Getting over loss of daughter's boyfriend

[wenmc]

Deleted

 

[happygirl]

First of all, no, he didn't die. Has anyone ever felt saddened when your son or daughter broke up with their significant other (if it was long term) because you got along with that person? This has happened to me several times now with my girls and it just bums me out. Luckily, with my older daughter, she continued to keep in contact with them and I knew how they were doing, etc... This latest break-up with my youngest, I probably will never see this kid again because he goes to a different school. He was such a good kid. Am this weird or has anyone else ever felt this, possibly even with a SIL or DIL?

I can see with a in-law but I guess I have a hard time believe you could get so attached to a child

 

[Megan_J]

My ex-inlaws didn't give me a second thought when I left their son.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First of all, no, he didn't die. Has anyone ever felt saddened when your son or daughter broke up with their significant other (if it was long term) because you got along with that person? This has happened to me several times now with my girls and it just bums me out. Luckily, with my older daughter, she continued to keep in contact with them and I knew how they were doing, etc... This latest break-up with my youngest, I probably will never see this kid again because he goes to a different school. He was such a good kid. Am this weird or has anyone else ever felt this, possibly even with a SIL or DIL?

Nope. I don't invest myself like that. I am pretty much a "move on" person.

Now I will say if my brother does not marry his GF he is living with right now (and he did propose to her) I will be a bit bummed because she is just a wonderful person.

I won't feel sad or anything like that though. I just don't get attached like that.

 

[Robmom]

I felt that way with 2 of my DD's boyfriends. But I got over it quickly. My DS still asks about one of them. He really got attached to him. You'll get over it.

 

[DISvirgin1]

I can understand feeling a little sad - but I always figured I'm not the one who has to deal with that person. I also wouldn't be too upset if my child was young because I personally don't want them getting too serious with a boyfriend until they are out of college (yeah, we'll see how that turns out )

 

[ckay87]

I can see with a in-law but I guess I have a hard time believe you could get so attached to a child

Aw really? See, I can't relate to that.

My son brought this girl around for close to 2 years. She hung out, had dinner with us, would go here and there with us. She was a person I liked, plain and simple. So when they broke up I thought "awww, I'll miss having her around." Not to a weird extent where I want them back together or anything. Just the way you'd miss anyone you like (think, a co-worker, for example).

I see you have actual children. It's different when they become teenagers. They are minors, for sure, but you become more capable of relating to them, and their friends/girlfriends, as adults.

 

[leight]

I can see it if it is long term and you were expecting it to lead to marriage. My MIL was very fond of Dh's first wife(no children to keep her in the picture)- they dated 3 yrs and were married for 1.5yrs. She still exchanges holiday cards with her. It was Dh's first serious long term relationship. DH and I have been together nearly 17 yrs and I have a very good relationship with MIL so I am not bothered by this at all.

 

[tar heel]

Yeah, someone with young children can hardly answer this question.

If my son and his girlfriend broke up, it would be awful for all of us, his brothers, his grandparents, etc. She has been a part of all significant family events (she was the only person other than immediate family and clergy present when we scattered my mother-in-law's ashes), has traveled with us, etc.

My son and his gf have been together for years (they both just turned 23), but we would have missed her if they had broken up four or five years ago, too.

 

[horseshowmom]

Aw really? See, I can't relate to that.

My son brought this girl around for close to 2 years. She hung out, had dinner with us, would go here and there with us. She was a person I liked, plain and simple. So when they broke up I thought "awww, I'll miss having her around." Not to a weird extent where I want them back together or anything. Just the way you'd miss anyone you like (think, a co-worker, for example).

I see you have actual children. It's different when they become teenagers. They are minors, for sure, but you become more capable of relating to them, and their friends/girlfriends, as adults.

I understand what you and the OP mean. It's not that you're overly invested in them emotionally, but when they've been around a long time, it's logical to become fond of them.

DD and her boyfriends always tended to hang out at our house and go places with us a lot. We got to know them very well. When she broke up with the guy she's now married to, both DH and I were a little sad knowing that we probably wouldn't run into him again. He was/is a super nice guy. It worked out that they eventually got back together and are now married.

It happens with friends as well. DD had a best friend through most of their younger years. As they got older and entered their teens, they grew apart. It wasn't that they had a fight or didn't like each other anymore, it was just that their interests and free time went in different directions. We missed her too although we do still see her from time to time.

 

[Kathi OD]

First of all, no, he didn't die. Has anyone ever felt saddened when your son or daughter broke up with their significant other (if it was long term) because you got along with that person? This has happened to me several times now with my girls and it just bums me out. Luckily, with my older daughter, she continued to keep in contact with them and I knew how they were doing, etc... This latest break-up with my youngest, I probably will never see this kid again because he goes to a different school. He was such a good kid. Am this weird or has anyone else ever felt this, possibly even with a SIL or DIL?

Yep. DD dated a guy for almost 7 years...from her junior year in high school through college. They broke up about a year after she graduated college. We loved him. Everyone, including DD & the ex, thought they would get married.

DH and I really missed the kid coming around. Initially it was hard, because he had been part of our family for so long, but we eventually got over it.

Your DD will find someone else. Someone with whom she will want to spend the rest of her life. She'll be happy and you'll be ecstatic!

 

[Pakey]

I can relate. My son, when in his mid-20s, dated a young woman we absolutely loved. They broke up after 2 years and I still miss her. He's had the same girlfriend/fiancee now for 4 years but we don't love her the way we loved the last one.

I also have two daughters in law. I love love love our oldest son's wife (they've been married 6 years). If they were to ever divorce, I'd keep her. If the middle son and his wife split, I doubt we'd keep in touch with her (they've been married 7 years, together 17 years). We like her just fine, same as we do the youngest's girlfriend, but we didn't bond in the same way we have bonded with the oldest daughter in law.

 

[ChattaAlley]

My ex-inlaws didn't give me a second thought when I left their son.

Hey Megan - I am from Chattanooga also. Its A Small World - huh!!

 

[ChattaAlley]

I can see getting attached to your son or daughters boyfriend/girlfriend esp. if he/she is around alot and they were a nice good person. Its easy for me to get attached to someone and miss them when they are gone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I can relate. My son, when in his mid-20s, dated a young woman we absolutely loved. They broke up after 2 years and I still miss her. He's had the same girlfriend/fiancee now for 4 years but we don't love her the way we loved the last one.

I also have two daughters in law. I love love love our oldest son's wife (they've been married 6 years). If they were to ever divorce, I'd keep her. If the middle son and his wife split, I doubt we'd keep in touch with her (they've been married 7 years, together 17 years). We like her just fine, same as we do the youngest's girlfriend, but we didn't bond in the same way we have bonded with the oldest daughter in law.

This is one of the reasons I don't allow myself to become attached like that. I would never want to feel that way toward someone who my dd's were serious with.

Now granted I have girls so it may be different emotionally than if I had sons. I can't say.

Honestly, until my dd graduates college or gets a guy without issues (she loves the guys with problems ), I refuse to allow myself to become attached.

ETA....MY dh would probably answer differently because he has no boys and is dying for a male to bond with.

 

[ckay87]

This is one of the reasons I don't allow myself to become attached like that. I would never want to feel that way toward someone who my dd's were serious with.

Now granted I have girls so it may be different emotionally than if I had sons. I can't say.
Honestly, until my dd graduates college or gets a guy without issues (she loves the guys with problems ), I refuse to allow myself to become attached.

Hmmm, I wonder if that does make a difference. See, I'm the opposite....I've been the only female in my household (other than the dog) for 18 years now. DS brings a girl around on a regular basis, I'm like "oh welcome home sister!" (kidding)

Seriously, I'm gonna be the greatest mother-in-law someday!

 

[Anna_Marie]

That has happened to two out of three of DS19's girlfriends. One we were glad to see go . But the other two - I still keep in touch with and we are friends on facebook, we text each other sometimes. They are just like my own children and I love them very much.

For me, I just can't help it. He brings these lovely girls into our home and we have dinners together, and outings together, and you can't help but love them. Maybe I am too soft hearted....

He thinks its odd that I am still friends with his ex girlfriends but I think now he accepts it.

Well - I should edit to add - he broke up with them, they didn't hurt him or anything. My other son, this girl hurt him and did some hateful things, so I am not friends with her.

 

[Luv'sTink]

My son is 14 so I have not had that experience, yet!

I don't find it odd in the least.

Being the youngest of 8, with five of those being boys, they went through a lot of girlfriends. Some I liked and some I didn't, but there are a few that I missed when they were not longer together. My sisters stayed with their guys married, children, nothing to miss..

A friends daughter got divorced after 9 years and they dated 10 years previous to that, he was a jerk to the whole family! Some 3 years later she still says she misses him at times ...the "nice" him, not the "jerk" him.

 

[Keli]

I was close to one of dd's boyfriends. He was a solider and went to Iraq when we first went to war with them. I was the only one whose schedule allowed them to be online when he could be (his parents were both working during that time and dd had classes). I talked to him for an hour and sometimes two every day for nearly a year. They were under heavy fire a lot (dd and I went to the funerals when they'd bring their bodies back to the states, his unit was close, all the wives and girlfriends would go in support).
I really got close to this kid and when he came back (with issues) he and dd broke up. I missed that boy a lot.
But I didn't feel that close to any of her other fellas until she got engaged to one, lol, then I did allow myself to get close to him and I now adore my son on law.
I don't believe I would have ever gotten as close to the previous boyfriend if circumstances were different

 

[TEENEE]

I can relate. My ds has been dating his gf for 4 years. They broke up for a short time and I was disappointed. I knew they were good together and I really like her. Thankfully they are still together and it looks like they will be for a long time.

My youngest brother dated a girl that we all loved. We teased him about who we would keep when they broke up. It was a tough call but we kept my brother.