Future MIL-Facebook-etiquette?

[dakcp2001]

Ok, she sent a friend request. I felt if I ignored or denied it would be rude. But now that she is on, and calling my DF constantly to discuss every detail of my life, I want to block her. (Is that a new dress, how can you afford a new dress if she is in school?) (Has she finished school yet, did she fail yet?) How can I do this without more trouble? Can I just block my updates and posts? I want to block what she sees, WITHOUT her knowing. We all do. My MIL happens to be the nosiest person in the world, and does not get along with any of my SIL's. Not even one out of 7. I am the newbie, so I am trying not to offend her, but well at the expense of constantly being offended myself. She gossips a lot. Like whomever walks out of the room first is who gets talked about until they return. We are used to it, but well, facebook has given her a new medium. We are all at the same point, we are going to all block her together I think.

I love facebook, and love to share with my friends. I don't want to be restricted because is Miss nosey Busybody.

 

[SC Minnie]

Go to your privacy settings. There should be a 'Who can see status updates' go to 'custom' and friends except for MIL. You can do this on albums for your pictures too.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree. You need to either block her or stop using Facebook which isn't really fair to you and your other friends. If you do block her, be sure to tell your fiance and anyone else on your friends list that she knows. Otherwise, she'll be calling them and asking why you haven't been posting lately. If she asks you, just say you've been really busy lately and haven't had much time for Facebook.

I can really sympathize with you! There's nothing worse than a mother-in-law who sticks her nose in all of your business! Stay strong and don't let her get you down!

 

[SC Minnie]

OP-- if you don't want to block her from seeing ALL status updates you can block them as you write them. There is a little lock on the bottom right of your status field. Click on that and you can exempt people from seeing that particular status.


can you tell I have had similar problems?

 

[dakcp2001]

Go to your privacy settings. There should be a 'Who can see status updates' go to 'custom' and friends except for MIL. You can do this on albums for your pictures too.

When you do this, she cannot click on my wall at all and she knows she has been blocked. One SIL has already gotten an earful about it.

Im just gonna block her altogetehr I think and take the heat as it comes. If she asks me about Ill tell her why too. lol. Watch out MIL. She really needs a big dose of MYOB in her life. Perhaps if we all block her she will get the picture. She has already complained about the number of people who have blocked her. The woman cant take a hint.

 

[dakcp2001]

OP-- if you don't want to block her from seeing ALL status updates you can block them as you write them. There is a little lock on the bottom right of your status field. Click on that and you can exempt people from seeing that particular status.


can you tell I have had similar problems?

Now this could work!!!!!!! TY!!!

 

[SunshineOR]

I don't know if I'm too late coming to this, but I recommend against completely blocking her. You could really hurt her feelings and that could cause you problems for YEARS. I know from experience, mother-in-law relationships are tricky and something like this could cause a rift that could be hard to repair. I find it works better with my nosy MIL to allow her small doses of controlled info in real life and on facebook. Trying to shut her out completely leads to way more issues.

Here's what I do, and it works well. My very nosy mother-in-law is my "friend" on facebook, but she cannot see all my posts. I have her and a few others I'd like to keep a little distance but don't want to offend by blocking in one group. In an effort to make her feel she's included, I allow that group access to see some of my picture albums. If they go to my profile, they can see these albums and the comments and whatnot on those. In regular conversation with her, I just mention that I don't post on facebook too much (and the reality is I don't that much, so it's really not a lie), but I like to use it for the relatives to see pictures of our family on vacations and such. That's what she sees, family vacation pics. This has worked well for me, although I suppose there's room for backfiring if people talk to her about my postings, but I figure it's less offensive than outright blocking. Sounds like you post more frequently and she's seen it, so that makes it a little harder for you. It is possible for someone to delete postings and decide to be much less "busy" on facebook, so maybe somehow you can sell that...

 

[Wishing on a star]

First, ( based on your situation, and the quote in red below) you need to talk with your DF, as in NOW, about what kind of boundaries you need to keep with the in-laws, and make sure he is in complete agreement.

BTDT with over-involved inlaws.
I would not put this man's ring on my finger if I was not sure that he was able and willing to maintain some boundaries that I was comfortable with.

Did you discuss this with him before relenting and accepting her friend request?
If so, what did he say?
If not, why not?

Second, I won't tell you what to do... But, personally, if I had slipped and made the mistake of accepting my MIL's friend request, given her comments and the involvement that you have described...

But now that she is on, and calling my DF constantly to discuss every detail of my life, ..... (Is that a new dress, how can you afford a new dress if she is in school?) (Has she finished school yet, did she fail yet?) .... My MIL happens to be the nosiest person in the world, ...She gossips a lot. ... facebook has given her a new medium.

I would block her without a second thought.

If she is one to let such a thing cause such a huge 'rift' in the relationship, then that is HER behavior and HER decision.
I simply could not let anyone intimidate me into handing them that kind of access and and control.

 

[TheZue]

I don't know if I'm too late coming to this, but I recommend against completely blocking her. You could really hurt her feelings and that could cause you problems for YEARS. I know from experience, mother-in-law relationships are tricky and something like this could cause a rift that could be hard to repair. I find it works better with my nosy MIL to allow her small doses of controlled info in real life and on facebook. Trying to shut her out completely leads to way more issues.

Here's what I do, and it works well. My very nosy mother-in-law is my "friend" on facebook, but she cannot see all my posts. I have her and a few others I'd like to keep a little distance but don't want to offend by blocking in one group. In an effort to make her feel she's included, I allow that group access to see some of my picture albums. If they go to my profile, they can see these albums and the comments and whatnot on those. In regular conversation with her, I just mention that I don't post on facebook too much (and the reality is I don't that much, so it's really not a lie), but I like to use it for the relatives to see pictures of our family on vacations and such. That's what she sees, family vacation pics. This has worked well for me, although I suppose there's room for backfiring if people talk to her about my postings, but I figure it's less offensive than outright blocking. Sounds like you post more frequently and she's seen it, so that makes it a little harder for you. It is possible for someone to delete postings and decide to be much less "busy" on facebook, so maybe somehow you can sell that...

I like this strategy too. I've got quite a few groups on facebook. Even if she did question your postings you could always say you've got a few groups because not everyone would want to know certain things, like stuff between you and your highschool friends or whatever.

 

[Ephany]

There's also a nifty button in privacy settings that lets you see how other people see your profile called 'preview your profile'. I use it occasionally to make sure some people are only seeing what I want them to see. I also like the 'posts by friends' button, this one keeps certain people from seeing what other people post directly on my wall. That one's nifty because my husband's family can see my general posts, but can't see ones from my high school friends or family.

 

[emer95]

Hoo boy, can I sympathize! My MIL recently friended me, too. I was sick about it. I didn't accept her for over a week while I agonized over what to do. It's the nosiness factor that bothers me too. While I waited to friend her, I looked at her page, which was wide open. Anyone could see her info because she doesn't know how to make things available to "only friends." On her wall she has husband's name and occupation, my name, my kids' names and ages, and other personal things. I am extremely private. I don't even have my last name on my page, nor do I mention my kids at all.

Anyway, I eventually friended her but I blocked her from seeing my wall completely. Unfortunately that meant I also had to block all of our mutual friends, because I don't want my husband's cousin to say, "Oh, I was reading emer95's wall the other day..." If anyone ever brings it up I'll just say I decided that I wanted to be more private on FB. I have all of my husband's family in a group so it's easy to block.

I did bring up the fact that she had too much private info about my family on her page, and she agreed to let me show her how to make her page viewable only to friends. She didn't agree to delete the info though.

 

[Cinerbelle]

OP-- if you don't want to block her from seeing ALL status updates you can block them as you write them. There is a little lock on the bottom right of your status field. Click on that and you can exempt people from seeing that particular status.


can you tell I have had similar problems?

I did this once and the one person I blocked from seeing my update commented on it... so somehow it didn't work.

I was like

 

[babyrich]

This thread shows me how lucky I am that my MIL doesnt own a computer!

 

[happybratpack]

Good luck dealing with your MIL. Ugh.

I've had this problem with a couple people, I ended up just deleting them from my friends. It wasn't worth the hassle and I didn't want to have to edit myself on their account.

If I get a friend request and am not 100% sure I just don't accept anymore. I've been bitten in the butt enough to know better.

 

[texasteacher35]

My MIL just got on FB too! She is not tech savvy and I am hoping that she never fb friend request's me! Ugh...Please!!!!!!! No!!!!!! I do not want her in all my biz-wax!