Girl Scout Vent!!! Long Update Post 44 The mom called council

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Okay I need to vent.

I am a Girl Scout leader -- which is a volunteer position. I took this position on four years ago when dd was in kinder (she is now in 3rd). We were new to the area and did not know anyone outside of family. So I started the troop to help dd make friends and to help me meet some adults.

There have been bumps along the way, as there are with this type of thing.

But today I had an interaction with a parent that takes the cake.

Brief History:

At our schools annual welcome back ice cream social I host a girl scout booth to sign girls up. I met two sisters. Terry with a first grader and Sue with a second grader. I gave them both the info and invited them to attend a meeting to try it out.

Sue with the second grader, came and signed her dd up. I did not see Terry again until a week before our fall camping trip (in November).

At that time I gave Terry all our info again and invited her to our first meeting after the trip. I explained that all the girls had worked and planned the trip and that it was not fair or possible to add a girl at that point. (I had warned the moms at the ice cream social that I do not admit girls right before a big event.)

So Terry agreed to come to our next meeting. She misses that one but does come to our first meeting in December. Once again I gave her all of the paperwork. I told her to bring all of the paperwork to our next meeting which was two weeks later. She was a no show.

Fast forward to January when we all return to school. I catch her one morning before school and tell her that our next meeting is on January 15th and it is a mandatory parent meeting. I also tell her that this is the last meeting that I will be accepting new girls and paperwork. I tell her that she has to come to this meeting and bring the paperwork to be able to enroll her daughter.

Guess what --- she was a no show.

So the Monday after - she tells me some flimsy excuse as to why she could not be there. Mind you her sister was there and never mentioned that Terry would not be coming. So I tell her that I am not able to admit her daughter at this time but that I will be admiting girls again in the fall. I also tell her that I can help her find another troop in the area for her to join (I run the only troop at the school) or I can help her start her own troop.

Today:

So today I was setting up for our meeting after school. I had several girls with me to help. Terry walks in with her daughter and starts yelling at me. She tells me that this is so unfair and she did not have enough time and that I never told her about the deadline.

Knowing I was being watched by multiple girls I calmly explained that yes I did and while I am sorry she is upset I am sticking with my orginial decision. She continues to yell at me. She then tells me that she wants to talk to the girl scout council to complain. I give her the name and number of the person to call (who already is aware of the situation). I then offer to call the person right then and there.

So we get on speakerphone and call my council. The person we needed to talk to was not there. I left a message say that Terry would be calling and to please return her call as soon as possible.

The mom then continues to yell. I finally had to tell to leave so that I could conduct the meeting.



Terry thinks she is "somebody" and that she will get her way by yelling at me. She may be "somebody" but yelling at me will not do me any good. Treating me like that in front of her daughter and other girls does not do any good.

It will do her no good to yell at the people at council. I knew she would go that route so I called and let them know about the situation.

Why do people feel it is appropriate to yell at a volunteer like that?

The sad thing is I feel bad for her daughter.

 

[Stacerita]

Sorry you had to deal with that. But there will always be people who think the rules don't apply to them, or that if they yell loud or long enough, they will get their way. Stick to the rules, and make sure the council is aware of everything so they can back you up. Good luck.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

Sounds like she needs a reality check and I do not blame you for holding to your guidelines. I give people two chances in my office, first time, okay, fine - no one is perfect, second time, I'm done with you.

 

[minniebeth]

I'm really sorry you had anyone treat you that way, especially when you are volunteering your time AND you've given the mom ample opportunities to register and get her other DD involved. You've GOT to stick with your guidelines or else it will definately give some parents licesnse to expect their demands to be met. How do I know? I'm a GS leader as well, I started my DD's Daisy troop in K and now they are Brownies in 2nd grade. I started the troop because no one else would, and it was really important for my DD to be a part of GS since her sister is. It is amazing what demands and inconsiderations my now co-leader and I deal with. All I can say, is not to defend parents, but they have NO idea how much work it is to be a GS leader until you actually are in it and do it.

However, there is no excuse for the mom to treat you that way, especially in front of the other girls, shame on her. She truly owes you an apology and if she has that much of a problem to contact council, perhaps she should take her girls elsewhere and good riddance.

A huge THANK YOU for not only volunteering your time for awesome experiences for your troop, but for all you do and deal with in being a leader.

 

[FireDancer]

Sorry you had to deal with that. But there will always be people who think the rules don't apply to them, or that if they yell loud or long enough, they will get their way. Stick to the rules, and make sure the council is aware of everything so they can back you up. Good luck.

Sadly this is true in so many facets of life.

 

[KirstenB]

Bless you for volunteering, and I hope you can let this roll off your back!!

 

[Tweevil]

Tell her to call me....
Lifetime member, was community coordinator for years, had a troop in each level for 5 years (5 troop at the SAME time), took many girls through the gold and silver, and you know what.... there are more parents like that than you know. Especially in the lower age levels. These parents do not understand that once you get a troop established it is very hard to allow other kids entry - it may mess up the dynamics of the group and other things related to financial issues (fundraising accts etc..). I have taken many calls through the years from the mom's of snowflakes who overbook their kids and feel as though it is their given right to start/stop/drop in/drop out whenever they feel like it.

Just take a deep breath and let her take it up with council. Chances are they will try to recruit her as a leader... If she called me she would get a speech up oneside and down the other about her conduct in the meeting place and support you 1000%. She would be smarting after that call. Does she not realize that she may have just impacted her kids chance to be in your troop ever? I mean if she made you feel uncomfortable or for that matter threatened she could be off the list until a new troop formed? What a twit....

I am retired now (is that even possible?lol) but 20 years later the same things occur.

Tell her there's a nice troop about 20 miles away in the next town..lol

Oh and poor kid... I feel bad for her - what an example to look up to.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Thanks for all the great replies and support!

I feel bad for the daughter. She is blameless in this. It is bad that her mom had to ruin it for her.

As far as the daughter ever being in my troop.... well, I don't hold grudges but that will never happen.

Because..... next year my one large troop will be splitting into two troops. The orginal girls will be bridging to Juniors and want to fundraise for a large trip. After talking to my council they advised that it would be a good time to split the troop. So my co leader will take the brownies into a new troop in the fall and I will keep the junior. So this girl will actually be in my co leaders troop - should my co leader take her.

Girl Scouting is fun and should be fun. I love being a leader and love working with the girls. It has been fun to see how they have changed and grown over the years.

 

[Lil' Grumpy]

....what an excellent job you're doing! first in the way
you handle the situation, & second being an outstanding role model.

my daughter is also..in the girl scouts & their leader has had
some personal , mental health issues....but she has been very,very
successful...in running a top notch program. [via accomplishments &
living up to every girl scout motto ...+ beyond. ]

..and like you....she has had to deal with parents trying to manipulate.

[ i know this, because she has relied on my wife for emotional support.
..and on an occasion or 2, had to redirect, set limits....or put her
foot...down. ]


my work is mental health, covering everything. and once upon a time,
i went out & formed a soap box derby...for our community. it was so neat,
because i kept control over parents out to cheat. my committee was
made from me, myself & i. first....i to support thru all the local businesses
......mcdonald's, paint shops, veteran groups, so forth....my focus was
on the kids..having a special day. i was did this for 10 years and had
it rolling [pun]. then some crooks from akron & local greed destroyed
our program....in less than 2 years. the first year they took over, all the
kids quit! [ from my experiences, the great american derby is corrupted
by the adults..that are to protect it. ]

what they destroyed ? every spring..our local radio station had the
kids [racers]....on a show. { plus me ,to guide them}. macdonalds
donated lunches [happy meals for the kids] . pepsi gave us a ton pop.
to drink & sell. we had a color guard & official opening/closing
cermonies. each year, i had a graphic designer that made one of
kind all~american jerseys, the local paint shops did the kids cars
in whatever they wanted. our newspaper..did three/4 stories on the
kids...+ pictures...every year. prizes & trophies. every racers won
a tropy..but they had to earn them. the difference between first &
the finisher....was very small. [ there were certain objectives & one of
them..was not to make any racer better or worst than the next
kid. "our akron champion " was an accumulate of all our racers working
together. by the second year, we was winning races @ akron. as
for the trophies....i design every single..one....they were so neat.
[the idea was to give each..family a reason to be proud & to celebrate
what they accomplished.

what went wrong? to successful & greed. & the cheating all the
way to akron. [ i was livid the way they treated our girl champion...
they made sure she would lose..after winning her second heat.


they wanted me out. & they didn't care if they destroyed our local
program..which they did. as far i am concern, the adults have no idea....
...of the derby real values. all i wanted was a program, designed to help
kids that normally couldn't do it. akron wants $$$. big $$$! realistic, it
takes a family starting out....@ least $1,000 just to begin. sad & shameful.

[ i have a new idea...for a whole new girls/boys program, i just need
a engineer & some free time....& one can be sure, if i ever put together
this program...will include the designs/riles to prevent adults from
ruining the kids fun.

sorry for running off [ derby talk]...but i hope this adult, doesn't try
to ruin..your program....it is self evident, you are doing it right.

..& i salute your efforts. hang tough!

ps..the kids....always say hello whenever we see them in town or
about. to me, that made it worth it.

 

[surfgirl]

thanks for doing what you do...

I led a troop for a year and while it was fun, it was also very frsutrating. I felt like I put a significant amount of my personal time and effort into it.... and parents would do things that I would get yelled at by the school. Even after asking the parents repeatedly to change, they couldn't be bothered.

After such a frustrating experience, I decided that I couldn't lead any more. It just wasn't worth my high level of frustration and I stepped away. I was proud of myself that I could step away b/c I think it is hard as a mom to say no. Instead I picked up being cookie mom, so right now, I"m in the midst of thousands of boxes of cookies.

Luckly, you covered your bases and made Council aware of the situation.

thanks for being a good mom and don't let the knuckleheads get you down!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have had my share of garbage with parents as I was a leader in the past for many yrs. The worst was the parents that were drunk, high, missing, stealing, etc....

I would frankly sharpen my rules and allow sign ups at the beginning of the yr only. Esp. with JRS. Get more strict!

You are going to love having JRS.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I have been thinking about scouting for my kids. I've inquired by phone, but did no more than that because the timing wasn't right for a commitment. Right now, they are doing a fair amount of activities and with school I'm concerned it might be too much.

I am keeping scouting in mind. I think it offers so much. When we do commit, we will be active.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

honey i sooooo feel your pain! im a guider in nova scotia and the complaints can make your hair curl. this is my 17th year and theres always one every year- atleast. what makes me mad is when the parents wonder why they cant gt volunteers...well after being yelled at or complained about why would we? the politics without the girls is enough to make a person quit. i agree its supposed to be fun and for the girls, but more often than not it isnt.

last year i lost a valuable relationship over guiding. in hindsight it was coming tho. the girls are why i do it....this year my guiders dont want to follow rules- we have safe guide up here. that caused a fight...now it seems after 17 years im trying to be forced out for keeping my girls safe. the only reason i havnet tossed in the towel is becasue of my girls...i love them to bits. im glad you have your council to support you and i hope they will back you up the entire way. good luck, i think with this mom you will need it....remember tho- you are making a difference to the girls- and they will remember you! in november i had a mom from my former unit and district come up to me and say thank you, and the girls loved and now miss you. they tell her its not the same and they dont enjoy it. proved to me despite complaints that i was doing a good job- and you know from experience you never hear that!

 

[ferrytale]

Oh boy! BTDT w/ parent complaints. I want to say thank you up front for your help and work with the girls it is soooooo much more difficult than most parents realize. (So PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT AS SUPPORTING THE PARENT, B/C I AM NOT!)

However, I do not believe that you can really turn away a girl from joining and unfortunately I know our council would say the same thing. We have never had an issue with taking girls at any point in the year. It may not be the easiest of dynamics, but it is for the girls. And since GSUSA is constantly trying to find ways to recruit and keep girls, they do not want to turn girls away for any reason at any time. Even if you did not want to take her, you should have been able to put her in touch with your service unit who could have placed her in another troop in the school or nearby. At least this is what our council rep would have instructed for us to do.

As a leader for 13+ years, I understand the frustrations, and know the work you are putting in. I wish you lots of luck in the future!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh boy! BTDT w/ parent complaints. I want to say thank you up front for your help and work with the girls it is soooooo much more difficult than most parents realize. (So PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT AS SUPPORTING THE PARENT, B/C I AM NOT!)

However, I do not believe that you can really turn away a girl from joining and unfortunately I know our council would say the same thing. We have never had an issue with taking girls at any point in the year. It may not be the easiest of dynamics, but it is for the girls. And since GSUSA is constantly trying to find ways to recruit and keep girls, they do not want to turn girls away for any reason at any time. Even if you did not want to take her, you should have been able to put her in touch with your service unit who could have placed her in another troop in the school or nearby. At least this is what our council rep would have instructed for us to do.

As a leader for 13+ years, I understand the frustrations, and know the work you are putting in. I wish you lots of luck in the future!

Absolutely you can turn girls away. In fact there are many valid reasons for doing so, the major one would be the satefy-wise requirements which is very valid. Now mostly it is because of cliques but what can you do. It can be about who you know.

 

[Stacerita]

THe volunteer leader is not "turning a girl away". The mother of the girl failed to meet the many deadlines and follow through with anything.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I have been thinking about scouting for my kids. I've inquired by phone, but did no more than that because the timing wasn't right for a commitment. Right now, they are doing a fair amount of activities and with school I'm concerned it might be too much.

I am keeping scouting in mind. I think it offers so much. When we do commit, we will be active.

For Girl Scouts you can be a Juliette - which is basically a mom/daughter pair that do the program together and then join up with other girls at council events. I know of many moms that prefer this!

Oh boy! BTDT w/ parent complaints. I want to say thank you up front for your help and work with the girls it is soooooo much more difficult than most parents realize. (So PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT AS SUPPORTING THE PARENT, B/C I AM NOT!)

However, I do not believe that you can really turn away a girl from joining and unfortunately I know our council would say the same thing. We have never had an issue with taking girls at any point in the year. It may not be the easiest of dynamics, but it is for the girls. And since GSUSA is constantly trying to find ways to recruit and keep girls, they do not want to turn girls away for any reason at any time. Even if you did not want to take her, you should have been able to put her in touch with your service unit who could have placed her in another troop in the school or nearby. At least this is what our council rep would have instructed for us to do.

As a leader for 13+ years, I understand the frustrations, and know the work you are putting in. I wish you lots of luck in the future!

Bold mine --- Actually I called my council to ask that very question and they responded that yes I had every right to turn away the girl (I called because initally I had the same thought as you). My troop at this moment is 22 girls split between Daisies and Brownies. They have actaully enccouraged me to split the troop for next year when we are Jrs/Brownies.

There are so many troops in our area. I did offer to connect the family with another troop and the person I told her to complain about me to at council can also help her with that.

Absolutely you can turn girls away. In fact there are many valid reasons for doing so, the major one would be the satefy-wise requirements which is very valid. Now mostly it is because of cliques but what can you do. It can be about who you know.

SOme of the troops in my area are very cliqueish. Ihave tried to avoid that but at some point I have to stop letting girls in! I don't mean tobe a cliquey leader but without the proper support it is not possible to run the troop.


THanks to everyone for the great replies! I feel better today. It just mad me so mad that she felt she could get away with treating me like that. I do feel bad for her daughter still though.

 

[OceanAnnie]

For Girl Scouts you can be a Juliette - which is basically a mom/daughter pair that do the program together and then join up with other girls at council events. I know of many moms that prefer this!

Thanks so much for passing that along! I wasn't told about it, but I think that would work great for us! I'm going to look into it!

(I wonder if the boy scouts have anything similar?)

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Thanks so much for passing that along! I wasn't told about it, but I think that would work great for us! I'm going to look into it!

(I wonder if the boy scouts have anything similar?)

I have no idea about the boy scouts since I havone only one dd.

I am surprised that no one told you about the Juliette program. I knowof several families that this has worked well for.

I did not want to do this since my inital purpose was for dd to meet other kids and the bi-weekly meetings helped her form bonds with some kids. Now she has plenty of friends some that are scouts and some that are.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I have no idea about the boy scouts since I havone only one dd.

I am surprised that no one told you about the Juliette program. I knowof several families that this has worked well for.

I did not want to do this since my inital purpose was for dd to meet other kids and the bi-weekly meetings helped her form bonds with some kids. Now she has plenty of friends some that are scouts and some that are.

I'm surprised too! I thought it might be a good way to see if my DD can handle it with the other after school things we do. It would be a good way to ease into it. I would have the same purpose too.

Thanks again, and I'm sorry to hear about the way you were treated. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. You handled it all very well, from beginning to end. Don't let it get you down. I would be so embarrassed if I were the offending mom!!! I wouldn't do it, but my gosh! Such a display. I feel sorry for her DD too.