Frustrated!!

[JustEngagedNicole]

My fiance and I went to dinner with my dad and his fiance tonight. They asked about how the wedding planning was going and if we had made any official plans yet (date, place, etc). I told them that we are thinking Dec. 2006 possibly at WDW (intimate wedding) with about 13 people (parents, grandparents and siblings only). She asked me if we had decided on a wedding party. When I told her we weren't going to have one she got kind of weird. Then she proceeded to grill us on the size and about not inviting other family members.

Then I talked to my mom and when I told her about what we may do for the wedding, she said, "Don't you think that may be akward?" She and my dad have been divorced 6 years and she is still not really over it. I feel like why can't she just put her akward feelings aside for 1 day?

My dad is indifferent. He is up for whatever makes his little girl happy. If I wanted to elope with just my fiance and me he would be totally supportive.

I really want all of my family there but my fiance really wants it to be more simple and small. I respect what he wants and want to compromise. I feel like everyone keeps saying "it should all be about the bride, it's your day" but I feel like it is just as much his day as it is mine. I want him to feel comfortable and happy at his own wedding.

I don't know how to make everyone happy while remaining happy myself.

UGGGHHH!!!!

 

[MrsTink04]

We were in the predicament of I wanted the big fairytale wedding and he wanted a small wedding...that's how we ended up having the WDW Intimate wedding. Yeah, there were family members, especially on my side, that were unhappy about it, but like you said, it is OUR day, not just mine...and most of my family got over it (the ones that didn't are miserable people in general).


As far as your mom goes, hopefully she could be cordial for one day. She could sit on your fiance's side with his family, speak to your dad and then move on to spend time with the other guests. I know at our wedding, which was smaller than what you are planning, not everyone was right underneath each other.

Love, luck, and pixie dust,

Lauren

 

[shellncesar]

I know exactly what you are feeling. My parents are divorced and not on the best terms, so having them agree on stuff is really hard. When I asked my dad if he wanted to invite all of my 11 cousins from his side, he emailed my mom and asked her if she was going to pay for all of her family that was coming. Divorced parents are certainly a pickle to work with in a wedding. Especially since it makes them think of their own marriage.

The new arrangment we have leaves my dad paying for one thing and my mom paying for another so there is no conflict.

I think that an intimate wedding is the right way to go. My fiance wants a small wedding and he finally showed me that I dont want a big wedding. I mean i love all of my family but getting them all together and flying all the way to WDW would be a hassle for everyone.

It should be about what the bride wants and what the groom wants because it is the union of both of you. What you really want is to get married to your guy and thats all that should matter. The intimate wedding will be fine. Personally getting married is very personal and intimate. The big wedding has its appeal to but depending on how many people are there, you might not see all of your guests or even get to enjoy them with all of the reception formalities. In the end it is what makes you and your guy happy and married. Good luck and know you are not alone.

 

[JustEngagedNicole]

I feel a little better already - You guys are awesome - THANKS!

 

[WDWbride2007]

I know how you feel. We decided on a small wedding b/c we didn't want to go into debt for one day. We would love to have all of our friends and family there, but that would mean 200+ people. There is no way we could spend time with everyone at a wedding that big. My DF and I want to enjoy the night and actually eat the food we are paying for. Over the holidays, we went home to celebrate. To our surprise, most of our relatives (even distant ones) assumed they were all invited to the wedding. We didn't say anything b/c it is still 2 years away, but we did politely mention it was going to be a small, intimate affair. (It was lost on most people.) Anyways, I think you should do what you both want. It is your day to celebrate the next stage of your relationship, not just you as a bride. If there were no groom, there would be no wedding. Just take a deep breath, and make your decisions as a couple. Good luck! =)

 

[allisonswonderland]

I am not sure why people have such problems with small Disney weddings. His family was bad and tried talkign me out of it and it has been one small problem after another. I am having a small custom w/ 65 people. My dad is paying for the wedding. My parents are divorced, dad cheated on mom and the woman is now his wife. I have never met her and my dad and I have not been on good terms. I think he is trying, but it is going to be extremely hard on my mother. I am really concerned about what all will happen. I guess there is always anxiety meds for the day.....It should be about the couple and no one else, but people have a hard time understanding that. His mom is bossy and talks without thinking...she is not mean, but is all about family and wants what she wants and does not really want to hear it if we do not agree. She is not mean, just used to being the queen of the family....move over lady...here I come! Just kidding!

 

[JustEngagedNicole]

Allisonswonderland,
Well, I wish you the best on your big day. I guess what I have learned is that we are all, in some way or another, in the same boat. Although I hate to know other people are having the same issues as me, it is kinda nice to know I'm not alone!

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

I feel like why can't she just put her akward feelings aside for 1 day?

I struggled with this same thing. Both my parents are divorced and remarried. I have a wonderful relationship with my step-mother. I have even lived with her and my dad in the past. My mom remarried in March. I am still establishing a relationship with her husband. Unfortunately, there were several times where he was threatening to ruin our wedding day becuase of his insecurities and petty differences. He's never even met my father but had nasty things to say about him. I know my mom hasn't fed him any of it becuase she and my dad remain friends and talk regularly... I think that might be the whole problem

I truly believe it was a loss of control on his part. I also am positive that it was his insecurities and territorial behavior that led to so many of the problems. During our rehearsal, my dad wanted to introduce himself. He couldn't understand when I told him not to and let it be. Our solution if anything broke out- and my step-father DID threaten physical altercation- a Navy SEAL. Got one handy?

If it comes up again, I would tell your mom how you feel point blank. Tell her that you are unsure and uncomfortable with her attitudes and behavior. Remind her that this is a day to celebrate the two of you and your love for one another. One of the best ones I used on my step-father was that this is MY wedding day- and MY parents (yes, both of them) are going to play a significant role. Any man, woman, or child, should be able to put aside their differences for 6-8 hours for an event so important and emotional.

Perhaps your step-mom treated you differently and grilled you becuase she was looking forward to helping plan a big, elaborate wedding?

I really want all of my family there but my fiance really wants it to be more simple and small. I respect what he wants and want to compromise. I feel like everyone keeps saying "it should all be about the bride, it's your day" but I feel like it is just as much his day as it is mine. I want him to feel comfortable and happy at his own wedding.

:::Stands up and claps:::

Yes, it is your day as a couple. You will reach an agreement on this. Perhaps you want a wedding larger than a Disney intimate, but a smaller scale custom. Just an option- and a way that you would both be content (if you're unsure of the intimate) and happy with the decision. The day is a joining and union of the two of you and your families. That is something we really carried through our ceremony (including his parents "giving him away"). It is nice to see it is important to others as well. Heavens knows there are chat boards out there that it is all about the bride and her every whim and desire.

I don't know how to make everyone happy while remaining happy myself.

Give up.... NOW. You cannot possibly please everyone. It's just not possible. We have family opposed to Disney for environmental and political reasons. We had family in the UK that couldn't make it becuase the family-owned business was in its big sale. We had family upset becuase they didn't want to travel at the holidays. You have to stick with your guns and do what feels right for the two of you. You cannot and will not make everyone happy. Don't try to stretch yourself thin and do so. You'll be loony before the wedding ever gets here.

 

[Gabrielle0625]

Oh my god...I know exactly how you feel.
My mother in law was totally against every thought of a disney wedding.
She hated the idea...regardless of whether it was big or small.
She got on my nerves so bad. She wanted a typical miami-latino wedding. With churrasco and beans and rice at the reception. Oh please.....(now I am venting). THEN THE CRAZY WOMAN WANTED TO WEAR ALL BLACK TO MY WEDDING! Thank god she did not get her way and my husband agreed with me totally.
Well to make a long story short....after inviting 50 people....we ended up with only 15 and did the intimate wedding. The people who we thought would make the terrible(-like his mother says) 3 hour drive from Miami....didn't even bother to RSVP. That just goes to show you who really cares and who doesn't. We were more than happy with our incredibly beautiful intimate wedding.
P.S. Your dads fiance is probably jealous she isn't probably getting something so special for a wedding.
Don't even bother to try to make everyone else happy. Worry about you and your fiance and your wedding will be that much more special because it was all about the two of you. Trust me after everything.......you won't even realize anyone else was there but the two of you.
Thanks for hearing me vent.........that one still gets to me.
Gabrielle
Wedding Pavilion
12/16/05

 

[mickeyfan2]

.I really want all of my family there but my fiance really wants it to be more simple and small. I respect what he wants and want to compromise. I feel like everyone keeps saying "it should all be about the bride, it's your day" but I feel like it is just as much his day as it is mine. I want him to feel comfortable and happy at his own wedding.

I agree with you that it is not just the brides day. I am afraid that sends the wrong message to the groom and starts the marriage off on the wrong foot. It is both of your day and compromise on that day is an excellent way to start your marriage. I am glad that you are so considerate toward your fiance and wish you a long and happy marriage. Just do the small wedding and invite your immediate family and enjoy your day.

 

[WDWbride2007]

She wanted a typical miami-latino wedding. With churrasco and beans and rice at the reception. Oh please.....(now I am venting).

I know exactly what you mean...my DF and I are two Cubans from Miami. I am avoiding the "banquet hall" wedding at all costs. Luckily, our parents are more than happy to drive to disney. We will see about the rest of the gang...

 

[groomtb]

Vegas.
(j/k)

who's paying for the wedding? if it's just you and your fiancee then the wedding plan is totally up to you two. make you two the priority in planning, decides what's best for just you two. then worried about who wants to attend, or not attend. it's 2006...parents needs to open their minds really... let them know it is ur wish and hope they can respect what makes you two happy... you can sit the parents far apart if necessary..
pardon for my blabing...i'm officially in the pre-wedding nervous-panic zone.