Gift giving etiquette

[Poohbear5]

We are friends with a family who has 8 children. Their infant is our god child. The other children are ages 11 and up to college age.

We do not normally do a gift exchange with this family, though we have helped them out with Santa gifts for under their tree several years in a row when they were having financial struggles.

I would like to be able to buy a special gift each year for our godchild without being obligated to buy the other 7 kids a gift. Was feeling a bit awkward about it but buying for all 8 every year is not something I want to get started on.

(They have never purchased gifts for our kids who are now college age).

Anybody else encounter this situation?

 

[wiigirl]

Thats a tough situation.

I don't think there is a way to do it without the others feeling left out easily. Maybe a large gift of food or a tin of popcorn and discretely give a give to your god-child?

It may just easier keeping gifts to birthdays?

Good luck!

 

[BeachLove]

Yes, I have a family member with 7 kids and I stopped gifting to them after the 4th child was born. Honestly, we see each other maybe once a year and that's it. I don't feel like I should be giving all 7 kids a gift when I'm not part of their lives. The youngest is now 2/3 and the oldest is maybe 11. They have major financial issues and everyone around them feels a pinch in their wallet from the many requests they ask for. Anyways, don't feel awkward about not gifting to the other kids. You and the one child have a different thing going on and you shouldn't feel bad. The other kids have god parents right? No need to step into that.

 

[cassandrap83]

I would skip the gift all together - besides, it's not like an infant would be missing it anyhow.

Instead, I would open a small savings account and put the money you intended to spend on the gift in the account. At graduation, it would make a nice gift - and no one would feel left out.

If you want to save face, just tell the parents of your plans.

 

[chimilady]

Why do you feel bad?

We were a family of 4, and each year we all got presents from out Godmothers and Godfathers without the others getting them. Your job as a Godmother is to treat your Godchild special. There is nothing wrong with giving your Godchild a gift. I remember, some years some of our godparents didn't get things, and the others would say "Man, you got the BEST Godmother!" In my family, that's normal. I wouldn't feel weird at all getting a gift for one child. I would feel bad if you choose not to get your Godchild anything because you couldn't get over your own feelings. Be the best Godmother!

 

[chimilady]

I don't think there is a way to do it without the others feeling left out easily. Maybe a large gift of food or a tin of popcorn and discretely give a give to your god-child?

I don't understand this mentality. Putting myself in the place of one of the siblings here, but why would I feel left out when she is not my godmother? If you feel you must give a family gift, there is nothing wrong with chocolates, or popcorn, but don't feel obliged to give to the entire family.

 

[Evi]

Growing up my godparents gave me gifts on birthdays, holidays etc. They never gave my sister a gift and vice versa. I don't think its an issue. We never had problems with it as children and if anything I think its good to remind children that you don't always get something. I've seen the odd trend where on one childs birthday other children are getting gifts so they don't feel bad. I don't get it. I feel like thats why we have entitled adults, they always get what they want.

 

[tianna26]

Why do you feel bad?

We were a family of 4, and each year we all got presents from out Godmothers and Godfathers without the others getting them. Your job as a Godmother is to treat your Godchild special. There is nothing wrong with giving your Godchild a gift. I remember, some years some of our godparents didn't get things, and the others would say "Man, you got the BEST Godmother!" In my family, that's normal. I wouldn't feel weird at all getting a gift for one child. I would feel bad if you choose not to get your Godchild anything because you couldn't get over your own feelings. Be the best Godmother!

totally agree with this but if you are this worried about it get one of those cheap kids movies that will be on sale for the others

 

[MomToOne]

Growing up, my godparents would send me gifts and not my 4 brothers and sisters. It's fine!

 

[chimilady]

We never had problems with it as children and if anything I think its good to remind children that you don't always get something. I've seen the odd trend where on one childs birthday other children are getting gifts so they don't feel bad. I don't get it. I feel like thats why we have entitled adults, they always get what they want.

Yup, exactly. And it made us a whole lot closer with out respective Godparents. I always felt that I was special to her, and that's great for a child to feel, especially if they are born into a large family.

And side note, my MIL does this, at my girls' birthday she gets my neice something. Drives me bonkers.

 

[luvmy3]

Growing up my godparents gave me gifts on birthdays, holidays etc. They never gave my sister a gift and vice versa. I don't think its an issue. We never had problems with it as children and if anything I think its good to remind children that you don't always get something. I've seen the odd trend where on one childs birthday other children are getting gifts so they don't feel bad. I don't get it. I feel like thats why we have entitled adults, they always get what they want.

I don't consider a specific child's birthday the same as a holiday where you give gifts to several people.
I have a god dd who has 2 siblings. I am close enough to that family where they wanted me as a god mother, to me that means I'm close enough to give them all something on Christmas. I don't have to, but I want to, I wouldn't feel right not giving all the kids something.

OP, I don't think its a big deal, the other kids are old enough to realize that they don't get gifts from everyone. Since you are giving something to an infant, I'd just give it to the parents and let them decide how they want to handle giving the baby the gift, whether its in front of all the other kids or not.

 

[jgreco]

Instead, I would open a small savings account and put the money you intended to spend on the gift in the account. At graduation, it would make a nice gift - and no one would feel left out.

If you want to save face, just tell the parents of your plans.

Do this. A struggling family of 10 may not be able to help all that much when they really need it.

 

[Mel522]

You have a special relationship with your god child, and don't need to give a gift to the others. Just like you wouldn't buy presents for your friends siblings. You do not need to buy a gift for the people you don't have a relationship with.

 

[chimilady]

I am close enough to that family where they wanted me as a god mother, to me that means I'm close enough to give them all something on Christmas. I don't have to, but I want to, I wouldn't feel right not giving all the kids something.

So penalize your godchild because you feel bad? Even though it's not your responsibility?

 

[jstbcuz]

We always got my godparents gifts and they always got their "Godchild" one. I think thats what is special about it...........having a special relationship with a set of 2 people and being able to share it.

Thats one reason it was so tough when we had kids of our own. I wanted them to connect with whomever we chose and have that special bond like I did with mine.

You shouldnt feel bad about not getting the others something.

 

[disykat]

I do not give my Godchildren presents on Christmas because I would not feel right giving a present to one sibling and not all. I don't believe I'm penalizing my godchildren. I might send cookies or something to the entire family. I give them a present on their baptismal anniversary.

 

[4GoofyCrew]

I am not familiar with a god-child relationship but I would say that I wouldn't get a gift for one without getting at least something small for everyone else. Kids are usually oblivious to price differences so they don't need to be comparable in price. Then again, why not get budget friendly stuff for everyone? It is the thought that counts!

 

[danceintherain]

I would skip the gift all together - besides, it's not like an infant would be missing it anyhow.

Instead, I would open a small savings account and put the money you intended to spend on the gift in the account. At graduation, it would make a nice gift - and no one would feel left out.

If you want to save face, just tell the parents of your plans.

I like this idea.

Ultimately, I wouldn't feel obligated to get the older children anything. My Uncle began his family late, so his kids are a good 20 years younger than I am. I get presents for his kids occasionally, and don't get anything for my older cousins. Gifts are meant to be a token of your relationship with that person. If you don't have a relationship with the older children, you shouldn't feel obligated to give them presents.

 

[Debbie]

We always got my godparents gifts and they always got their "Godchild" one. I think thats what is special about it...........having a special relationship with a set of 2 people and being able to share it.

This. Having that special relationship is a gift in itself. I was my youngest sister's godmother, and we always had an extra gift at Christmas (not birthdays, though!) Kept it up into adulthood. My own children had their own relationship with their godparents, too.

 

[Poohbear5]

Thanks for all the input. I am glad to have the perspective both godchildren and godparents.

Maybe I will combine some of the perspectives from above and give the parents a gift for the baby to put under their tree and they can open it for him Christmas morning while the older kids open their gifts from Santa.

I was kind of excited about being able to buy disney toys and clothes for a little one again!