Gift giving etiquette

[wovenwonder]

I like the idea of putting money each year into an account for when your Godchild graduates. But for Christmas - I think I would give the gift of time. Take the child for an afternoon and do something special. It would give the parents a nice break for a few hours too as you get some extra alone bonding time.

 

[luvmy3]

So penalize your godchild because you feel bad? Even though it's not your responsibility?

So giving a gift to all the kids instead of just my god child is penalizing my god child in your eyes? Sorry, that isn't how anyone I know thinks, to me that is the biggest "me me me" attitude one can have. You're the godchild so you are the only one that deserves gifts from your godparent? Let me guess you were that god child and still have issues that you weren't the only one getting something, because that is the only reason one would see giving everyone a gift as penalizing someone else.

Like I said, I'm close to the entire family, and love each of those kids the same regardless of the "title" I hold for one of them. I would never not give them a all a Christmas gift because someone else happens to be their godparent.

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I think I would probably do a "family" type gift for the rest of the kids - like a movie basket with popcorn, candy and a DVD or a cookie decorating basket or some kind of activity thing - and get a special gift for the godchild.

My godmother is my aunt, so if she gave me a gift, she gave my sister one, too, and her godfather is our Uncle (Aunt's husband), so ditto for him. My godfather and sis's godmother were really just in-name-only and we never had relationships with them [they were chosen to avoid family drama - "one from each side of the family"]

 

[chimilady]

So giving a gift to all the kids instead of just my god child is penalizing my god child in your eyes? Sorry, that isn't how anyone I know thinks, to me that is the biggest "me me me" attitude one can have. You're the godchild so you are the only one that deserves gifts from your godparent? Let me guess you were that god child and still have issues that you weren't the only one getting something, because that is the only reason one would see giving everyone a gift as penalizing someone else.

Like I said, I'm close to the entire family, and love each of those kids the same regardless of the "title" I hold for one of them. I would never not give them a all a Christmas gift because someone else happens to be their godparent.

The point of having a bond with the Godchild is to make them feel special. Here comes a holiday when you give gifts to people to make them feel special, and you choose not to because you feel bad about not buying for kids who are NOT your Godchildren. Well the whole point is to bond with your Godchild! You were chosen to represent that child, not the whole family!

Just a tad catty on your assumption though, don't you think? But no, I LOOOOOOOVED my godmother! She was the best. She had all sons, and I had all brothers, so for her, it was a chance to do girly things. She would paint my toes, and have special sleepovers with me. We'd watch girly movies and talk on the phone.

And no, it was my one brother who had crappy godparents. Everyone would open their gifts from their godparents and my brother was always left out. Even when my parents would take us shopping to pick out a present for our godparents, my brother would get his hopes up every year that perhaps this year would be the year his Godparents remembered him, but nope. He got very self-centered Godparents that weren't into spending time or even $5 on their godchild. We all felt bad for him, really. Mine was broke as hell, but I knew I was loved and that I held a special place in her heart. Her gifts were never big $50 gifts. Often it was under $5, but it was something that my mother would never get me. Nail polish, lip gloss, hair scrunchies (which were in style then), sometimes cute winter boots, etc. She was so much fun. Sadly she died when I was 18, but I am so thankful for that bond, and I would give anything to have her back and ask for advice with my own kids and just sit and snuggle with her.

I hope your Godchild isn't the one waking up on Christmas wondering why you didn't get them anything when the other kids are all opening gifts from their Godparents. It seems to me you're passing up the opportunity to form that special bond. But hey, you feel bad, so go with that.

 

[luvmy3]

The point of having a bond with the Godchild is to make them feel special. Here comes a holiday when you give gifts to people to make them feel special, and you choose not to because you feel bad about not buying for kids who are NOT your Godchildren. Well the whole point is to bond with your Godchild! You were chosen to represent that child, not the whole family!

Just a tad catty on your assumption though, don't you think? But no, I LOOOOOOOVED my godmother! She was the best. She had all sons, and I had all brothers, so for her, it was a chance to do girly things. She would paint my toes, and have special sleepovers with me. We'd watch girly movies and talk on the phone.

And no, it was my one brother who had crappy godparents. Everyone would open their gifts from their godparents and my brother was always left out. Even when my parents would take us shopping to pick out a present for our godparents, my brother would get his hopes up every year that perhaps this year would be the year his Godparents remembered him, but nope. He got very self-centered Godparents that weren't into spending time or even $5 on their godchild. We all felt bad for him, really. Mine was broke as hell, but I knew I was loved and that I held a special place in her heart. Her gifts were never big $50 gifts. Often it was under $5, but it was something that my mother would never get me. Nail polish, lip gloss, hair scrunchies (which were in style then), sometimes cute winter boots, etc. She was so much fun. Sadly she died when I was 18, but I am so thankful for that bond, and I would give anything to have her back and ask for advice with my own kids and just sit and snuggle with her.

I hope your Godchild isn't the one waking up on Christmas wondering why you didn't get them anything when the other kids are all opening gifts from their Godparents. It seems to me you're passing up the opportunity to form that special bond. But hey, you feel bad, so go with that.

I think you should go back and read what I wrote because clearly you misread it. I never said I wouldn't give my god child a gift I said I wouldn't NOT give her siblings gifts also.
I also told the OP to go ahead and send a gift to her god child and not worry about not giving gifts to the other kids.

And don't worry about my special bond with any of those kids, we don't need some arbitrary title given on a piece of paper to have one. I love them all, and have a bond with all of them in our own special way. But hey, if you want to believe its that piece of paper that makes one of them more special, go right ahead.

 

[ilovemk76]

DH and I are godparents to a 1 year old. Our job is not to give gifts but to help the parents teach our beliefs. We will always be there for her. We fell that hurting the feelings of another while treating then special is not a lesson we want to teach. We will give all he siblings gifts at Christmas. We have setup a 529 for her. This is where the extra goes.

 

[chimilady]

I think you should go back and read what I wrote because clearly you misread it. I never said I wouldn't give my god child a gift I said I wouldn't NOT give her siblings gifts also.
I also told the OP to go ahead and send a gift to her god child and not worry about not giving gifts to the other kids.

And don't worry about my special bond with any of those kids, we don't need some arbitrary title given on a piece of paper to have one. I love them all, and have a bond with all of them in our own special way. But hey, if you want to believe its that piece of paper that makes one of them more special, go right ahead.

I didn't misread it. You are missing my point entirely. It's like in sports, people complain about everyone getting a trophy for participation. Giving everyone a trophy negates the specialness of the trophy. Giving a gift to everyone in the family negates the specialness of the Godmother bond. You obviously disagree. Such is life. But you were the one who got bent out of shape about it and started throwing around the insults. You shouldn't let people on the internet get your panties all up in a bunch. Life is too short. And as my friend would say to people who are especially rude to her, have a magical day.

 

[horseshowmom]

Do the other children have godparents? If not, I would not be comfortable leaving them out. At the very least I would do a family type gift for them (tickets to the zoo, a museum, movie/popcorn, etc.).

I would skip the gift all together - besides, it's not like an infant would be missing it anyhow.

Instead, I would open a small savings account and put the money you intended to spend on the gift in the account. At graduation, it would make a nice gift - and no one would feel left out.

If you want to save face, just tell the parents of your plans.

This is a good idea.

 

[scrapquitler]

I do not give my Godchildren presents on Christmas because I would not feel right giving a present to one sibling and not all. I don't believe I'm penalizing my godchildren. I might send cookies or something to the entire family. I give them a present on their baptismal anniversary.

I always got a gift from my godparents, and my sibilings did not...they got from their godparents. There was nothing weird about it at all.


If you really feel funny about it, give a 'family' gift to all the kids (I suggest a DVD movie for all them and a bunch of snack foods in a basket, or a board game with a couple of snack foods), and then give the godchild a separate gift as well.

 

[wannagoback]

I always got a small, religious-focused gift from my godparents and my sister from her godparents. Usually a book or something similar.

 

[wannagoback]

Instead, I would open a small savings account and put the money you intended to spend on the gift in the account. At graduation, it would make a nice gift - and no one would feel left out.

This is a really good idea!!

 

[luvmy3]

I didn't misread it. You are missing my point entirely. It's like in sports, people complain about everyone getting a trophy for participation. Giving everyone a trophy negates the specialness of the trophy. Giving a gift to everyone in the family negates the specialness of the Godmother bond. You obviously disagree. Such is life. But you were the one who got bent out of shape about it and started throwing around the insults. You shouldn't let people on the internet get your panties all up in a bunch. Life is too short. And as my friend would say to people who are especially rude to her, have a magical day.

I'm not missing your point, your trophy analogy doesn't fit here since all the kids in that family are special to me. I would never give just my god child a gift because we have that special bond. I have a bond with all those kids, so they all get a gift. You seem to think that the title of godchild makes it so that child has a more special bond. It only makes it different, but never more special. (In my personal situation, with that specific family).
As far as getting bent out of shape, nah, just wanted clarification of your point since it makes no sense. Nobody is being penalized, and its a strange thing to think. And if you feel you were insulted because I called you out on your misunderstanding of what I previously said, maybe you shouldn't involve yourself in internet conversations.

Have a magical day

 

[DisneyMissy318]

I haven't read all of the responses - but I'm guessing the other 7 children have Godparents of their own - I wouldn't think they would just start this religious tradition with child #8 (of course I could be wrong)... so the other children probably have an extra gift from their Godparent as well.

I would do whatever makes you feel comfortable - love the idea of "something" for the others family members - movie and popcorn bucket - you could do for less than $10 or so.

 

[disykat]

I think there are regional, cultural, and religious differences in what the expectation for godparents is. Also, gift giving is just not really that big of a part of Christmas for many of us.

I never received Christmas presents from my Godparents, I've never given them to my godchildren. It honestly has never occured to me until this thread. (Hopefully, like someone else mentioned, I'm not the loser godparent while all the other kids get special Christmas gifts!) My Godmother and my sibling's Godmothers all gave the family something like cookies because they were family friends. I've done the same because I am family friends with the families of my godchildren. Gifts have never really been a part of the equation other than on milestone religious occasions.