Getting invited to weddings you will never go to?

[ADisneyQueen]

I hate it when you get invited to a wedding you could never go to ( Not for a family member).
DH and I have been invited to yet another one of his student's weddings. He has not seen this student or heard much from him for 6 years, the wedding is 9 hours from our house and is in September, when he teaches( college level) and cannot take any time off. It just seems that some people are just looking for a gift. They probably won't get one from us.
Now if this were a family member or good friend it would be OK, but this is kinda strange. Also, they are having their wedding at a very expensive and formal place. Our kids weren't invited, which is fine, but I can't understand why they thought we would consider going all the way there for the weekend.

 

[NotUrsula]

Many people send an invitation because they want you to know that they would be honored if you came, but they don't really expect that you will.

I really wouldn't think twice about it; just have your DH send a note that says that while you are honored to have been invited, you won't be able to attend. Then add a note of warmest congratulations. I'm sure that is really all that they expect from a teacher.

 

[Angelhalo]

Many people send an invitation because they want you to know that they would be honored if you came, but they don't really expect that you will.

I really wouldn't think twice about it; just have your DH send a note that says that while you are honored to have been invited, you won't be able to attend. Then add a note of warmest congratulations. I'm sure that is really all that they expect from a teacher.

Agreed. I sent invitations to people whom I KNEW wouldn't come. it wasn't for a gift, it was to let them know that I find them important enough to get an invitation to the special event.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I feel the same way, I would just want to send a card. DH and his family think if you receive an invitation you should send a gift or money, the same as if you were going to the wedding.

 

[luvmy3]

Maybe your dh had a huge impact on that students life and he really did want your dh to share in his day. I get invites from family and friends that I haven't talked to in a while, I never assume its about getting a gift.

 

[Vixen]

My Best Friend back home sent me an invite to her baby shower.. she knows im not going but she sent it for me as a keepsake.

 

[laurie31]

My dad taught 12th grade English, and many many of his former students invited him to things years later. Yes, he was one of those teachers who cared and made an impact. He considered it an honor that a former student would think of him, and just sent a nice card.


In this circumstance I wouldn't consder it a gift request, and of course, if you don't attend, no gift is required.

 

[diznygirl]

Agreed. I sent invitations to people whom I KNEW wouldn't come. it wasn't for a gift, it was to let them know that I find them important enough to get an invitation to the special event.

At the same time, we have family that aren't going to come but will complain loud and long that they didn't receive an invite!

 

[disykat]

I agree with the others. They wanted to honor him by inviting him, no gift is required or expected.

I got married at Christmastime in my home church, which was not anywhere near even my closest relatives. I sent invitations to many people I knew wouldn't be able to attend, including my only living grandparent. IMO, not to send them invitations would have been insulting. The invitation was to let them know I would love to have them there, not that I expected them or that I wanted a gift.

 

[scrapquitler]

I've been invited to several weddings of this type. Really, no gift is required, but sending a card with your best wishes is a nice gesture.

 

[puffkin]

I actually like getting invitations like this just so I still feel "in the loop". I don't think in most cases the bride and groom expected us to come, they just wanted to let us know we were more than welcome to come if we could but they wanted to keep us informed.

Unless it is a close family member, I don't send a gift. A card usually is a nice gesture.

 

[Lindsay22]

DH and I met at school. We invited the professor who was teaching that class. (We met in NJ and got married in Disney) We never expected him to come, we mostly thought that our professor would get a kick out of the fact that we met in his class and were getting married.
We didn't get a gift, but we did get a nice card that said something like "I can't believe YOU are marrying HIM?!?!" Which was just what we expected.

 

[merryweather20]

My dad taught 12th grade English, and many many of his former students invited him to things years later. Yes, he was one of those teachers who cared and made an impact. He considered it an honor that a former student would think of him, and just sent a nice card.


In this circumstance I wouldn't consder it a gift request, and of course, if you don't attend, no gift is required.

This is what I would assume in the situation the OP mentioned. That the DH was darn good at his job and really made an impact on the student. I can assure you OP, that most teachers do not make the sort of impact where they are invited to a students wedding.

I don't think a gift is expected either if you are inviting someone like a teacher or a minister.

 

[walden]

This is what I would assume in the situation the OP mentioned. That the DH was darn good at his job and really made an impact on the student. I can assure you OP, that most teachers do not make the sort of impact where they are invited to a students wedding.

I don't think a gift is expected either if you are inviting someone like a teacher or a minister.

Well, now, that is a relief to know. Two college profs here, but the female deals with this stuff as she is semi-retired.

We get a lot of these invitations when surely these people don't want (or, one hopes, expect) our actual presence, especially when out of state. In my (out of date) etiquette books the receipt of an invitation requires a gift, not just a card. I have scanned wedding registries and sent something else when the least expensive item on the registry is $100+. And that in and of itself is a gasp when we recieve so many invitations!

For brides and grooms -- you may have adored Prof X, but do not invite him/her to your wedding, unless he/she was truly a personal friend (and don't assume that you were not one of many students that were treated kindly.)

Just send him/her a sweet notecard at your convenience updating him/her on your marital status, your new address, and toss in a compliment to his/her teaching. Really that is all we need.

 

[chamonix]

College professors come into our lives at a great time--"coming of age", etc. Whether you like it or meant it or had anything to do with it, lol, you are part of a very important time for your students. Take these invitations as they are meant--they are meant in the same way as the letter or note you ask for. Send a card and be proud that you are thought of so warmly by past students.

<obviously a family of academics here too........>

 

[XTinabell]

I have invited several people to my wedding that I know won't come. I'm having a destination wedding, I didn't invite them for gifts I invited them because I'm thinking about them but also because I figured the more I invited the better chance I would have of SOMEONE coming. So far it's just me and the man so my plan hasn't worked.

In your case though I think it is likely for a gift, but it could also be the student wants to fill up his side of the church, or your dh meant a lot to him/her. Ya just never know.