Getting married during college?

[Caribbeanprincess]

We just started talking about once we moved in together. I actually got so impatient waiting for the proposal (after 4+ years) that I set a deadline for him to propose by (he's old fashioned and said he would turn me down if I proposed). He made the deadline with 9 hours to spare - it was hilarious!

Before I set the deadline I would e-mail him pictures of engagement rings that I liked on-line. Nothing like a dead hint there!

Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't really get things unless you give him a dead on hint, hehe. We do have rings right now, more like promise rings, that we gave each other for Christmas. I'm really hoping his parents let him go to Disney World with me this June, we really need some alone time to talk, hehe.

 

[CelticBelle]

My boyfriend at the time gave me a promise ring after we were dating for about a year, and soon after I gave him one. It was a huge thing that he actually wears it since he hates all jewelry. The summer before we got engaged I lost my promise ring while playing volleyball in the pool. I was so upset. So he eventually replaced my ring with an engagement ring.

I just thought I'd share my story after having heard of your promise rings. I also agree with Berlioz. I started emailing him rings that I liked too. But I think that would have to happen after you talk to him first.

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

Oh, thanks for sharing your story.

 

[CelticBelle]

thanks for listening/reading

 

[babieemelly]

The case with my boyfriend could be solved. It's basically the same college (University of Puerto Rico), just that there are different campus around the island. He could come study to my campus, it's just that the other campus offers a better curriculum on what he wants to study (engineering). But, I don't like the campus, it's known mostly to be a party campus...

Back on topic, hehe, I really want to bring up the topic of potential marriage in the near future, but I don't know how. I was planning at maybe hinting at it in the Valentine's day card i'm giving him...but I don't know how to got about it.

Don't do it! I know you don't want to hear that but 16 is YOUNG (I know you probably don't want to hear that either!) I'm 20 now and I can't believe how much I've changed in the past 4 years. My "best friends forever" and the boyfriend who I was going to "spend the rest of my life with" are people I no longer even speak to. You grow and change so much from your mid-teens to even just your early twenties that you really never know what's going to happen or what you both will want when the time comes. College also changes people, as you branch out and meet new people and really "find yourself." You hear these stories of people meeting at 14 years old and ending up married and I love those stories, they're really cute! However, that doesn't happen often and too often people rush into marriage at really young and end up regretting it.

Marriage is HARD. Of course it's fun and sweet and all that good stuff, but it takes a lot of work. Being so young, would you guys be able to completely support yourselves without ANYONE'S help? When you're dealing with bringing both your viewpoints and lifestyles together the last thing you want to deal with is also having to live under the financial support and rules of parents. Marriage is expensive! Do you have a place to live? Also, long-term goals are important when it comes to marriage, such as whether or not you want kids and how many. No 16-year old boys (or girls for that matter) really know the answer to that.

I'm not saying not to get married, but I'm saying not to get married so soon. It's a big step and a huge commitment that takes a lot of time, effort, money and responsibility. I can't see any 16-year old boy wanting to take that all on when everyone else is running around carefree and having fun. Like I said in a previous post, if you guys are REALLY meant to be together forever then you'll still be together when you're older and better prepared for marriage. Wedding planning is a ton of fun and I know a whole lot of people who can't wait to get married, but marriage itself isn't something to rush into.

Best of luck!

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

Well, I know all about marriage being hard, etc. I live with my sister whom is much older than me and i've seen all the things she's been through in her marriage, so I know it's not gonna be easy. But either way, it's not like i'm planning to get married right now, that's not the plan at all. I just want some commitment for the future.

 

[CelticBelle]

I know you said you can't think of and 16 year old boy that would be able to answer the questions of long term goals, etc. But when I was dating my fiance and we were still 16 maybe 17 years old we talked to each other and found out that we both wanted the same thing. He knew that he wanted to have three kids and wanted to be married and try to have a house before they were born. It may sound like it's too mature of a thing for 16 year old boys, but everyone is different.

I think that it is ok to talk about the possibility of the future and what each of you would want in the future. If your ideals match each other and your still positive you want to be with each other great. That doesn't however mean that you will be getting engaged or married anytime soon.

Just remember that because your older than him, you may be mature enough and lived out you single college life long enough, but hes 2 years behind you. You may have to wait an extra year or two before its something that you are both ready for. But Since you were talking about colleges and stuff I'm sure thats something you've considered.

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

I wouldn't be talking about marriage if it wasn't a possibility. I'm not like that, to jump into something so important. I'm only considering it because I know it's something that both my boyfriend and I want. I know it won't be happening any time soon, but I just want to bring up the subject so that he knows that I am prepared for that kind of commitment.

It's true that sometimes I get desperate, but that doesn't mean i'm going to jump into something as important as this. Right now I love my boyfriend and that's all I need.

We have talked about college and even kids, but we haven
't really discussed marriage fully. Weird, huh? Talking about kids before marriage, hehe.

 

[CelticBelle]

i think sometimes it almost seems implied that you will get married. I mean thats how it was for us. When your best friends in love you just couldn't imagine not getting married.

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

That's true. If your're in love the thing you think about the most is spending every possible moment with that person. :

 

[CelticBelle]

Totally agree!

 

[babieemelly]

Well, I know all about marriage being hard, etc. I live with my sister whom is much older than me and i've seen all the things she's been through in her marriage, so I know it's not gonna be easy. But either way, it's not like i'm planning to get married right now, that's not the plan at all. I just want some commitment for the future.

I know what you're saying, but again, don't rush into anything. I can almost guarantee that the things you want and are interested in now will change within the next few years, especially for your BF because boys mature a lot differently than girls. I can see thinking about marriage, but don't run to get married at 16-18 years old. Wait until you're set and know where your life is going. You won't regret it!

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

Don't worry, it's never gonna happen while we're at that age, hehe. We're totally not ready right now.

 

[savannahjean85]

I just got engaged after 7 years of dating and we are still planning on waiting another 3 years until we complete school. I'm in no rush because nothing about our lifestyles will change (we already live together). I want to wait because after I have waited so long I want to have an awesome wedding which we'll be paying so it will take time to save. All my friends said I was crazy for sticking around after 6 years without a proposal but the older we got the more I relized I loved him so much I just wanted to be with him period. That is just me. I wish you the best!

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

Same to you, best wishes! :

 

[disneychickforever]

Caribbeanprincess. I was in your situation 3 years ago. I was 16, my boyfriend was 18. We talked about marriage very seriously, even had a date and everything. We wanted to be married on 7-7-07 (you know, how 777 is suppose to mean heaven). Then in 2006 he randomly broke up with me.

Starting last Thanksgiving, he started to stalk me....he was threating my life and everything....If he contacts me one more time, I am suppose to pull a restraining order against him..... Ironic how I might need one for the person I was suppose to marry....

People change...they can change oh so fast....and it's scary...He use to be the sweetest guy on earth...and in little over a year he turned into a monster.

I know you are saying you want to be married in a few years, not now, but honestly, you don't know who you will be in a few years....

Wait until he is 19-20 at least to ask him to make such a big commitment. Around that age (sometimes even older) you figure out what you really want in life.....

 

[layla17]

That's a great point disneychickforever. You can't really predict the future, but you can plan for it and deal with what today throws at you. Do your best to enjoy life at this moment and things will most likely work out the way they're supposed to.

 

[Caribbeanprincess]

Caribbeanprincess. I was in your situation 3 years ago. I was 16, my boyfriend was 18. We talked about marriage very seriously, even had a date and everything. We wanted to be married on 7-7-07 (you know, how 777 is suppose to mean heaven). Then in 2006 he randomly broke up with me.

Starting last Thanksgiving, he started to stalk me....he was threating my life and everything....If he contacts me one more time, I am suppose to pull a restraining order against him..... Ironic how I might need one for the person I was suppose to marry....

People change...they can change oh so fast....and it's scary...He use to be the sweetest guy on earth...and in little over a year he turned into a monster.

I know you are saying you want to be married in a few years, not now, but honestly, you don't know who you will be in a few years....

Wait until he is 19-20 at least to ask him to make such a big commitment. Around that age (sometimes even older) you figure out what you really want in life.....

That's such a sad story. I hope everything turned out well in the end.

The subject hasn't come up again, I think I got a bit over-excited with the seen this topic here and went overboard, hehe. But yeah, I agree with the waiting until he is 19-20, I think that's what's best to decide such a big thing, but for now I can see myself with no one else. I also had a fantastic Valentine's day yesterday.

 

[disneychickforever]

I'm glad you had a fantastic Valentines day! And there is nothing wrong with not being able to see yourself with anyone else. I'm not saying he isn't the one, I'm just saying it might be to soon to determine. I lurk the wedding boards all the time here though, so I know what you mean about getting over-excited. It's perfectly cool. I hope I didn't discourage you or hurt you in anyway, that wasn't my intention at all. You seem really sweet, and deserve a Happy Ever After, which I know you will get one day!

 

[Stephanie218]

Don't do it! I know you don't want to hear that but 16 is YOUNG (I know you probably don't want to hear that either!) I'm 20 now and I can't believe how much I've changed in the past 4 years. My "best friends forever" and the boyfriend who I was going to "spend the rest of my life with" are people I no longer even speak to. You grow and change so much from your mid-teens to even just your early twenties that you really never know what's going to happen or what you both will want when the time comes. College also changes people, as you branch out and meet new people and really "find yourself."

I totally agree with this whole post. When I was 16, I totally thought I was going to marry the guy I was dating. I had a folder with wedding ideas and everything. Well, we went to two different colleges, I eventually transferred to be with him across the country, and then he broke up with me a year later. I was entirely in love with him for a long time....but people change A LOT. I also later found out he cheated on me while we were dating long distance...

However, I did end up married at 22, my husband is 24. He's deploying this summer, which is why we got married now. I'm in my last semester of college, and it's HARD being in college and being married. Especially since he's already done with college and has a job.

I don't mean for this to be totally negative, but just relax a little and let things go. My ex and I had promise rings, so I would stay with that for another few years. Good luck!