Girls at school spreading dangerous rumors (8th grade)

[Wishing on a star]

Not EVEN reading this whole thread and getting into it....

But, yes, no question....
Those are the exact three untrue and unwarranted and TOTALLY inappropriate words that these people love to throw around.
It is their Go-To. Almost every time.
They have to try to justify all of the fear-mongering.



I would be very very on alert, and aware of ANY specific accusation... not just name calling and these sick vicious attacks....
But, unless that is the case, just let this incident go.

I would be VERY VERY VERY proud of my son if were to have handled a similar situation in this way.
Keep enabling him!!!!!

Just, at the same time, continue to remind him that

"All the haters gonna HATE HATE HATE...."

The next step for your son is to learn to just dis-engage!

 

[ELKA]

For those who think political discussions should happen only in school and at certain times, when I was a kid, elementary school. An election was coming up, and in the class we had a mock election to see who would win. The republican candidate won in both the class election and ultimately the real election. When my classmates and I left school, we spoke about what had happened in class why we voted the way we did and a couple of the issues, then agreed to meet up to go trick or treating after putting on our costumes. The date was October 31.

 

[sam_gordon]

Those are the exact three untrue and unwarranted and TOTALLY inappropriate words that these people love to throw around.

Who are "these" people?

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

Sounds to me like you only have one side of the story and it's your son's side so naturally he's going to be shown in a better light.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That is your right as a US citizen, voicing concerns to your representative. I have done so myself and to congress representatives face to face. That last sentence to me felt threatening, why mention your age? The election is over and we have a President, Vice President and the required amount of Senators and Congress. I always had a problem with Bush II, that all the votes weren't counted and that the Supreme Court got involved, but I accepted that we had a President that I didn't care for, personally felt that he was unsuited for the job, acknowledged that he was our President.

You may "feel" threatened by my words but I am not threatening you. Can you explain that more? I would be interested in discussing it.

 

[jrmasm]

Who are "these" people?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummmmm..... like, maybe.... people like these girls...
Seems fairly obvious.

Having said that.... No further comment....

 

[CinderDuffy]

Who are "these" people?

I'm trying to figure that out myself. I think it's "enlightened people."

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Who are "these" people?

 

[keri125]

Entering the fray, eep. OP, this actually kind of strikes close to home for me, not because I have experienced this exactly, but because I too have a son who is entering his teen years, and I do fear for him. (And yes, if I had a daughter I would fear for her as well, for different reasons). I know you didn't ask for opinions about how your son handled it, or asked for opinions about what your son said, but I do think it is worth commenting on that women are getting really tired of being told from men to be quiet and get over it, especially from this political climate where there have been very disparaging remarks about women made from the leader of the free world. I have had that discussion over and over again with my son. That being said, I absolutely would contact the counselor and ask for a meeting. I would not get overly emotional or ask for any more details, but would calmly share my concerns. It needn't be more than a ten minute meeting but I do think it needs to be face to face. There needs to be an actual record that you attempted to address the issue and your concerns regarding false accusations from the very start. IF this does follow him, and in this day and age I do think it could, not following up on it could be used against you later. It could come back as you didn't take it seriously, you turned a blind eye, you enabled his behavior, etc etc. If you try to argue against that, they will come back and say, "Well, why didn't you address your concerns about false allegations at the time, then?" It's a twisted world. Good luck. I'm sorry this happened to your son.
I'm going to share a story, and I hope it doesn't break the "no politics" rule. When my son began sixth grade, he went to a charter school. Directly after the election the children who were lined up to go inside after lunch were chanting "Build the wall." My son tried to report it but was told the other children were allowed to express their "political views." The next day they were chanting it again. My son leaned over to his "friend" and whispered, "***holes" in his friend's ear. His friend went and reported it to the duty who told my son not to use language at school, he apologized, and it was dropped. One of the students who overheard the exchange between my son and the duty told my son's teacher, she reported him to the school administration, and he was suspended for a day. The other children who were chanting were told they had free speech rights, my son was suspended for whispering a mild swear word. Schools do over-react, that is a fact. (We have since moved him to his district public school and it was the best decision we ever made - they are wonderful. I would feel completely comfortable taking a concern like OP has to my son's counselor).

 

[ELKA]

You may "feel" threatened by my words but I am not threatening you. Can you explain that more? I would be interested in discussing it.

I feel unsettled by your post that wanting to discuss politics, expect to be trounced. Why not discuss issues without demonizing or trouncing the other person? Turn the issue around, I did it with a cousin who accused every white person of being a colonizer, so I said if you believe that then leave the US, anybody who is not Native American should leave. I also told him that I had recently found out that I had Native American DNA, that I didn't have to. As I thought over what I said, I also can't deny the European DNA that I have, I wouldn't be me. So I am part colonizer and part indigenous, I think I can live with both parts.

Hey MOMZ, I have to agree with the girls. Explain that many people HATE TRUMP including myself, so if he wants to talk politics with people expect to get trounced.

As a 52 yo woman here, I can tell your son is NOT over.

I respect that you hate Trump. It is your right to work to elect someone else in 2020. I think trouncing someone or demonizing them is not the way to go.

 

[BLAZEY]

The default should be to believe the victim (that's victim, not "victim" unless proven otherwise), then investigate further. Initial disclosures should ALWAYS be believed and taken seriously. However, I do not see that the girls accused the boys of any wrongdoing against them specifically.

OP should absolutely not be "going to bat" unless she's 100% sure of the team she's playing for, and she cannot be sure because she was not present.

Remember that the only information that came from the counselor (and presumably from the teacher in the band room at the time) was merely that it was "inappropriate" - the counselor did not provide OP any specifics about what was said. The specifics presented by OP are not from an impartial source.

Be VERY careful in how you approach this - as in, do not approach it at all unless the counselor indicates that you should.

And if that "victim" lies they should be charged to the fullest extent of the law. Even after on has been cleared of charges, just having been faulsly
ACCUSED can do irreparable damaged.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel unsettled by your post that wanting to discuss politics, expect to be trounced. Why not discuss issues without demonizing or trouncing the other person? Turn the issue around, I did it with a cousin who accused every white person of being a colonizer, so I said if you believe that then leave the US, anybody who is not Native American should leave. I also told him that I had recently found out that I had Native American DNA, that I didn't have to. As I thought over what I said, I also can't deny the European DNA that I have, I wouldn't be me. So I am part colonizer and part indigenous, I think I can live with both parts.




I respect that you hate Trump. It is your right to work to elect someone else in 2020. I think trouncing someone or demonizing them is not the way to go.

I totally agree that demonizing people is NOT the way to go. Unfortunately there is a whole industry that profits from this. If everything was smooth and boring, we would be living in Pleasantville, with no exciting news.

I am out there talking to people IRL and online and the tension is pretty darn high. It does not take much to set people off on trouncing each other instead of talking to each other in a respectful manner when discussing politics.

I hope this answers your question.

 

[amberpi]

I think it is important what was said. The boy may not have thought what he said was racist or homophobic, but perhaps it could be perceived that way by others. Sometimes this is a learning process for kids on both sides - one to be more careful with their selection of words by thinking about how others might interpret what they say and the other with learning not to be offended by things that might just be a difference of opinion.

I think it's also worth considering the stupid things all middle schoolers say and don't actually mean. I'm thinking of gay slurs in specific, when the kid saying it may not in fact be homophobic at all, but doesn't yet truly understand how their words can hurt as just on example. I hope this all works out well, and is a good learning opportunity for the kids involved.

 

[RobDoc]

... and it's time.

Thanks for playing!