Get him out!

[mousefanmichelle]

Thank you everyone for your ideas, your help and your ears to listen to my story. I feel bad for my dad but he has to feel bad for himself like I do and he doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt my oldest sister by throwing out her son and he just don't see the real picture.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Convince the nephew to enter rehab??

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Both of my sisters and my nephew need rehab. Maybe they offer a family discount lol!!

 

[ronandannette]

Thank you everyone for your ideas, your help and your ears to listen to my story. I feel bad for my dad but he has to feel bad for himself like I do and he doesn't because he doesn't want to hurt my oldest sister by throwing out her son and he just don't see the real picture.

The way I see it, since you added more details, the only one that's really suffering is you. Terrible as the situation sounds, nothing is likely to change by you driving yourself crazy stewing over it. Try to let go although I realize it's easier said than done.

 

[kuhltiffany]

Find him a place, pay his deposit and first months rent, and help him pack Might be cheaper than a lawyer...

 

[jdb in AZ]

Find him a place, pay his deposit and first months rent, and help him pack Might be cheaper than a lawyer...

That's a start, but what would keep him from moving back with grandpa when he can't pay the next month's rent?

 

[luvsJack]

So your father doesn't feel taken advantage of? And he gives your nephew money or whatever because he wants to not because nephew bullies him into it? And your father is of sound mind? If all these answers are yes then there is nothing you can do. Your father sees it one way and you see it another.

Does your father have any doubts of his own safety with nephew?

 

[Nancyg56]

So your father doesn't feel taken advantage of? And he gives your nephew money or whatever because he wants to not because nephew bullies him into it? And your father is of sound mind? If all these answers are yes then there is nothing you can do. Your father sees it one way and you see it another.

Does your father have any doubts of his own safety with nephew?

If Dad feels safe, I would simply back away from most of this and just keep a little eye out for his safety. I think that you cannot have it two ways, either Dad is of sound mind and capable of making his own decisions, or he is not. When my Mom was vulnerable, my sister and I watched out for her. Sometimes we stepped in, sometimes not. What we did not do was tell her what to do in her home or with her finances. However with that said, if there was a concern for her safety or her well being, no matter what Mom would say, one of us, or both would step in...safety first, forgiveness after, IMO.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm sorry your family is in this situation! It sounds like your nephew is definitely bullying your dad into keeping him there, so I'd contact the local Office of Elder Affairs. They should know what to do.

This whole thing makes me think that if I ever need to let someone stay with me, I'll make sure to have them sign a paper that are visiting and not a resident!

 

[tcufrog]

I would start by contacting the local social services for the elderly. Your nephew needs to be evicted but I would be concerned about your father's safety during the eviction process. Can someone either stay in the house to protect your father during the eviction or could your father stay with someone else? Your nephew is an alcoholic and has already shown his willing to physically harm family members.

You also need to get any financial and legal documents plus anything your nephew could steal to sell. You really need to check your father's bank account and look around his home for evidence that your nephew has been stealing from him. I wouldn't put it past your nephew to do either.

As for your sister taking your nephew's side...She's doing it because it's to her advantage. If she takes her son's side she doesn't have to try to fix the problem because according to her there isn't one.