nebo
<font color=red>sharkbait<br><font color=teal>Uh o
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2006
- Messages
- 2,524
As I mentioned earlier, there is no love lost between myself and any Disney elevator.
In the past I have been almost crushed by a loaded maid's cart which I fondly referred to as "Killdozer", I have been hi-jacked by a strange woman because my hands were full and I couldn't push the button, and I have had tense conversations with some of the seedy people that some elevators like to hang around with.
But here, once I accidentally bashed the door with the luggage cart they figured it was time to take it out on my again.
I kept telling it the truth, that I just can't see squat indoors and that's why I accidentally tried to turn it into a walk in closet but it just wouldn't listen.
There's no scorn like an elevator's scorn.
My problem here is that I couldn't hear the damn thing.
No, I'm not putting my hearing aids in when I go to the pool just so I can hear 20 kids yell, "Mommy, look at me, watch me mommy".
Or,,,,"Marco." "Polo."
What I didn't know, was that the elevators only "ding", on the garage level.
On the lobby level they have huge clock like hands that point to where they are, really helpful.
But on the other levels?
They are like the Shadow, they come and go as they wish without making a sound. The doors are completely silent when the open. The worst thing was that the lighting was such, that it was hard to tell the difference even when the doors were open, unless you were standing right in front of it.
Tuesday morning I walked to the elevator, pushed the down button, then stood back and looked over the railing down into the lobby. Standing there, a group of 3 walked past me, also waiting for the elevator. After they walked past, I turned around to position myself to get on right behind them.
They were gone!
THe damn thing must have been sitting there with it's doors open, laughing at me. The doors finished closing just as I looked on in dismay.
Later on in the trip, I was coming in from the lobby going to our room.
I pushed the button, 3, and got on when it came.
The floor indicator inside it was not very bright, when I'm coming in from the bright sunshine outside there is no chance I have of reading it.
It knew this.
Now one thing that annoys the hell out of me is when the doors open, and people just rush inside, almost seeming surprised that maybe somebody might be getting off.
That's what happened this time.'
I was waiting for it to stop at 3, the doors opened, and 5 teenage girls all rushed the door, all jabbering to each other at the same time through their cell phones, and I was lucky to get out before the evil doors trapped my inside again.
Phew!
As I was walking to the room, I happened to glance down over the railing, and, uh oh, looks like while I was in the Tower of Terror they raised the lobby.
I was only on 2.
I took the stairs the rest of the way.
Rope drop today wasn't as crowded and no sign of Turtle Lady.
Yet.
Then I headed right back to our "station", funny how once you pick a spot you seem to always end up at it. But I couldn't believe it, when I rounded the turn, there was a woman by herself unloading stuff on our table.
I considered going over and trying to extoll the virtues of Turtle Lady's tables but decided against it, and I didn't want TL's spot so I went and found a decent spot behind the slide even closer to the smoking area.
Diane was able to find me, no problem about an hour later which surprised me.
"Steve, that head is hard to miss."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind."
We're going to stay here for a couple of hours, then transfer down to the beach, "That is the reason we're here, you know."
I knew.
Sitting in the smoking section, I looked down and finally, there was a little lizard that just crawled out between my legs. This is the first one I've seen and for some reason I felt better.
Even came back of few times, smoked a lot that morning just to check out stuped lizards, but I was rewarded.
This huge lizard, not sure what it really was, seemed way to big to be an anole, jumped out of a bush and landed in the middle of the sidewalk, right in front of me.
Then it started twitching and and puffing out it's throat that was bright orange to the point I thought it might explode.
Apparently, this is a big turn on, not a minute passed when another lizard flew out of the bush and landed in front of it. This one didn't do the throat thing but before you knew it one was on top of the other and they were bumping uglies.
I honestly don't know which was male or female, but it seemed like they had it backward, with the one with the big....throat, underneath.
Ok, I'm assuming it was male and female, I don't think it was a reptilian version of Brokeback Mountain.
It was entertaining though. Then somebody came down the path and they were gone.
When I told Smidgy about it she was mad I didn't yell out to her so she could see it.
How do you yell out something like that?
"Diane, come quick! It's Geico does Vero Beach!"
Before long, we left and she went back up to the room to get the bag chairs, while I worked my way down to the beach.
Once we were set up, she starts running amok again with the camera.
Aren't pictures of water like this boring?
"On the left we have the water, Oh, and look, right next to that is some more water."
And my cellulose was not going to escape the fury of her celluloid.
Finally it was time to get down to some serious melanoma cultivating.
The problem was, it was just as hot down here, but there was a constant wind blowing that made it a lot more tolerable.
It also made it darn near impossible to light a smoke.
UV rays don't care if you're comfortable while they wreak their havoc on your skin, they even prefer it.
(hmm, I seem to have a penchant this chapter to give intelligence and life to inanimate objects,,,,oh well.)
I read a lot of my book, sitting there. And time seemed to stand still and fly by at the same time. You would find yourself just staring at a certain shell down in front of you, and stare and stare, wondering how long it will take for a wave to reach it and bring it back home.
The wind kept us cool enough that we weren't running to the ocean constantly like at the pool, but we still went in a coulple times.
And it scared the heck out of me.
No, not sharks, or jellyfish or 'cudas or challengers, but as time went on the waves built up a little strength and they would knock you back a bit.
I was scared to death for my knee.
Plus, you couldn't see the bottom with the froth and stuff, and it was constantly changing. Every time a wave would come in, after it rolled back down from the shore and receeded back to sea it would take a portion of the shallows with it.
You'd be standing there and then all the sand underneath your left foot would disappear, I found it a bit unsettling, sometimes it would fill back up and now you have a foot stuck under a layer of sand.
This was also one of the few times I use sunblock, starting to worry about the top of my head, the most.
As the hours flew by at a snail's pace, i thought we might be leaving soon when I saw her putting her sandals on, but no.
"I'm going back to the room and getting a couple of those Pina Colada bottles and Margarita's."
"All right." I inwardly sighed, looks like there ainta gonna be an early dismisal from Nero's Beach.
These were small pre blended bottles I had picked up, and I couldn't believe it, she brought them down in the ice bucket.
Plus the better news was, there was finally something different to look at.
A guy and two girls were renting a wave runner, it was big and held 3, and two employees were with it down in front of us gassing it up.
For some reason, this took a long time to do, it appeared they had to mix the cans of gasoline with oil first, and the whole beach reeked from the smell.
While this threesome was waiting, I couldn't help noticing; the girls had life jackets on properly, but the guy, who was about 6'3 and 260 was wearing this little tiny thing that had to be a child's preserver.
It looked like a little open vest on him and I knew it was not gonna fly with the cast members.
Finally they got it filled, then I see the cast member start talking to the guy.
See him look down, shrug his shoulders and glance back up to the rental shack where I'm sure they handed out the jackets.
Cast member talks again, guy shrugs again and the this huge guy with the barrel chest tries to pull this little life jacket together, to fasten it in front.
"Diane, are you watching this?"
"Oh yeah, this should be good."
He tries, he tries, I see him exhale and let all the air out of his chest and try again.
Not even close.
This was like Dolly Parton trying to fasten Paris Hilton's bra in the front.
Another cast member was there also, and he gave the guy his jacket and finally they were off.
Then they were off, and it looked fun.
I briefly considered doing this, (hey, I have never gotten hurt on a wave runner before,, ,,, ok, I've never ridden a wave runner before), with Smidgy, but we were really trying to save money on a trip we shouldn't even be on in the first place and it cost 75 bucks a half hour.
After watching them go back and forth out there, it was back to my book time.
Boyyyyyyyyyy, I got a lot of reading done that day in my disgusting Laymon novel.
Somewhere around 4, I looked up; "Was that thunder or my stomach?"
Dark clouds were forming in the south.
Both of us watched the sky for the next hour and a half, ready to bolt if we had to , but they were all talk and no action.
Sitting there all that time with Diane was nice, we don't always have to be talking to enjoy each other's company.
Now it was time to go, and this was the part I dreaded.
THere's a couple more pictures I'm going to show you, and this is the way out. This "berm" on the beach is a lot higher than it appears in the photos, it was easy to get down. I can always "fall" down.
I just can't "fall" up!
And finally, as you can see, right at the top of the berm are rented loungers and expensive rented umbrellas.
i walked over to the base camp of the mountain and looked up.
I was exhausted, the sun had drained every last ounce of energy out of me.
My knee was wobbling from getting knocked over in the ocean and my bad foot was starting to swell.
And my arms are totally loaded down with crap.
I'll have to do this with only using my legs.
Starting slowly, one step after the other, I moved upwards.
And further.
A little further.
I looked up, there was and older couple holding drinks with straws sticking out of them looking down on me.
A bit more, halfway now.
But it's getting steeper.
I look up again.
They have set their drinks down now, leaning forward with rapt attention.
A little bit more, and.......
Something let go underneath me, and a mini avalanche slid me right back down to the bottom.
All while I am still standing.
I couldn't believe it.
What is this, Expedition Neverest?
Looked up, the old guy was just shaking his head.'
Halfway up again, I stalled, yelled up at him;
"Hey, you're really enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Had to give him credit, he was honest. And I couldn't blame him.
"How about throwing down a rope?"
"Sorry, fresh out, besides, your hands are full."
And I slud down again.
( yes, slud is a word, Dizzy Dean used it calling a baseball game)
Down at the bottom again I was looking for a sherpa, and none were in sight.
Something came into my warped mind at that time, and I realized who I am.
I'm Sisyphus from Greek mythology, who was sentanced to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down when he approached the top and have to start again.
( ok, admit it, how many times have you read the name Sisyphus invoked in a trip report?)
I stood there. Thought about what I had to do, really considered it hard, and finally a solution presented itself in my mind and I had the answer.
"Diane!, Help!"
I couldn't find her.
I guess she took a different path on Omaha Beach and was waiting for me somewhere on top....
either that or a shark got her.
At that moment I was rooting for Jaws.
Realizing I'm on my own, I walked backward, stopped, took a few deep breaths and charged the hill at top speed.
Now they are cheering on top; "Yeah, yeah, you can do it, COME ON!"
I just barely crested the mountain, but the bag chair over my shoulder was starting to topple me backwards.
Grabbing the strap, I quickly flung it forward, swinging my weight back into balance.
They cheered.
I smiled.
Then I wanted to throw up.
Up near the entrance to the beach, there was Smidgy, waiting for me.
"Where have you been? What were you doing?"
"Nothing, just entertaining some old friends. "
I'm done for tonight, hope you all liked this chapter. I have to tell you that I didn't expect to when I sat down here to start typing, but I had a really good time writing this one, ah, you never know.
I'd also like to let you know that everything I write about has definately happened in the report. Do I embellish? Absolutely, I also exaggerate sometimes. But we have taken trips where, really, not much out of the ordinary had happened, and because of that I wouldn't write a report.
goodnight, and God bless.
In the past I have been almost crushed by a loaded maid's cart which I fondly referred to as "Killdozer", I have been hi-jacked by a strange woman because my hands were full and I couldn't push the button, and I have had tense conversations with some of the seedy people that some elevators like to hang around with.
But here, once I accidentally bashed the door with the luggage cart they figured it was time to take it out on my again.
I kept telling it the truth, that I just can't see squat indoors and that's why I accidentally tried to turn it into a walk in closet but it just wouldn't listen.
There's no scorn like an elevator's scorn.
My problem here is that I couldn't hear the damn thing.
No, I'm not putting my hearing aids in when I go to the pool just so I can hear 20 kids yell, "Mommy, look at me, watch me mommy".
Or,,,,"Marco." "Polo."
What I didn't know, was that the elevators only "ding", on the garage level.
On the lobby level they have huge clock like hands that point to where they are, really helpful.
But on the other levels?
They are like the Shadow, they come and go as they wish without making a sound. The doors are completely silent when the open. The worst thing was that the lighting was such, that it was hard to tell the difference even when the doors were open, unless you were standing right in front of it.
Tuesday morning I walked to the elevator, pushed the down button, then stood back and looked over the railing down into the lobby. Standing there, a group of 3 walked past me, also waiting for the elevator. After they walked past, I turned around to position myself to get on right behind them.
They were gone!
THe damn thing must have been sitting there with it's doors open, laughing at me. The doors finished closing just as I looked on in dismay.
Later on in the trip, I was coming in from the lobby going to our room.
I pushed the button, 3, and got on when it came.
The floor indicator inside it was not very bright, when I'm coming in from the bright sunshine outside there is no chance I have of reading it.
It knew this.
Now one thing that annoys the hell out of me is when the doors open, and people just rush inside, almost seeming surprised that maybe somebody might be getting off.
That's what happened this time.'
I was waiting for it to stop at 3, the doors opened, and 5 teenage girls all rushed the door, all jabbering to each other at the same time through their cell phones, and I was lucky to get out before the evil doors trapped my inside again.
Phew!
As I was walking to the room, I happened to glance down over the railing, and, uh oh, looks like while I was in the Tower of Terror they raised the lobby.
I was only on 2.
I took the stairs the rest of the way.
Rope drop today wasn't as crowded and no sign of Turtle Lady.
Yet.
Then I headed right back to our "station", funny how once you pick a spot you seem to always end up at it. But I couldn't believe it, when I rounded the turn, there was a woman by herself unloading stuff on our table.
I considered going over and trying to extoll the virtues of Turtle Lady's tables but decided against it, and I didn't want TL's spot so I went and found a decent spot behind the slide even closer to the smoking area.
Diane was able to find me, no problem about an hour later which surprised me.
"Steve, that head is hard to miss."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind."
We're going to stay here for a couple of hours, then transfer down to the beach, "That is the reason we're here, you know."
I knew.
Sitting in the smoking section, I looked down and finally, there was a little lizard that just crawled out between my legs. This is the first one I've seen and for some reason I felt better.
Even came back of few times, smoked a lot that morning just to check out stuped lizards, but I was rewarded.
This huge lizard, not sure what it really was, seemed way to big to be an anole, jumped out of a bush and landed in the middle of the sidewalk, right in front of me.
Then it started twitching and and puffing out it's throat that was bright orange to the point I thought it might explode.
Apparently, this is a big turn on, not a minute passed when another lizard flew out of the bush and landed in front of it. This one didn't do the throat thing but before you knew it one was on top of the other and they were bumping uglies.
I honestly don't know which was male or female, but it seemed like they had it backward, with the one with the big....throat, underneath.
Ok, I'm assuming it was male and female, I don't think it was a reptilian version of Brokeback Mountain.
It was entertaining though. Then somebody came down the path and they were gone.
When I told Smidgy about it she was mad I didn't yell out to her so she could see it.
How do you yell out something like that?
"Diane, come quick! It's Geico does Vero Beach!"
Before long, we left and she went back up to the room to get the bag chairs, while I worked my way down to the beach.
Once we were set up, she starts running amok again with the camera.
Aren't pictures of water like this boring?
"On the left we have the water, Oh, and look, right next to that is some more water."
And my cellulose was not going to escape the fury of her celluloid.
Finally it was time to get down to some serious melanoma cultivating.
The problem was, it was just as hot down here, but there was a constant wind blowing that made it a lot more tolerable.
It also made it darn near impossible to light a smoke.
UV rays don't care if you're comfortable while they wreak their havoc on your skin, they even prefer it.
(hmm, I seem to have a penchant this chapter to give intelligence and life to inanimate objects,,,,oh well.)
I read a lot of my book, sitting there. And time seemed to stand still and fly by at the same time. You would find yourself just staring at a certain shell down in front of you, and stare and stare, wondering how long it will take for a wave to reach it and bring it back home.
The wind kept us cool enough that we weren't running to the ocean constantly like at the pool, but we still went in a coulple times.
And it scared the heck out of me.
No, not sharks, or jellyfish or 'cudas or challengers, but as time went on the waves built up a little strength and they would knock you back a bit.
I was scared to death for my knee.
Plus, you couldn't see the bottom with the froth and stuff, and it was constantly changing. Every time a wave would come in, after it rolled back down from the shore and receeded back to sea it would take a portion of the shallows with it.
You'd be standing there and then all the sand underneath your left foot would disappear, I found it a bit unsettling, sometimes it would fill back up and now you have a foot stuck under a layer of sand.
This was also one of the few times I use sunblock, starting to worry about the top of my head, the most.
As the hours flew by at a snail's pace, i thought we might be leaving soon when I saw her putting her sandals on, but no.
"I'm going back to the room and getting a couple of those Pina Colada bottles and Margarita's."
"All right." I inwardly sighed, looks like there ainta gonna be an early dismisal from Nero's Beach.
These were small pre blended bottles I had picked up, and I couldn't believe it, she brought them down in the ice bucket.
Plus the better news was, there was finally something different to look at.
A guy and two girls were renting a wave runner, it was big and held 3, and two employees were with it down in front of us gassing it up.
For some reason, this took a long time to do, it appeared they had to mix the cans of gasoline with oil first, and the whole beach reeked from the smell.
While this threesome was waiting, I couldn't help noticing; the girls had life jackets on properly, but the guy, who was about 6'3 and 260 was wearing this little tiny thing that had to be a child's preserver.
It looked like a little open vest on him and I knew it was not gonna fly with the cast members.
Finally they got it filled, then I see the cast member start talking to the guy.
See him look down, shrug his shoulders and glance back up to the rental shack where I'm sure they handed out the jackets.
Cast member talks again, guy shrugs again and the this huge guy with the barrel chest tries to pull this little life jacket together, to fasten it in front.
"Diane, are you watching this?"
"Oh yeah, this should be good."
He tries, he tries, I see him exhale and let all the air out of his chest and try again.
Not even close.
This was like Dolly Parton trying to fasten Paris Hilton's bra in the front.
Another cast member was there also, and he gave the guy his jacket and finally they were off.
Then they were off, and it looked fun.
I briefly considered doing this, (hey, I have never gotten hurt on a wave runner before,, ,,, ok, I've never ridden a wave runner before), with Smidgy, but we were really trying to save money on a trip we shouldn't even be on in the first place and it cost 75 bucks a half hour.
After watching them go back and forth out there, it was back to my book time.
Boyyyyyyyyyy, I got a lot of reading done that day in my disgusting Laymon novel.
Somewhere around 4, I looked up; "Was that thunder or my stomach?"
Dark clouds were forming in the south.
Both of us watched the sky for the next hour and a half, ready to bolt if we had to , but they were all talk and no action.
Sitting there all that time with Diane was nice, we don't always have to be talking to enjoy each other's company.
Now it was time to go, and this was the part I dreaded.
THere's a couple more pictures I'm going to show you, and this is the way out. This "berm" on the beach is a lot higher than it appears in the photos, it was easy to get down. I can always "fall" down.
I just can't "fall" up!
And finally, as you can see, right at the top of the berm are rented loungers and expensive rented umbrellas.
i walked over to the base camp of the mountain and looked up.
I was exhausted, the sun had drained every last ounce of energy out of me.
My knee was wobbling from getting knocked over in the ocean and my bad foot was starting to swell.
And my arms are totally loaded down with crap.
I'll have to do this with only using my legs.
Starting slowly, one step after the other, I moved upwards.
And further.
A little further.
I looked up, there was and older couple holding drinks with straws sticking out of them looking down on me.
A bit more, halfway now.
But it's getting steeper.
I look up again.
They have set their drinks down now, leaning forward with rapt attention.
A little bit more, and.......
Something let go underneath me, and a mini avalanche slid me right back down to the bottom.
All while I am still standing.
I couldn't believe it.
What is this, Expedition Neverest?
Looked up, the old guy was just shaking his head.'
Halfway up again, I stalled, yelled up at him;
"Hey, you're really enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Had to give him credit, he was honest. And I couldn't blame him.
"How about throwing down a rope?"
"Sorry, fresh out, besides, your hands are full."
And I slud down again.
( yes, slud is a word, Dizzy Dean used it calling a baseball game)
Down at the bottom again I was looking for a sherpa, and none were in sight.
Something came into my warped mind at that time, and I realized who I am.
I'm Sisyphus from Greek mythology, who was sentanced to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down when he approached the top and have to start again.
( ok, admit it, how many times have you read the name Sisyphus invoked in a trip report?)
I stood there. Thought about what I had to do, really considered it hard, and finally a solution presented itself in my mind and I had the answer.
"Diane!, Help!"
I couldn't find her.
I guess she took a different path on Omaha Beach and was waiting for me somewhere on top....
either that or a shark got her.
At that moment I was rooting for Jaws.
Realizing I'm on my own, I walked backward, stopped, took a few deep breaths and charged the hill at top speed.
Now they are cheering on top; "Yeah, yeah, you can do it, COME ON!"
I just barely crested the mountain, but the bag chair over my shoulder was starting to topple me backwards.
Grabbing the strap, I quickly flung it forward, swinging my weight back into balance.
They cheered.
I smiled.
Then I wanted to throw up.
Up near the entrance to the beach, there was Smidgy, waiting for me.
"Where have you been? What were you doing?"
"Nothing, just entertaining some old friends. "
I'm done for tonight, hope you all liked this chapter. I have to tell you that I didn't expect to when I sat down here to start typing, but I had a really good time writing this one, ah, you never know.
I'd also like to let you know that everything I write about has definately happened in the report. Do I embellish? Absolutely, I also exaggerate sometimes. But we have taken trips where, really, not much out of the ordinary had happened, and because of that I wouldn't write a report.
goodnight, and God bless.
n (the flower's as close as I can find without looking particularly hard)
