friend ruining trip

[nurse.darcy]

I am sorry that this ruined your trip. I do feel that the parents of this boy should have been informed of the behavior and attitude from the very first instance and also informed that if it continued, they would need to change his ticket and you would send him packing as you did not want these behaviors influencing your son.

I allowed my son to bring a friend at my expense on our WDW summer trip last year. My son was 16 and his friend was 18. We have known this friend all our life, and since my son is an only child, I thought it would be fun for him to have someone closer in age to hang with. Dani (son's friend) and Brandon (son), have done weekends with me to DLR and other stuff, and they also do weekends with Dani's parents. . .its been shared vacations for many years. But this was the big one. I paid for it as it was my idea to invite her along. Brandon did come to me and tell me that she had started smoking since she turned 18. As she came from a family of smokers and was an "adult" by law, I just explained to her the rules and pointed out the allowed smoking areas. We got in late the first night and stayed at Pop, switching to AKL the next day for our week. That first night she was out quite late (it was after 11 p.m. when we got there) and disturbed us when she came back into the room. I told her the next day that behavior was unacceptable and that she needed to be in when we all were so that everyone could get needed sleep. She apologized and it was never a problem again. Dani and Brandon are like brother and sister. If I had had to "ship" Dani home because of her behavior, her parents would have not only paid for the ticket change but also punished her because of it. She knows that and is always very respectful.

I mention this story because I want to mention that I knew Dani would listen and I knew how her parents would react if there was a problem BEFORE I ever invited her to go with us. This came from years of the kids going on mini vacations together multiple times over many years. I also knew the parents well and had seen their parenting style in action many times. Dani and Brandon are still friends to this day and nothing has changed. It can be done (bringing a friend along) but please understand that there must be some kind of mutual understanding beforehand and a thorough knowledge of the one coming along and their parents.

 

[clandrum]

I am so sorry this had happened to your family. I think there are times when taking someone works and times when it doesn't.
This same thing happened when we took my step niece in Jan only there was no smoking but everything else happened pretty much the same way. Her mom threatened to kick my a** and called me and my mother every name you could think of because I told my niece no cell phones at the parks and took her phone. This rule was set before we left and I allowed her to call her mom in the morning and at night. I am a very non violent person and I am very low key. This terrified me.
She ruined that vacation for everyone. My dad had to meet us at the airport because we were scared of what might happen when we arrived (her mother's boyfriend has a criminal record and has done time for armed robbery). I have not talked to my step sister or neice since and have no intention of doing so. By the way we payed for everything. Including new clothes for the trip. We were going to send her on a flight home the first day but decided not to in hopes that it would get better(because I knew my niece would never have an oprotunity like this again). It never did, only worse.

On the other hand I have taken all of my brothers kids with my daughter and me and have had a blast. They were very thankful and respectable. So I guess it all depends on the situation. I am glad your trip ended in a good note.If anything else it just gives you an excuse for another trip.

 

[goofy4tink]

Wow....sounds like that young man is in for some rough times ahead. Let's look at this from a slightly different perspective.
Here we have a young man, who obviously knows how to behave. He behaved very well in your home. Of course, it's easy to behave for a few hours vs days.
If his parents really are allowing him to make all these choices, then they are going to find that their son has some huge issues as he matures. He is going to become a pariah among his peers. No one is going to want to be around him..well, unless they have that same 'all about me' attitude. 16 y/o's are capable of making choices. They are also capable of accepting consequences.
I would have talked to the parents of this boy before we ever left home. The 'house' rules would have been laid down...rules about cell phone usage (too bad these rules are actually needed nowadays), curfews, what is included as far as costs and what isn't.
Was there a reason this young man couldn't have ordered an energy drink and paid for it himself?? That's what I would have told him. Smoking??? Not even worth thinking about. It would have been..hand the cigars over or you're on the next plane home. That is against our rules..period.

I actually feel badly for this kid. He may very well have pegged you as a 'softie'...but he has lost a good friend due to his behaviour. I have to wonder if his parents are even aware of the lost friendship. I would be very tempted to let the other mother know, at the hockey game, that you guys don't see her son anymore..and you hope he's okay. That you 'think' there was an issue while on vacation since he didn't seem to like your rules about phone usuage, paying for meals, smoking, etc. And that you feel badly about that but you do have family rules and he never seemed to have an issue with them while at your home. Let her take it from there.

I do know that I have often thought about bringing along a friend for my dd, almost 17 now. BUT....most of them rub my last nerve raw after being with them for 6 hrs...not sure how I could be with them for a week.

 

[Karlzmom]

Thank you so much to all you disers, you sure have made me feel better. When I asked my son about his friend having cigars he told me that his Mom bought them for him, I'm not sure if I believe that as he could just be telling my son that. As for the safe, he went in there to get extra $ once and I asked him how he knew what the code was, his reply "oh I just looked over your shoulder when you where coding it in, needless to say we changed it.
I will admit I am a bit nervous to see his Mom at our first hockey game as I might have a hard time not telling her some of the stuff I put up with.
I am very proud of my son for the way he handled things, he has realized that he thinks this friend is not someone he really can call a friend and they haven't hung out since we got back.
lilwhiterabbit, I do have quite a relaxed parentening style, the only rule we had was that they couldn't text after we all went to bed as the light from the phone disturbs everyone.

First off, so sorry about your vacation. Its sad that you had to put up with a brat when you were clearly being kind to take him along. Bravo to your son for recognizing the short comings in his friend, that unusual insight for a 16 year old.

Second, why be nervous? Look at it this way, you've already had the initial conversation. There was no encouragement to broach the subject further, and your previous post seems to say that you really aren't expecting the mother to be sympathetic to your plight. So, what exactly are you expecting to change by "laying it all out there"? Do you really think it will 1) change what happened? 2) It will fix your son't broken friendship? 3) the mother will be mortified and fall all over herself apologizing? 4) ????? From her intial response, I suspect that anything said by you will result in a less than satisfying result for you. I think the best thing is to just leave it alone. Be polite, if she has a gift, accept it with a thankyou - as good manner require, and move on. Take the from us here, but don't go looking for another disappointment or a new round of unpleasantness! It will all work out ok....I dare say based on her response, that you are probably far more concerned than she is, and the affair is probably far from her mind.

I hope that you will be able to return to the House of Mouse soon and have a true vacation with the ones you love.

 

[n2mm]

OP, how horrible. I let my 15 yo grandson take TWO of his BIFs last August on vacation with us and all the guys were just fine -- not a bit of trouble. They had a curfew and stuck with it. After reading your story, your experience was a nightmare and 10 days -- WOW.

 

[Bugsmom73]

Thanks for letting me vent guys and for your kind words, yes my son was very shocked and as I said he hasn't spoken to his friend since we returned, I told my son to not let it spoil his friendship and all my son said was "Mom, I can't believe how self centered, spoiled and rude so and so was" he is an only child at home and my son said he doesn't have many rules, I can see that now.
I didn't really want to get into it with his Mom as they play hockey together and such and I didn't want it to be uncomfortable, his mom emailed me to say she had something to thank us and would bring it over sometime, I told her that I didn't feel that her son enjoyed himself, she said that he had a hard time as we had a few rules and that at 16 they let him make his own decisions and don't give him any real rules and that she believes that he makes pretty good choices considering what is out there, I was shocked and speechless bit didn't feel it was worth getting into, I would love to tell her everything as my son told me that he was telling his mom what a bit*h I was. Makes me very angry.

Thud. Pick me up off the floor. Umm, sorry. My trip, my rules. The kid is my responsibility and I will enforce rules as I see fit. BTW, your rules weren't bad ones and why wasn't the kid carded when he bought the cigars.

 

[mistysue]

Holy cow... if his mom buying the cigars is true, that is scary!

I am so scared for my kids to grow up.
OP you really should be proud of your son for not accepting and even mimicking his behavior.

 

[eliza61]

I didn't really want to get into it with his Mom as they play hockey together and such and I didn't want it to be uncomfortable, his mom emailed me to say she had something to thank us and would bring it over sometime, I told her that I didn't feel that her son enjoyed himself, she said that he had a hard time as we had a few rules and that at 16 they let him make his own decisions and don't give him any real rules and that she believes that he makes pretty good choices considering what is out there, I was shocked and speechless bit didn't feel it was worth getting into, I would love to tell her everything as my son told me that he was telling his mom what a bit*h I was. Makes me very angry.

And unfortunately Mr. sunshine will grow up believing that he can do what he wants, when he wants.
Don't get angry, actually I would say a little prayer for the bugger. You were very kind and patient, he is going to go out into a world that is, for the most part not kind and patient. He's going to meet professors and bosses who will quickly inform mister "no rules" that he is not worth the aggravation.
Unfortuantely by this time, mommy and daddy will not be able to step in.

 

[MickeyNicki]

Wow, I just dont know what to say to this.....I cannot imagine the damper he put on your trip and all I can say is you learned your lesson and do not bring anyone else with you to WDW besides your family!

 

[KSDisneyDad]

mistysue: You said exactly what I was thinking. How does OP know that this kid isn't lying to his parents AND to OP's son? His mom now thinks OP is the problem and may have NO idea what her son was pulling on this vacation. I hate confrontation too but what if his parents don't know he's smoking? Wouldn't you want to know about your child's behavior when he isn't around you? At 16 this boy may be starting secret behaviors that will damage his future......

I truncated your post, but I agree with nearly all of it!

Taking someone else on vacation can be difficult. We've considered taking someone else with us in the past and I'm glad we haven't. We have traveled with extended family and that was difficult enough! We still talk about our wasted vacation.

 

[Ana~n~Joseph]

OP, I'm so sorry this happened! I know what it's like to have someone try to ruin your trip and it's awful. I hope your trip ended up being a magical one once the friend left.

This last trip we had my husband's BFF and his son with us - granted they paid their way but this grown man decided to get intoxicated at Downtown Disney (at 1pm!) and kept the party going at our Cali Grill dinner. It ended up ruining our nice, formal dinner (I had even set up Kids Nite Out to watch both of our kids). We decided after the embarrassment at Cali Grill that we would close the door between our rooms and just see him for dinner the following day.....well, he got so upset that I told his wife (my BFF and she asked how things were going, I wasn't going to lie) that he threw a fit at our table at Mama Melrose and ruined that dinner as well. Needless to say, I canceled our dinner the following night, made a last minute ADR for my husband and I (and our son) and we went our seperate ways - didn't see him again, avoided him like the plague.

 

[DisneyMim]

The good thing to come out of this is that now your son knows what kind of a person his "friend" is and can make up his mind about what relationship, if any, they will have in the future. We never brought any of our kids friends on a family vacation because to my husband and I our vacations were just that "family vacations", a time to connect and be together and we just didn't want anyone else with us. That being said I know a lot of people do bring their kids friends with them. It really is a shame to find out that someone isn't the kind of person you thought they were. Glad to hear that you had a great time anyway and the last part of your trip was better.

Enjoy The Magic!!

 

[DeeCeeSW]

I told my son to not let it spoil his friendship and all my son said was "Mom, I can't believe how self centered, spoiled and rude so and so was" he is an only child at home and my son said he doesn't have many rules, I can see that now.

Watch your step here. Hope you are not inferring that all only children are self centered, spoiled and live without rules. However, I understand that we are talking about a SPECIFIC child here, and his behavior was abhorrent.

 

[Donut23]

And unfortunately Mr. sunshine will grow up believing that he can do what he wants, when he wants.
Don't get angry, actually I would say a little prayer for the bugger. You were very kind and patient, he is going to go out into a world that is, for the most part not kind and patient. He's going to meet professors and bosses who will quickly inform mister "no rules" that he is not worth the aggravation.
Unfortuantely by this time, mommy and daddy will not be able to step in.

Eliza - you took the words out of my mouth....or, rather.....from my fingertips. This young man is facing a tough life.

I would not be surprised if his parents actually KNOW he is heading down a wrong path and simply do not know what to do.

I'm 55 and when I was a teenager my parents thought I was a wild child. The funny thing.....I was SOOOOOO much less wild than other children my age. Years later they admitted they had it easy.

It's not at all easy being a parent and the parents of this boy are failing to prepare him for grown-up life. And the nice family who asked him to join them on a Disney trip paid the price. I'm so sorry all of this happened to them.

The GOOD result.......they probably realize now how lucky THEY are and their parenting skills are working. Congrats to them!

 

[cvjw]

We follow a simple rule when inviting our boy's friends to join us at Disney - we must know the friend inside and out. They must have spent nights at our house, gone on family outings with our family, and been a great friend to our child for years. We have followed that rule when inviting friends to join us on our trips, and never had anything but wonderful experiences. I would never think of inviting a new friend or team mate, as I envision our trip ending up just like yours did. Sorry you had to learn that lesson in such an awful way.

 

[TDC Nala]

Yeah, I think I'd have sent him back to his mom (no matter how mad it made Mom) and just used the dining credits. As soon as he started trying to get the younger child to smoke the cigars. Or defaced the room. Or opened the safe.

 

[KellyNY]

I'm sorry for your experience and let me tell you, at least your son sees his friend true nature, talking from experience.
My DD had a friend in HS, she just got into college. So this sweet girl, I mean it, she looks and acts very sweet and I was happy that my DD had such a good friend. So she was spending with us a lot of time, we were taking her on little one day trips, droping her from school even so it is not on a way, and so on. I was always paying for her on little trips and let me tell you she always looked like she had no money. She was borrowing money from my DD many times if they were going somewhere like movies or food places. Never a lot just couple of $$ but she never bothered to return, as I said she always pretended not to have anything. At the same time she had every game system imaginable, phone with internet and so on. Not for us to judge or count someones money but just saying they do not live on streets and I do not think I have more money. So we were ok with that untill she usked for a money again at the food place one day, when she already ordered and she was short a 1$. My DD gave her as usual and then they went to arcade and she pulled out $20. Shock right, why would you ask someone for money if you have enough. So my DD told her this and she told her it was not a big deal, not for her I guess. My DD stopped giving her anything, just pretending she also does not have money because she continued to ask even after my DD had a talk with her. And guess what, she pulled another trick when she apparently had no money to go on a bus, she was somewhere and her father was suppose to pick her up, she called my DD and told her there still another 15 min to wait for him and asked if we can come instead. That was ridiculos and of course we said no. You think it ended. No. She send my DD horrible messages how my DD left her in a emergency situation( what emergency, she did not want to wait for her fater) and how my DD is a backstabber and so on. My DD let me read those messages, I would never tell that this sweet girl even knew such words acted so crazy. She still puts a lot of mess on facebook and it upsets my DD. The most upseting part is according to my DD she thought she had a friend, but it turned she was just a user. Good thing it actually happened and my DD saw her true nature, so your son also got a chance to actually see his friend. I hope your next trip will be better.

 

[gonesaleing]

Life has a way of leveling the playing field for most people. Take heart that others will put this kid in his place... even if the parent's chose not to do so.

I also find that kids ebb and flow in and out of friendships. That's how it is and if your son decides to curb this relationship, so be it. You should be proud that he's smart enough to see someones true colors AND take action.

One of my biggest gripes is that kids these days seem to think that they are entitled to everything that they want without any effort and don't understand postponement of gratification. And whose fault is it? It's ours... we raised them.

Sorry, decending from soapbox...

 

[3Minnies1Mickey]

Watch your step here. Hope you are not inferring that all only children are self centered, spoiled and live without rules. However, I understand that we are talking about a SPECIFIC child here, and his behavior was abhorrent.

Sooooo didn't get that impression at all from this statement.

 

[dixiegirl]

I am so very sorry that you and your family had to deal with a situation like this. Be thankful that true colors show and that your son seems to be handling it appropriately. Quite honestly, if it were me, I would've sent him packing and shipped him home early. It's never easy to lose a friendship however - that really depends on the quality of the "friend."