the best of every situation (something that has become SO helpful with all of DS's medical issues we've had to deal with) so I don't think DH's family could do anything to ruin the trip for me, afterall, we'll be at Disneyland! I'm still expecting to have a lot of fun and I'm really excited about getting to go on a real vacation to the parks instead of just a day trip. I'm just way more obsessed with disneyland than any of them are but I'm working on toning it down so I don't drive them crazy.

Btw, I love your trademarked alter egos.

Thought you'd like those - I've read your posts long enough to "get" a bit of who you are and your sense of humor. I also completely understand your ability to handle stuff because of your son. (I am in a field of radiology, so I get that too...)

I know you'll be fine - you may want to have a "kill them now" moment and that is perfectly okay - as long as you remember not to get arrested for it.

Us folks that are compulsively organized with our lives - because we have to think ahead and have to be prepared - have a hard time learning the lesson to slow down to meet the speed of others. Look at me - full time at my hospital with call, podcaster for the DIS, mom of 2 very active little girls, and now we find out about the DIS event over Labor Day weekend in conjunction with the 5K and half marathon (and I'm walking in the 5K).... Something had to slow down somewhere, so it has to be me giving up running around DL like a normal visitor!

 

[LavenderPeach]

Thought you'd like those - I've read your posts long enough to "get" a bit of who you are and your sense of humor. I also completely understand your ability to handle stuff because of your son. (I am in a field of radiology, so I get that too...)

I know you'll be fine - you may want to have a "kill them now" moment and that is perfectly okay - as long as you remember not to get arrested for it.

Us folks that are compulsively organized with our lives - because we have to think ahead and have to be prepared - have a hard time learning the lesson to slow down to meet the speed of others. Look at me - full time at my hospital with call, podcaster for the DIS, mom of 2 very active little girls, and now we find out about the DIS event over Labor Day weekend in conjunction with the 5K and half marathon (and I'm walking in the 5K).... Something had to slow down somewhere, so it has to be me giving up running around DL like a normal visitor!

Yeah, i'm sure working at a hospital you understand a little bit about our world of feeding pumps, pulse-ox's and oxygen tanks. DS is always having some sort of test done so we've had many visits to radiology. At least he's been able to stay out of the hospital lately (ugg....DS used to get admitted all the time). I was telling someone recently that we used to be in Hospital Land but now we're in Therapy World with all his various therapy appointments. Therapy World is a much better place.

You sound like a very busy person! Sorry you had to give up visiting DL like a "normal visitor". One of these days we'll have to actually meet up instead of all these near misses we keep having.

As for my upcoming mini-vacation. I'm trying to tell myself it's no big deal if we aren't there when DL opens. Of course, that's not going to stop me from trying my hardest to get there on time! Actually, we don't get there at park opening very often which is why I wanted to take this opportunity to do so while we'll be staying right there in Anaheim, but we'll see.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

OMG - FYI - I'll never ever see a rope drop at DL.... I totally had to give up morning visits to the park when I took my current position - I'm on call up in the valley every Saturday and Sunday morning. I can't see mornings at Disneyland unless I officially request coverage... so basically I work 7 days a week.

I honestly can't remember the last time I was in the park that early. Whenever we are there early it's staying the weekend for the Half Marathon - and then we are up at the crack of eternity to cheer runners and the opening the doors at 7am at Storytellers for breakfast.

I am there this weekend - we're taping a show segment at the DLH version of Bwana Bob's Jungle Boats tomorrow afternoon around 3ish. We're staying the night (asked off a month ago....), so we're there Sunday, too.

I think you may want to consider being around or getting rooms the weekend of Labor Day.... it's our big Podcast EVENT Weekend!!!!!