going rate for a cash wedding gift?

[Gumbo4x4]

But why just "cover you Plate?" Why not pitch in for the flowers, the dress, the DJ, the cake, the venue, and on and on. I will never understand the covering your plate mentality.

I guess I view it like this - as the guest at your (general "you") wedding, I'm doing you a favor just by showing up. And if you (general "you") wish to hold some lavish affair, that's for your benefit, not mine.

So, I'm with you on the notion of "covering my plate". I don't really want to be there anyway, so paying for the meal isn't my duty.

 

[shoney]

I never knew anyone that took "cover your plate" to be so literal. It is just a guide.

Kids parties cost around $20 pp and the average gift is $20 pp

Sweet 16's and Bar Mitzvah's average around $50 per kid, I would assume that is around what is paid for each kid (since they aren't served alcohol or the expensive meal) The adults would give more.

Weddings are more. Honestly, they have gotten so expensive that I don't think $100 pp is covering it anymore. My wedding was around $85pp 24 years ago!

I have a standard amount for certain close friends and family. They would get that amount no matter what type of wedding they had. My SIL had her 2nd wedding at restaurant with just beer and wine and a buffet dinner. It was about $50 per head. We gave $500.

If we were invited to a co-workers wedding, I would give $200 from my DH and I if it were in a standard catering hall place like we are used to around here. If for some reason, it were a backyard bbq, I would give less.

 

[mefordis]

I guess I view it like this - as the guest at your (general "you") wedding, I'm doing you a favor just by showing up. And if you (general "you") wish to hold some lavish affair, that's for your benefit, not mine.

So, I'm with you on the notion of "covering my plate". I don't really want to be there anyway, so paying for the meal isn't my duty.

Likewise, I was just happy people could come. This was in '99 in NYC and it was $125 per person and no way did we average $250 / couple. We didn't even think for a second we would. Anything was a bonus.

I haven't been to a wedding in a long time. I don't see one in the near future, either.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I guess I view it like this - as the guest at your (general "you") wedding, I'm doing you a favor just by showing up. And if you (general "you") wish to hold some lavish affair, that's for your benefit, not mine.

So, I'm with you on the notion of "covering my plate". I don't really want to be there anyway, so paying for the meal isn't my duty.

So true, especially the part I bolded.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Not everyone has the means to give generously to all. That's the way I give gifts, I base it on the environment and the relationship. And I don't think they "deserve" anything for getting married, they chose to invite me to a reception so I will give an appropriate gift.

The adjustment for the relationship I totally get. My sister got more from me than my cousin's daughter.

OTOH, I wouldn't adjust based on "environment". Shoot, most of the time I have very little idea what I'm in for ahead of time anyway, not that it makes any difference.

 

[SirDuff]

The adjustment for the relationship I totally get. My sister got more from me than my cousin's daughter.

OTOH, I wouldn't adjust based on "environment". Shoot, most of the time I have very little idea what I'm in for ahead of time anyway, not that it makes any difference.

Agreed. The only time I would adjust based on "environment" is when the environment requires me to travel (either a destination wedding or a wedding that is local to the bride and/or groom, but a distance from me); in those situations, I consider adjusting down (because of the other costs that I've incurred).

 

[Disneylover99]

EEk, are you saying for a couple going to a wedding they should be giving $200-$400 and if they bring a child then it is $300-$600? Wowza. I actually had the same question. Haven't been to a wedding in awhile. Going to one in Florida this summer for a family member we haven't seen in a long time. I was just wondering if I should be giving a cash gift or something off the registry.

Yup. Weddings are expensive. I know some don't agree, but I definitely believe in covering my plate.

 

[RedAngie]

For those of you who "cover your plate"...how do you know the cost of the plate? I attended a wedding last week-end and I have NO IDEA what the cost of my plate was.

Most pricing can be found online if you go to the website of the venue. I guess you can call it snooping but If I didn't I would have given a cash gift considered tacky. I am very much out of touch with today's prices. My per person cost was $28 for food and alcohol and this was in 2001.

Even checking online, it's not easy to determine the exact amount per head. Most venues have a wide range of prices. Who knows if the couple went for the budget package or the super-deluxe-platinum encrusted one? But yes, it gives a rough guideline. And sometimes word does get leaked out how much they're spending per person.

Covering your plate is somewhat the norm in some circles around here, but I've never subscribed to it. I'll give the same amount, based on my relationship with the couple, no matter if the reception was at the Ritz-Carlton or the local Elks lodge.

 

[Nancyg56]

To those who mention the cost of "covering the plate", how do you know what they are spending? Is it common knowledge among the family, or do you research it yourself?

I have a pretty good idea what things cost in my area.
I don't ask anyone, but I have paid for my fair share of meals.

But why just "cover you Plate?" Why not pitch in for the flowers, the dress, the DJ, the cake, the venue, and on and on. I will never understand the covering your plate mentality.

This is an old fashioned idea that folks used as a guide when they made their gifting decisions. It is not set in stone, and should not be taken as literally as you are taking it. It means that if you want a guide and do nto have your own go to amounts, to to cover what it cost to include you and then give a little more.

But you're not paying for a meal, you are giving a gift to someone. So if a parent can afford a nice reception, their kids deserve more money? If the couple is poor to start with, they deserve less of a gift?

My go to amounts so not include family, so for all others I give the same about for wedding gifts whenever DH and I are invited. I do not care if I am invited to a back yard affair with cake and coffee or a lavish wedding with ten courses and open bar. My gift is just that. A gift. I always thought that we were pretty generous but a few years ago my neighbor told me her step son and new bride did not acknowledge gifts they deemed too cheap. Since I never got a thank you, I guess my $200 gift for chicken dinner and a cash bar was cheap.

My family gets more. WE have an out of town wedding in June and that one is going to be expensive. Plane fare, hotel, rental car, food wine for me!!!!! And then the gift. We have never met the Bride but she is the only daughter of my DH cousin, so we are going and will gve enough to help them start out.

 

[nkereina]

I think this is a regional thing. In a place like NYC where cost of living is much higher, wedding gifts may be more. Where I live in Buffalo, I'm finding many of the dollar amounts suggested to be very generous. My best friend got married last year and her average wedding gift was $50. She got $100-$200 from close friends and relatives, and some gifts were $25 from more distant relatives. Personally, I find $100 in the card to be fair and somewhere in the middle, especially for a semi-distant relative like a second cousin.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I never knew anyone that took "cover your plate" to be so literal. It is just a guide.

Kids parties cost around $20 pp and the average gift is $20 pp

Sweet 16's and Bar Mitzvah's average around $50 per kid, I would assume that is around what is paid for each kid (since they aren't served alcohol or the expensive meal) The adults would give more.

Weddings are more. Honestly, they have gotten so expensive that I don't think $100 pp is covering it anymore. My wedding was around $85pp 24 years ago!

I have a standard amount for certain close friends and family. They would get that amount no matter what type of wedding they had. My SIL had her 2nd wedding at restaurant with just beer and wine and a buffet dinner. It was about $50 per head. We gave $500.

If we were invited to a co-workers wedding, I would give $200 from my DH and I if it were in a standard catering hall place like we are used to around here. If for some reason, it were a backyard bbq, I would give less.

I went to a quincineara last year that was at a venue used for weddings. In the main ballroom complete with cocktail hour and sundae bar. I'm guessing about $100 per person or more. I gave the 15 year old girl (my SOs deceased cousins daughter) $60. I couldn't see myself giving $200 to a 15 year old to cover our plates. It still is a child's birthday in my eyes. And I plan on throwing my DD a nice quincineara but would never assume anyone to cover their plate. I'm expecting gifts in the $50 range per family. Not per person.

 

[trip]

I have a pretty good idea what things cost in my area.
I don't ask anyone, but I have paid for my fair share of meals.

My go to amounts so not include family, so for all others I give the same about for wedding gifts whenever DH and I are invited. I do not care if I am invited to a back yard affair with cake and coffee or a lavish wedding with ten courses and open bar. My gift is just that. A gift. I always thought that we were pretty generous but a few years ago my neighbor told me her step son and new bride did not acknowledge gifts they deemed too cheap. Since I never got a thank you, I guess my $200 gift for chicken dinner and a cash bar was cheap.

Bolding is mine.

I can't believe the newlyweds did this and I can't believe the mother admitted they did that. Did she seem ok with it?

 

[rastahomie]

Whatever you do, I hope the bride and groom don't decide you were cheap and write you back asking for more.

http://www.inquisitr.com/3089134/gu...dding-guest-who-didnt-give-them-enough-money/

 

[shoney]

I went to a quincineara last year that was at a venue used for weddings. In the main ballroom complete with cocktail hour and sundae bar. I'm guessing about $100 per person or more. I gave the 15 year old girl (my SOs deceased cousins daughter) $60. I couldn't see myself giving $200 to a 15 year old to cover our plates. It still is a child's birthday in my eyes. And I plan on throwing my DD a nice quincineara but would never assume anyone to cover their plate. I'm expecting gifts in the $50 range per family. Not per person.

Around here the catering halls do not charge the same price for adults vs. kids at these types of parties. The adults are def $100 or more, but the kids are less. they are usually served dinner from a buffet of pizza, hamburgers, chicken fingers, while the adults are eating a full course sit down dinner of prime rib.

A close friend of my son just has a sweet 16. She had 180 ppl....100 were kids. She took in a little over $12,000 in cash.

 

[Nancyg56]

Bolding is mine.

I can't believe the newlyweds did this and I can't believe the mother admitted they did that. Did she seem ok with it?

No. SHe was the step mom and was pretty embarrassed. She blamed the bride, but I told her that if her SS was not in agreement he could write one or at least say thank you. He did neither.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Around here the catering halls do not charge the same price for adults vs. kids at these types of parties. The adults are def $100 or more, but the kids are less. they are usually served dinner from a buffet of pizza, hamburgers, chicken fingers, while the adults are eating a full course sit down dinner of prime rib.

A close friend of my son just has a sweet 16. She had 180 ppl....100 were kids. She took in a little over $12,000 in cash.

I can't imagine ever 180 people for a birthday party. I don't think my 15-year-old even KNOWS 100 kids, much less 100 she likes LOL

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Around here the catering halls do not charge the same price for adults vs. kids at these types of parties. The adults are def $100 or more, but the kids are less. they are usually served dinner from a buffet of pizza, hamburgers, chicken fingers, while the adults are eating a full course sit down dinner of prime rib.

A close friend of my son just has a sweet 16. She had 180 ppl....100 were kids. She took in a little over $12,000 in cash.

She only had about 20-25 kids. She wasn't allowed tO invite her entire high school. Lol. 150+ were adults mostly family. I have no idea how much they "made" but a lot of this was family who thought the venue was a bit much for a quince. I doubt if much of anybody paid for their plate except maybe her aunts and uncles.

Eta: and here kids rate applies for under 12. Above that is charged as an adult.

 

[Hrhpd]

Weddings here don't typically have registries - those are for showers. Weddings here are a cash/check gift-depending on the venue gifts are usually anywhere from 150-250 per person, of course if you can't afford it you give what you can, or my favorite thing is to just to busy that date LOL, especially if its just a cousin or not very close friend.

I think basing your gift on the venue is one of the crazier things that is perpetuated on these boards. A gift should be based on what you can afford and how close the bride and groom are to you.

If Mary decides to be irresponsible and have an over budget reception where she is hoping guests help cover her costs and Jane decides to be a bit more frugal to save for a house, why should Mary get more of a gift than Jane just because she was bleeding money?

In my world, I am more apt to give more to the couple who has a more affordable to them wedding because they are serious about saving for a house or their future, especially if we are close family so would have some idea of the reasons behind each reception and future plans. I am not about to pay admission to a wedding based on how much the bride decides to spend.

 

[Hrhpd]

That always comes up. In my experience, it's not the couple who expect it, it's the guests that want to do it for the couple.

lately I think the pendulum is swinging more towards the couple expects it. There are way too many stories, like the most recent one in the news, where the bride and groom have very specific expectations for their gifts and are not shy about making that known.

I have also seen plenty of posts here on the DIS over the years of miffed brides complaining about how their relative or friend stiffed them for their wedding.

In fact, the increasing entitlement attitude towards everything from bachelorette parties to wedding gifts is becoming very noticeable.

 

[mjkacmom]

lately I think the pendulum is swinging more towards the couple expects it. There are way too many stories, like the most recent one in the news, where the bride and groom have very specific expectations for their gifts and are not shy about making that known.

I have also seen plenty of posts here on the DIS over the years of miffed brides complaining about how their relative or friend stiffed them for their wedding.

In fact, the increasing entitlement attitude towards everything from bachelorette parties to wedding gifts is becoming very noticeable.

I think the problem is today's smaller world. Before the Internet and reality TV, those of us living in the NYC metro area had big elaborate weddings, showers, engagement parties, etc., and folks gave generous gifts, and all was well. No complaints.

About 20 years ago or so, the word traveled to other areas about these customs, and brides divided they wanted to hold these events in areas where they weren't the norm, expecting people to pony up. People should stick to the norms of where they live.

But, don't criticize the traditions of regions where these wedding traditions have remained unchanged for 50+ years, and say they are tacky. On these threads, it's rare for someone from this area to criticize smaller gifts, and punch and cake wedding receptions.

I have to laugh when complainers bring up that weddings are over the top these days. Not here.