Fundraisers for wedding what do you think?

[Gumbo4x4]

There is a big difference between taking the money for extras on your honeymoon and not having the money to pay the bill at the end of the night if you don't get enough gifts. I would have done the former too but I couldn't imagine booking something that I couldn't be 100% sure I had the money for.

Agreed

 

[chimilady]

When my cousin got married the photographer was suddenly asking for money to pay off their bill AT the wedding. I got the impression it was totally unexpected. My aunt took the box of cards off into a private room at the reception hall and had to open up a few of them (writing in them how much $ was in them so the bride and groom would know) to get the cash together to pay the photographer. She was horrified that she had to do this, and I got the impression that the photographer had pulled this out of the blue.

For my wedding, our balance was due long before the wedding day so I can't imagine not having the money ahead of time. I think we had to pay a week out, when we gave them our final numbers.

We paid my photographer at the wedding. I thought that was rather common. We had an envelope waiting for her, so it was no big deal. That's what it said in our contract. Perhaps the couple didn't read their contract.

 

[chimilady]

Honestly, I think that's the main reason it's still done around here. It's the only time of the night anyone knows they'll have a chance to dance with the bride or groom. I doubt we netted much more than $40 at our reception from the dollar dance.

It's funny, people that wanted to dance with me just tapped me on the shoulder and said "Can I have a dance with the bride?" Who knew it was that simple to ask a lady to dance!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Oh, I know that. I just meant THIS Jack & Jill which, according to OP, seems to be a money grab.

Sounds like it to me as well. I suppose it is kind of snobbish to look down on a tradition as "tacky" if it's something commonplace in your area.

OTOH, it does not in this instance appear to be at all commonplace for the OP's region. And instead, *looks* to be something the prospective bride & groom heard about and they've decided to cash in.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It's funny, people that wanted to dance with me just tapped me on the shoulder and said "Can I have a dance with the bride?" Who knew it was that simple to ask a lady to dance!

Typical of the receptions I've been to of late, the bride & groom have a dance together. Then, they bring in the father of the bride & mother of the groom for a dance. And then it shifts gears into modern, up-tempo music for most of the rest of the night. Grandpa doesn't usually get too enthused about Katy Perry or Justin Bieber

 

[hereyago]

Tacky and awkward. I would never "donate" money to people who had cars nicer than my 255,000+ mile Plymouth Neon!!

If I were feeling real snarky, I'd send them an Autotrader magazine with two pennies taped to the front as an RSVP the the Jack and Jill event.

But that's just my two cents. Yuk yuk

Ita! Or I'd send MIL some marbles with a note saying since she has obviously lost hers thinking others need to pay, here are some new marbles to replace the ones that she has lost,lol.

PS: love the kitty pic.

 

[crisi]

I guess you would just have to live here to understand the idea behind a stag and doe.

The Bride and Groom have no part in planning or having nothing to do with it. The wedding party and families do everything. Money made from the tickets, alcohol and games cover the cost of the hall rental, the booze, the door prizes, and the midnight meal. Any money that is leftover is a gift to the bride and groom for their new life together.

Still tacky. Family NEVER hosts a party for family at which gifts, much less cash, is expected, with the exception of birthday parties for young children. And you never HOST a party for which you do not provide all food, drink and entertainment. Your guests are guests, not customers.

 

[Sugar Jones]

Well I hope none of you move to Southwestern Ontario cause there's mulitple stag and does every Friday/Sat. night from Apr-Nov.

 

[minpin3]

As someone who is planning a wedding for their child, all this just blows me away. We are paying out of pocket for EVERYTHING!! I come from a culture where family and friends are asked to help pay for the wedding but my daughter would be mortified if she had to ask others. She isn't even having bridesmades/groomsmen because she doesn't think anyone should have to pay for the cost of a dress/tuxedo. I love that girl!!

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, thats crazy and I would not buy it.

 

[Sugar Jones]

FTR - Stag & Doe's here are not intended to pay for the wedding.

 

[cyndik1111]

Greed comes in all forms!

I say Brides and Grooms should just send all their prospective guests a bill. We need an exact dollar amount. It could include how much for the engagement party, shower gift, stage party, wedding gift etc. That way us guests are sure to "cover our meal", so to speak.
One total so I can just write a big fat check to the spoiled brats! Should we add a little extra to help pay for the divorce too? Because couples this shallow, greedy, and narcissistic will never last!

If I were you, I'd play dumb and just not go. Say you misunderstood what it was all about. And make sure you give them a copy of Miss Manner's book as a wedding gift, with the wedding section earmarked.
Good luck!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Well I hope none of you move to Southwestern Ontario cause there's mulitple stag and does every Friday/Sat. night from Apr-Nov.

To be perfectly honest, the way it's described such parties are probably technically illegal in most parts of the U.S. Charging for raffles & alcohol sales are both highly regulated affairs and I doubt the hosts have all their paperwork in order.

 

[Chaoster]

I was wondering about the legal ramifications. Since you call it a fundraiser, sell raffles and have some gambling games and alcohol. I am sure there are IRS issues also. There have been churches around here that have had problems with Bingo nights and summer festivals when there ware games where chance is involved, Like spinning wheels. I would be careful with these. It would be funny if the cops raided one of these events for illegal gambling. Just my thoughts.

 

[scrapquitler]

I googled it because I had never heard of a Jack and Jill. And what the site said is the same as Sugar Jones is saying here. The money goes to pay for the party and anything left over goes to the bride and groom.

I wouldn't have one but if that is the tradition for some places or cultures , its no different than "covering the plate" or the dollar dance or the thousand other wedding traditions that people argue over on the dis.

I don't think its as bad as some are making it sound, though.

That's how it works here.

I'm in CT, and typically the girl has a shower and gets gifts for the home (dishes, kitchen items, linens, picture frames, etc etc etc). The guy has a "Stag" party. It's VERY common and normal here. People expect it. Nobody is offended by it. If you don't want to participate, you don't have to, no big deal.

Here's how it goes: The guys family/friends sell tickets (normally $20-$25) for people to attend. Some people buy tickets and go, some buy tickets and don't go. The guys (only guys, usually) go to the party. They have FOOD, they drink, they do guy stuff (sometimes they'll play horseshoes, etc) and hang out. Now while they are there, people bring bottles and other stuff for the raffle. Typically, they sell an arm length of tickets for $10 or $20 and they raffle off all the donated prizes. All the money collected pays for the keg, the food, the hall rental for the party and whatever is leftover gets given to the guy as a gift. The girl gets a shower with gifts for the home, the guy gets the stag party with $$ to help pay whatever expenses are involved in starting married life.

It sounds to me like the OP is invited to a party like the guy's stag but it replaces both that AND the shower. So the OP could buy a ticket to the party and then be off the hook for a shower gift. $20 ticket for the party or (probably more $) for a shower gift. Where's the difference?

And yeah, here gifts for the shower, cash for the wedding.

 

[Leajess99]

People are getting ridiculous with fundraising. I'm sorry but support your own selves if you want to get married, go on a family trip, etc. It is no wonder why people no longer want to help out schools and organizations that truly need the help.

 

[marie1203]

It sounds to me like the OP is invited to a party like the guy's stag but it replaces both that AND the shower. So the OP could buy a ticket to the party and then be off the hook for a shower gift. $20 ticket for the party or (probably more $) for a shower gift. Where's the difference?

And yeah, here gifts for the shower, cash for the wedding.

OP and this party doesn't replace anything. There is still a shower, bachelor/ette parties, wedding and the engagement party back in October.

 

[Melmac]

Stag & Does are the norm around here. Everybody has one. Mostly it's a big party for friends. Nobody is required to go. We usually buy tickets for them, but don't go.

Tickets are usually $5.00/person, and there are all sorts of games, a bar, shooter bars etc.... then there is a midnight meal. All the proceeds go towards the couple. The bride usually also has a shower.

I guess looking at them from the outside they could seem tacky, but it's just the way things are done around here.


We used the funds from our Stag & Do for our honeymoon.

$5/person?!? That is a deal compared to the ones I have been to. Last one was $40/couple or $25/person.

I still can't figure out what this is--I am so confuse and shocked. But, I also had no idea that others didn't do the dollar dance. I have never been to a wedding they didn't do it. Pretty much goes like this:

Maid of Honor/Best Man stand beside the Bride/Groom and collect money while the person dances with the Bride/Groom. Sometimes people give $1, sometimes $20--depends on what they want to give--and there are no hard feelings or any difference if it is $1 vs $20. The money is put in a glass vase. I can see how this could be tacky, but honestly, had never thought about it being tacky because in our area, it happens at every wedding.

I have heard of the dollar dance but have never been to a wedding that had one. I think what I bolded in your reply above can be said for Stag and Does too. Stag and Does are common here, however, it is in poor taste to have both a Stag and Doe and a shower.

I think unless you are in the mafia no one should give cash as a wedding gift.

Here, almost all wedding gifts are cash. I believe I received 2 or 3 actual presents from about 200 guests.

 

[Sugar Jones]

It's all legal. You have to have a liquor license to sell the alcohol, you have to have paid off duty police officers at the door, and you have to check ID to make sure everyone is over 19 years old.



Also cash is the what most people give as wedding gifts here as well. We had 250 guests at our wedding and I would say we only got about 10 gifts to actually open, the rest were cards with cash in them.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It's all legal. You have to have a liquor license to sell the alcohol, you have to have paid off duty police officers at the door, and you have to check ID to make sure everyone is over 19 years old.

So, the hall handles all the liquor then? 'cause getting set up to sell booze isn't cheap. I know when the Jaycees here hold their annual mud race, the insurance for the event is less than $400. The separate insurance policy for beer sales is more than $1,000 for one night. That's just the insurance - the liquor license is separate (although actually much cheaper). They're still not permitted to do any raffles though despite being a charity. Getting approved for that's even tougher.