Frustrated with Dr.-am I being silly? long

[lovetoscrap]

I don't usually post anything on the CB, but do lurk and read when I have time. I really need some opinions and know that this is an opinionated bunch!

I moved to a new community a year ago and at the top of my list was a need to find a good podiatrist. I have really messed up feet! One of the first women I met and became friendly with just happend to be married to a podiatrist.

Our families have become casual friends-- not "best" friends, but our kids play together, are in some sports together, have done the bday party thing and she and I go out for coffee in the evening every once in a while, and watch each other's kids.

I did some checking around and found out that her husband is considered one of the best in the area. I made an appt. at his office (didn't tell him ahead of time--just surprised him!) and had a good visit. He decided to try me on some orthotics and the nurse brought them in and explained the costs (about $40) etc.. No problem. I go to pay and find out that he has told the receptionist not to charge me for them. I was a little annoyed because I REALLY don't want "special treatment". But I couldn't argue. Then I had a very brief time when we were without insurance and my friend knew about it. When I went in for an emergency appt (and needed a shot) he told me he wasn't going to charge me. I lied and said that we were still covered so to just file with the insurance. By the time the claim was denied it was in the bookkeepers hands so he had no idea that we paid out of pocket.

Today we are all sitting at swim practice for the kids talking and he asks how I am doing (his wife told him I was in pain). I said, "funny you asked, because I have an appt to see you this afternoon". We proceed to have the consult there and he decides we better try custom orthotics but warns they are not covered by insurance and are expensive. I tell him no problem, I will do whatever helps. He then says that he will take care of it and only charge his actual cost. I argue with him that it is not necessary and I really want to pay the reg amount. I argued a lot!

At the appt the nurse has me sign the payment plan information for these $350 orthotics--no problem. When I go to pay I say to put it all on my Disney Visa because I just want to pay all at once. The receptionist says "Okay, it will be $180". ARRRGH! I tell her no, I want to pay the full amount on the paper I signed (in my file in front of her) , but she says she can only charge what he wrote on the check out slip. Again he has reduced my charge.

I realize that many will think I am being silly, but this really frustrates me! I NEVER like to "take advantage" of a friendship, especially as it relates to someones job. I would never ask for special favors or treatment. He has also chastized me for not calling him at home on the weekend when I was really in pain but waited for the office to open on Monday.

Our families are basically in the same income bracket. (and contrary to popular belief all Drs. are not super rich--but we are both "comfortable") I have good insurance and a flexible spending account. My DH has a good job. I don't NEED to have special treatment. I really wish he would charge me full price and give my "friend of the family" discount to someone who really needs it. ( he is a great guy and does do charity work) I talked to his wife and she says he does this often for good friends and not to worry about it.

I just feel really uncomfortable about it. I really hate it when others take advantage of a friendship, especially of their professional status, for financial reasons. I never do it and don't know what to do about this. There is a chance I may ultimately need surgery and I really don't want to know what he will do about my copay and deductable as it relates to his charges. He has a job, children to feed and doesn't need to be reducing his charges for someone like me that can afford it. I am actually wondering if I should change dr's so I won't feel guilty--but then he would be really hurt that I wasn't seeing him.

I have actually had a stomach ache all day thinking about this. Am I just being silly to feel weird about this???? Do I need to just suck it up and be greatful for the great friends that I have (which I am).

 

[tnkbl]

I know how you feel. My DD's peditrician is a friend and he does hte same thing- just smile and say thank you.
I also have not paid for a hair cut, eyebrow or lip wax in a couple of years and I only pay cost on product. The girls who I started using told me it was her treat, if I liked the cut be sure and come back. Well I did and the next time I tried to pay she says you teach my kids. We not it's I taught her kids and I still don't pay. I have tried to pay more on my product and she tells me I have a credit!
Just smile and say thank you. If you can pass the kindness off to someone else do!

 

[Tazicket]

I feel the same way about that kind of stuff. Have you tried to sit down with his undivided attention and tell him that you appreciate his friendship and the offers he's making, but would really feel better paying full price? Does that make sense?

 

[beckmrk04]

Ok, you ARE being silly. I mean that in the nicest way possible, I swear it!

My thoughts are: you didn't ASK for special treatment; you aren't running around BRAGGING about special treatment. He is offering it out of friendship and genuinely being nice. Accept it.

He won't go so far that he won't be able to feed his own children, I'm sure.

 

[kejoda]

I don't see that your taking advantage at all. How about you take what you would of spent and donate to a food shelf? Food shevles really need help this time of year. I know it doesn't help with the med. spending acct. but it does something worthwhile with the money.(not that spending it on yourself isn't worthwhile)

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I think he is doing you a kindness here and if he could not afford it in his business, he would probably not do it for you.

Maybe you could do something special for him and his wife, maybe a gift certicate or take them out to dinner....just something and sort of even the score so it will not bother you as much..

I do understand what you are saying here....those kinds of things always embarrass me....It is ok for me to give gifts and do nice things for others but when they do it for me... I feel uncomfortable about it.

 

[paigevz]

Just say thanks and go on. I have a friend that CONSTANTLY buys me lunch. She doesn't ask, just noticed what I liked when we went together a few times, and now she just orders it. When I have cash on me and she's done this, I hand it to her and she accepts it. When I don't, I just say thanks. I tried and tried to get her to stop, but she won't. I have picked up lunch for her a couple of times, but I don't go out much. She also likes to bring items for breakfast to all of us. She just wants to, so I finally let her. Just let him.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I don't see that your taking advantage at all. How about you take what you would of spent and donate to a food shelf? Food shevles really need help this time of year. I know it doesn't help with the med. spending acct. but it does something worthwhile with the money.(not that spending it on yourself isn't worthwhile)

DUH!!! I can't believe I didn't think of that! That is a great idea.

I think I will do that. It would certainly make me feel better about the situation to know that charity is going to someone that really needs it. There is actually a church run medical program in my old hometown that our SS would support. I will keep track and send them a check for the amount I would have spent.

 

[DVC-Don]

I have a doctor who used to be a neighbor of mine. He waives my co-pay on my annual visit and I thank him. I don't ask for it.

 

[luvdzne]

DUH!!! I can't believe I didn't think of that! That is a great idea.

I think I will do that. It would certainly make me feel better about the situation to know that charity is going to someone that really needs it. There is actually a church run medical program in my old hometown that our SS would support. I will keep track and send them a check for the amount I would have spent.

That is a great idea!!!!

 

[tiggersmom2]

He sounds like a really great guy. I would accept his generosity with a smile and a thank you.

 

[Micca]

Sounds like to me the Dr. thinks of you as a family friend. Even people who have incomes that are "comfortable" can use a break once in a while. The charity idea is very nice, or maybe you can take the kids to dinner sometime, or do something fun with both of your families. I'm no doctor, but I would always cut my friends a deal on my services. I have a friend who is an attorney that never charges me a dime. I always tell him to bill me, but nada.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I understand how you feel but I would let it go.

DD burned her toes and I had a friend from church who is a podiatrist. Just wanted to ask a question. He says to bring her in and he will check her toes. (we already had ER treatment and a follow up with regular doc, but I consulted him just to be sure there was nothing extra we needed).

We saw him twice and he didn't charge us.

Sometimes people just want to be nice and though you can pay perhaps HE is just not comfortable charging you the "exhorbitant" rates that things cost. Lots of Doctors offices are overpriced anyway--some so that they can recoup reasonable costs from the Insurance company. So perhaps he was charging you the "medicare" rate or something. (This happened for my Physical Therapy last fall).

I'd let it slide. Buy him a bottle of wine or something next time you are over.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

First of all, what do you mean we're opinionated?????

Second of all, I was also going to suggest donated to a charity of your choice. Sounds like a win/win situation!

 

[kejoda]

First of all, what do you mean we're opinionated?????

Second of all, I was also going to suggest donated to a charity of your choice. Sounds like a win/win situation!

why do you make it so easy for me????

Sounds like a great idea lovetoscrap!!!

 

[mickeyminnie]

I would suggest you donate the money to a charity in his name, find out from his wife what would be a good choice. Then he will get a nice Thank You from them and you will be supporting something that he is fond of with the money he should be accepting.

 

[DISUNC]

Ok, you ARE being silly. I mean that in the nicest way possible, I swear it!

My thoughts are: you didn't ASK for special treatment; you aren't running around BRAGGING about special treatment. He is offering it out of friendship and genuinely being nice. Accept it.

He won't go so far that he won't be able to feed his own children, I'm sure.

ITA!

I too have a friend who is a GP, I never pay! When he needs help with something I can do...he calls & I do it! Would you worry if he was a butcher and gave you meat @ his price?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

why do you make it so easy for me????

Because I have no self control--I can't help myself!