Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[cayennews]

Unfortunately I don't think you will ever see the money. I had something similar happen to me with an employee of mine. The fact that they are making you feel like the bad guy is indication enough that you should cut ties. They should be bending over backwards to make this right. Some people are just entitled.

 

[goofyernmost]

Perfect example of how some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. What if, they temporary came into your life for your son to have a lifetime friend. That to me is priceless. Treat the dinner tab as a gift and lesson learned. Let the kids be friends. They can, will, and should navigate their own friendship. That your house is always open for them to hang out and vice-a-versa. They won't and don't care about any parents' thoughts. As parents, we've never been friends with our kids' parents.

All that is fine and quite true if they were around 16 or so, but they are both 9. I'm sorry, but in this society of iPad, etc. at 9 they are probably technically savvy, but worldly not so much. At that age it really is the parents job to protect them from conditions that they cannot understand.

One cannot control what access they have in school, but it must be made clear that the family, in general, at this point is a very bad influence. They are not going to let their child come to your house and with that degree of nastiness, I sure wouldn't want my child anywhere near their place. As time passes they will either find a way to maintain the friendship until they reach the age where they can be more aware of what has happened, but chances are they will at some point split that school connection and then if the friendship is still there, they will find a way to make it happen and once they have reached that age of "reason" they will understand.

 

[longboard55]

So a little OT, but we were eating dinner and the next table had 6 -40 year type girls and they mentioned they knew each other from their college sorority. They must have spent 20 minutes sorting out the check, which I just found classic if you ever dined with girls in sororities.

 

[Dina]

Id let the money go, but id also let the friendship go. Not nice people .

 

[Ricguz]

Write it off and drop them like a hot potato. This day and age you don’t need untrustworthy friends. One thing usually will lead to another.

 

[Ricguz]

Yeah also the bullcrap about forgetting their wallets was a lie. Do you think they were driving without a license? Such bull

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Do you think they were driving without a license? Such bull

The wallet is different because they were headed to a restaurant soooo yeah they should have had their wallet with them.

However, to the DL comment, this is purely general comment here but it is truly astounding how many people are out there driving around without their license. I watch On Patrol Live and all across the country it is the same craziness with people not having their IDs on them. I would not have believed it myself but truly it's somehow prevalent enough to show up time and time again.

Me? I always have my ID on me 24/7 so it's not something I do but without a doubt there's a decent portion of the population out there driving around or being the passenger without their IDs on them. In the U.S. having your ID on you is something that should be done as a matter of norm but as I found out it just isn't as much as it should be.

 

[Kae]

They have kid(s) in activities they Have Venmo, Money should have been sent before they got home.

 

[rwdavis2]

Scrape ‘em off. Move on.

 

[nycdisneygal]

Drop these people fast. They are not friends. Sorry that you will be out of the money but I would not even give these people a second chance.

 

[Skywalker]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

It sounds to me like this dinner was set up as a "test". From the above they obviously have long standing issues with you over what they seem to see as selfishness? Forgetting their wallets was a way for them to see your response.

1. You say, no problem, we'll cover dinner = you are good friends after all.
2. You tell them to pay you back = you are cheap and selfish as they always suspected.

Therefore, you failed their test that you didn't know you were taking. I think you take up a LOT of space in their heads. Who knows why.

Bullet dodged though!

 

[jdb in AZ]

It sounds to me like this dinner was set up as a "test". From the above they obviously have long standing issues with you over what they seem to see as selfishness? Forgetting their wallets was a way for them to see your response.

1. You say, no problem, we'll cover dinner = you are good friends after all.
2. You tell them to pay you back = you are cheap and selfish as they always suspected.

Therefore, you failed their test that you didn't know you were taking. I think you take up a LOT of space in their heads. Who knows why.

Bullet dodged though!

The test was to see if O.P. would pick up the tab for dinner, then they'd try to con O.P. into taking their family to Disney World.

 

[cabanafrau]

IMO the response was nothing more than setting up the cover story they plan to spill if OP makes a move to out them to anyone else. The "drama" the grifters don't want in their lives is a bunch of potential marks being wise to their scheme.

 

[Captain UP]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

WOW. Well, you've gotten a lot of good advice here, but I'll chime in: consider the 200 bucks the steep price you've paid to learn who they really are and never talk to them again. They aren't your friends.

 

[Captain UP]

I have a buddy who I leant a relatively significant amount of money to several years ago (four figures) and he's made no effort to pay any of it back.

I am certain he used that money for what he needed- his mortgage payments- AND I know that he's not doing much better financially today.

But...it still gnaws at me a bit when he tells me about the hundred bucks of steaks he's buying at Costco for a cookout or when he bought a new car recently.

He's a good person and I know he's going through it still...but man...

It's tough.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have a buddy who I leant a relatively significant amount of money to several years ago (four figures) and he's made no effort to pay any of it back.

I am certain he used that money for what he needed- his mortgage payments- AND I know that he's not doing much better financially today.

But...it still gnaws at me a bit when he tells me about the hundred bucks of steaks he's buying at Costco for a cookout or when he bought a new car recently.

He's a good person and I know he's going through it still...but man...

It's tough.

It really does gnaw at you.

I never loan money to friends or family that I expect to get back (in my head, even if they say they'll pay it back) -- it helps in my recovery and attitude if/when they don't pay me back.

 

[Genie+]

Have your friends found/remembered their wallets yet?

I dunno. My son had one very close friend in 3rd grade and they still hang out once in a while now - almost 20 years later. I became good friends with the family, especially the mom. They weren’t rich but not struggling either. For whatever reason she could not help herself when it came to money, always tried to game how to spend the least amount. We hung out alot doing day trips with our kids and other activities, and we mixed in with each others adult friends’ group to go out at night without the kids. Reciprocation for when others bought rounds, or gas, or food, etc… just wasn’t in her wheel house lol. She was kind and fun though. At some point I just altered the way I interacted. I’d ask for money upfront if it was something I didn’t want to pay for and no longer expected her pay attention who has picked up what costs so far. She was otherwise a good friend though, and a good parent. She’d help if asked, say for setting up a party or asking questions (she was a nurse, which came in handy quite a few times). We are all a little weird I guess lol.

If it is just this one incident, I’d just proceed by giving them a very short leash where paying for things is concerned. If more red flags come along, well then I’d cut the leash altogether.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I have a buddy who I leant a relatively significant amount of money to several years ago (four figures) and he's made no effort to pay any of it back.

I am certain he used that money for what he needed- his mortgage payments- AND I know that he's not doing much better financially today.

But...it still gnaws at me a bit when he tells me about the hundred bucks of steaks he's buying at Costco for a cookout or when he bought a new car recently.

He's a good person and I know he's going through it still...but man...

It's tough.

That would bother me too. My parents lent a relative a fairly large sum of money over twenty years ago and never got paid back and they still get irritated when that relative posts pictures of vacations or brags about some new thing they just bought.

 

[disykat]

I have a buddy who I leant a relatively significant amount of money to several years ago (four figures) and he's made no effort to pay any of it back.

I am certain he used that money for what he needed- his mortgage payments- AND I know that he's not doing much better financially today.

But...it still gnaws at me a bit when he tells me about the hundred bucks of steaks he's buying at Costco for a cookout or when he bought a new car recently.

He's a good person and I know he's going through it still...but man...

It's tough.

A good person? A good person would be making an effort to pay the money back. I think it's well past time to approach your "buddy" requesting a plan to pay you back.

 

[Captain UP]

A good person? A good person would be making an effort to pay the money back. I think it's well past time to approach your "buddy" requesting a plan to pay you back.

That's fair.