frustrated with my kids

[pirateofthecarolinas]

When my children start arguing with one another, I tell them that if they have the energy to fight then they must have the energy to CLEAN. I start giving them cleaning chores. It works like a charm.

Lori

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Oh yeah, mine have been exactly the same way. I even took them to a movie this afternoon and they still are fighting. DD10 is pouting and having an attitude because she can't get ahold of anyone to play. I've been trying to come up with things for her to do and to just make her happy. A minute ago she said to me that the only thing that would make her happy was to be able to open a Christmas gift early, and of course my answer was ABSOLUTELY NOT! Anyway, I definitely can sympathize!

 

[dismom9761]

When my children start arguing with one another, I tell them that if they have the energy to fight then they must have the energy to CLEAN. I start giving them cleaning chores. It works like a charm.

Lori

I may have to try that.

 

[RUDisney]

Sounds to me like you need a penalty box.

We have punishments in an old cigar box. The kids helped me come up with them and they were nastier about punishments than I would have been. With these punishments, I put in some mercy cards. There are 3 of them, I think. One says that if they are truly sorry for their bad behavior, they can be forgiven. They are always truly sorry when they pull that one, and are old enough to realize that they escaped a potentially bad situation, so they change their behavior. Another one says that they should go to their room, say 3 prayers and they will be forgiven. The third allows them to pay $.50 for forgiveness. Sometimes it's hard when they pull a mercy card and you really want them punished, but you have to honor the mercy card if that's what they get. It helps to make them do the punishment if you stick up to your side of the bargain.

The penalties range from vacuuming all 3 floors of our house, cleaning up after dinner for a week, no TV for the rest of the day (that one is hard when the penalty is pulled early in the day), no computer for a week, go to bed at 8:00 tonight, etc.

I think that this method works better than time outs or sending them to their room because it introduces the fear of the unknown into punishment. All I usually have to do is tell my DS that he will have to pull a penalty out of the box if he doesn't behave and that fear of the unknown allows him to change his behavior.

This has worked for me for the past 18 months. During that time, my DD has only had to pull one penalty and DS has pulled from the box less than 20 times. (Some of the pulls were multiples since he kept being bad after I warned him. When he pulled a mercy card during a multiple pull, I let him get away with only that one card. He still had to perform the other tasks.)

 

[dismom9761]

RUDisney-that is a very creative idea.I had thought of putting together a reward box for good behavior but I never would have thought of that idea.Anyone else have any uniqe discipline strategies??

 

[Glynis]

I love the idea of letting the kids come up with the punishments. They can definitely be harder than a parent. Of course, they are positive that the punishments they are coming up with will be for a sibling, never for them. It also gives them less of an opportunity to complain about the punishment.

I also love the idea of "energy to clean." I used that today on my kids. Worked on my DS right away. He cleaned till his "area" fairly sparkled. DD, however, had to throw 3 tantrums and try at least 5 excuses before she settled down to do her work. It did eventually get done, but DS was allowed to play with a friend, and DD didn't have time. I explained it was because she spent all her time throwing tantrums, and at one point, she agreed it was her choice to spend her time that way.

 

[momof2inPA]

They are 10,8,and 6.At their granfathers today-they arrived at 7:45 and he prepared a huge breakfast with them.After they ate he helped them build a fort in the living room.They whittled on their pieces of wood,watched a movie that he rented them.After that they ate lunch and then he took them to town to meet their Aunt.There they played with their cousins and she took them to a movie.All this activity did not stop them from fighting and acting like little spoiled brats.At one point two got in a fist fight.
So,yes,I do think it was appropriate to punish them at that point.

I would punish for a fist fight, too. But for tomorrow, make sure you get them outside to play. Two movies and the whittling is a lot of sit down time, especially for the 6 year old.

Another thought. When my kids are fighting a lot, I separate them. DH takes one to do something, and I keep the other. If DH isn't around, I send the kids to separate rooms.

I'm guessing you don't really want advice and are just venting. So, in that case, you have my sympathy. Boys are something else, either tearing each other up or tearing your heart out with their sweetness. Hope tomorrow is better.

 

[dismom9761]

I would punish for a fist fight, too. But for tomorrow, make sure you get them outside to play. Two movies and the whittling is a lot of sit down time, especially for the 6 year old.

I hope they can go out tomorrow.Today it was really cold and windy.They are just getting very bad colds.I know it would help my DS8!And my dad.

 

[YourMajesty]

Tht is where DS8 and DD6 are at the moment.I may leave the house when their dad gets home.

I used to run to the bathtub the minute my DH got home when my kids were toddlers. Now at 8 and 5 (both boys) they still fight but it's nothing like the craziness of the toddler years. My five year old his always punching my eight year old who is always stirring up as much confilict as possible. I just send them both to their rooms and sometimes I do throw in "don't come out until it's clean". I could do better I'm sure. They also fight over game boy games in the car and I just take them away...the car is the worst because they reazlize you are driving.

 

[KeepSwimming]

Sell them...and then use any money you make on a WDW trip...

Let's see:
Money saved for their college - Dining plan
Money saved for their braces - upgrade to the Grand Floridian
Money saved for useless junk that they beg for in that canine voice - another kongaloosh!!!

Hang in there chica...this too shall pass.

 

[jamzots]

I just think that the kids know right now that we are all stressed and exhausted and preoccupied with all the holiday stuff, and it really effects them. I know in my house this week things have been absolutely crazy!! I have not actually cooked a meal all week, we've been doing take out everynight so far. It's just so stressful around the holidays, and my kids know it's their last week of school so they are really a little anxious.

 

[dismom9761]

Well DD6 just got up and gave me a big hug.She said she was really sorry for yesterday and she is going to be super goog today.I hope her brother is in the same mood.He was asleep by 715 last night.

BUT my DD21 mths has a 102.7 fever this morning.AAGGGHHH...

 

[Disney Doll]

It's a wild time of year, they're all revved up.

Keep separating them until they can be civil or ignore each other.