Giving your children things.

[MAKmom]

Why do some people on the Diz get upset if someone else's child is given things? Why do you care if a child has a TV or Cell phone? How does it effect you if my kid goes to her dorm with a flat screen TV instead of an old one?

I go to work everyday I can spend my money anyway I want.

 

[NewJersey]

Because people feel the need to tell others how to raise their kids?

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Probably because we all know spoiled rotten little brats who think they are entitled because their parents have money.

My husband and I do pretty well. We have one child and he has a lot of stuff. We also make it clear that if he starts expecting or demanding anything we'll laugh at him and he'll have nothing. He knows that we work for what we have and that he needs to learn to work for what he'll have. It's all about balance.

 

[MAKmom]

Probably because we all know spoiled rotten little brats who think they are entitled because their parents have money.

My husband and I do pretty well. We have one child and he has a lot of stuff. We also make it clear that if he starts expecting or demanding anything we'll laugh at him and he'll have nothing. He knows that we work for what we have and that he needs to learn to work for what he'll have. It's all about balance.

But how does a spoiled rotten brat that belongs to another family effect the other posters?

I've never read a post I gave my kids a cell phone & had a TV in his room & they are in jail now because of it.

 

[mla2177]

But how does a spoiled rotten brat that belongs to another family effect the other posters?

I've never read a post I gave my kids a cell phone & had a TV in his room & they are in jail now because of it.

I think as sad as it is to say, it's jealousy!!!!!!!!!

 

[JunieJay]

But how does a spoiled rotten brat that belongs to another family effect the other posters?

Well lets see, you don't think a spoiled brat has an effect on other people around him? You don't think he'll have eventual problems with his peers or his superiors? I can tell you as a former HR professional that we could always pick those who were entitled out of a crowd, they were the ones who felt something owed to them. They were also always the ones we didn't hire.

That said, I don't think a child who is given certain luxuries is necessarily a spoiled brat. I know kids whose parents don't buy them those things but over indulge them in other ways who are spoiled brats, and I know kids who are given many luxuries but who are very well mannered. I just don't understand how you could ask how a spoiled rotten brat could have an effect on other people.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think because they are set in how THEY raise their kid's and if you don't do what they do, then you are wrong.

Also I think they connect it with a spoiled & entitlement attitude. So they believe that if you do not get your kid's "stuff", then they will not be like that. Maybe yes, maybe no.... not sure what causes that.

My kids have "stuff" and they never ever felt entitled or spoiled. I think if your kid feels "entitled" they are going to be that way no matter HOW much or HOW little they have.

Was it my attitude that rubbed off...I don't know.

That is my take on it.

 

[bgirl29]

Not that I care what you give your own children, but have your kids never said "But everyone else has one, so why cant I?" I think children that have a lot make children that aren't given everything (or as much) feel bad or jealous and as parents it eventually ends up being talked about at home.

Another example is I make my children wear bike helmets while most parents in our neighborhood (sp) have forgotten about them. So I constantly hear "why do I have to wear my helmet, no one else does?" I think this is normal. Not a big deal, I make my decisions for my children no one else does. So they still wear helmets. I just think in general parenting would be easier if everyone did it the same way because all children would have the same expectations. Hope this makes sense and you KWIM.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

I think as sad as it is to say, it's jealousy!!!!!!!!!

ITA

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think children that have a lot make children that aren't given everything (or as much) feel bad or jealous and as parents it eventually ends up being talked about at home.

OK, then when you talk about it at home you say this is our values and that is that.

Your children must learn that they are not the same as everyone and people are at different levels.

Dealing with jealously or feeling bad is a skill you need to teach your children.

 

[bgirl29]

Mystery machine, I totally agree with you. You do need to teach these things to your children. I just was trying to explain why I think people care what other people give their children. I understand life is not fair someone is always going to have more and someone is always going to have less.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Because people who spend as much time on a chat board as some do, have nothing better to do and love to watch things turn nasty and then they are not so board!

AND

I think a lot of people have that same entitlement attitude that they speak of and believe it is their right to tell everyone what to do and how to do it.

 

[freckles and boo]

ITA

Bunk. I have the resources to buy my kids whatever they want without compromising their future or ours. I don't do it because I don't think it is in their best interest. As a PP wrote, it is difficult to have different values and sometimes we complain about those who do things that seem to do more damage than good. It is just venting but it certainly isn't jealousy. I don't care what you buy your child as long as they don't act like they are "better" because they have more stuff. I have run into plenty of kids who look down their noses at other kids because they have more or newer or better things. I want my children to be happy and I do things for my daughters that I think will make them happy, but I don't do it to excess. They will never think I don't love simply because I don't cave to one of their demands. They will also never be permitted to act superior because of some object that they have. THAT is my problem.

 

[MushyMushy]

Mystery machine, I totally agree with you. You do need to teach these things to your children. I just was trying to explain why I think people care what other people give their children. I understand life is not fair someone is always going to have more and someone is always going to have less.

I belonged to another forum where this one poster used to rant and rave constantly about how unfair it was to her kids that other parents did this or that for their kids when she couldn't. How dare "all of you" give your kids a dollar for a lost tooth! How dare "all of you" spend obscene amounts of money at Christmas. How will I ever explain this to my kids??? Around every holiday, you could expect one of her rants.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't care until the point that a child is indulged so much that he/she becomes a brat that my child and/or I has to endure .

Personally, my DH and I are trying to teach DD7 that the world doesn't revolve around her and right now one of the best ways is not to give into every "WANT". Heck, DH and I both work and she's an only child so we could give her pretty much anything including the pony she wanted last week after going to horseback riding camp - yeah, sorry kid that ain't happenin' .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Mystery machine, I totally agree with you. You do need to teach these things to your children. I just was trying to explain why I think people care what other people give their children. I understand life is not fair someone is always going to have more and someone is always going to have less.

Got it...

 

[Maleficent13]

I view "spoiled brats" the same way I view school property taxes.

Even if the brat/school kid isn't in my family, they are going to grow up and may in fact have an impact on my life. I would prefer those people to have the best education possible and NOT be entitled PITA. So that's why I have an opinion on school property taxes and spoiled brats.

I'm certainly not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't give your kids, but I do have an opinion on it. I have opinions on lots and lots of things. They and a dollar will get you a Coke.

 

[jrmasm]

I belonged to another forum where this one poster used to rant and rave constantly about how unfair it was to her kids that other parents did this or that for their kids when she couldn't. How dare "all of you" give your kids a dollar for a lost tooth! How dare "all of you" spend obscene amounts of money at Christmas. How will I ever explain this to my kids??? Around every holiday, you could expect one of her rants.

My brother tried to pull that nonsense with me once. Apparently our trips and Xmas' make his stepdaughter feel sad. I laughed and told him that was his problem. If there was truly a financial issue, I would have handled it differently. That is not the case here. Just different choices. And I do not believe that his stepdaughter really cares what we do. As a child of divorce with all families still in the same area, her 5 loot stops on Xmas Day earn her quite a nice haul. Project less, you'll be happier.


And I do not tolerate comments from my children about what other children have that they don't. I remind that they have so much compared to many, many kids and ask if they'd like experience what it feels like to be truly deprived. The answer is always 'NO!!!'. It's funny how a little perspective goes a very, very long way.

 

[shellybaxter]

You all don't know me and you'll probably judge me after this post, but I'm a really nice person who is not snotty at all. I was pretty much given whatever I wanted when I was growing up. I didn't "want" overly extravagent things, but what I did want I got; new clothes, new tapes, new books, etc.

My mother and my father grew up with little to nothing. They wanted to give more to their children. I don't think I was spoiled and I never felt or acted like I was better than my friends.

As I grew up I think the way I was raised helped me a lot. I wasn't satisfied to sit around and do nothing or work at a dead end job. I wanted to live the way I was used to living so I worked hard to get a job where I would not have to worry about where the rent was coming from. My husband and I are not rich by any means, but we do okay. We don't want for much.

I happen to work at a community collge and just helped out with dorm check in last weekend like I do every year. Fair or not, the kids that have the little extras (nice tvs, lap tops, fridge, extra home comforts) are the ones who suceed. They are not only more comfortable in their surroundings, but they have a financial and emotional support system to help them through.

I say give your kids what you feel they need. You are really investing in their future.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

But how does a spoiled rotten brat that belongs to another family effect the other posters?

I live in a wealthy area. Sorry, there's no other way to say it. There are kids here who drive 100k cars to high school and wouldn't be caught dead carrying a bag that wasn't Coach. These kids have no concept of what is reality for most people and look down on anyone who doesn't have the means and toys that they do. They are horribly insulting, and yes, they do affect other people. The people who are like them love them, and the people who have values that aren't material find them insufferable. These are the kids whose parents will buy them into a good school and give them things without teaching them that at some point they'll have to do for themselves. How is that good for society?

All of the kids here aren't like that, of course. Many parents try to give their kids a dose of reality and not indulge their every whim. My DS has way more than I did at his age but he doesn't get everything he wants, by design. He'll get a job when he's 16 and will be taught to work for what he wants. If he wants a luxurious lifestyle, he'll have to fund it on his own.