"Giving away" your daughter at her wedding

[tripletsmama]

I was reading through the purity ring thread and the concept of giving your daughter away at her wedding came up. Is this a dated tradition? My understanding is that it came from a time when girls lived with their parents until they were married at a young age. The dad took care of them until it was time for the husband to do so. Since today that is often not the case, is this tradition on the way out or will it always have a place? Is there something about the concept of giving away that suggests ownership? Thoughts?

 

[Breezy_Carol]

We were just discussing this. DD is 26, lives at home, is engaged, and will marry in 2014. Her Dad will walk her down the aisle but not sure he will "give her away" like a possession. We have to discuss the wording. I think now the wording may be "presented for marriage."

 

[tripletsmama]

We were just discussing this. DD is 26, lives at home, is engaged, and will marry in 2014. Her Dad will walk her down the aisle but not sure he will "give her away" like a possession. We have to discuss the wording. I think now the wording may be "presented for marriage."

I recently went to a wedding at a very conservative fundamental church. The bride was definitely given away. I can see that presented for marriage would be more appropriate for our time and probably more commonly used.

 

[focusondisney]

I haven't heard "who gives this woman.." in years. Our papers usually say the bride was "escorted by her father..."

 

[tripletsmama]

I haven't heard "who gives this woman.." in years. Our papers usually say the bride was "escorted byt her father..."

So are we just changing the words or are we actually changing the meaning of the practice?

 

[EMHDad]

When I officiate a wedding I actively avoid the language 'who gives this bride away?' unless the couple (and really on this part the bride) requests it, which does happen. Instead, if I say anything it is 'who presents this bride?', and often that line is silent.

The father will escort the brie down, hug her, and the mother sometimes will as well, and the bride will join the groom at the front.


I also never ask if anyone objects. As I tell the couple, only 3 people can stop a wedding, the bride, groom and me.

 

[focusondisney]

So are we just changing the words or are we actually changing the meaning of the practice?

Well, in the weddings I've been to, I'd say changing the meaning of the practice. Noone is asked about "giving the woman away". Dad does not say: her mother & I do. Dad (sometimes dad & mom) still walks the bride down the aisle, but as an escort. I have been to civil & religious weddings in the last several years (lots of neices & nephews!) but none were as conservative as the PP mentioned tho.

 

[Pigeon]

Of course it is sexist and dated. In most weddings I've seen both parents of both the bride and the groom escort their respective offspring, symbolizing the joining of the two families.

 

[mamabear0222]

I guess we're all old fashioned where I'm from. Every wedding I've ever attended...someone gave the bride away. I like tradition imo

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[EMHDad]

Of course it is sexist and dated. In most weddings I've seen both parents of both the bride and the groom escort their respective offspring, symbolizing the joining of the two families.

I'll have to remember that idea. In the great many weddings I have been a part of I have never once seen a groom's parents escort the groom. Unorthodox, but cool.

 

[Jennasis]

We are attending a wedding next weekend, of which DH is officiating. The bride has specifically asked him to include the whole "giving away the bride" spiel.

 

[focusondisney]

I'll have to remember that idea. In the great many weddings I have been a part of I have never once seen a groom's parents escort the groom. Unorthodox, but cool.

A Jewish tradition, I believe.

 

[mamabear0222]

I was reading through the purity ring thread and the concept of giving your daughter away at her wedding came up. Is this a dated tradition? My understanding is that it came from a time when girls lived with their parents until they were married at a young age. The dad took care of them until it was time for the husband to do so. Since today that is often not the case, is this tradition on the way out or will it always have a place? Is there something about the concept of giving away that suggests ownership? Thoughts?

I wouldn't say it suggests ownership. I think it's beautiful when the dad (or someone close to the bride) gives her hand in marriage. To me it's a symbol of trust and true love for your daughter. That your dad trusts this man with a most valued piece of his heart to hold safe. I might think very different from others since my dad passed before I married and was not able to have this at my own wedding. Its the one part of the ceremony that always touches my heart.

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[EMHDad]

A Jewish tradition, I believe.

ah, that makes more sense. Still, its an idea I will remember to present to couples if they are interested.

 

[ilovedisney1982]

I'm not Jewish, and BOTH of my parents gave me away.

 

[rndmr2]

When I got married, my dad "Walked me down the aisle" There was no asking about "who gives/presents this woman". I read in the paperwork we were given and it was not called "giving away" in the Catholic ceremony.

 

[superme80]

My dad walked me down the aisle and both my parents gave me away. I think they were relieved.

 

[tripletsmama]

My dad walked me down the aisle and both my parents gave me away. I think they were relieved.

Lol!!! That really did make me chuckle

I like the concept of both sets of parents bringing the bride and groom together. It's like the four parents are saying "we nurtured and provided for you, now you will do the same for one another." It does seem more fitting if the bride and groom are young and just out of their parents homes rather than older, more established couples.

 

[Ember]

I walked myself down the isle. I do not care for the tradition at all, wether it's called being given away, presented for marriage or escorted. The man is not expected to have anyone give him away, present him for marriage or escort him. I was not in need of assistance to walk a short distance and I felt no need for anyone to hand me off to my soon-to-be husband.

 

[disykat]

It was me that mentioned it on the other thread. I am not a fan of "giving away the bride," "asking the dad for her hand," or "popping the question" surprise the bride with a life changing decision engagements, so it was particularly important to me that we not follow those traditions. DH and I walked down the aisle together and our parents were part of the processional proceeding us.

People are always surprised how strongly I feel against some of the wedding traditions because I am generally very "traditional." I, on the other hand, am often surprised how some people who are very "liberated" have no issues with them and very much want to follow the old traditions.