funeral/services question

[bananiem]

A friend and former neighbor of ours died. His wife has specifically asked us to come to the private prayer service. Afterward there will be a viewing. The wife has said she does not want to see him in the casket. I don't blame her. So she will be in the lobby area.
Our kids (11 & 12) don't want to see him in the casket either. They want to remember him as he was, and he was a great guy and very kind to the kids. His kids were a little older than ours but played together a lot.
The dilemma:
Should the kids go to the prayer service, then out to the car, or be in the lobby area?
Or
Should they stay home and just go to the memorial service with us tomorrow?

 

[NotUrsula]

At most wakes, the deceased is in the casket at the front of the room, but the casket is level; not raised up. Under normal circumstances, a child cannot see the person inside the casket unless they approach it quite closely. I'm 5'4" and I've never been able to see into a casket unless I'm within about 6 feet of it.

I'd attend as usual and simply stay near the back of the room and in the lobby.

 

[rt2dz]

Personally, if it were me, I'd have my kids stay home and just attend the memorial service the next day.

 

[Hannathy]

Your family must mean a lot to her for her to want you to be there, so I would go your kids aren't little they can avoid going up to the casket and I'm sure if she doesn't want to see him it will be set up in a way to avoid seeing into the casket. If he is in an open casket don't get in the line to go up and see him and if the prayer service is held in a room that you can see him they can just sit in the lobby- I'm sure others will be there especially if she plans on not seeing him. And if the others go into the other room wouldn't it be really nice for your kids to sit with her?

If she feels that strongly they may have the casket closed during the service and then open it for the viewing.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Take the kids, they can stay in the lobby after the prayer service.

 

[piglet too]

They can stay in the lobby with her. I am sure it will touch her to not be alone out there.

 

[Evil Genius]

They can stay in the lobby. They aren't going to be out there very long.

 

[LindaM]

When our dnephew passed away 7 years ago, my kids were 10 & 11. Because his death was very sudden (drowning), my kids had a hard time dealing with it. For the night of the viewing, we gave our kids the option of going or not, my son said right away no he wanted to remember his little cousin the way he last saw him. My dd on the other hand said yes, but on the night of the viewing she bacame hysterical right before we left the house. She said she wanted to see him, but didn't at the same time. She made the decision to stay at home with a family friend and help look after her younger cousins and doesn't regret it. If the kids want to go to the memorial, I would take them and allow them to go sit in the lobby for the viewing.

 

[bananiem]

Thanks everyone. The kids are going to the prayer service but sitting in the lobby for the viewing.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I think I'd ask the children what they want to do and go from there.


Edited to add:
Oops... sorry.. we were posting at the same time. I'm glad you have made a decision.